firstlight
Strasburg, VA
age: 48
|
I have been known to over function in a new relationship but that comes from necessity. I do have an A type personality but it tends to lean more towards A- than A+. I am strong willed and am attracted to men that are the same way. This can some times be a little awkward in the beginning stages as we try to find our niche. He wants to do things for me, take care of me, he needs to do these things. I enjoy a man who is helpful and a resolute but I unwittingly resist because I have become so accustomed to doing them myself and because it is part of my protective armor for when he is no longer there.
If you are a "fixer", as I am, becoming involved with a guy who needs fixing and is all too happy to let you take over is indeed a recipe for disaster. As you have finally discovered all work and no gratitude will burn you out.
We should be looking for partners.
|
cmcitcrawk
Jacksonville, FL
age: 46
|
This is me baby taking off my red satin cape, bullet proof wrist braclets, sexy
push up bra. I'm keeping my golden lasso of truth because that is what I am.
I'm not your Wonder Woman no more. Not here to rescue you, do your work, take
care of you and make you a man.
Watch me dance butt naked on that red cape as I disappear.
Ok venting over.
Have any of you ever made the mistake of over functioning in a relationship?
I confess right here and now that's what I did wrong. I let him believe that
I was able to do it all. I was always stepping up to the plate. I became a human doing and lost that woman in me who was a very real human "being". I don't ever want
to be a superhero again.
Girl, I can relate!!!! I was always running behind him trying to fix everything he screwed up, (lots of poor decisions and bad financial mistakes on his part.) I was always trying to save the family from ruin, keep us afloat, make things work....
On top of all that, because I was so strong, he never worried about me or felt the need to help me, protect me or be strong for me in anyway. I was never able to just relax and be a woman.... Although I do not need a man to take care of me and protect me in actuality, I do need that on an emotional level. It's hard to verbalize..... I think what I am trying to say is that I want to be with a man that is strong enough that I can relax and allow myself to be vulnerable!! Am I making any sense???
|
awakeing
Walled Lake, MI
age: 36
|
Girl, I can relate!!!! I was always running behind him trying to fix everything he screwed up, (lots of poor decisions and bad financial mistakes on his part.) I was always trying to save the family from ruin, keep us afloat, make things work....
On top of all that, because I was so strong, he never worried about me or felt the need to help me, protect me or be strong for me in anyway. I was never able to just relax and be a woman.... Although I do not need a man to take care of me and protect me in actuality, I do need that on an emotional level. It's hard to verbalize..... I think what I am trying to say is that I want to be with a man that is strong enough that I can relax and allow myself to be vulnerable!! Am I making any sense???
I do understand, it means you don't feel safe enough to trust him.
He's shown you somehow that he's against your emotions and sent you
the message that if you relax and be a human being he'll rip you
apart for all your flaws. Flaw being that you are vulnerable.
It's no wonder that once we've been with the wrong guy we are
scared to death. Takes time to deprogram yourself if you've
been with an emotionally unavailable man.
A man that can't be honest and admit things sure won't want
to deal with your emotions either.
[Edited 3/9/2009 6:02:47 PM PST]
|
beverduster
Chandler, OK
age: 64
|
are u still pissed?
|
awakeing
Walled Lake, MI
age: 36
|
are u still pissed?
At myself? Sure! I really regret being so ignorant about
relationship skills. If I had known then what I know now
I would have been able to make much better daily decisions.
Perhaps it would have avoided some really painful experiences.
BUT I can't live in the past so I have to forgive myself.
As for anger toward the EX...not really once I got all the truth
I felt sad for him. It's not his fault I saw him as a man that was
smart, honest, and worth working my butt off for.
I guess I have to confess I loved blindly and foolishly.
Took me a long time to learn you can't earn a man's love.
|