remington55
Calgary, AB
age: 56
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I fully agree that we must all be held accountable for our actions. When we meet someone & we fall in love, we do not really see the other person for who they really are & we enter the relationship to get what we want... When both parties haven't met their expectations, all kinds of little things happen, the fighting, the disagreements, the lying, & eventually the cheating.
From what I've seen, it's twofold, the first deals with LOVE (or infatuation) and the other deals with NEEDS. When we meet someone, there is the chemistry & the love & the relationship starts off on a good note. Then over time, because parties don't fully understand each other's needs, things begin to fall apart. Think about it, did you fully know & understand your needs and those of your partner?
The most important needs for women are affection, conversation, honesty and openness, financial support and family commitment. Those for men are sexual fulfillment, recreational companionship, admiration and domestic support. These needs are so strong that when they’re not met in a marriage, people are tempted to go outside to satisfy them.
As a couple works on meeting the needs of each other, the potential for love between them grows. As their love grows, they learn to support life & love through learning how to become experts on those things including intimacy, communication, forgiveness, trust, giving and receiving, commitment and letting go. Failure to work on all aspects of these qualities results in the negative aspects to which you have described, the lying & cheating and so on. Take a moment & reflect on why your past relationships failed... It's so easy to say, he did it, she did it and so on. Now place your finger on your nose & say, "I did it!!!!" and take responsibility for your own actions as I have. What part did you or I play?
By not watching for the early warning signs, the small signals, the gut feelings, we end up getting stuck in our pasts, repeating old patterns, and living in a fantasy & not living in the "MOMENT" or the "NOW." Everything that we do or not do, has an impact on our happiness. We need to periodically ask ourselves the Why's. Everything that happens, happens for a reason, we need to look at what lesson is there here that I must learn, by learning the lessons, we are able to move on to the next level in our relationship. This allows us to build upon a strong emotional foundation that will endure time & distance. Periodically we need to question ourselves, our values, & our principles to see if we are still on the right track. Afterall the quality of our life depends entirely on the quality of the questions we ask ourselves.
For me, it was 20-20 in hindsight. As I analyse what I did wrong,  I am learning from my mistakes. The rhetorical questions I've asked myself, helps me move on in a positive direction. Hopefully the love & energy that I put into my next relationship will last three lifetimes... because by then, I will have learned the differences & the importance between love & needs...
**~Remington55~** 
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bekki08
Ridgeland, MS
age: 39
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Great post Remington..thanks for sharing your thoughts.
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lobo_corazon
Kingston, ON
age: 39 online now!
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Who knows - Every situation is different.
I do know this though - People who go on and on about the problems from their previous relationship... Are probably going to carry a bunch of that baggage on to the next one.
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