| 2/22/2009 6:51:13 AM |
Remembering the Ex |
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okaydude
Mesquite, TX
age: 52
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I have been divorced for quiet some time now and its amazing the fact that at times I still think about her. I actually think of the good times we had. Even start thinking, maybe. And then as if it were a cloud moving in similar to a cold front, the memories of how she treated me re-appear.
My question would be "Does anyone else have these same type thoughts" and do you think it is because I have finally forgiven her for the way she treated me?
I hope you don't consider this a whiney man thread, because honestly I am very content and happy with who I am. It just seems that these thoughts keep coming up concerning my ex.
Would love to hear your thoughts.
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| 2/22/2009 6:55:44 AM |
Remembering the Ex |
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lilmissala1957
Hartselle, AL
age: 51
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Oh I personally think when you can start remembering the good times with fond thoughts you have reached the forgiving stage and can accept that it is over but it was still a chapter in your life. My kids dad and I divorced in 84. We had some really good times. We went places I will never go again. So yes these are cherished memories but it doesn't mean anything more than it is just a good memory in my lifetime.
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| 2/22/2009 6:57:59 AM |
Remembering the Ex |
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liners74
Brunswick, OH
age: 38
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I have thoughts, and they are not good ones. I remain friendly because we have young kids together. I want to make sure things are fair. I want to know when do the bad thoughts go away. It still angers me that she cheated. But it angers me more that she is still with him and passing him off as a nice guy to our kids. They do not know what happened. I would take no joy in telling our thirteen year old about his mother's infidelities. I know he may find out some day, and that will be a burden between him and her. But the fact that two years later he is still in the picture and hanging out with my son, angers me. When will that stop? And since we are on it, is that disrespectful of her? She says she wants to genuinely be my friend. I told her that I can be friendly, but not her freind as long as she continues to do this. I feel disrespected. She says she doesn't think that she is disrespecting me. IS that true, am I wrong here or is it that she can't see it because of the whole forrest for the trees thing. Good thread! I wanted this to come up, I thought I was crazy.
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| 2/22/2009 7:01:16 AM |
Remembering the Ex |
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yourfriendbob
Fayette, OH
age: 54
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Don't go back there man!
It's like remembering a plane crash you survived and fixating on getting a window seat and an extra bag of peanuts on the way down.
It's just the way the mind will play tricks on you to make something horrible not hurt so much.
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| 2/22/2009 7:07:00 AM |
Remembering the Ex |
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countrysweet677
Bordelonville, LA
age: 48
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i was actually thinking of this last night,reading posts every day about the negative things exs have done and how some people just keep bringing up the hurt,as if they just won't let go and move on,i understand it takes time but if we keep thinking about it how are we supposed to get beyond it. yeah my ex hurt me, and he also gave me 8 years of good positive memories, i feel sometimes in a relationship their waiting for us to fail and repeat the same things the exs did...close that chapter in your life their an ex for a reason.if we can't let go how can a new relationship start out healthy...
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| 2/22/2009 7:16:11 AM |
Remembering the Ex |
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millionplusone
Cleburne, TX
age: 27
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You kno that sayin you have told your boss,"hey, i'm only human, I make mistakes just like the other people" well now you know what your boss is going through when you make a mistake and expect them to keep ya. Was it really bad enough to get rid of ya? You don't realize what you have had untill you don't have it anymore. I am not saying this by expierence in relationships but only ex. in business. People are people and will continue to be. Learn how to deal with people and a relationship will strive and heck maybe you might even be more successfull in business.
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| 2/22/2009 1:02:12 PM |
Remembering the Ex |
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okaydude
Mesquite, TX
age: 52
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Thanks for clearing that up for me. It just seems like in the era that we are in everything is disposable, even marriages. Its amazing how we trade someone in because of differences, just to go out and try to find someone that will take their place, All the time thinking that the next one will be the one minus the problems. When in fact, don't we all have some slight character flaws that will continuously irritate our partners?
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| 2/22/2009 1:14:44 PM |
Remembering the Ex |
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newlife4me2
Sioux Falls, SD
age: 44
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I have thoughts, and they are not good ones. I remain friendly because we have young kids together. I want to make sure things are fair. I want to know when do the bad thoughts go away. It still angers me that she cheated. But it angers me more that she is still with him and passing him off as a nice guy to our kids. They do not know what happened. I would take no joy in telling our thirteen year old about his mother's infidelities. I know he may find out some day, and that will be a burden between him and her. But the fact that two years later he is still in the picture and hanging out with my son, angers me. When will that stop? And since we are on it, is that disrespectful of her? She says she wants to genuinely be my friend. I told her that I can be friendly, but not her freind as long as she continues to do this. I feel disrespected. She says she doesn't think that she is disrespecting me. IS that true, am I wrong here or is it that she can't see it because of the whole forrest for the trees thing. Good thread! I wanted this to come up, I thought I was crazy.
Your story is similar to my own. Difference being, my older children do know what happened. It still doesn't prevent him from involving her in every facet of their lives. I really wouldn't care, except, 1) he does so with deliberate actions and intent to turn my children against me and 2) neither our or her divorce is final yet. So no, he is not even attempting to be civil, let alone my friend.
Personally, for me, I could care less. I would like nothing better for the two of them to choke on each other (which I do believe will happen in the end. They started their 'relationship' by both being married to others and didn't end those marriages before the proceeded...seems to me that is a solid foundation to build on huh? NOT.) I can fondly look back on the happier times without issue. What I will never do though is forgive him for his attitudes and actions since I discovered the affair. From the time I caught him he has been vindictive, spiteful, hurtful and hateful in every possible way he could think of. Lying to me and other family members is one thing (which the lies are beginning to come out now - honestly, he did well for nearly two years but I guess the mountain of them is finally beginning to crash down on him), but lying to and manipulating our children? He can't burn in hell long enough for that imo.
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| 2/22/2009 1:19:00 PM |
Remembering the Ex |
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howardc42
Greeley, CO
age: 42
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<---THEY ARE OUR EX'S FOR A REASON----->
Where have we heard this before? If you keep dealing with the ex,your present will become an ex too!Yes I remember all my ex girlfriends.But there are a few I'm sorry I ever met.When someone new comes along,wash away your sorrow and enjoy what your new present has to offer.
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| 2/22/2009 1:20:59 PM |
Remembering the Ex |
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okaydude
Mesquite, TX
age: 52
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<---THEY ARE OUR EX'S FOR A REASON----->
Where have we heard this before? If you keep dealing with the ex,your present will become an ex too!Yes I remember all my ex girlfriends.But there are a few I'm sorry I ever met.When someone new comes along,wash away your sorrow and enjoy what your new present has to offer.
Thats cool...good point
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| 2/22/2009 1:22:16 PM |
Remembering the Ex |
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howardc42
Greeley, CO
age: 42
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Thats cool...good point
Thank you and good luck!
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| 2/22/2009 1:27:38 PM |
Remembering the Ex |
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xlibra75x
Gateway, AR
age: 33
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..Of my ex wife? Yea........I do. I tried the best I could to make the most of the holidays & every other day. We had lots of good times. But her good times turned into a bad habit that I lost tolerance for. In the end, I told her what I told her.....she did what she did...and that's what made me what I am.
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| 2/22/2009 5:57:46 PM |
Remembering the Ex |
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baz0987
Maple Shade, NJ
age: 45
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This might sound mean but will never forgive her. I am and will go on with my life but that will never change.
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| 2/22/2009 6:56:17 PM |
Remembering the Ex |
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ladyvirtue123
Magalia, CA
age: 53
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Yes, I do it too every now and then..I have forgiven him...I have many yrs full of wonderful memories of us when we were happy and in love, and I do cherish them..I also know it would never be the same if we were to get together..he is terminally ill and has remarried anyway, so either way, we would never be a couple again and that's just fine with me..I am over the pain and not in love with him any longer...thanks to god!..
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| 2/22/2009 7:00:28 PM |
Remembering the Ex |
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bluesky4days
Chicago, IL
age: 52
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I still have thoughts of the ex. Not all bad. I try to remember the good times for my child. I no longer blame him for our split. After all we were BOTH in the relationship.
I think it is natural to wonder "what if?" Also, to have forgiven your ex can only make it better for your future relationships. At least, this is what I tell myself.
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