| 10/9/2008 12:02:44 AM |
Can chemistry be developed? |
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barbaraajo
Reston, VA
60, joined Jul. 2008
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If you go out with someone and you do not feel any immediate chemistry, does that mean there never will be? Would you continue to see someone if you really liked them alot even though you feel no chemistry? Can chemistry develop?
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| 10/9/2008 12:05:49 AM |
Can chemistry be developed? |
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kgearly1021
Reidsville, GA
56, joined Dec. 2007
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Great thread! I for one believe chemistry can be developed. Not everyone falls in love or lust at first sight.
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| 10/9/2008 12:07:07 AM |
Can chemistry be developed? |
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pattilee3
Norfolk, VA
61, joined Jan. 2008
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I don't think so, I've tried.
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| 10/9/2008 12:17:19 AM |
Can chemistry be developed? |
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surferguy53
Murrieta, CA
60, joined Sep. 2008
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I would say no...if you don't feel the chemistry straight off, it won't develop later. The answer to your second question, I'll answer with one: why would you want to continue seeing this person if you felt nothing? Maintaining a friendship is one thing; expecting it to develop into something more is not probable.
Just one guy's opinion...
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| 10/9/2008 12:37:26 AM |
Can chemistry be developed? |
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rokkinlion
San Ramon, CA
50, joined Aug. 2008
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Personally, I think chemistry happens quickly...you usually know right away.
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| 10/9/2008 12:45:49 AM |
Can chemistry be developed? |
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orangeburst
Laguna Beach, CA
72, joined Dec. 2007
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chemistry can develop with time, patience, understanding and nurturing and brings us things like H2S04, napalm, crack, Diet Coke. any of which will kill you. look where radium got Madam Curie.
relationships take work.
and
Arbeit macht fre
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| 10/9/2008 12:57:11 AM |
Can chemistry be developed? |
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swifteagle
Elk City, OK
72, joined Jan. 2008
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If there isn't some chemistry immediately, there likely won't be any over time. Chemistry is what attracts people - the more there is the better the connection.
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| 10/9/2008 1:11:14 AM |
Can chemistry be developed? |
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th6231
Point Pleasant Beach, NJ
69, joined Jul. 2007
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Accepting a second date says that you have something that seems interesting--maybe there is more to it. Why would you want to rush?? savor the dates and enjoy yourself. It's fun to slowly discover things about a person. rome wasn't built in a day--neither is a relationship. If you were to find nothing--absolutely nothing or no reason to go out again--you wouldn't go. But men and women are intricate creatures--with undiscovered personalities and emotions and charms--you can't possibly see all the stuff in one date. What you want to see "immediately" is courtesy, a smile, respect, and effective communications, if these are missing--then they will never show up. What a courteous and pleasant person exhibits on a first or second date will allow you to LURE the inner chemistry out into the light of day. You might even discover that this new person is humorous and entertaining and full of fun--interesting ideas for dates--exciting times that you never had before--that could make you stop and think about how unique this guy is and how much you really enjoy this new man...instead of the creeps that have been tossed to the curb for being rude and boring and dull.
[Edited 10/9/2008 1:12:38 AM ]
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| 10/9/2008 1:34:12 AM |
Can chemistry be developed? |
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hotcowgirl4u
Birmingham, AL
62, joined Jun. 2008
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If there isn't some chemistry immediately, there likely won't be any over time. Chemistry is what attracts people - the more there is the better the connection.
I don't know about more there is the better the connection, BUT the more chemistry there is the better the sex lol
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| 10/9/2008 2:35:21 AM |
Can chemistry be developed? |
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bekki08
Ridgeland, MS
47, joined Sep. 2008
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I don't think it can be developed. It comes naturally and either it's there or it's not.
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| 10/9/2008 8:42:47 AM |
Can chemistry be developed? |
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piscesbabe
New Fairfield, CT
48, joined Jul. 2008
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for me I think it's either there or it's not.
but my cousin met a guy and didn't really feel initial chemistry
but it did develop and they've been hot an heavy since February
and just moved in together.
so maybe for some it does develop ....
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| 10/9/2008 9:01:48 AM |
Can chemistry be developed? |
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sweetbtsassy
Mentor, OH
51, joined Aug. 2008
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Good Topic
Ive found myself in this postion just recently and wondering myself! I will take any advice from ya all also!
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| 10/9/2008 9:03:00 AM |
Can chemistry be developed? |
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greenangeleye79
Brooklyn, NY
37, joined Aug. 2008
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i have had it develop as i got to know someone. I have noticed for me that its in the mind and the more that they mentally capture my attention the more i become physically attracted to them.
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| 10/9/2008 9:04:02 AM |
Can chemistry be developed? |
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evileddy
Ottawa, ON
43, joined Jan. 2008
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Women decide in the first 5 seconds if they will spread for a dude.
Dudes have already decided..even before meeting if we've seen your pics.
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| 10/9/2008 9:17:40 AM |
Can chemistry be developed? |
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arkansasnman
Fayetteville, AR
53, joined Sep. 2008
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If you go out with someone and you do not feel any immediate chemistry, does that mean there never will be? Would you continue to see someone if you really liked them alot even though you feel no chemistry? Can chemistry develop?
Awesome question.
.....as much as people are saying it can't be developed, I'd have to disagree.
If I see someone for the first time, I know hardly anything about them....I don't know if I want to be with them or not.
Most people (even on here) go to a whole new level of understanding when they meet.....same thing....people start being themselves more and prior to that....you can't tell if you want to be with them or not.
Of course, many people equate "having chemisty" to "he/she was physically attractive to me"......they might as well go to a bar and just pick up people they think are attractive, because they really aren't understanding the conversation.
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| 10/9/2008 9:20:25 AM |
Can chemistry be developed? |
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bobbieforforums
Poultney, VT
45, joined Sep. 2008
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i dont think that it can. i can tell right away if its not going to work for me. jmo
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| 10/9/2008 9:26:00 AM |
Can chemistry be developed? |
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christycarol
Fredericksburg, VA
59, joined Dec. 2007
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Not in my case, I have that "second sense" when it comes to meeting someone the 1st time.
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| 10/9/2008 9:32:47 AM |
Can chemistry be developed? |
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arkansasnman
Fayetteville, AR
53, joined Sep. 2008
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Not in my case, I have that "second sense" when it comes to meeting someone the 1st time.
lol........sounds like sight if it depends on seeing them for the first time.
I'm just sayin'.
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| 10/9/2008 9:33:44 AM |
Can chemistry be developed? |
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evileddy
Ottawa, ON
43, joined Jan. 2008
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lol........sounds like sight if it depends on seeing them for the first time.
I'm just sayin'.
Refer to my post about 5 seconds for women..... 
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| 10/9/2008 9:53:47 AM |
Can chemistry be developed? |
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kellie08
Blue Bell, PA
45, joined Aug. 2008
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Great question:
I Believe that I know if I am attracted sexually within the first few seconds...as that is a physical thing...lust if you will. However the true chemistry comes from the combo of the physical look as well as the mental connection. My Answer would be No it can not develop over time unless there is a physical attraction first.
JMO but if a guy and I meet and I know I am physically attracted to him and then we start to talk he can become a whole lot less attractive to me. Thoughts such as "Too bad maybe I would sleep with him....if he would not talk" come to mind. If I am not physically attracted and then he starts to talk and there is a mental connection I will wonder if I could become physically attracted but honestly that does not work for me. I have tried.
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| 10/9/2008 10:46:14 AM |
Can chemistry be developed? |
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cutedove
Tellico Plains, TN
61, joined Sep. 2008
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If you go out with someone and you do not feel any immediate chemistry, does that mean there never will be? Would you continue to see someone if you really liked them alot even though you feel no chemistry? Can chemistry develop?
Yes,I think you need chemistry in order to achieve a great relationship in making love. I don't think you can NOT have it when you first meet and wait for it to develop. Like every ones here says "its either there or it's not" when you see a pic,phone call or on your first date. I've had dates that turned out to be great friends and an ex that I'm great friends with. Our marriage didn't work out because of NO chemistry. So chemistry definitely HAS to be there.
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| 10/9/2008 10:46:16 AM |
Can chemistry be developed? |
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arkansasnman
Fayetteville, AR
53, joined Sep. 2008
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I guess I've never thought of chemistry as being just a "physical attraction" thing.....maybe everyone else does.
I've dated plenty of pretty girls that I had no chemistry with...Maybe my definition is just wrong...it seems like everyone else thinks it's attractiveness.
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| 10/9/2008 11:30:14 AM |
Can chemistry be developed? |
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klassyklown
Bakersfield, CA
48, joined Feb. 2007
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Wow, interesting replies, I am not sure. I think if you absolutely know a person is not for you, chemistry probably won't develop, but I think if you are just not positive one way or the oher, it doesn't hurt to try.
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| 10/9/2008 11:40:28 AM |
Can chemistry be developed? |
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binderdundat
New Orleans, LA
54, joined Sep. 2008
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I think there has to be *something* there. I don't think it has to be full-blown lust chemistry, but I think you at least need to be able to imagine kissing them without being grossed out at the thought. If I can go *there*, I'll give someone that I don't have the full-blown version a chance... up to a point. I don't think I'd carry on for very long *hoping* for the chemistry to show up... but I'd give it a few dates to develop.
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| 10/9/2008 12:17:43 PM |
Can chemistry be developed? |
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manykisses
Tonawanda, NY
58, joined Aug. 2008
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Barb - Define "Chemistry."
Then again...I think no matter how you define it, feelings can grow that aren't evident when you first meet.
I can recall one instance in my life where I remember thinking after the first meeting that she would probably be a great friend, but that I would never feel any sexual attraction to her, she just wasn't my "type" - and then we did actually become friends, and by the time a few months had passed, if she had yelled "Do me!" down a canyon I would have had the both of us naked before the echo died. 
At the other end of the spectrum - I can recall another instance where the first time I saw her, I wanted to rip her clothes off and make like a bunny, even if it was right there in front of a dozen or so shocked and horrified spectators...but after I approached her and we talked for a while, I walked away at the end of the evening thinking that I had just met the world's sexiest wallflower. But circumstances were such that we were frequently around one another, and I got to know her a lot better, and found out that first impressions can be so terribly, horribly wrong that it is almost always worth taking a second look. We never did get it on in front of spectators  but we did have two children together.
And then there was the one who was beautiful beyond my wildest dreams, seductive and sexy, the kind who could walk into a bar and have ANY man in there drinking out of her shoe in like 15 minutes...and bringing her candy and flowers and ANYTHING else they thought might make her happy. Upon further review (to borrow a football term), she turned out to be a selfish little brat who was rotten in bed and that was one of her better qualities. 
So I guess chemistry can not only develop with time, it can also vanish with it.
HTH
John
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| 10/9/2008 12:21:25 PM |
Can chemistry be developed? |
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arkansasnman
Fayetteville, AR
53, joined Sep. 2008
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I gotta throw my hat in with Manykisses.....
.....and I'll add that this doesn't just apply at initial meetings....you never know exactly when you will know a person fully.
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| 10/9/2008 12:38:32 PM |
Can chemistry be developed? |
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rocket000
Suwanee, GA
58, joined Mar. 2007
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I've been friends with a few guys and chemistry developed in a few instances. The big difference is that we knew one another over an extended period of time. There wasn't any real "dating" so there was no pressure. We had the opportunity to meet under normal circumstances,ie: school, work, the gym, etc. I've had wonderful male friends that I only "wished" I liked enough to take it to the next level but I was just not attracted in that way.
When you meet somebody that you found online you don't typically have the luxury of "time". Maybe you had a rapport online or on the phone but it just didn't "click" when you met face to face. OR, you found them attractive but just couldn't connect. I've often tried to give someone a second look because they were nice, intelligent, etc. However the second date confirmed what I already knew....I just didn't feel anything.
Because people we meet online are not part of our daily lives it generally requires an effort to get together. We don't see them as multi-dimensional people. Most of us, myself make an assessment or judgement pretty quickly.
I can't help but wonder "IF" some of the people we met from online were actually part of our work, social, school or sports groups would more relationships develop...
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| 10/9/2008 12:50:14 PM |
Can chemistry be developed? |
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arkansasnman
Fayetteville, AR
53, joined Sep. 2008
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Is that some sort of discrimination?
I guess it shouldn't matter, but it bothers me.
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| 10/9/2008 12:53:44 PM |
Can chemistry be developed? |
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not_looking
Sacramento, CA
57, joined Aug. 2008
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If you go out with someone and you do not feel any immediate chemistry, does that mean there never will be? Would you continue to see someone if you really liked them alot even though you feel no chemistry? Can chemistry develop?
I believe chemistry develops as you get to know a person. I also have felt the feelings of
chemistry in the first conversation. Yes I would keep seeing the person if I liked them a lot. At some point you should know if the chemistry is there. If not, you have made a great friend.
jmo
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| 10/9/2008 1:03:34 PM |
Can chemistry be developed? |
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cutedove
Tellico Plains, TN
61, joined Sep. 2008
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Women decide in the first 5 seconds if they will spread for a dude. Noooooo we don't! You are sterotyping all females! NOT a GOOD Idea! 
Dudes have already decided..even before meeting if we've seen your pics.
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| 10/9/2008 1:09:36 PM |
Can chemistry be developed? |
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evileddy
Ottawa, ON
43, joined Jan. 2008
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Actually.. it's a great idea... forces you to make a good first impression.
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| 10/9/2008 1:15:55 PM |
Can chemistry be developed? |
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girlygirl1989
Florence, AL
27, joined Sep. 2008
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Yes definately!
I was not attracted to my ex at all, but when he kept bugging me and I finally gave him a chance, I fell in love with him, and I mean head over heels. 
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| 10/9/2008 1:27:25 PM |
Can chemistry be developed? |
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247hustla
Avondale, AZ
34, joined Jul. 2008
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I might meet a woman and the chemistry is just not that great for nothing more than just friendship. Down the line when we get to know each other better, time changes, and situations are different, then the chemistry can develop more, because we start to see something different in each other. Thats when we can allow the friendship to turn into a relationship.
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| 10/9/2008 2:34:14 PM |
Can chemistry be developed? |
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danny86
Shelby, NC
30, joined Feb. 2008
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Yes definately!
I was not attracted to my ex at all, but when he kept bugging me and I finally gave him a chance, I fell in love with him, and I mean head over heels.
when do i get my chance girly?
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| 10/9/2008 2:49:38 PM |
Can chemistry be developed? |
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naya_sbf
Waterbury, CT
38, joined Sep. 2008
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After a first date and there was no chemistry for me but they would want to go out with me again I would. But after the second date if there is still no chemistry than it's a no go. However I do think in some cases chemistry can develop, it hasn't happened to me though.
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| 10/9/2008 2:50:38 PM |
Can chemistry be developed? |
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evileddy
Ottawa, ON
43, joined Jan. 2008
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Nobody posted this yet: ?
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| 10/9/2008 3:34:27 PM |
Can chemistry be developed? |
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klassyklown
Bakersfield, CA
48, joined Feb. 2007
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It has come up several times, so I have to comment, I don't remember meeting a guy and the first thought being if I would or would not sleep with him. Am I alone?
But I agree with Ge0 regarding difference between attraction and chemistry
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| 10/9/2008 3:36:57 PM |
Can chemistry be developed? |
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arkansasnman
Fayetteville, AR
53, joined Sep. 2008
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"I believe chemistry and attraction are two different things. Attraction is that immediate eye-sparkle moment where most women decide right then and there whether they'd sleep with a guy. So Attraction is a law and there is no real rhyme or reason and it can't be figured out. You either have it or you don't
Chemistry, on the other hand, is a science that concerns composition, reactions and elements and mixtures. You mix two substances together and you get something different and hopefully better than the two parts separated.
So chemistry can be developed but it takes getting past the attraction phase in order to see whether you have chemistry with someone."
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
We have a winner.
.....write this down if you didn't know it before.
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| 10/9/2008 4:13:25 PM |
Can chemistry be developed? |
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mcruzzer
Fairfax, VA
61, joined Jun. 2008
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As he just said...there is the initial attraction that says you may be interested in someone or not. I don't believe that qualifies as "chemistry"...it's just attraction and an interest.
Chemistry...to me...is the bind that says you believe that there's more here than just an initial attraction. Chemistry starts when there's a feeling of wanting to see the other person, to do things with that person. The chemistry needed to hold a relationship together for the long term will develop, and over the course of the relationship it will change (and hopefully grow stronger).
If you meet someone and say that within x minutes (or seconds   )you know for sure about someone that's not chemistry...that's attraction and interest.
So many people say they can't find "the one" or they wonder where "the good ones" are ... maybe it's because we're so into having an instant spark that we never look to see what lies beneath the surface...to find the "chemistry" that is there. Just a thought.
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| 10/9/2008 4:18:18 PM |
Can chemistry be developed? |
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ryn514
Cobourg, ON
56, joined Oct. 2008
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Hey! Not all of us are that easy! Some of us take TEN seconds! 
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| 10/9/2008 4:24:20 PM |
Can chemistry be developed? |
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manykisses
Tonawanda, NY
58, joined Aug. 2008
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I can't help but wonder "IF" some of the people we met from online were actually part of our work, social, school or sports groups would more relationships develop...
Rocket...I really like that perspective. Looking at a picture is one thing - but you don't really feel the heat until you stand right next to that fire!
John
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| 10/9/2008 4:25:43 PM |
Can chemistry be developed? |
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up_for_anything
Richardson, TX
41, joined Sep. 2008
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It can't be forced, but it can develop over time
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| 10/9/2008 4:27:43 PM |
Can chemistry be developed? |
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hotdoggy13
Nazareth, PA
57, joined Dec. 2007
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Hey! Not all of us are that easy! Some of us take TEN seconds!
9, 8, 7, 6,...
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| 10/9/2008 4:28:35 PM |
Can chemistry be developed? |
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nascar64
Dayton, OH
52, joined Jul. 2008
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YES, but it seems to struggle in time,if their is not a attraction first,
then I read this:"The sercet to happiness is so often the willingness to defer a few pleasure"
So what the heck do I know,I guess all I can say is: "time will tell", enjoy reading these responces.
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| 10/9/2008 4:38:53 PM |
Can chemistry be developed? |
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mtngoddess
Grass Valley, CA
57, joined Jun. 2008
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Yes, most definately! I have personally had that happen.
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| 10/9/2008 5:59:42 PM |
Can chemistry be developed? |
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rocket000
Suwanee, GA
58, joined Mar. 2007
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Geo had a great answer. Unfortunately, even though attraction isn't ENOUGH by itself to sustain a relationship there must be some element of it or a relationship will eventually be doomed. I have a wonderful male friend that I get along with beautifully but I can't envision sleeping next to him let alone "with" him. As I'm getting older I work at eating healthfully and staying fit. I'm afraid many of the men I meet have not made the effort and it's not appealing. Again, looks are just part of the package and fade over time but I want to find my partner attractive.
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| 10/9/2008 6:14:21 PM |
Can chemistry be developed? |
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gettinolderinmn
Grove City, MN
51, joined May. 2008
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Physical attraction and chemistry are two separate things. You can be physically attracted to someone, but the chemitry is just not there. Chemistry - the 'I just have to be with you' feeling, the 'I cant get close enough to you' feeling, and no matter what seems to be going on you are just drawn back together. Chemistry is just there right away. Physical attraction can develop as you get to know someone. I don't believe chemistry can develop, it is either there or it isnt.
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| 10/9/2008 6:19:34 PM |
Can chemistry be developed? |
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mike4306ls
Boyertown, PA
51, joined Sep. 2008
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You can't work on something that is suppose to be a natural thing. Kind of like fixing a flat tire and not having air. Tire is still there but will sure give ya a bumpy ride!!!
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| 10/9/2008 6:53:19 PM |
Can chemistry be developed? |
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arkansasnman
Fayetteville, AR
53, joined Sep. 2008
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That means in the first 5 minutes you can predict every romantic feeling you will ever have with this person for the rest of your life.
I tend to disagree.
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| 10/9/2008 7:15:53 PM |
Can chemistry be developed? |
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tallbevfrompa
Pittsburgh, PA
57, joined Sep. 2008
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I guess I've never thought of chemistry as being just a "physical attraction" thing.....maybe everyone else does.
I've dated plenty of pretty girls that I had no chemistry with...Maybe my definition is just wrong...it seems like everyone else thinks it's attractiveness.
I think chemistry can be a physical or non-physical attraction. I have felt I have had chenistry with people I have never met--just by how we interact. I have also had great chemistry with people and then when we met the physical attraction wasn't there. I still had the chemistry but did not feel I could have a relationship without the physical attraction.
I do think chemistry can be developed but not created--you need to start with something--a little spark. Once you have the spark.....then it can be developed as far as the imagination can go.
[Edited 10/9/2008 7:17:45 PM ]
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| 10/9/2008 7:18:53 PM |
Can chemistry be developed? |
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waw1961
Cave Junction, OR
55, joined Sep. 2008
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No we are not lab rats. either you have chemistry between you or you don't.
Even if you are both nice people if there is no chemistry there is no Hey i have the hots for you or man he made my knees buckle etc.
Now what I have seen happen is people who were not originally attracted to each other can run into each other many years later and suddenly there is this Wow connection.
I am not a chemist so I have no idea how that happened. 
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| 10/9/2008 9:09:28 PM |
Can chemistry be developed? |
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ryn514
Cobourg, ON
56, joined Oct. 2008
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Alcohol..that's probably how it happened!
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| 10/9/2008 9:16:06 PM |
Can chemistry be developed? |
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sedonaphotofan
Sedona, AZ
52, joined Jul. 2008
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If you go out with someone and you do not feel any immediate chemistry, does that mean there never will be? Would you continue to see someone if you really liked them alot even though you feel no chemistry? Can chemistry develop?
I am going out on a limb here. You can grow into love with someone but chances are your first reaction is always the best. There has to be chemistry or all else is lost.
When you learn to love someone you settle and when you settle, your heart is not really in it.
For me I need the whole fire wrks thing. When I go on a date she has to turn me on. I have enough platonic female friends.
So to answer your question, yes it can be develop but that is way too much work. It should just work naturally.
Karl in CO.
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| 10/9/2008 9:34:55 PM |
Can chemistry be developed? |
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arkansasnman
Fayetteville, AR
53, joined Sep. 2008
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So....in the first few minutes of meeting someone, you are able to predict your romantic feelings about another individual for the rest of your life?
Okay.
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| 10/9/2008 11:49:32 PM |
Can chemistry be developed? |
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cutedove
Tellico Plains, TN
61, joined Sep. 2008
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Nobody posted this yet: ?
Fuuunny evileddy
Hum that might work ..lol
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| 10/11/2008 4:43:40 PM |
Can chemistry be developed? |
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girlygirl1989
Florence, AL
27, joined Sep. 2008
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when do i get my chance girly?
Real cute : )
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| 10/11/2008 7:03:33 PM |
Can chemistry be developed? |
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lilmissala
Hartselle, AL
59, joined Aug. 2008
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I am going out on a limb here and saying chemistry does develop over time. When I go out with someone I am attracted to them for various reasons and if I don't feel some sort of attraction I don't go out with him. Not just because I think I would like to go to bed with him. After I have dated him and get to know him better then if the chemistry develops we pursue the next level of our relationship. I don't think chemistry of a relationship is a right away thing. Attraction and lust yes. But the chemistry takes time. JMO Yes I would continue seeing them for a while to see if any chemistry does develop but it can't be forced. But if your attractions to him are starting to wane and you don't see more ingredients developing it is time to bail.
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| 10/11/2008 8:45:42 PM |
Can chemistry be developed? |
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destinyfate
Brainerd, MN
48, joined Aug. 2008
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"I believe chemistry and attraction are two different things. Attraction is that immediate eye-sparkle moment where most women decide right then and there whether they'd sleep with a guy. So Attraction is a law and there is no real rhyme or reason and it can't be figured out. You either have it or you don't
Chemistry, on the other hand, is a science that concerns composition, reactions and elements and mixtures. You mix two substances together and you get something different and hopefully better than the two parts separated.
So chemistry can be developed but it takes getting past the attraction phase in order to see whether you have chemistry with someone."
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
We have a winner.
.....write this down if you didn't know it before.
I was going to say no way, it can't be developed - either is or isn't; but then I saw this and it REALLY does make sense!
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| 10/11/2008 9:27:11 PM |
Can chemistry be developed? |
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theshadow_
San Luis Obispo, CA
46, joined Sep. 2008
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Actually with me, it was that way with my ex wife. It wasn't really there at first, but as time went on it grew. Thats because at that time i was seeing her for who she was as much as i could know about her being that it is a new beginning of a relationship. I was seeing more of who she was on the inside that did start to attract me and it went from there.
Sad thing is being on the net. people think they need the instent attraction or they wont go anyware with anyone. A flat that will bring people down everytime.
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| 10/11/2008 10:11:09 PM |
Can chemistry be developed? |
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tryagaindj68
Evansville, IN
48, joined Aug. 2008
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