| 11/8/2007 7:28:20 AM |
Suppressing feelings for another person? Is it possible for you? |
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defiantlyltr
Stroudsburg, PA
65, joined Aug. 2007
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OK! Here's a question that I'm sure most of us can relate to.
You have deep feelings for someone but because of current circumstances you cannot make them known
~OR~
to keep a friendship you must suppress them in order to keep that person as a friend which you cherish.
CAN YOU AND ARE YOU ABLE TO DO IT?!
Personally I usually can't, just NOT one of my abilities.
But currently I am trying my best to do so, becuase I don't want to lose a good friendship I've acquired.
I would appreciate thoughtful and insightful answers to this question.
I liked the way the forums USED to be a long time ago and
would like it to get back to that way again.
Less chit-chat and one liners and real thoughts and opinions, please.
Meet singles at DateHookup.dating, we're 100% free! Join now!
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| 11/8/2007 7:46:52 AM |
Suppressing feelings for another person? Is it possible for you? |
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peachess
El Reno, OK
50, joined Oct. 2007
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Not an issue I'm facing right now but, Have had it before and Found when nothing is said, Nothing is gained. And, It's really uncomfy...Now, If someone could tell me how to put words back in my mouth...
xoxoPeaches.
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| 11/8/2007 7:49:24 AM |
Suppressing feelings for another person? Is it possible for you? |
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professer2
Saint Petersburg, FL
62, joined Jun. 2007
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Its how you spin it Peaches
"No , I didnt say that, you must have misunderstood me"
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| 11/8/2007 7:50:02 AM |
Suppressing feelings for another person? Is it possible for you? |
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defiantlyltr
Stroudsburg, PA
65, joined Aug. 2007
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Morning Peachy!!
Take the frog out! LOL
Or the marbles.....and put them back in your head! LMAO!
But seriously.....what if the feelings are known but
in order to keep the friendship they must be suppressed?
Morning Professor!
How about you?! Any words of wisdom from your side of the fence?
[Edited 11/8/2007 7:51:02 AM ]
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| 11/8/2007 7:51:06 AM |
Suppressing feelings for another person? Is it possible for you? |
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ladyfireeyes81
Redwood City, CA
36, joined Aug. 2007
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I have been there. I just kept going as a friend, and tried to act as I would if I didn't have those feelings. Slowly they dissipated, I still have feelings for him, but they aren't as strong, and I have been able to move on.
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| 11/8/2007 7:57:00 AM |
Suppressing feelings for another person? Is it possible for you? |
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july59
Ripley, MS
58, joined Nov. 2007
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I know where your coming from. I'm having to keep my feelings suppressed now because of the situation I'm in. It is not easy but sometimes must be done for the best for all parties envolved and maintaining a friendship.
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| 11/8/2007 7:57:12 AM |
Suppressing feelings for another person? Is it possible for you? |
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defiantlyltr
Stroudsburg, PA
65, joined Aug. 2007
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So what you're saying is Fireeyes is that time helped to extinguish any fires and
you were successful in keeping the friendship. But didn't it hurt some ..... knowing that he did not feel the same way?
And why is it for the best July?!
[Edited 11/8/2007 7:58:26 AM ]
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| 11/8/2007 8:01:35 AM |
Suppressing feelings for another person? Is it possible for you? |
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ladyfireeyes81
Redwood City, CA
36, joined Aug. 2007
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oh if I knew that he didn't have feelings for me, it would have been easier! But he didn't want to lose the friendship, so we made an effort to just be friends. After a while I was able to move on. I have suppressed my feelings to the point that they no longer cause an issue. I still love him dearly though. I just had to shift to a different kind of love.
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| 11/8/2007 8:04:10 AM |
Suppressing feelings for another person? Is it possible for you? |
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peachess
El Reno, OK
50, joined Oct. 2007
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Morning ppl, ldr, When a man says that he can "only" be friends with me, That tells me that there is not more than "Lust" involved from his side and yes, Those can dissolve with time and patience. luv ya and good luck!
xoxoPeaches.
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| 11/8/2007 8:04:36 AM |
Suppressing feelings for another person? Is it possible for you? |
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mag11
New Port Richey, FL
48, joined Oct. 2007
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No there's a couple of people in here I'd love to be with but I think it would be better just to be friends. I would like to let them know but I love them as friends and dont want to screw that up!!!Mike
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| 11/8/2007 8:05:27 AM |
Suppressing feelings for another person? Is it possible for you? |
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july59
Ripley, MS
58, joined Nov. 2007
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Maintaining a close friendship is vital. So sometimes it is best not to ruin a friendship by suppressing your feeling when you think trying to make a relationship work might back fire and ruin the friendship you have already established.
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| 11/8/2007 8:35:40 AM |
Suppressing feelings for another person? Is it possible for you? |
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defiantlyltr
Stroudsburg, PA
65, joined Aug. 2007
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So HE did have feelings for you too Fireeyes?!
So why didn't the two of you try to make a go of it?
Seems to be similar to what I'm going thru right now.
I appreciate your candor and honesty.
Thank you!
Mag - Is it because of the distance?
July - Very true and that is why I am trying my darnedest to do just that.
Peachy - Thanks for your insight! I think that might be exactly where he's at. XOXO
[Edited 11/8/2007 8:47:09 AM ]
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| 11/8/2007 8:57:02 AM |
Suppressing feelings for another person? Is it possible for you? |
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dreambuilder07
Gaithersburg, MD
57, joined May. 2007
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A lifetime ago I used to talk about the claws coming out, as a euphamism for the loss of freedom associatiated with making a committment. Today, for me it is niether the loss of freedom or fear of commitment that brings terror to me, it is the fear of being devastingly hurt again, not only emotionally, but financially and family lifestyle as well. I think caution is wise, and moving slowly is cautious. But trying to balance that with the jubilance of new found love, even if onesided, sounds like the toughest of challenges, specially with kids in the mix. Sharing your feelings might be ok, if you can keep your claws retracted.
I wish you the best of luck, always.
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| 11/8/2007 9:26:16 AM |
Suppressing feelings for another person? Is it possible for you? |
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defiantlyltr
Stroudsburg, PA
65, joined Aug. 2007
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Thanks Dreamy! I know you've been thru a lot! Hope you're getting thru it all!
Suppressing the feelings that you have for the sake of a friendship established
is just like keeping your claws retracted! I think?!
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| 11/8/2007 3:58:27 PM |
Suppressing feelings for another person? Is it possible for you? |
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defiantlyltr
Stroudsburg, PA
65, joined Aug. 2007
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Anyone on here tonight want to get in on this thread!?!
We touched upon some good reasons and issues that can come up.
SOOOOOOOO.......who and how many of you can really and successfully do this?! 
Or is it just too difficult?! 
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| 11/8/2007 7:33:49 PM |
Suppressing feelings for another person? Is it possible for you? |
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bubbadt
Kennedy, NY
75, joined Oct. 2007
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LTR-coming from a 65 year old romantic, I could not
hide my feelings. I have spent years waiting for the right one.
Destiny is a big deal in my eyes. It will serve you well
if you believe in it.
I am seriously hoping Destiny has dealt me a winning hand.
The cards have been dealt. I gotta playem right to win.
I am confident due to my belief in destiny.
Ya gotta do what you feel is right, what if this person
is your Destiny and you let it slip away?
Think People Think
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| 11/8/2007 7:47:48 PM |
Suppressing feelings for another person? Is it possible for you? |
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29tootsie
Brightwaters, NY
69, joined Aug. 2007
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Well - I sure can't. I have been alone for 20+ years and when I actually realized I felt something for a man for the first time in those years - I HAD to tell him....and I'm still telling him - and he does not want a relationship (at least with me) but I can't keep it inside because I haven't felt this for so long. The amazing this is we still have a "friendship" - you'd think he'd run for the hills but he doesn't. (sometimes wish he would!)...hurts a lot.
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| 11/8/2007 8:23:26 PM |
Suppressing feelings for another person? Is it possible for you? |
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defiantlyltr
Stroudsburg, PA
65, joined Aug. 2007
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Well toosie that's what I'm afraid of too except I can't talk about it or else I will lose the friendship.
Have already x2 and this is the thrid time but seems to be the charm, so far.
But, yes it does hurt.
[Edited 11/8/2007 8:24:29 PM ]
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| 11/8/2007 8:33:18 PM |
Suppressing feelings for another person? Is it possible for you? |
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jase4655
Waco, TX
62, joined Nov. 2007
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ltr...I know I couldn't. I tried for SUCH a long time, and pretended to be fine with "just being friends"...but in the end, I had to make a clean break and even though it bout killed me...I had to go cold turkey. I miss him like crazy, cause he really WAS my best friend
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| 11/8/2007 8:41:09 PM |
Suppressing feelings for another person? Is it possible for you? |
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defiantlyltr
Stroudsburg, PA
65, joined Aug. 2007
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Jase - it must have been so hard for you to do that and I know it to be.
That's why I have been thinking of things in a different light and 'moving on' with my
life in reference to dating. But a part of me will always have a special place for him
in my heart because he was and is so special to me. He helped me thru some very difficult
times in my current life and I am grateful that he was their for me.
It just hurts me to think that he once had feelings for me but now he doesn't
or has been able to suppress his feelings so well as to be able to move on
without the pain that I am feeling at times.
[Edited 11/8/2007 8:41:33 PM ]
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| 11/8/2007 8:42:38 PM |
Suppressing feelings for another person? Is it possible for you? |
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pallyboy
Ramona, CA
57, joined May. 2006
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I cared for someone very deeply once, but because she was in a relationship and I was friends with both there was no way I could say anything. I did everything I could to be friends to both, even as things started falling apart. She would come to see me to talk, sometimes falling asleep on my bed, but we were never romantic. When they finally split I thought I would give here some time to get over things before I made my move. So about a month later I came home from work to find her in the bar across the street from where I lived and she rushed to me and kissed and hugged me and then told me it was her wedding day! Yep she went and married someone else and it devistated me. Then about a year later I come home from a gig and stopped into the bar for a nightcap and there she was,... dancing with some guy. She left him as soon as she saw me and we stood in the middle of the dance floor holding each other and kissing until the band stopped playing, and then she took my hand and led me upstairs to my place where we made love. A few hours later she got up and got ready to go and informed me that she was still married and had to get home to the hubby! I knew it had to be too good to be true. I walked her down to her car and told her I knew that would be the last time we ever saw each other and she said "You never know.". But I did know and I have never seen her again.
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| 11/8/2007 8:49:02 PM |
Suppressing feelings for another person? Is it possible for you? |
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defiantlyltr
Stroudsburg, PA
65, joined Aug. 2007
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Timing is everything, HUH, Pally?!
But just think, IF you had let her know and did end up being with her then it would have
been you that she cheated on, so you were really the winner here of your story. Sure it
hurt to have to have suppressed it for all that time. You did the right thing in never
seeing her again. True love of the heart can be so painful at times. Yet when the
timing and person is right, it can be ecstasy!!
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| 11/8/2007 8:52:05 PM |
Suppressing feelings for another person? Is it possible for you? |
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nonickname49
Belchertown, MA
67, joined Jun. 2007
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Along time ago I was friends with a woman...and feelings developed she
wanted only friendship..nothing romantic...but I was falling for her
and it was just not bearable...had to end...and one day she told me
she was interested in pursuing something more...but it was to late as
I moved on...
If two people are interested in each other...I can not understand why they
would not pursue the realationship??? My only thought would be that staying
friends is SAFER...larger comfort zone...
LIFES TO SHORT....
[Edited 11/8/2007 8:53:27 PM ]
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| 11/8/2007 8:58:40 PM |
Suppressing feelings for another person? Is it possible for you? |
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pallyboy
Ramona, CA
57, joined May. 2006
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Yeah, maybe ltr, but I don't know about anyone else but when I give my heart, even if it doesn't work out she takes a piece of it with her. And so of course there are times I think of her.
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| 11/8/2007 9:03:06 PM |
Suppressing feelings for another person? Is it possible for you? |
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britbrit
Gloucester, MA
31, joined Aug. 2007
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yes I have dealt with this before and I have been able to do it, because in my view what they dont know doesnt hurt, well maybe you but you have the ability to control that, and I would rather keep a friend!
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| 11/8/2007 9:03:44 PM |
Suppressing feelings for another person? Is it possible for you? |
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defiantlyltr
Stroudsburg, PA
65, joined Aug. 2007
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The same with me Pally.
Seems like my heart has become smaller over the years but the love it's able to hold is still the same.
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| 11/8/2007 9:08:02 PM |
Suppressing feelings for another person? Is it possible for you? |
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hobbyfarmer
Saint James, MO
68, joined Oct. 2007
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Why not simply sit down with the other individual and let them know how you feel. Let them know how important the friendship/relationship is to you and that you are afraid that by stepping out of your current comfort zone, you might cause irreparable harm to something/someone truly dear to you. I have had to do this on several occasions in my life and am still friends with all of the other parties. Honesty is never a bad thing. You can jointly decide to be just friends who truly look out for the other individual's best interests. It works!
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| 11/8/2007 9:12:35 PM |
Suppressing feelings for another person? Is it possible for you? |
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defiantlyltr
Stroudsburg, PA
65, joined Aug. 2007
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Hobby - That's exactly what has been done but it doesn't make it any easier.
It has however, for the time being, stifled our rapport. Hopefully that will go back to normal in time.
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| 11/8/2007 9:15:36 PM |
Suppressing feelings for another person? Is it possible for you? |
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peter1961
Balearic Islands
Spain
56, joined Oct. 2007
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Be honest and open, then what will be, will be. If it's meant to be good it will, if they are offended that you feel this way, where do you find the word "friend" from.
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| 11/8/2007 9:24:44 PM |
Suppressing feelings for another person? Is it possible for you? |
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defiantlyltr
Stroudsburg, PA
65, joined Aug. 2007
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Sometimes FRIENDS cannot be lovers and vice versa!
Well Good Night ALL!!!
Must be calling it a night, it's getting late for me and I'm getting tired.
Thanks for all the good comments and wonderful conversation.
I hope to do this again real soon.
Sweet dreams, all!!
[Edited 11/8/2007 9:26:29 PM ]
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| 11/8/2007 9:26:30 PM |
Suppressing feelings for another person? Is it possible for you? |
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hobbyfarmer
Saint James, MO
68, joined Oct. 2007
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Doing what is right is often the most difficult thing to do and, many times, the most painful thing to do. The up-side is that the long-term benefits of doing what is right far outweigh the consequences of doing what is expedient or convenient at the time. There will come a time down the road when you will know that you have done the correct thing and feel good about the decision and yourself. There is no better outcome for you or your friend.
Hobby
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| 11/9/2007 6:03:12 AM |
Suppressing feelings for another person? Is it possible for you? |
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defiantlyltr
Stroudsburg, PA
65, joined Aug. 2007
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Thank you Hobby! BTW he's from MO too!
What a funny coincidence.
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| 11/9/2007 2:22:51 PM |
Suppressing feelings for another person? Is it possible for you? |
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endlessly2
Pamplin, VA
98, joined Oct. 2007
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Yes, I can and have. There are times... for me.. that the friendship is more important than the gamble of a relationship. It does not work for all and I think that perhaps a balance between you and I might be a good thing. I fight hard not to risk a friendship. You, instead... AT TIMES fight hard for the risk of love. My view only... we each need to find some place in the middle.
With the one you likely write of here... suggest supression.
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| 11/9/2007 3:30:10 PM |
Suppressing feelings for another person? Is it possible for you? |
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defiantlyltr
Stroudsburg, PA
65, joined Aug. 2007
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A happymedium is hard to come by, although you are probably right.
So which strand of DNA do you want to switch! 
Love is risky!
But you are wrong in that I would take risks for it.
Some people are ruled by their mind.
Some are ruled by their heart.
For me it is not foolish to allow my feelings to guide my actions.
I do have a rational, logical side that also keeps me in check.
In this situation you are right and I have chosen the suppression as stated before.
It is for the best and will make me the happiest.
Friends are just as hard to come by as lovers, if not more so.
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| 11/9/2007 3:32:06 PM |
Suppressing feelings for another person? Is it possible for you? |
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endlessly2
Pamplin, VA
98, joined Oct. 2007
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I agree
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