| 4/7/2015 5:02:36 AM |
Do people run??? |
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blind_fauth
Louisville, KY
34, joined Feb. 2015
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When people find out your disabled have you had them run/disappear on you?
I've talked to a few women over the years and once finding out I was legally blind never heard from them again. There lose right?
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| 4/9/2015 8:47:24 AM |
Do people run??? |
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tknme2
Modesto, CA
64, joined Dec. 2011
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Op;
Yes it's There Loss !
If they can't see past your diabilities
They can't see who or what we are !
Beauty is only skin deep.
Our Heart's are Huge !
We see hear & feel more than an average person.
Yes It's There Loss
To know the real you  inside & out 
[Edited 4/9/2015 8:48:01 AM ]
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| 4/9/2015 11:51:46 PM |
Do people run??? |
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dadof3looking
Bellmawr, NJ
37, joined Jul. 2013
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Yes all the time. The girl and I will talk for a bit of time and she says im a nice guy.so we kept talking and she asked what I did for a living. Told her I was a firefighter and a eletrical guy but right now on disability cause of having ms.she got so pissed off asking why I didn't tell her rigjt away cause that is something serious. I said well if I had diabetes would you be this pissed off. She said no.so I said then why are you upset that I have ms. I said long as I take my medicine im fine. She didn't want to deal with me cause she thinks I cant do anything and confined to a bed.I worked for three years after being diagnosed but the neurologist said I had ms for years per my mri. I told her to rot in hell just cause I said I have ms she doesn't want anything to do with me now but if I didn't tell her she would of wanted to be together and have sex. So yes I have the same problem but im talking to a new woman she knows about the ms and told me she's still interested but wants to take things slower so she can understand me better cause I have ms.so im going to see what happens. Just keep your head up. I know its hard lonely depressing. Trust me I went through it.im here if you want to talk about it.
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| 4/10/2015 12:16:59 AM |
Do people run??? |
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godsbutterfly1
Woodlyn, PA
62, joined Dec. 2010
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Nice new picture!
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| 4/10/2015 6:12:07 AM |
Do people run??? |
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blind_fauth
Louisville, KY
34, joined Feb. 2015
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It sucks but its true their lose nit mine.
As I said I am legally blind but I'm part of a program where I can drive and omg you should see the looks I get lol. Thought I'd share that lol
I was talking to a young lady and I thought things was going well we agreed to meet I told her I couldn't drive at night so I had to explain why ...... yeah never heard from her again
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| 4/16/2015 12:16:04 AM |
Do people run??? |
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cynthos
Vancouver, WA
44, joined Dec. 2014
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Yep their loss. They always run from me. Not all can handle it.
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| 4/20/2015 9:11:43 AM |
Do people run??? |
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dadof3looking
Bellmawr, NJ
37, joined Jul. 2013
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It hurts so much and after being hurt so much is it worth hiding everything and lieing about my disability and if something happens down the line together then that's when they find out.I don't know what to do but being hurt and lonely does hurt alot. I hate it so much cause it hurts so bad.
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| 4/22/2015 12:13:23 AM |
Do people run??? |
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peachy1954
Sacramento, CA
63, joined Oct. 2010
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Yes it happens a lot. Personally I would rather they see the facts and pass on by with out me having my nose rubbed in it.
But just saying it is their loss is kind of washing over the truth that it is also your loss and often self inflicted because if you are honest at least you have a shot at the person feeling like you play fair when hard times come along.
Most normal people are afraid of disability. Not exactly like it is a perk in most cases.
BUT they are more afraid of being lied to about it. Telling the truth builds trust. Would you want a relationship with someone who you didn't trust?
Having disabilities is not all bad but saying it doesn't take time to get used to the idea and that most people do not understand how it does and doesn't affect your life is expecting a lot. Especially for most of us that had to take time and develop a learning/coping curve ourselves. A lot more than most of us who actually live with our disabilities are able to do with time and experience because the unknowns are ever present.
If we are honest with ourselves and others we acknowledge the fact that it is a lot to deal with and a lie of omission is just that. Come on even if your disability is relatively minor it is still something you keep secret it is a lie and a lie is a lie. How big is really not the point.
Will some people run before they have the fact? Sure; but the burden to educate as annoying as it is, rest with the person who has the facts. Would you not be angry if you invested time and emotion in someone to find out that what you were lead to believe was possible in a relationship was unlikely or limited?
Would you go out an pick a person who had the same disability you have and everything that goes with it? If you can say with zero hesitation then you may have some room to be peeved but my guess is most of us could just walk away from a disability we would so it seems a little much to have unfair standards for others.
What I have found over the years is it is much less painful to be honest from the start and give people a heads up and then if they decide to get in the game it is because they like and trust you and that is a really good place to start a relationship.
It doesn't take telling every little difficulty or how you get around it but saying a disability is no big deal and like it or lump it is pretty unrealistic.
For me the people I told relatively early what the deal was and they were welcome to join in the journey were way more likely to stick around than run. Yea I often showed them the road map; past, present, and potentially the future but more often than not the conversation put them in the frame of mind they were in it together not just carrying me.
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| 4/22/2015 10:56:17 PM |
Do people run??? |
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prettylittlebbw
Stroudsburg, PA
45, joined Apr. 2015
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Yep. Quite often. I mention it up front always. There's a disabilities dating site I saw advertised recently.
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| 4/25/2015 1:41:08 PM |
Do people run??? |
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peachy1954
Sacramento, CA
63, joined Oct. 2010
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Yes all the time. The girl and I will talk for a bit of time and she says im a nice guy.so we kept talking and she asked what I did for a living. Told her I was a firefighter and a eletrical guy but right now on disability cause of having ms.she got so pissed off asking why I didn't tell her rigjt away cause that is something serious. I said well if I had diabetes would you be this pissed off. She said no.so I said then why are you upset that I have ms. I said long as I take my medicine im fine. She didn't want to deal with me cause she thinks I cant do anything and confined to a bed.I worked for three years after being diagnosed but the neurologist said I had ms for years per my mri. I told her to rot in hell just cause I said I have ms she doesn't want anything to do with me now but if I didn't tell her she would of wanted to be together and have sex. So yes I have the same problem but im talking to a new woman she knows about the ms and told me she's still interested but wants to take things slower so she can understand me better cause I have ms.so im going to see what happens. Just keep your head up. I know its hard lonely depressing. Trust me I went through it.im here if you want to talk about it.
Having a progressive, sometimes remitting disability, especially one that has such a wide range of effects does seem to scare people more than something that seems more fixed. Knowledge is power so you have to get across "how disabled' your MS makes you. Deluding yourself that MS is temporary is doing no one any favors and makes you sound like a liar even if you never have another exacerbation. Not like the Fire Department will call you back to work without a cure. We can hope but have to live with the cards we are dealt. Pictures are worth a thousand words. If you can stand, walk, lift, ect. that is something to illustrate with photos of you doing the things you enjoy and making it clear they are current photos. People imagine the worst. Some of the Pity-A-Thon's have not helped dispel that unfortunately. If everyone who had MS and was still working and/or actively pursuing life wore some kind of trademark probably the anxiety level would go down but that is still on the horizon.
Since I was misdiagnosed for years with MS (have something similar but more rare); I do know people's responses to it are something that is all over the map. The good news is not everyone has a complete doom and gloom outcome and the treatments are allowing many a relatively normal life with a few concessions. My plan has always been be prepared for the worst and live with what is. My homes were always selected for accessibility and I tend to have back up help lined up so the burden of care doesn't drain my family or friends. That does not mean everyone is cool about it but it has upped the number of people who are.
What is ironic I have survived better and longer than many of my friends who did not plan well and thought I would bite the dust well before they did. I never dreamed I would be a widow at a young age but it hasn't been terminal either. lol That that does not kill us does make us stronger.
I have found conquering loneliness before attempting to find a partner is way more successful than thinking the partner will fix it. More often than not they don't anyway. Desperation will scare most away. Yea it takes huge effort sometimes to
cultivate family and friend relationships as a single, especially a single parent, but people who have relationships seem to draw dates like a magnet. Having fun hobbies that you are doing will attract someone ten times faster than saying you will do it if they show up.
Camping is a good example. Join a camping club if you don't feel safe going alone and post the pictures and you will have someone who finds you are as fun an active as you can be attractive and chasing you. Especially other single moms that would love and active participating "Dad" figure to show them the ropes of how to camp out. True you will have to make it clear they are not being invited along to be the muscle or the meat but that is true of male campers able or otherwise. Usually suggesting you know discreet separate quarters can apply and choice is their option will lower the "no way in hell answer to maybe or someday.
Sex will always be an issue in dating but getting laid will not cure your disability or your loneliness so it should be a happy bonus not a goal of dating, able or disabled, and if a woman thinks that is all that is on your mind about being with her she is going to feel the date comes along with a chore of sex rather than a romance that might just have a happy ending. LOL keep it safe so you don't have any unexpected surprises added as dependents on your social security check before you want them.
Good luck with your new lady friend.
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| 5/10/2015 9:07:38 PM |
Do people run??? |
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just_zoe1958
Burlington, VT
58, joined Dec. 2011
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Thank you all for sharing this. I try to be straightforward with everyone about my disability. Sometimes, I am not ready to share it with someone I don't know that well, especially if they are asking too many personal questions.
If they disappear, I tell myself this just wasn't the right person for me.
[Edited 5/10/2015 9:09:03 PM ]
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| 5/10/2015 9:12:01 PM |
Do people run??? |
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just_zoe1958
Burlington, VT
58, joined Dec. 2011
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Please remember it's the other person with the issue, not you. It's better to know from the start that this wasn't the right person for you than to get hurt after you start to form a relationship. 
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| 5/11/2015 9:24:16 AM |
Do people run??? |
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suds59
Crown Point, IN
67, joined Jan. 2009
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once I tell people most don't stick around.but you keep trying.
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| 6/29/2015 12:46:45 AM |
Do people run??? |
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yuhaszb
Indiana, PA
45, joined May. 2014
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I think people in general are scared of things that they don't know about and never had to deal with before. they don't want to know or learn about it. I think that is why they run.
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| 7/6/2015 10:52:10 PM |
Do people run??? |
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mary_e0612
Kalamazoo, MI
59, joined Nov. 2014
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my husband (ex now) ran to the arms of another woman because I gained weight due to steroid shots for my asthma.
His loss and in time another mans win.
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| 7/8/2015 10:13:42 PM |
Do people run??? |
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godsbutterfly1
Woodlyn, PA
62, joined Dec. 2010
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I think when people hear the word "disabled", they assume that they will be a caretaker. That's not always the case with people who are disabled. You need to remind people that most everyone will be disabled at some point in their lives.
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| 9/14/2015 1:41:13 PM |
Do people run??? |
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randystaats
Sacramento, CA
47, joined Nov. 2007
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I think when people hear the word "disabled", they assume that they will be a caretaker. That's not always the case with people who are disabled. You need to remind people that most everyone will be disabled at some point in their lives.
No. What we need to do is educate them that "disabled" does not automatically mean "helpless".
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| 9/15/2015 9:03:38 AM |
Do people run??? |
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frecklefarmer
Lebanon, MO
45, joined Oct. 2014
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I agree...
People think being disabled means you're a vegetable..or in a wheelchair at least...
Foolish people don't realize..
Most disabled folks are far stronger,more resilient and oft times have had to learn\relearn things others simply don't have the strength or willpower to undertake
Want a strong partner?
Look at the person that has taken the hard knocks life has provided
And kept on powering forward
And perhaps look for people that share your disability...
I know there's no way a woman could possibly understand me and my difficulties unless she experienced them personally
And without understanding..
All you have is pity or fighting and problems
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| 9/16/2015 10:08:58 AM |
Do people run??? |
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janet5360
Pittsburgh, PA
64, joined Dec. 2013
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On line relationships usually don't work well at anytime dishonesty is involved. Your failure to disclose your disability was your responsibility and surly it should have been disclosed at the start Tell yourself anything you want to hear but in the end you can't change that you messed that up. Might have had a different outcome if you didn't predict her response.
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