| 10/13/2008 8:22:11 AM |
Who should really be held accountable? |
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bekki08
Ridgeland, MS
age: 39
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Since I have been on this site I have seen so much bitterness from broken relationships. I often wonder why when a relationship goes bad that the significant other always gets all the blame for it going bad. He/she lied to me, cheated on me, used me, and so on and so forth. By no means do I condone this type of behavior. It's wrong no matter what. But one question in my mind is this..Why shouldn't people hold themselves accountable for their own bad judge of character when choosing a partner? People are who they are. In most situations if they have lied to you and cheated on you then chances are they were the same type of person before you met them. Are people not taking enough time to really get to know others? Or do they just choose to ignore the warnings in the beginning? If so, shouldn't the blame for it not working be distributed evenly? Rather than saying he/she did ME wrong..why not say WE did each other wrong..
Then again, on the other hand most people are really honest and sincere in the beginning of a relationship then situations often change people later on as it progresses causing the lying and cheating. So that brings up another question...Why shouldn't people take a look at themselves and ask WHY? Why did he/she feel the need to lie? Why did he/she feel the need to cheat with someone else? Shouldn't people analyze the why's? As opposed to saying "oh he/she's a liar and cheat". And I will repeat the fact that I said I do not condone this type of behavior and that it is wrong..But the fact is..people do it for a reason. What is that reason? Could it be something that was not done that should have been? Could it have been that you were not doing your part and making the effort needed to keep these things from happening? My point I'm trying to make is that instead of putting all the blame on the other person, take a good look from within and from all perspectives and analyze the "why's".
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| 10/13/2008 8:26:37 AM |
Who should really be held accountable? |
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kaseylt
Henderson, NV
age: 38 online now!
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uh huh.
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| 10/13/2008 8:30:54 AM |
Who should really be held accountable? |
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singlemama2008
Tifton, GA
age: 27
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you are very right! we should all be held accountable for a relationship failing...even if it is only that we didn't see what kind of person they really were in teh beginning.
and on that note....those who are bitter have allowed themselves to become bitter. i have had plenty in my life to become bitter over but instead i try to just let it go. it isn't hurting the other person for you to stay angry. realize where things went wrong, learn your lesson, dont punish the next person to come along!
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| 10/13/2008 8:35:27 AM |
Who should really be held accountable? |
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bekki08
Ridgeland, MS
age: 39
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Thanks singlemama. You made some great points.
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| 10/13/2008 8:38:11 AM |
Who should really be held accountable? |
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binderdundat
Metairie, LA
age: 46
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I try to remind people of that with most of my posts. Even if one person "gets it" it's worth it. This song here... says it soooooooooooo well. "We each forgive a little bit, and we both look back on it, just bad timing, that's all."
[Edited 10/13/2008 8:44:05 AM]
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| 10/13/2008 8:54:23 AM |
Who should really be held accountable? |
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arkansasnman
Fayetteville, AR
age: 45 online now!
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People are weird.
If something bad happens, the world feels obligated to determine a root cause to the problem so blame can be appropriately assigned. Understanding the dynamic is important to avoid a repeat.....but assigning blame is encouraging pain....just not healthy.
If it's a past relationship........doesn't matter much....it's over.
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| 10/13/2008 8:56:58 AM |
Who should really be held accountable? |
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dieseltech393
Andover, MN
age: 59
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We are all 100% responsible for our own behavior. A mistake or chain of mistakes are opportunities for us to learn so we don't make the same mistake over and over again.
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| 10/13/2008 8:58:34 AM |
Who should really be held accountable? |
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wileyguy
Wilkes Barre, PA
age: 37
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this is a really great post.after reading the first paragraph,part of my answer was going to be exactly what you said in the second.i have very little to add.i will say that i've heard divorce can be harder than the death of a spouse.i suppose the same can be said for other relationships as well.anyway,the end of a relationship ultimately means failure.who really wants to stand up and admit they failed?again,all things point back to you(me).
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| 10/13/2008 9:07:38 AM |
Who should really be held accountable? |
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bekki08
Ridgeland, MS
age: 39
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this is a really great post.after reading the first paragraph,part of my answer was going to be exactly what you said in the second.i have very little to add.i will say that i've heard divorce can be harder than the death of a spouse.i suppose the same can be said for other relationships as well.anyway,the end of a relationship ultimately means failure.who really wants to stand up and admit they failed?again,all things point back to you(me).
Thanks for the comment..However I don't necessarily think that the end of all relationships means failure. How and why it ended depends on whether the two failed or not.
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| 10/13/2008 9:26:54 AM |
Who should really be held accountable? |
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mike4306ls
Boyertown, PA
age: 43
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Its just life, We go through so many relationships from the time of adolesence. Think of all the friends, people we knew in life, all of it. People tend to hang on to good and disguard things which are not. Its in our nature to act like this as we go through life. The only times we will ever make, or let ourselves endure any kind of hardships is when we have some kind of investment involved.
The blame game is really never necessary. Where intimate relationships are concerned, its always the same. we are just throwing away yet another unwanted thing!
think about it!
[Edited 10/13/2008 9:42:04 AM]
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| 10/13/2008 9:38:03 AM |
Who should really be held accountable? |
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mike22304
Alexandria, VA
age: 62
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Excellent post OP.
You are correct people should step back and do some soul searching. Easier said than done. When people are hurt they are apt to project all the blame onto the other person instead of asking approprate questions about themselves. Why was I a jerk? What did I do to cause that situation?
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| 10/13/2008 9:38:03 AM |
Who should really be held accountable? |
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jerrig
Huntley, MT
age: 40 online now!
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The blame game is a part of the "mourning" we go through when a relationship has ended. A natural stage to be angry and point out all of the other persons faults. It makes it easier to accept the fact that the person is no longer a part of your life if you can convince yourself (and perhaps even others) of what a horrid person they were.
So... I would think that anyone who is still pointing fingers and calling names apparently still has a strong emotional attachment to their ex. They still have the need to justify the the situation and block any twinges of lingering pain which is a lot easier to do when you hide behind anger and hatred.
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| 10/13/2008 9:40:34 AM |
Who should really be held accountable? |
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enchanting63
Cincinnati, OH
age: 45 online now!
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If a person cheats on you then they are not a true believer in principles and there is little anyone can do to prevent them from cheating. We often fail to ask the tough questions the ones that require a lot of thought. There is little disagreement in what the principles of a relationship should be. There should be a belief in: fairness, kindness, dignity, charity, integrity, honesty, quality and patience. People may argue about how these principles are to be defined, interpreted and applied in real-life situations, but they generally agree about their inherent merit. They may not live in total accord with them, but they believe in them. Think what a relationship would be like with someone if they were unfair, worthless and full of deceit.
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| 10/13/2008 10:05:45 AM |
Who should really be held accountable? |
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wileyguy
Wilkes Barre, PA
age: 37
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Thanks for the comment..However I don't necessarily think that the end of all relationships means failure. How and why it ended depends on whether the two failed or not.
why are you contradicting yourself??? you made a very valid and true point above and now you are rescinding it?
besides death,there are 2 reasons a relationship end.
1.as stated in your first paragraph,simply stated.....we make a bad choice.
2.as stated in your second paragraph,we allow something to fail inside the relationship.we didnt meet their needs or they didn't meet ours.either way it is failure.one failed or the other or both.
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| 10/13/2008 10:11:15 AM |
Who should really be held accountable? |
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bekki08
Ridgeland, MS
age: 39
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why are you contradicting yourself??? you made a very valid and true point above and now you are rescinding it?
besides death,there are 2 reasons a relationship end.
1.as stated in your first paragraph,simply stated.....we make a bad choice.
2.as stated in your second paragraph,we allow something to fail inside the relationship.we didnt meet their needs or they didn't meet ours.either way it is failure.one failed or the other or both.
I was referring to people putting all the blame on the other person for being lied to, cheated on and so forth..not about relationships ending in general.
I was stating that people should take a took at why they were treated this way to begin with.
Excellent post OP.
You are correct people should step back and do some soul searching. Easier said than done. When people are hurt they are apt to project all the blame onto the other person instead of asking approprate questions about themselves. Why was I a jerk? What did I do to cause that situation?
Thanks Mike..this is exactly what I was referring to.
[Edited 10/13/2008 10:13:04 AM]
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