Dating Profiles "Children come First"

10/29/2008 9:42:35 PM	Dating Profiles "Children come First"
theodorebear Hopkinsville, KY 49, joined Jun. 2008	Have you ever noticed that some people put "My kids come first" or "will always come first" in their profile? Now, I have no problem with making sure a child has everything it needs, food, shelter, attention, love, etc. But putting that in your profile says to some "No matter what you do, you will never fit in with me and "MY" kids. You will always be an outsider." If one cannot see the value of the family UNIT and only value the children, then perhaps it's not a fair endeavor to date someone who's looking for someone to love that will love them back. Children can be selfish monsters at times and a parent that is so "child first" may not be able to see this. I prefer to keep moving along if I see this in a profile. Anyone else have a view on this? Meet singles at DateHookup.dating, we're 100% free! Join now!
10/29/2008 9:50:24 PM	Dating Profiles "Children come First"
nmorris Freeman, MO 47, joined Jul. 2008	I believe that if someone sees that you have children, they should automatically assume that your children come first...I don't have that on my profile, but my children will always come first...yes, I believe that I need to be happy, but if my children need me, then my thought is to be with them....maybe that's just me...
10/29/2008 9:53:15 PM	Dating Profiles "Children come First"
leftfooted West Covina, CA 57, joined Sep. 2008	more than one reason why people say children come first but you have narrowed it down to one,youre probally right its probally better for you to keep your distance from profiles that state that
10/29/2008 9:56:04 PM	Dating Profiles "Children come First"
theodorebear Hopkinsville, KY 49, joined Jun. 2008	Quote from nmorris:I believe that if someone sees that you have children, they should automatically assume that your children come first...I don't have that on my profile, but my children will always come first...yes, I believe that I need to be happy, but if my children need me, then my thought is to be with them....maybe that's just me... I am not referring to their needs being met, that is an understood given. What I am referring too is their obvious need to let their prospective significant other know that they will always play 2nd fiddle to someone else's kids. What the kids want comes first. Had a date planned? Kid decides pizza instead. Date broken for pizza because kids don't like new date, don't want him to come, etc. etc. I've SEEN this scenario play out many times. Mom's will try to find a man that their kids "like" as well as herself. Excuse me, not everyone can like the same person because of "personal differences". It's the mom that is steadfast and refuses to be bullied by "her kids" and gives the relationship a chance that otherwise would go down the drain because the kids didn't like him and "they come first".
10/29/2008 9:56:56 PM	Dating Profiles "Children come First"
kitise Greenwood, SC 38, joined Aug. 2008	any female with 5kids who needs to be clobbered with love by me
10/29/2008 9:57:44 PM	Dating Profiles "Children come First"
jalamb Tuscaloosa, AL 29, joined Sep. 2008	It does seem like a really cliche thing to say. No worries, though. If you have a kid/kids and we hook up and eventually have children, I'm not going to love yours near as much as mine But go ahead and take your precious child that comes before everything else to the park...I'll stay here and watch football. [Edited 10/29/2008 9:59:13 PM ]
10/29/2008 9:57:54 PM	Dating Profiles "Children come First"
italianlady05 Omaha, NE 61, joined Jul. 2007	oh boy theodore i sure agree with you..i've often wondered about that too....I think it's understood that your children mean the world to you but by stating that "they come first" makes me too feel like , well guess there won't be any room for me then.......and i move along. DITTO!
10/29/2008 10:00:34 PM	Dating Profiles "Children come First"
onesmartlady Huntington, NY 45, joined Oct. 2008	Quote from kitise: any female with 5kids who needs to be clobbered with love by me You are something else.
10/29/2008 10:09:49 PM	Dating Profiles "Children come First"
maryg2 Philadelphia, PA 46, joined Oct. 2008	i see where u r coming from with people stating that emphasis in profiles. i mean i have children and it's known in my profile but i dont think it's necessary to harp about it. anyone with kids shud put their kids first and foremost, it's just a given. although there r some a**holes in the world that don't. but to let children come before your partner shouldn't be the way either. your partner's relationship w u shuld be seperate but be able to mesh with u in your life as a whole cuz it is a part of one's life. and children shud never "rule the roost" so to speak. let children no matter what age speak their minds but not dictate. only spells trouble. and mixed families r always a challenge. been there and done that twice. learned a lot about myself dealing with those types of relationships w my kids and other's kids. it's not an easy task but im sure it can be a world of happiness if u make it happen. if "Kids" aren't a big part of what u r looking for, then i would just skip over it. cuz it can be a lot more work to make the relationship or marriage work down the road, but u have to be the type of person that is willing to handle and accept your new partner and them into your life full-time.
10/29/2008 10:13:13 PM	Dating Profiles "Children come First"
theodorebear Hopkinsville, KY 49, joined Jun. 2008	I have no problem with children. I love kids. Love to spoil them, help with homework, etc. Just don't care for that time bomb of the kid rebelling against the new situation and using mom's "kids come first" policy to derail the relationship with the couple.
10/29/2008 10:18:54 PM	Dating Profiles "Children come First"
drummaster777 Auburn, WA 41, joined Jan. 2008	Quote from theodorebear: Have you ever noticed that some people put "My kids come first" or "will always come first" in their profile? Now, I have no problem with making sure a child has everything it needs, food, shelter, attention, love, etc. But putting that in your profile says to some "No matter what you do, you will never fit in with me and "MY" kids. You will always be an outsider." If one cannot see the value of the family UNIT and only value the children, then perhaps it's not a fair endeavor to date someone who's looking for someone to love that will love them back. Children can be selfish monsters at times and a parent that is so "child first" may not be able to see this. I prefer to keep moving along if I see this in a profile. Anyone else have a view on this? I totally agree. And then these single moms can't figure out why they can't find anyone. They're the ones with the baggage and they're already trying to control things and dictate the relationship. Most guys are just going to move on. [Edited 10/29/2008 10:24:03 PM ]
10/29/2008 10:21:56 PM	Dating Profiles "Children come First"
amethist Chickasha, OK 44, joined Jun. 2007	I have kids and I have said they come first, but there is no way my kids are going to tell me who I can and can't see. My mom made the misstake of letting me and my brother do that to her. My kids will get taken care of and get what they need and only some of what they want. I have a son that wants everything and I wont spoil a child like that, because then when he grows up he will think everything should just be given to him and that he doesn't have to work for anything in life. I'm talking to a guy right now and we plan on meeting sometime soon and if my son had his way, I'd never get to see where things may go with this man, all because my son doesn't want me to date him because he has kids of his own. My son seems to think that means he wont get any attention at all.
10/29/2008 10:35:13 PM	Dating Profiles "Children come First"
faithj85 Newaygo, MI 31, joined Oct. 2008	Wow Drummaster777 ----I totally agree. And then these single moms can't figure out why they can't find anyone. They're the ones with the baggage and they're already trying to control things and dictate the relationship. Most guys are just going to move on.----------- O.k. here we have another male specimen that considers kids baggage... OUCH so wrong.. O.k. yes, my son is the number one thing in my life, but my man will always be right next to him. and so will other kids I have later in life. Only when you have a child can you truly understand why we say that. I am not being controlling. But I want my man to know that my kid is ONE of the MOST important things in my life, but yet so is he. and if a man moves on because of this then it wasn't meant to be.. and your loss.
10/29/2008 10:36:34 PM	Dating Profiles "Children come First"
junkyardhack Ocala, FL 47, joined Oct. 2008	I thought sex came first then come the children.
10/29/2008 10:41:54 PM	Dating Profiles "Children come First"
forever4 Victoria Australia 55, joined May. 2008	Im very lukey as both Of us have children
10/29/2008 10:50:15 PM	Dating Profiles "Children come First"
zeanah Clarion, PA 57, joined Dec. 2007	Men have said this also...and I know from experience. Several men I have met made it perfectly clear that any woman they date will have to accept "that my kids come first". I met a man and we had dinner together, had a nice evening and decided on a second date. He came to pick me up and we decided to stay at my house and watch the football game. He was so preoccupied, called his daughters while he was here, then left early because he said he felt guilty he was not at home with them. They were 18 & 21!!!! He said when he left, he didn't make dinner for them and they'd have to do it by themselves. I asked him what they were making and he said "Hamburger Helper"! He said he always makes them dinner. Then he calls me a few more times and made the decision, he was not going to go on anymore dates because he needed to be "available" to his daughters. Men have it in their profiles too. It does make you think that they will break dates and not be very available to date when they state that in their profile. Hey, I love my kids more than anything in the world! I dated while they were growing up and they adjusted and loved having baby sitters, going to grandma's or with their Dad. They are well adjusted, successful adults now and never were upset I dated. They knew I loved them and told them, I'd never allow anyone to come between us. Of course they are priority, but some people allow the kids to rule their private lives. I stay clear of those profiles! "Z"
10/29/2008 10:54:32 PM	Dating Profiles "Children come First"
moraldk325 State College, PA 52, joined Aug. 2008	Not that I am a big fan of religion, but for those who are...I believe it hints at the proper order of importance in a family...and a husband and wife (or mates) should put each other first, as they can have other children. The union of man and woman is a HOLY one. The relationship between parent and sibling isn't. I could be off base, here...but it's food for thought.
10/29/2008 10:57:41 PM	Dating Profiles "Children come First"
cdl_lady Robeline, LA 68, joined Oct. 2008	"Putting my Child first" should be every parent's pledge! Why? Because I learned the hard way that there are too many pedophiles in society nowadays that pretend to love the woman when they deliberately chose her in order to violate her children! They will always declare that the children are telling lies because the 'little rugrats' or 'mouthy teens' are 'just trying to break us up'! Even if a woman does not get tricked into marrying a pedophile, most men will NOT be kind compassionate 'Father substitutes' for their children. I wished I had controlled my sexuality better until my child was out of high school. My circumstances and experiences are not that rare. You can confirm this danger with any state or federal law agency. Our society has become too jaded and evil the past 30 years! If a Mother cannot afford a background check on her dates/live-ins or future husbands, she and her children are better off if she puts her life on hold. When we bring a child into the world, we must make their welfare our upmost priority. Unless domestic violence, drug &/or alcohol abuse, or a gambling addiction is a factor, there is a lot of merit to the old tradition of 'staying together for the sake of the children' in my opinion. [Edited 10/29/2008 11:27:48 PM ]
10/29/2008 11:03:59 PM	Dating Profiles "Children come First"
theodorebear Hopkinsville, KY 49, joined Jun. 2008	Quote from cdl_lady: "Putting my Child first" should be every parent's pledge! Why? Because I learned the hard way that there are too many pedophiles in society nowadays that pretend to love the woman when they deliberately chose her in order to violate her children! They will always declare that the children are telling lies because the 'little rugrats' or 'mouthy teens' are 'just trying to break us up'! Even if a woman does not get tricked into marrying a pedophile, most men will NOT be kind compassionate 'Father substitutes' for their children. I wished I had controlled my sexuality better until my child was out of high school. My circumstances and experiences are not that rare. You can confirm this danger with any state or federal law agency. Our society has become too jaded and evil the past 30 years! If a Mother cannot afford a background check on her dates/live-ins or future husbands, she and her children are better off if she puts her life on hold. When we bring a child into the world, we must make their welfare our upmost priority. Unless domestic violence, drug &/or alcohol abuse, or a gambling addiction as a factor, there is a lot of merit to the old tradition of 'staying together for the sake of the children' in my opinion. Stating the obvious is a stupid ploy that should be met with disdaine.
10/29/2008 11:24:40 PM	Dating Profiles "Children come First"
cdl_lady Robeline, LA 68, joined Oct. 2008	theodorebear, I do not understand your comment “Stating the obvious is a stupid ploy that should be met with disdaine.” There are very few in our society, which are aware of the dangers I mentioned! Please explain your comment further because I do not perceive anything as ‘obvious’ in what I shared--- in order to help you understand ‘why’ Mothers must put their children first. I would hope that everyone would look down on all pedophiles with disdain.
10/29/2008 11:33:41 PM	Dating Profiles "Children come First"
theodorebear Hopkinsville, KY 49, joined Jun. 2008	theodorebear, I do not understand your comment “Stating the obvious is a stupid ploy that should be met with disdaine.” There are very few in our society, which are aware of the dangers I mentioned! Please explain your comment further because I do not perceive anything as ‘obvious’ in what I shared--- in order to help you understand ‘why’ Mothers must put their children first. I would hope that everyone would look down on all pedophiles with disdain. ok, not everyone is a pedophile. It's the over-worriers that make it impossible for good people to find good people. They usually avoid children altogether because of that very reason. As for your answer to your question. If you say something that is already known, you call your listener stupid and make them think you are.
10/29/2008 11:51:36 PM	Dating Profiles "Children come First"
lbritth Northridge, CA 38, joined Aug. 2008	the problem is that a lot of people look for a new daddy/mommy for their kids. Get the REAL daddy to take care of your kids. Their kids is none of my concern. I could never be with a man that has little kids, ex's drama, little ragrats screaming, etc. If kids are grown and out of the house then it's fine. There are men and women that pop up kids every year from different dads/moms, so instead of using protection they reproduce like rats and then look for someone to raise their kids and love them like his/her own. LOL PHLEAZZZE. My son has a wonderful dad and sees him every day, i love my son more then anything but it doesn't mean that i don't have time for my man. We have lots of fun, spend time together, etc, and he knows he's appreciated. I can't stand people that think that a new person in their life should suit and fit their kids. Order Santa Claus for them. A man/woman in your life is not there to entertain your kids. One thing is to be nice to the kids but it doesn't mean to become a daddy/mommy for their kids. Hell no.
10/30/2008 12:00:45 AM	Dating Profiles "Children come First"
cassidy1 Port Angeles, WA 35, joined Jun. 2008	Quote from theodorebear: Quote from nmorris:I believe that if someone sees that you have children, they should automatically assume that your children come first...I don't have that on my profile, but my children will always come first...yes, I believe that I need to be happy, but if my children need me, then my thought is to be with them....maybe that's just me... I am not referring to their needs being met, that is an understood given. What I am referring too is their obvious need to let their prospective significant other know that they will always play 2nd fiddle to someone else's kids. What the kids want comes first. Had a date planned? Kid decides pizza instead. Date broken for pizza because kids don't like new date, don't want him to come, etc. etc. I've SEEN this scenario play out many times. Mom's will try to find a man that their kids "like" as well as herself. Excuse me, not everyone can like the same person because of "personal differences". It's the mom that is steadfast and refuses to be bullied by "her kids" and gives the relationship a chance that otherwise would go down the drain because the kids didn't like him and "they come first". they probily was with someone before that was selfish and would throw fits if they had to take care of something with there kids and not them when they want the attention at that time for axample kid wakes up from bad dream you r about to get it on and she gets up to take care of her kid and you throw a baby fit that she is goetting her clothes on to take care of him or her and you try to make her feel bad for it i can come up with a thousand axample for why they would put that. they do not put that to say you cant fit in but some people do not have that common since and they have probily delt with someone like that. they are just being cousous ........thats my opinion [Edited 10/30/2008 12:04:58 AM ]
10/30/2008 12:11:05 AM	Dating Profiles "Children come First"
usakindatheart Overton, TX 55, joined Mar. 2008	op, alot of people have your monster view of children, that is why they have decided to become a NON FATHER also if the careless mistake was made, and an innocent child was born from his f**king some woman.. these men usually hit the road and another loving man who has enough love to love someone Else's child and become that role model, so that child can be raised to emulate luckily comes along. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ when you see that women put that so upsetting "line" in their profile and say basically that there sole job up to this point has been to be the main love and caretaker of the children.. they are telling the perspective date the truth... don't like, click to the next one... its that simple... you should put in your profile, not looking to date women with kids that should cut out alot of wasted time on your part. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ good luck and happy hunting on dh for women with out kids born to them. [Edited 10/30/2008 12:11:51 AM ]
10/30/2008 12:16:07 AM	Dating Profiles "Children come First"
geordieindahous Northumberland United Kingdom 47, joined Oct. 2008	this is a tricky one as I have children and I do tell people that my children are my world and that if they cannot accept them then they are no good with me, i have been with girls who knew i had children but once with me wanted me to have nothing to do with tem, they expected me to disown them so i make a point of telling people that my kids mean a lot to me so that if they get with me or get on with me that they know I will not neglect my kids, it does not mean that I wil not give them the attention they need but just to make sure they understand my kids are part of my life too
10/30/2008 12:28:57 AM	Dating Profiles "Children come First"
countrysweets19 Lexington, KY 27, joined Sep. 2008	Children should come first.. In just a dating relationship my son will always come first that won't change. When it comes to marriage it changes things a little but he will still come before my husband just because of the simple fact that he is my child and needs me. I'm not saying that if the child was a spoiled brat that wanted the parents attention that should be done. That's a completely different issue.
10/30/2008 12:30:49 AM	Dating Profiles "Children come First"
theodorebear Hopkinsville, KY 49, joined Jun. 2008	Quote from usakindatheart:op, alot of people have your monster view of children, that is why they have decided to become a NON FATHER also if the careless mistake was made, and an innocent child was born from his f**king some woman.. these men usually hit the road and another loving man who has enough love to love someone Else's child and become that role model, so that child can be raised to emulate luckily comes along. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ when you see that women put that so upsetting "line" in their profile and say basically that there sole job up to this point has been to be the main love and caretaker of the children.. they are telling the perspective date the truth... don't like, click to the next one... its that simple... you should put in your profile, not looking to date women with kids that should cut out alot of wasted time on your part. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ good luck and happy hunting on dh for women with out kids born to them. If you had taken the time to read further instead of being a complete ass, you would have seen where I said I LOVE KIDS. So cool your jets. What I am referring to is information that is UN-NECESSARY other than to say "you know what, I have kids and you will always take a back seat to them and never be important to me.". If they don't think a person as important as a significant other, perhaps they don't need one.
10/30/2008 12:39:33 AM	Dating Profiles "Children come First"
cassidy1 Port Angeles, WA 35, joined Jun. 2008	acually you just proved what i said they put it there becouse they have delt with someone who did not care about the kids and only there self they are not looking well most arnt looking for someone eles to take care of there kids for them but they have delt with someone who was completly selfish so they are trying to weed out those ones
10/30/2008 12:53:08 AM	Dating Profiles "Children come First"
drummaster777 Auburn, WA 41, joined Jan. 2008	Quote from faithj85: Wow Drummaster777 ----I totally agree. And then these single moms can't figure out why they can't find anyone. They're the ones with the baggage and they're already trying to control things and dictate the relationship. Most guys are just going to move on.----------- O.k. here we have another male specimen that considers kids baggage... OUCH so wrong.. O.k. yes, my son is the number one thing in my life, but my man will always be right next to him. and so will other kids I have later in life. Only when you have a child can you truly understand why we say that. I am not being controlling. But I want my man to know that my kid is ONE of the MOST important things in my life, but yet so is he. and if a man moves on because of this then it wasn't meant to be.. and your loss. Don't worry everyone. I took faith in the back and set her straight.
10/30/2008 1:14:59 AM	Dating Profiles "Children come First"
gumaro Calexico, CA 49, joined Oct. 2008	Men have said this also...and I know from experience. Several men I have met made it perfectly clear that any woman they date will have to accept "that my kids come first". I met a man and we had dinner together, had a nice evening and decided on a second date. He came to pick me up and we decided to stay at my house and watch the football game. He was so preoccupied, called his daughters while he was here, then left early because he said he felt guilty he was not at home with them. They were 18 & 21!!!! He said when he left, he didn't make dinner for them and they'd have to do it by themselves. I asked him what they were making and he said "Hamburger Helper"! He said he always makes them dinner. Then he calls me a few more times and made the decision, he was not going to go on anymore dates because he needed to be "available" to his daughters. Men have it in their profiles too. It does make you think that they will break dates and not be very available to date when they state that in their profile. Hey, I love my kids more than anything in the world! I dated while they were growing up and they adjusted and loved having baby sitters, going to grandma's or with their Dad. They are well adjusted, successful adults now and never were upset I dated. They knew I loved them and told them, I'd never allow anyone to come between us. Of course they are priority, but some people allow the kids to rule their private lives. I stay clear of those profiles! "Z" YOU RIGHT ON THE TARGET, I LIKE TO ADD, THAT ...YES,,,,I DO KNOW THAT ANY SPOUSES KIDS COMES FIRST.... "BUT I WILL DISAGREE" IF HER KIDS OR MY PARTNER ARE NOT A GOOD CHOICE OR ABUSERS, (COULD BE FOR EITHER PARTY, MAN, WOMAN, KIDS) I WILL NO HAVE ANY PROBLEM ACEEPTING MY PARTNER "KID'S".....HOWEVER I HAVE A 20 YEARS OLD GIRL AND A 18 YRS. BOY,,,,,,,AND THEY REALLY HAVE A MIND OF THEIR OWN......AN TRUST ME ON THIS,,,,,I WORK AS MANY PEOPLE HERE,,,VERY HARD TO FULL FILL ALL THEIR NEEDS,,,BUT YOU KNOW WHAT...ONE WAY OR THE OTHER THEY STILL MOAN AND B*TCH,,,,ABOUT SOMETHING THAT THEY DON'T HAVE.....(JUST FOR THE RECORD...WE'RE THE SAME WAY WITH OUR PARENTS) SO BOTTOM LINE IF GET INVOLVED WITH A WOMAN WITH KIDS,,,I DO ACCEPT THEM WITHOUT ANY DOUBT,,,BUT I WILL NOT IF THEY ARE JEULOUSY PERSONS, BUMS, DRUG ADDCTS ETC,ETC,. AND I'M NOT EXPECTING MY NEW PARTNER TO PUT UP WITH THE SAME FROM MY KIDS. I GUESS THAT WHENT YOUR ARE ON A RELATION AND KIDS ARE ON THE SCENE,,,,THERE SHOULD BE PLENTY OF TIME TO EVALUATED THE RELATION AND MAKE A CHOICE.......YOU STAY,,,,OR YOU WALK WAY...I THINK THAT NOBODY HERE WANTS TO BE SECOND, AND ACTUALLY THERE SHOULD NOT BE #'S ONLY THE EFFORTS TO CREATE A BETTER LIVING ENVIROMENT,,,FOR EVERYBODY. I CAN CARE LESS IF YOUR KIDS ARE ON THE PROFILE,,,,THERE SHOULD BE PLENTY OF TIME AS I SAID BEFORE......IF YOU KIDS OR MINE ARE WORTH TO BE PUT ON FIRST. THANKS FOR LET ME EXPRESS.
10/30/2008 1:23:47 AM	Dating Profiles "Children come First"
gumaro Calexico, CA 49, joined Oct. 2008	lbritth VERY GOOD,,,,,,WISH MORE PEOPLE WILL UNDERTSATND THIS, AS YOU STATED AND SAME GOES TO MANS THAT MARRIED AND GOT TO KEEP THE KIDS......DON'T EXPECT SANTA TO GIVE YOU SPOUSE EITHER.
10/30/2008 1:46:02 AM	Dating Profiles "Children come First"
mikey2k Miami, FL 51, joined Jun. 2008	IMO, life is a balancing act. And yes, for any single parent, their children wellbeing will be their first priority. But, we dont have to say it out loud, just like you have mentioned, I agree . Point taken on my side for sure for future reference.
10/30/2008 9:00:24 AM	Dating Profiles "Children come First"
firenwater Newport News, VA 47, joined Oct. 2008	quote from "geordieindahous Northumberland United Kingdom age: 40 online now! view all: posts \| threads joined: Oct. 2008 this is a tricky one as I have children and I do tell people that my children are my world and that if they cannot accept them then they are no good with me, i have been with girls who knew i had children but once with me wanted me to have nothing to do with tem, they expected me to disown them so i make a point of telling people that my kids mean a lot to me so that if they get with me or get on with me that they know I will not neglect my kids, it does not mean that I wil not give them the attention they need but just to make sure they understand my kids are part of my life too" I have seen this happen a LOT too...sad to say I have only seen women do it (my own mother to my stepdad is one), no men although I am sure that happens. When I've seen someone say their children come first, I try and remember that maybe someone has tried to get them to ignore their kids...get to know a person and find out why and what
10/30/2008 9:49:24 AM	Dating Profiles "Children come First"
cdl_lady Robeline, LA 68, joined Oct. 2008	Theodorebear, I'm sorry that you misunderstood the core of my reply to you RE: "Why Children Should Be First" in any dating relationship. I was not personally attacking your character. You asked a question of ‘Why” women put their children first and I gave you a candid answer. If you doubt me, please contact your Victim’s Program with your local law enforcement agency, or District Attorney’s Office, or any Rape Crisis Center. The stats are appalling! The majority of pedophiles are very shrewd at disguising themselves as ‘Pillars of the Community’! Many leaders in our communities, our churches, our schools, our Congress, and our youth organizations have been exposed as pedophiles. Although women can be pedophiles too, the majority are indeed males. I simply answered your inquiry, while warning women with non-teen children to hold off on dating--- unless they have the funds to conduct a through background search. In criminal justice stats, it is a fact that if either gender has reached age 12 without being violated--- they typically will NOT become a pedophile’s victim before reaching age 18. The exception is girls between the ages of 12-21 because although they may have escaped being victimized by a pedophile, their risk of ‘date rape’ in their teen years and ‘fraternity party’ rapes at college remains extremely high. Please accept this Grandmother’s grain of wisdom from life experiences and from my field of study with the Texas A&M system. I have no hidden motive, nor was my intent to offend you personally. I simply gave a candid reply to your inquiry. I wish you well in your search for happiness.
10/30/2008 9:53:12 AM	Dating Profiles "Children come First"
arkansasnman Fayetteville, AR 53, joined Sep. 2008	It's amazing to me that someone hasn't pointed this out.....two things actually. "Coming first" doesn't (or "shouldn't" anyway) mean inconsiderate acts based on the whims of a child. Basic manners and treatment of another person should prevent that. Children may not like Mom or Dad going out sometimes......but I'm sure they don't like eating their veggies either.......tough....they're kids. Secondly, "family" should come first.........until the prospective mate becomes part of the family, then REAL decisions SHOULD be about the children. The key is establishing PRIOR to entering the family exactly what needs to take place and what the expectations are. That's just being responsible and intelligent on the part of the adults.
10/30/2008 10:03:52 AM	Dating Profiles "Children come First"
cdl_lady Robeline, LA 68, joined Oct. 2008	I concur with arkansasnman.
10/30/2008 10:11:58 AM	Dating Profiles "Children come First"
bobbieforforums Poultney, VT 45, joined Sep. 2008	honestly im sure they dont say that with the intention of offending. i think they feel like they should mention this just because of a man or woman that may not be interested in dating someone with children. i have children and when i was looking didnt put that on my profile. i have dated someone in the past that didnt get that i had a child and thought they were the only one that needed my attention. so i can understand both sides of this. jmo
10/30/2008 10:19:21 AM	Dating Profiles "Children come First"
sharolas Elk Grove Village, IL 46, joined Jul. 2008	Quote from arkansasnman: It's amazing to me that someone hasn't pointed this out.....two things actually. "Coming first" doesn't (or "shouldn't" anyway) mean inconsiderate acts based on the whims of a child. Basic manners and treatment of another person should prevent that. Children may not like Mom or Dad going out sometimes......but I'm sure they don't like eating their veggies either.......tough....they're kids. Secondly, "family" should come first.........until the prospective mate becomes part of the family, then REAL decisions SHOULD be about the children. The key is establishing PRIOR to entering the family exactly what needs to take place and what the expectations are. That's just being responsible and intelligent on the part of the adults. Very well said.
10/30/2008 10:53:25 AM	Dating Profiles "Children come First"
mikewheels312 Lewistown, PA 45, joined Aug. 2008	I'd prefer that my prospective date not have children, at least not living at home with her. Because if she has children, then that will mean that she will not have time to spend with me, and help me with the things I need help with. I'll give you an excellent example. I had a caregiver that brought her YOUNG children to work one night. And she chased those damn kids around my apartment more than she helped me. And on another occassion (sp), I spent the night in my wheelchair, because she didn't come help me get in bed. And when she came in the next morning, I made sure she saw me sitting in my chair, so I sat in front of the window that I knew she would walk in front of. And when she came in, she asked me who helped me get in bed, and I told her nobody came to help me get in bed. Needless to say, she was fired later that day.
10/30/2008 10:54:02 AM	Dating Profiles "Children come First"
lobo_corazon Orleans, ON 47, joined May. 2008	Quote from nmorris: I believe that if someone sees that you have children, they should automatically assume that your children come first...I don't have that on my profile, but my children will always come first...yes, I believe that I need to be happy, but if my children need me, then my thought is to be with them....maybe that's just me... This mostly sums up my thoughts on it. I would never expect a mom to put me before her kids, especially if they were our kids. Anything the kids truly need, they get (not necessarily everything they want though. It should go without saying, and the extra emphasis in a dating profile would make me wonder if there is room in her life for a guy. That's not to say it isn't worth finding out first-hand though! The great thing about love is that it isn't used up when you give it to someone - There's always more to spread around! [Edited 10/30/2008 10:55:35 AM ]
10/30/2008 11:35:44 AM	Dating Profiles "Children come First"
wolfi Albuquerque, NM 51, joined Jan. 2008	The OP's first instinct is, as first instincts usually are, correct. Children should come first. Their real dad should be with them. But he's not. Mom has noticed that this is kinda difficult and expensive to do by yourself, so she looks for a wallet with legs (aka 'Mr. Right') online. Not brain surgery......
10/30/2008 11:58:15 AM	Dating Profiles "Children come First"
maryg2 Philadelphia, PA 46, joined Oct. 2008	i already posted once on this but reading some of the other answers i have to say that if i say "children come first" it shouldn't be misconstrued as "i want a daddy for my kid" type thing. that's a misconception, although i know there r people out there that may be looking to fill that void. its not a healthy void cuz it could set up for disappointment if that void isn't filled and u may just become resentful about it. i look at it as my kids r my kids that i brought into this world w another person at one time and I and their father has a duty to be there for whatever they need from us as parents. if one of doesn't do that for our child, then shame on us. being single and having children and being involved w another that's not their parent hopefully is only a bonus w the right intentions and can make it a happy thing. not to fill any roles. all i ask is be nice to my children and be respectful of them. not too much to ask. if not, keep moving. as i would be towards their kids. but it's something u work out over time. ive learned from experience that looking for a "fill-in" for a role of a parent is not the way to go. u place too high of expectations on it and it can get complicated and then places the relationship in a difficult spot. although i know it is hard for single parents to want that void filled cuz their children r important to them and they want someone to love them and be there for them just as much esp. if the other parent isn't fulfilling it. but just don't place too high of an expectation is all im saying sorry so long again, ...tend to get carried away a little...
10/30/2008 12:16:34 PM	Dating Profiles "Children come First"
artsy66 Somerset, KY 49, joined May. 2008	The OP's first instinct is, as first instincts usually are, correct. Children should come first. Their real dad should be with them. But he's not. Mom has noticed that this is kinda difficult and expensive to do by yourself, so she looks for a wallet with legs (aka 'Mr. Right') online. Not brain surgery...... ***************************************************************************************** most women dont think this way he is just being a jerk. i raised my kids alone, i dated and whoevr i was with knew my kids needs came first. there is no mr. right cause everyone has a flaw somewhere. and i raised my kids on my money not mr. rights
10/30/2008 12:24:03 PM	Dating Profiles "Children come First"
clubkid66 Brooklyn, NY 49, joined Mar. 2008	Your children should come first but a man doesn't want to be treated as a walking wallet who can be kicked to the curb on a whim. No man should date a woman with kids if she can't take care of them because she may be the mother of his kids but he is not going to put up with a woman who treats him like an accessory and kids who are spoiled. No woman would do that for a man if the position was reversed.
10/30/2008 1:45:21 PM	Dating Profiles "Children come First"
mikewheels312 Lewistown, PA 45, joined Aug. 2008	I posted on this one already as well. But, I do want to clarify something. If a potential date of mine has a teenaged son/daughter who has moved out of the house (gone to college), then I will date her. For example, I had an email from a lady who wanted to know more about me, and I told her where I lived and I told her where I was born and raised. I read her profile, and it said that she did have children, but they were over 18. So, I assume that meant that he/she is in college.
10/30/2008 2:01:48 PM	Dating Profiles "Children come First"
evileddy Ottawa, ON 43, joined Jan. 2008	My life comes first, b*tch.
10/30/2008 2:08:23 PM	Dating Profiles "Children come First"
steve_c420 Greenville, NC 36, joined Sep. 2008	Quote from theodorebear: Have you ever noticed that some people put "My kids come first" or "will always come first" in their profile? Now, I have no problem with making sure a child has everything it needs, food, shelter, attention, love, etc. But putting that in your profile says to some "No matter what you do, you will never fit in with me and "MY" kids. You will always be an outsider." If one cannot see the value of the family UNIT and only value the children, then perhaps it's not a fair endeavor to date someone who's looking for someone to love that will love them back. Children can be selfish monsters at times and a parent that is so "child first" may not be able to see this. I prefer to keep moving along if I see this in a profile. Anyone else have a view on this? honestly i think kids should come first. i wont date a girl if her kids refuse to like me, cause when kids get involved your not just dating their mom. eventualy you'd have to meet and interact with them, their home life needs to be stable, and comfortable, not tense and unwelcoming.
10/30/2008 6:21:12 PM	Dating Profiles "Children come First"
zeanah Clarion, PA 57, joined Dec. 2007	When I decided to date, my kids were pre teens...I sat them down and had a talk with them. It was very simple...Of course my children always got respect from me, but they knew, I was the boss of my household. I told them my situation as a single woman and that I would be dating, but not to worry, I loved them more than anything and I would let no man treat me or them without respect.I also did not bring home men I didn't know for very long. My children knew not to infringe on my persnal life unless they had a problem with something or the man in my life. Then I told them to always feel free to come to me and we'd discuss it. I guess I got lucky because all the men I dated respected my children and did not cause me any problems. The men knew I had to go to their activities, so they just went along with me and actually got into all the sporting events my children participated in. I also gave him alone time with me.In turn, my children respected the men because they knew I'd be on their azz lickity split. It would not matter who it was, any adult was to be respected by my children. Also....I never let a man I dated alone with my children. I was always around and aware of what was going on. Men didn't want to be alone with my daughters in fear of retaliational remarks and I didn't blame them. I thought that was quite smart on their part. I would get a chuckle out of the men I dated after my son got older, in his late teens and even now that he is in the military. They seem afraid of what my son may think of them, what he may say to them or how he will preceive this man with his mother. I knew my son watched these men and had an opinion and we talked about it. I always kept the lines of communicaton open for their opinion, however, it was always my final decision that mattered and I did what I felt as an adult women. Men liked my kids because they did not interfere or make demands on me that were unreasonable. It is the parents who cater to their childs every whim or whine and they allow the guilt to make their personal life decisions for them, that is what I think the OP is talking about.Children will play the guilt card if given the chance. You just have to know the difference and live your life as an adult. That is good role modeling for your children. The mother or father need to be the parent and make decisions, not the child. I feel for those who have had bad experiences, for whatever reason. It's tough ,but it is possible and can be done the right way and all involved can be okay with it. You just have to be stronger and smarter than the kid, but let them know, THEY are always your priority, regardless if you are a single parent dating. "Z"...just my opinion on my experience!
10/31/2008 11:58:24 PM	Dating Profiles "Children come First"
cdl_lady Robeline, LA 68, joined Oct. 2008	Amen! You go Girl! You told him like it should be! Anyone who calls children 'monsters' should NEVER date a woman with children! And the man who thinks of children in that way should get a Vasectomy!
10/31/2008 11:59:43 PM	Dating Profiles "Children come First"
cdl_lady Robeline, LA 68, joined Oct. 2008	Ba Humbug! Fellas you sound like you are still in high school!
11/1/2008 12:14:20 AM	Dating Profiles "Children come First"
alluringsmiles Prairieville, LA 45, joined Oct. 2008	My children are my world, but that does not mean I will allow them to make me miserable or lonely. I have lived with someone who has children and love his children dearly. He wanted his kids to have different rules than mine and that isnt the way it should be. Same rules across the board. Secondly, he got upset when I saw that our kids were fed before him. Not mine... OURS. He thinks that he should be first... not our 4 children who live with us. He wants all the attention; when you have kids, especially his son who is autistic, you just cant take the attention from the kids to the significant other all the time. Your time has to be separated.
11/1/2008 12:23:33 AM	Dating Profiles "Children come First"
single_tnlady Athens, TN 30, joined Jul. 2008	I have two children myself. The reason why people but that there is because men forget that they can't just drop everything and go be with a man at that time. I have had that happen numerous times. It's not a red flag but kids are very needy and if a man can't understand that then there is no need to even try..... JMO
11/1/2008 9:18:50 AM	Dating Profiles "Children come First"
kitise Greenwood, SC 38, joined Aug. 2008	kids come first..thats y dating a woman with kids is a no go zone.
11/1/2008 9:40:09 AM	Dating Profiles "Children come First"
stellablu Saint Louis, MO 58, joined Dec. 2007	Quote from evileddy: My life comes first, b*tch. My life comes first, kids....now that you are grown.
11/1/2008 9:51:43 AM	Dating Profiles "Children come First"
taurusboy1 Fayette City, PA 61, joined Dec. 2007	put yourself in the kid's place,,,,they grow up thinking that mommy would rather screw strangers and leave them with a baby sitter than spend time with them,,,,,i deal with these type of children and their hate lasts forever.....most will come out and say that mommy is a drunk and a wh*re........
11/1/2008 10:43:49 AM	Dating Profiles "Children come First"
klassyklown Bakersfield, CA 47, joined Feb. 2007	When it comes to being in a relationship and having children from another person, things can be very snsitive. It is difficult to treat someone elsee's children as your own. I have known a few men who did that very well, but I have also known some men and women who treated their step kids very poorly. I think women who put that on their profile have guilt and they want to protect their children. I would never allow someone to mistreat my kids, and that has never been an issue in any of my relationships, so I don't feel the need to pu tthat out there, but maybe some women have and do.
11/1/2008 11:13:22 AM	Dating Profiles "Children come First"
theodorebear Hopkinsville, KY 49, joined Jun. 2008	Quote from cdl_lady: Amen! You go Girl! You told him like it should be! Anyone who calls children 'monsters' should NEVER date a woman with children! And the man who thinks of children in that way should get a Vasectomy! And you should stop judging people you don't know. I never said I hated kids, in fact, quite the contrary SEVERAL TIMES. It's busy-body, man-hating, bitter, spider-web crotched people like you that make finding a good, decent, honorable person FOR BOTH GENDERS. You come in this thread with your mealy mouth and your holier than thou attitude and don't even understand the question. You would rather hang on ONE WORD than see the overall meaning that was explained. YES some children can be monsters about some things because some children have no patience and only know what they want, reguardless of it's impact on other people. It's how they are raised that make them assets to a potential relationship or a stumbling block. After viewing your trollish post it is VERY clear that you are not here to date, you are here to be a pest and prevent anyone else from dating. IN FACT, I doubt very seriously your status as a lady AT ALL. I think you're a fat fingered trucker laying in a berth at a truckstop someplace taking out your road rage on the good ppl of this forum.
11/1/2008 11:15:31 AM	Dating Profiles "Children come First"
mikewheels312 Lewistown, PA 45, joined Aug. 2008	Quote from taurusboy1: put yourself in the kid's place,,,,they grow up thinking that mommy would rather screw strangers and leave them with a baby sitter than spend time with them,,,,,i deal with these type of children and their hate lasts forever.....most will come out and say that mommy is a drunk and a wh*re........ All of my caregivers have kids, and the ones with really young kids tell me that the reason they are quitting is because their kids are always complaining about them being away from them for so long, which is really sad, because I usually like the ones who have young kids.
11/1/2008 11:23:05 AM	Dating Profiles "Children come First"
lust4love Atco, NJ 45, joined Sep. 2007	Quote from theodorebear: Have you ever noticed that some people put "My kids come first" or "will always come first" in their profile? Now, I have no problem with making sure a child has everything it needs, food, shelter, attention, love, etc. But putting that in your profile says to some "No matter what you do, you will never fit in with me and "MY" kids. You will always be an outsider." If one cannot see the value of the family UNIT and only value the children, then perhaps it's not a fair endeavor to date someone who's looking for someone to love that will love them back. Children can be selfish monsters at times and a parent that is so "child first" may not be able to see this. I prefer to keep moving along if I see this in a profile. Anyone else have a view on this? Yeah I feel the same way when I see that in a profile.Some actually mean it ,some dont. It just one of those thing women say.It usually means Im too cheap to hire a babysitter so the kids are coming on the Rated PG date.
11/1/2008 11:24:56 AM	Dating Profiles "Children come First"
theodorebear Hopkinsville, KY 49, joined Jun. 2008	Quote from cdl_lady: Ba Humbug! Fellas you sound like you are still in high school!

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