| 12/14/2008 7:58:39 AM |
For the Women in General,Help! |
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garnetlady
Cincinnati, OH
age: 48
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Your friend sounds overly sensitive because of the past...the ex calling her names. However I don't think you would be disrespectful and the word 'big' seems quite harmless. What you did do when mentioning it was reel her back to that time and place where the ex was cruel. It can be a sensitive subject for some but I can't see where you did anything wrong.
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| 12/14/2008 8:15:51 AM |
For the Women in General,Help! |
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clarity101
Aurora, CO
age: 57
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Therefore, if someone describes me as "big", I suppose it is their perogative. But when I personally think of a BBM or BBW I am thinking obese, which I am not. I would describe myself as the profile indicates, a few extra pounds. A little pudgy but no obese.
BBM or BBW is what it is. BIG...not average...lol
i guess i will always refer to myself as BBW. that denotes to me that i am a big beautiful woman...larger than average, a few or more than a few extra pounds, healthy not obese.
obesity denotes to me someone who may be 100lbs or more and not healthy. 
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| 12/14/2008 8:20:28 AM |
For the Women in General,Help! |
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lnlass
Laguna Niguel, CA
age: 51
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See, "big' means different things to different folks. To me big is generally "obese" but another connotation I think of is very tall like Amazon and full figured, not obese.
Clearly above poster by my definition is a few extra pounds, but a cutie nonetheless like yours truly.
So, alot depends on what meaning a word carries to the person being described...
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| 12/14/2008 8:40:20 AM |
For the Women in General,Help! |
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foxy_woman_49
Omaha, NE
age: 50
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Never call a woman "Big" unless your talking about her big boobs
How can you forget that she gets upset by this?
ya bad boy come here and take your spanking
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| 12/14/2008 8:51:33 AM |
For the Women in General,Help! |
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usakindatheart
Overton, TX
age: 48
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you know i would call her and ask her a question...like this..
hi... ____. I want to ask your advice... if you were describing a woman who has more weight
then what the "average" is posted... what would be the proper word to describe her,
that would not hurt her feelings...
see what she says... then from then on you will know what word to use around her.
simple.
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| 12/14/2008 8:58:39 AM |
For the Women in General,Help! |
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hannbalshottie
Hannibal, MO
age: 53
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OP.. I used to date a guy that called every woman over 5-7 an Amazon, including me. And ya, that kinda struck a nerve with not only me, but a few others that he'd say it to.
Also have a friends husband who calls larger women "corn fed" which my grandfather would refer that to his larger pigs... And yes, I knew what he meant, but he got slapped in the face for saying that to a woman in the bar one night... lol..
But I am over weight by several pounds, so I am, and will call myself big or bbw. Not Henrietta Hippo,by any means, but sure not any Skinny Minny either.....
But some are more sensative than others...
But since you haven't talked in over a month, maybe she is busy with the Hollidays, or has someone who doesn't like the fact she has been talking to another man....
Maybe call her, and find out. And if she doesnt answer or return your call, then write it off as lesson learned....
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| 12/14/2008 9:04:52 AM |
For the Women in General,Help! |
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klassyklown
Bakersfield, CA
age: 40
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It all depends on the woman crabberman. Obviously your friend has had past experiences that make her sensitive to hearing women described as big. I don't think it is wrong to describe a person as big if that is what they are, but everyone has had different life experiences and reacts to words differently. Remember when communicating there is always a sender and receiver of information, and the way the receiver processes what they hear is completely dependent upon their life experiences.
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| 12/14/2008 9:28:30 AM |
For the Women in General,Help! |
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katytxlady
Slidell, LA
age: 47
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To the ladies.... Notice how us self-proclaimed BBW's are very quick to say "Yes, I'm BBW and proud" and then immediately follow up with comment like "But I'm not obese" or "I'm not huge"? lmao. I remember the 1st time doctor called me clinically obese, I almost fell out of my chair. He had to show me charts, BMI, etc. to prove to me that "Yes, I was OBESE". damm....time to get back on the treadmill.
Thinking we may need additional work on our own self psyche's...lol
[Edited 12/14/2008 9:29:17 AM]
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| 12/14/2008 9:34:39 AM |
For the Women in General,Help! |
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rebecca11
Mount Morris, MI
age: 47
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We women who do not have Barbie doll figures are always in competetion with the thin things. The best way to keep your foot out of your mouth is to not refer to size at all, refer to them by what they are wearing (and not the girl in the moo moo) or something that does not refer to size.
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| 12/14/2008 9:40:35 AM |
For the Women in General,Help! |
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tryagaindj68
Evansville, IN
age: 40
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It would be nice of you to avoid saying words that hurt your friend's feelings.
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| 12/14/2008 11:10:47 AM |
For the Women in General,Help! |
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irparis39
New York, NY
age: 49
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One other thing you have to understand...its not so much as her being sensitive to the word big...most people (women especially) may lose weight or struggle with weight but in their minds and their psyche they will always see themselves as fat women. For many women it just never goes away even with therapy because they know that all it takes is an accident (where meds will have to be perscribed that may cause weight gain), depression, which may cause a fall off the wagon, or an insensitive brute whether in real life or online that will set them back to gaining weight. Or a lack of thyroid such as myself or a blown one such as Oprah.
And this women has both a past of cruelness, so yes, she's going to be sensitive to most descriptive words referring to weight. I know I am, whether hurled at others thin or big. My attitude is, if you don't like it tough...you're not the one going through it, she is, and its obviously a very painful experience for her. When you call people names, you change them...change the way they react to similiar words, change the way they look at you.
Its like calling a spanish person a spic, or a black person the "n" word or such as some of my white friends who hate to be call "gringos". You rape them of their self confidence and self reflection to think of themselves as good enough for any guy and not just the one who loves BBWs. It reflects negatively and while she's feeling badly, she will wonder how the hell you refer to her in your mind that you would not say to her verbally, so it reflects badly on you.
And since men are less forgiving of weight when it comes to women (although it amazes me at what other things they do put up with when it comes to most women), this lady, feels that negativity more heartfelt and souly than someone who was thin and then lost weight. If you can't be patient with someone like that, then it would be best to be friends then try to pursue a romantic relationship. When you in a relationship you become the steward of the whole person, not just the parts that society deems acceptable and prefer first as nothing is guarantee to make us happy. And she might have thought that you would not be the one to handle the person that she is and wants to be in a relationship.
P
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| 12/14/2008 12:56:37 PM |
For the Women in General,Help! |
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crabberman
Wilmington, DE
age: 51
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Thanks 39 and the others for your kind words and insight.
Maybe a little something about my relationship with this woman.I met her on that YeeHaa site last August.We had talked thru emails for a while and had been planning on meeting shortly,even though I was going thru a time where I just wasnt up for meeting anyone.I had also been seeing someone off and on for a while and knew that certainly wasnt going to work out.then at the beginning of Sept..I had to move out from where I was living..and only because of the proximinty to work and the conveinence to where it ws at..I moved in with the woman I had been seeing.so I cut off ties with this other woman,although she was in my mind most of the time.After staying there with this woman for about a month..I had enough of her anger problem and left.I started talking to this other woman again..and we met shortly after.It was one of those dates or meetings where everything just clicked and went well and you dont want it to end.Unfortunatly..it was also a work nite for me so we had to end it short after a few hours.We kept seeing each other for over 2 months,I was really going crazy for this woman,after I thought I was done meeting anyone ,especially after the last one.. She told me many times she was crazy for me too.She had told me before how her husband treated her and of her insecurities with her body and self esteem.She never told me about her weight issues..she had a very nice body to me.She ran 5-8 miles almost every day and kept herself in good shape..more then i could say for myself....lol.. ..Then it all seemd to fall apart fast..and we stopped seeing each other right before xmas last year..around this time.When I said the "B" word the first time I had no idea the impact it had on her until later.When I said it this time...it was surely by accident....and right away I could taste that ever so familiar taste of foot.
I still have respect for this woman and what she has been thru,I know we arent relationship compatible and just freinds.But it still makes me sad that I may of hurt her feelings again,and I would hate that very much.Maybe in my mind I realize that I am not using that word in a bad way so it keeps coming out at the worst times.
My Mom still uses the word "colored" when describing black people.she is 86 and its just stuck in her head.I try to tell her thats not correct to use it but she says thats what she was taught to use.I tell her also to try and not use that word when my buddy Troy is with me,he is black...lol...Not that he would care,but in case it sticks in his crawl..lol..man am I getting sensative to peoples feelings anymore....lol..
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| 12/14/2008 2:45:06 PM |
For the Women in General,Help! |
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ladyvirtue123
Magalia, CA
age: 53
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She does sound overly sensitive..I gained weight too and got lip from my ex about it..ironically he left me for and married his 30 yr old mistress and she is much bigger in all aspects...I've never had weight issues, even when I was pregnant..I am loosing it and will be right on track soon..I was actually hoping I could find someone while I was over weight so I would know that he would love me "unconditionally", but it doesn't look like that's going to happen at this point..sigh...
[Edited 12/14/2008 2:45:23 PM]
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| 12/14/2008 4:37:36 PM |
For the Women in General,Help! |
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katytxlady
Slidell, LA
age: 47
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OMG Ladies, I think we broke Crabberman!!! He's turned into a chick! Come on dude, man up! No crying in my bed!
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| 12/14/2008 4:40:13 PM |
For the Women in General,Help! |
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sincerity
Woodbridge, NJ
age: 49
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I am a big women and to tell you the truth I hate being a big women. I was at one time a girl that had a great shape and no problem meeting a man. I got married and had kids, stopped caring about me. It was all about my family. I was a smoker I quit in 2000, I gained 60lbs and at the same time I had felt a little lump in my throat on the right side. I assumed it was a celulite lump and never said anything to anyone until it kept getting bigger and bigger. That was Two years ago and by that time I had weighed close to 400 lbs. I couldn't even walk in a store I had to use a driving cart. I could not even go out with out feeling like I was going to stop breathing. I showed a doctor the lump in my throat and right then and there the doctor told me you have a tumor in your throat and most likely it is your thyroid. She was right and I did loose before having the surgery 130lbs. (Being scared helped me to loose the weight quickly - 3 months) I had the surgery they took only half of my thyroid, with blessing from above it was not cancer. But now I struggle so hard to try to loose wieght since the surgery. It seems now like I loose weight at a much slower rate. I am now a borderline diabetic and it is so imperative for me to loose more wieght. I have changed the way I eat, low carbs, higher protien and vegetables. So, this is how I feel, I am a big women, I don't like to be told it, because I know it. However if a man says it to me and he means it with mo insult behind it. I wouldn't get mad at that. Thats silly, if the kettle is black, then the kettle is black. If a woman is big then she is big as I am. But yes I definitely am a BBW Just my opinion...
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