| 9/28/2008 5:38:01 AM |
Why don't people just tell you they are just not that into you? |
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whynotgrl
Durham, NC
age: 51
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Because some people's biggest fear is to be alone. These people will hang onto one they are not into until something better comes along. That way they are never alone. This seems to happen more with men than women. If a man is cheating generally it means he is unhappy in the relationship and looking for something better, an exchange. When he gets a relationship with the new one established then he will let the old one go. It happens all the time.
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| 9/28/2008 5:41:09 AM |
Why don't people just tell you they are just not that into you? |
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whynotgrl
Durham, NC
age: 51
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This has happened to me as well. I dated a man for four months, met here and we were together in "real life" not just cyber life. One day he left, kissed me goodbye and said I will call u later. No call, no answers to my calls or emails. I was devastated. After about three weeks he finally told me that we got too close too quickly and it scared him and he didn't know how to deal with it. He doesn't know what he wants. He is basically a good man but I did give him so much crap about the way he did it. He was badly hurt by his ex, no excuses for what he did and he apologized.
Oh well......if u cant talk about your feelings now, how can it move forward? 
I'm sorry to tell you this BUT this guy just wanted out,period. What he told you was just his way of letting you down easy.
He just wasn't really into you.
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| 9/28/2008 6:07:51 AM |
Why don't people just tell you they are just not that into you? |
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eyeonheaven
Azle, TX
age: 56
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Now this is a funny thread. Its amasing that you girls are looking for prince charming, dont respond to messages[not your type, etc.]and then complain theres no nice guys, we are all looking for the same thing. Hey girls did it ever occur to you that the man that answers when spoken to has manners and respect for others? It may not be love, but most good men WILL respond to all emails out of respect for the fact that she took the time to write you. And yea not wanting to hurt someones feelings does play a role, some are new to dateing again and being ugly or not talking is rude. Now how far a guy carrys it after that is not for me to say or judge, but most girls that email me give me an easy out they are to far away, and can be polite and still talk. But clue girls if he writes back he might just have some class, may not look like Mel Gibson, but still if you want to know where he stands gets some balls and ask. Quit complaining, fishing for complements and get a life.
Thanks for the enlightenment that it is the "men with maners and respect" that answer...because I have sent several winks and emails with no resopnse to guys on here. I perfer the guys with maners and respect.  And there ae some of them on here, because they have answered my emails.
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| 9/28/2008 8:11:14 PM |
Why don't people just tell you they are just not that into you? |
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katrinasq
Mena, AR
age: 39
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I'm not talking about a first contact, I'm talking about when you are talking or in a relationship, and they just disappear with no explanation. That is just rude. My example is a guy I was with, that asked me to be exclusive, sell my house and move to be with him, grow old together, start a business together, etc that I left one weekend and he disappeared right after. I had already figured out it wasn't working, but he could have had the courtesy to at least tell me, you know? Especially as his ex had doine him the same way after an 8 year relationship. I have had others that I was just talking to, seem to hit it off, and they just disappear after telling you they are interested. Far less serious, but shitty none the less. And I do know women do this too, and it's not any better.
My question is, why not have a little class and just be honest? One does not have to be cruel, just a simple "I'm sorry, but this just is not working for me. I wish you well." How easy is that? If the other person asks for more explanation, you can politely decline or politely tell them and still not look like a jerk, you see?
First contact is different because there is no "relationship" there. Someone took a second sending a wink or a few minutes sending an email, not weeks or months trying to build something. I have answered emails that thanks, but I am not interested and people just get pissed off. If I get a first email from someone I am not interested in, I usually don't answer because 1. I don't want to hurt their feelings and 2. I don't want them to go postal on me for not being interested, which does happen sometimes and 3. I am hoping he sent so many that he does not even remember me.
[Edited 9/28/2008 8:16:05 PM]
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| 9/28/2008 8:14:30 PM |
Why don't people just tell you they are just not that into you? |
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singlemegan29
Lovelock, NV
age: 20
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Because maybe the other person wants it to be over...but just like you and everywone else, they don't want to be alone...so aslong as they are not attatched to you and they know that you are willing to give everything to them...they can string you along and play you why they look for someone to replace you....I have asked the same questions too and this is the conclusion I have come to. People are selfish and don't want to be alone...as long as they are not truely feeling something for you...they don't care....I'm sorry if that did happen to you...it's not fun.
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| 9/28/2008 10:29:06 PM |
Why don't people just tell you they are just not that into you? |
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rusty_shorts
West Palm Beach, FL
age: 35
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The disappearing act... I've done it once (not proud of it) and had it done to me...
Why I did it: I could'nt figure out a way to say why I was'nt interested without feeling like I would be hurting someone more than having her think I was the cowardly jerk, so I just kinda disappeared.....I did not feel good about it, quite the opposite in fact.....
She and I did talk a few months later, and she said she knew after our last date that I was'nt interested and that I could have said so... It all worked itself out and we're friendly.. Had coffee  and bummed around the beach with her last weekend...
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| 9/29/2008 8:27:59 PM |
Why don't people just tell you they are just not that into you? |
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katrinasq
Mena, AR
age: 39
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Rusty, having been on both sides, and knowing how they made you feel, would you pull the disappearing act again?
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| 9/29/2008 8:39:09 PM |
Why don't people just tell you they are just not that into you? |
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blueyedgurl66
Matawan, NJ
age: 42
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This is a great post!!!!
And I cannot agree more.....
Why waste someone time and or hurt someones feeling when u can be honest and say sorry u are not my type or I am just not into you...
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| 9/29/2008 8:50:03 PM |
Why don't people just tell you they are just not that into you? |
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katrinasq
Mena, AR
age: 39
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why thank you 
The other thing is that people that do this make it more difficult for the next person, and here we go with the gender bashing.
Moral of the story? Please tell the other person when you decide you are done. Thanks. This concludes our public service announcement for today. 
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| 9/29/2008 9:56:24 PM |
Why don't people just tell you they are just not that into you? |
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topeshka
Newnan, GA
age: 47
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And some people just can't bear having to let someone down when they know that person is attracted to them... You might call that cowardly.
I know how it feels, and make it a point never to do this.
Hugs to all...
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| 9/29/2008 11:14:34 PM |
Why don't people just tell you they are just not that into you? |
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bubba19682007
Indianapolis, IN
age: 40
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Its this whole bs PC society where everyone is afraid of teling anyone what they really think, being afraid they might upset someone. Its no wondr there are so many in therapy wondering what their mae is thinking? save your money and ACTUALLY talk to the other person and tel them what yur feeling. if they get upset oh well, its better than th stress of NOT knowing.
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| 9/29/2008 11:20:23 PM |
Why don't people just tell you they are just not that into you? |
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stylistic
Rockville, MD
age: 46
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Hey...I'm totally new to this site..never posted here b4 so I hope I'm doing it "right"..
I can so relate to your question!! In fact, I was involved with someone for 3+ WONDERFUL years and then POOF....he's gone. I have (sadly) BEGGED for him to just TELL ME THAT IT WAS OVER! I haven't heard from him in 6 months and I know any sane woman would be able to just let go based on his "actions" (which are NONE). The problem is I still have a lot of his personal stuff that he asked me to hold on to...it's like he doesn't want to TOTALLY let go of me but he won't communicate with me either. No closure is TORTURE. Doesn't matter if it's 6 months or 6 weeks....it just is torture when you've developed a bond with someone. WHY DO GUYS DO THIS???? DO FEMALES DO THIS??? I've never known any that have.
Sorry...my rant is over too. Thank you for listening.  It was a HARD day with lots of tears.
Ladies, welcome to the world of damaged goods, both men and woman. How ever I do believe we handle the same problems in relationships differently, woman want some kind of explaination for why its not working and men seem to deceide to act in fear. Now I'm not saying that its right one way or the other, but there are signs and gut feelings when something is up in a relationship. We tend to give to much, and ignore some obvious signs that things really aren't going well. I tend to go with the old adage "Actions speak louder then words." If someone goes POOF this is an action don't try to figure it out, you may never get closure, just move on.....take all that personal stuff and burn it!!!!!! Be thankful your are not stuck with this person. Recently I had been communicating with someone on DH. We meet and had a good time, that was over a month ago, he had sent me emails professing to miss me and want to get together again but guess what.....nada!!!! He called and said we should go out, that was 2 weeks ago and guess what?....nada.....DONE
you don't think I've been waiting for him or even really thought about it until now because it seems fit the thread, and an inconciderate way to deal even in an early getting to know one another phase.....I did not call to even ask for a reason, I already know this in NOT the person for me BY HIS ACTIONS.....If I have learned anything in my last two relationships it is no one gets the benifit of the doubt, and if your actions don't reflect what you say your out...
People disappear because they don't want to hurt people even if they want out.Its not easy to tell someone you have lost interest for what may be quite a minor reason,but a reason non the less. If you were to know what that reason was would it really matter in the long run NO, because it may not be the reason someone else may have. Then ask yourself if your relationship wasn't even strong enought for the two of you to discuss a problem it may be it really wasn't ment to be.I know I'm rambling and this is of course my opinion but I am so much stronger now and will no longer forget I deserve the best and be treated with respect and common courtsy.
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