Why are people scared to date widows or widowers?

5/31/2010 9:26:20 PM	Why are people scared to date widows or widowers?
joni1955 Ridley Park, PA 61, joined Nov. 2009	That would be my conclusion too. [Edited 5/31/2010 9:33:45 PM ] Meet singles at DateHookup.dating, we're 100% free! Join now!
6/3/2010 7:28:10 AM	Why are people scared to date widows or widowers?
iaminohio Cleveland, OH 65, joined Sep. 2008	I have interacted with a few widowers on the internet and beyond. They have only been widowed between 2 to 3 years, and already were looking. I might be wrong, but I felt that a few years is not enough. I felt that possibly they didn't love or respect their late spouses, if they were already looking for a date. I think that they should have been grieving longer than that. Besides, I think I can't relate to someone who is widowed as opposed to divorced. Of course, merely widowed status does not mean that they were happily married, but this is altogether a different story. Still, divorced and widowed people are treated differently by society, which plays a role, too. Nah, I am not scared, I wouldn't put it that way. This is just my preference. My 2 cents worth. [Edited 6/3/2010 7:32:36 AM ]
6/3/2010 9:07:39 AM	Why are people scared to date widows or widowers?
joni1955 Ridley Park, PA 61, joined Nov. 2009	I am curious. What would you consider a proper length of time to grieve? I guess this question has been in my mind for awhile.
6/3/2010 11:47:36 AM	Why are people scared to date widows or widowers?
recluse22 Woolwine, VA 62, joined May. 2010	Quote from iaminohio: I have interacted with a few widowers on the internet and beyond. They have only been widowed between 2 to 3 years, and already were looking. I might be wrong, but I felt that a few years is not enough. I felt that possibly they didn't love or respect their late spouses, if they were already looking for a date. I think that they should have been grieving longer than that. Besides, I think I can't relate to someone who is widowed as opposed to divorced. Of course, merely widowed status does not mean that they were happily married, but this is altogether a different story. Still, divorced and widowed people are treated differently by society, which plays a role, too. Nah, I am not scared, I wouldn't put it that way. This is just my preference. My 2 cents worth. Iaminohio, no disrespect intended, but until you have been in our shoes, you will never really understand. It is not out of disrespect that we date, or seek someone to talk to. It is the loss of that friend, our partner that we so loved and respected. We want that again, and for some, as soon as possible. For those that have been divorced, the past experience of a close relationship has left a bad taste in their mouth. A break up no matter how hard or easy it was will make them sceptical of any future relationships. It is just the opposite for us. Most of us had a wonderful marriage and would like to experience it again. On top of that is the crushing loneliness and pain of not having that best friend and mate. So I guess I am saying that it is different for everyone. Some feel the strength and need to get out and meet new people, while others need more time to come to grips with their pain. Respect of the lost love one has little to do with it. We will always respect the one we lost, and maybe that is why those who are not widow/ers don't understand us. We all have our ways of mourning, I still wear my wedding ring, but the days of the "acceptable mourning period" went out years ago. Now we must go on with our lives the best that we can.
6/3/2010 12:18:52 PM	Why are people scared to date widows or widowers?
carsonguy1951 Carson City, NV 64, joined Sep. 2008	Quote from iaminohio: I have interacted with a few widowers on the internet and beyond. They have only been widowed between 2 to 3 years, and already were looking. I might be wrong, but I felt that a few years is not enough. I felt that possibly they didn't love or respect their late spouses, if they were already looking for a date. . I can only wonder why anyone would make such a curious remark. Perhaps the men the poster dated did not love or respect their deceased wives....but unless some comments were made by the men on the topic, I would think the conclusion is at best, ill advised and at the worst, heartless or perhaps cruel. My wife went out of her way to talk with me and with both of our daughters and let them know that my love for her would not be at all diminished because I did not want to be alone. Judy is a wonderful woman and her love did not know any boundaries. She is enjoying the glorious presence of the Lord, is no longer suffering with a body that was wearing out and knows no sorrow....and I am sure she continues to want me to be happy in this life just as she is did before. I suppose someone could suggest that if a woman became pregnant shortly after losing an infant to SIDS or perhaps a still born child, she did not love the child she lost. Someone could suggest that it was only proper for the woman to morn her lost child for many years to prove that she loved the child she lost. Personally, I think such a suggestion would be totally foolish......about as foolish as the suggestion that someone who dates after losing a spouse did not love the one they lost. My heart has room to love my wife as well as a special someone God may send along..... [Edited 6/3/2010 12:23:21 PM ]
6/3/2010 12:45:52 PM	Why are people scared to date widows or widowers?
recluse22 Woolwine, VA 62, joined May. 2010	Quote from carsonguy1951: I can only wonder why anyone would make such a curious remark. Perhaps the men the poster dated did not love or respect their deceased wives....but unless some comments were made by the men on the topic, I would think the conclusion is at best, ill advised and at the worst, heartless or perhaps cruel. My wife went out of her way to talk with me and with both of our daughters and let them know that my love for her would not be at all diminished because I did not want to be alone. Judy is a wonderful woman and her love did not know any boundaries. She is enjoying the glorious presence of the Lord, is no longer suffering with a body that was wearing out and knows no sorrow....and I am sure she continues to want me to be happy in this life just as she is did before. I suppose someone could suggest that if a woman became pregnant shortly after losing an infant to SIDS or perhaps a still born child, she did not love the child she lost. Someone could suggest that it was only proper for the woman to morn her lost child for many years to prove that she loved the child she lost. Personally, I think such a suggestion would be totally foolish......about as foolish as the suggestion that someone who dates after losing a spouse did not love the one they lost. My heart has room to love my wife as well as a special someone God may send along..... Well said Carson.
6/3/2010 1:00:43 PM	Why are people scared to date widows or widowers?
lovethelake17 Henderson, NV 57, joined May. 2009	Quote from iaminohio: I have interacted with a few widowers on the internet and beyond. They have only been widowed between 2 to 3 years, and already were looking. I might be wrong, but I felt that a few years is not enough. I felt that possibly they didn't love or respect their late spouses, if they were already looking for a date. I think that they should have been grieving longer than that. Besides, I think I can't relate to someone who is widowed as opposed to divorced. Of course, merely widowed status does not mean that they were happily married, but this is altogether a different story. Still, divorced and widowed people are treated differently by society, which plays a role, too. Nah, I am not scared, I wouldn't put it that way. This is just my preference. My 2 cents worth. You are wrong. You do not get to decide how someone else mourns or grieves or gets over anything, be that a divorce or a death. You do not get decide length or duration. And you do not get to decide whether or not that means they loved someone. You only get to decide what you do for yourself. But to place your judgments on someone else and say they couldn't possibly have loved someone if they chose to look for another love to share is simply unbelievable to me. What is your criteria? 5 years married = 5 years grieving, and so on? Must they wear black, too? I don't think anyone has said that being a widow/er automatically implies that we were happily married, although I think you'd find most of us were. None of us have said that our marriages didn't sometimes have some rocky spots at times. It is evident you cannot relate to someone who is widowed as opposed to divorced. I'd venture a guess that you cannot relate to anyone who doesn't fit into your narrow value judgments. You know, normally people don't have to be something to be able to relate. I have to assume that you do indeed have a problem dating someone who is a widower, whether or not you call it a preference. But you go right ahead and date others. I'm sure no widower will be upset. You know, everyone else was quite nice to you here. But you really angered me, and I don't anger easily. I also don't suffer fools gladly.
6/3/2010 1:40:18 PM	Why are people scared to date widows or widowers?
recluse22 Woolwine, VA 62, joined May. 2010	Quote from lovethelake17: You are wrong. You do not get to decide how someone else mourns or grieves or gets over anything, be that a divorce or a death. You do not get decide length or duration. And you do not get to decide whether or not that means they loved someone. You only get to decide what you do for yourself. But to place your judgments on someone else and say they couldn't possibly have loved someone if they chose to look for another love to share is simply unbelievable to me. What is your criteria? 5 years married = 5 years grieving, and so on? Must they wear black, too? I don't think anyone has said that being a widow/er automatically implies that we were happily married, although I think you'd find most of us were. None of us have said that our marriages didn't sometimes have some rocky spots at times. It is evident you cannot relate to someone who is widowed as opposed to divorced. I'd venture a guess that you cannot relate to anyone who doesn't fit into your narrow value judgments. You know, normally people don't have to be something to be able to relate. I have to assume that you do indeed have a problem dating someone who is a widower, whether or not you call it a preference. But you go right ahead and date others. I'm sure no widower will be upset. You know, everyone else was quite nice to you here. But you really angered me, and I don't anger easily. I also don't suffer fools gladly. Thank you Love
6/3/2010 1:42:04 PM	Why are people scared to date widows or widowers?
whynotme57 Jacksonville, FL 58, joined Nov. 2009	I agree with everything you said Lovethelake Me and my wife talked about it for a long time and she actually told me if i didn't at least try she would haunt me.She joked a lot like that but she didn't want me to be alone,or our children.So sure I'm looking,but she will have to be the one and I will know her when sne comes along wether it's tommorow or two years from now.I'm not going to send her away because someone thinks it is to soon [Edited 6/3/2010 1:43:14 PM ]
6/3/2010 2:08:58 PM	Why are people scared to date widows or widowers?
recluse22 Woolwine, VA 62, joined May. 2010	Quote from whynotme57: I agree with everything you said Lovethelake Me and my wife talked about it for a long time and she actually told me if i didn't at least try she would haunt me.She joked a lot like that but she didn't want me to be alone,or our children.So sure I'm looking,but she will have to be the one and I will know her when sne comes along wether it's tommorow or two years from now.I'm not going to send her away because someone thinks it is to soon When my wife was getting near the end of her battle with cancer, she noticed once that I was looking sad, and she said, "oh cheer up Honey, maybe next time you will find a nice one." A pretty high bar to reach if you ask me....
6/3/2010 9:26:32 PM	Why are people scared to date widows or widowers?
iaminohio Cleveland, OH 65, joined Sep. 2008	(this post has been flagged as inappropriate, sorry.) [Edited 6/3/2010 9:41:27 PM ]
6/3/2010 10:23:50 PM	Why are people scared to date widows or widowers?
recluse22 Woolwine, VA 62, joined May. 2010	Quote from iaminohio: First off, I want to express my condolences for the loss of your respective spouses. That said, next I want to answer to those who took the time to reply to my post: (1) Recluse, I appreciate your statement of "no disrespect intended." You're right, I don't understand, I think I have made this quite clear in my post. In my opinion, a widow(er) should go through the period of grieving before even thinking of "wanting that again" with someone new. IMHO, "as soon as possible" is way too soon. Some of you might lack grieving skills, which might explain why you want it ASAP. While you view divorce as a "breakup", please don't forget that a widowhood can be viewed as a breakup, too. Talking about the marriages preceding it, they could have easily been of the similar quality no matter how they'd ended. It's so easy to fall for stereotypes, isn't it. (2) Carsonguy1951, please feel free to interpret my post or remark whatever you will, however I was stating my opinion. I gave you a complete insight of what others think about recently widowed people going into the dating scene ASAP. Don't you appreciate it? Or do you only want to hear sweet words intended just to make you feel better, yet have little to do with the reality? Life is bittersweet, and you were bound to hear these words sooner or later; it just happened to be sooner in this case. You will no doubt hear them again, perhaps in different variations. I have no idea whether those widowed men whom I dated, loved their respective wives or not. And it's too late to confirm it either way. I didn't even question it while on the dates, I just jumped to my own conclusions, period. I know for the fact that at least one of my such dates wasn't faithful to his wife when she still was around, so what do you expect now? (3) lovethelake17, I have news for you. I do get to decide how it is proper to mourn for someone else. This is something that's called my opinion, and if you don't like it, too bad. Look at the media, they decide everything for everybody, it's just happened so that you're not a politician figure, or else they would have decided for you, too. Are you always getting angered so easily, once someone else's opinion differs from yours? Do you tend to address every such opinion as "narrow"? Makes one wonder regarding the quality of your opinion. Do you think that your opinion is the only one and is written in stone? If so, then you are sadly mistaken. This is an intelligent discussion, in the course of which we have a split opinion, that's all. I feel sorry for your late husband, poor soul probably had hard times with you, having such a short fuse over anything that is disagreeable with you. I feel sorry for him, probably more than you do. Oh boy. I take it most of you were married longer than 5 years, with the possible exception of lovethelake17. I can imagine that if I was married and then became widowed, then I would wear black, and I would be grieving for much longer time than most of you, and I would not be on the dating site while supposedly grieving. JMHO. You are right, it is your opinion. And I will tell you that niether you or the media WILL TELL me how to feel or how to grieve. You have no idea what is in my heart and the intense loneliness I feel. When You loose a spouse, then you can come here and tell us how you feel. And my feelings about opinions? They are like a$$ holes, everybody has one and 99.9% of them stink. We like to make each other "feel" better. It helps us grieve. Please go back to where you came from and leave us poor souls to our inadequacies.
6/3/2010 10:41:28 PM	Why are people scared to date widows or widowers?
joni1955 Ridley Park, PA 61, joined Nov. 2009	Way to go recluse!!!
6/3/2010 10:42:59 PM	Why are people scared to date widows or widowers?
recluse22 Woolwine, VA 62, joined May. 2010	Quote from joni1955: Way to go recluse!!! Thank you Joni, a person can be civil for only so long....
6/3/2010 10:53:03 PM	Why are people scared to date widows or widowers?
joni1955 Ridley Park, PA 61, joined Nov. 2009	Agreed. I just wish I had your fortitude and guts.
6/3/2010 10:57:36 PM	Why are people scared to date widows or widowers?
iaminohio Cleveland, OH 65, joined Sep. 2008	(this post has been flagged as inappropriate, sorry.) [Edited 6/3/2010 11:00:42 PM ]
6/3/2010 11:11:59 PM	Why are people scared to date widows or widowers?
joni1955 Ridley Park, PA 61, joined Nov. 2009	Your lack of sensitivity for the people who are here to heal truly amazes me. You do have rights to say whatever you want, but we do have the right to flag your posts and block you from making any more on this thread.
6/3/2010 11:20:59 PM	Why are people scared to date widows or widowers?
iaminohio Cleveland, OH 65, joined Sep. 2008	(this post has been flagged as inappropriate, sorry.)
6/3/2010 11:22:50 PM	Why are people scared to date widows or widowers?
recluse22 Woolwine, VA 62, joined May. 2010	Quote from iaminohio: Loneliness? Learn to deal with it. It's about time to grow up. Although you have made a valid argument of sending me back to where I came from, however... sorry to have disappointed you, but I can't technically go to the said place. I came from my mother's womb, and can't go back even if I want to. Likewise if you want to Have you ever heard of the 1st Amendment? Just as I thought, a bleeding heart liberal. Cradle to grave, we are all to conform to your way of life. Sorry, I am a non-conformist an I will do and say as I please. I fought wars so you could have your precious 1st amendment. But that does not mean I have to listen to your mindless drivel. Don't worry, I will comment no more on your posts.
6/3/2010 11:28:14 PM	Why are people scared to date widows or widowers?
carsonguy1951 Carson City, NV 64, joined Sep. 2008	Quote from iaminohio: Loneliness? Learn to deal with it. It's about time to grow up. Have you ever heard of the 1st Amendment? Your posts wonderfully explain with great clarity and in surprising detail why it is that you are divorced..... Sooner or later you will grow tired of insulting folks here and move on, but until then, please feel free to take your next shot at me. Frankly, I haven't had the opportunity to turn the other cheek in some time. I am one of those men who have dated....and if you think that I did not love or respect my wife of 27-years.... like I said, please feel free to take your best shot.
6/3/2010 11:38:22 PM	Why are people scared to date widows or widowers?
joni1955 Ridley Park, PA 61, joined Nov. 2009	Thanks Carson!!
6/3/2010 11:48:26 PM	Why are people scared to date widows or widowers?
recluse22 Woolwine, VA 62, joined May. 2010	Quote from carsonguy1951: Your posts wonderfully explain with great clarity and in surprising detail why it is that you are divorced..... Sooner or later you will grow tired of insulting folks here and move on, but until then, please feel free to take your next shot at me. Frankly, I haven't had the opportunity to turn the other cheek in some time. I am one of those men who have dated....and if you think that I did not love or respect my wife of 27-years.... like I said, please feel free to take your best shot. I think you scared her off Carson. Congrats!
6/3/2010 11:52:51 PM	Why are people scared to date widows or widowers?
joni1955 Ridley Park, PA 61, joined Nov. 2009	Hey, Carson, I saw here in the SWD Group also. I blocked her so I can't see what she is doing there.
6/3/2010 11:59:30 PM	Why are people scared to date widows or widowers?
iaminohio Cleveland, OH 65, joined Sep. 2008	Recluse, you don't have to conform to my way of life. Oh no, I don't expect that of you. The reason you fought the wars was because you were drafted. Of course, you can claim to the opposite as I expect, as there is no way on DH to either confirm or contradict your statement by the way other than your words. The "precious" amendments were enacted by our founding fathers, who no doubt knew what they were doing. You can comment all you want, I have no problem with that. Carson, thanks for enlightening me for the reason of my divorce. I wouldn't have known that. What would I do without you? I've already taken my shot, but thanks for reminding. Again, I want to express my condolences for your late spouses (it's for those who'd missed this statement of mine the 1st time around.) [Edited 6/4/2010 12:02:01 AM ]
6/4/2010 12:20:55 AM	Why are people scared to date widows or widowers?
recluse22 Woolwine, VA 62, joined May. 2010	Quote from iaminohio: Recluse, you don't have to conform to my way of life. Oh no, I don't expect that of you. The reason you fought the wars was because you were drafted. Of course, you can claim to the opposite as I expect, as there is no way on DH to either confirm or contradict your statement by the way other than your words. The "precious" amendments were enacted by our founding fathers, who no doubt knew what they were doing. You can comment all you want, I have no problem with that. Carson, thanks for enlightening me for the reason of my divorce. I wouldn't have known that. What would I do without you? I've already taken my shot, but thanks for reminding. Again, I want to express my condolences for your late spouses (it's for those who'd missed this statement of mine the 1st time around.) Okay I wasn't going to do this but... I was not drafted as you so implied, the Air Force does not draft. I joined, and I fought, not because I had to but because I thought it was the right thing to do. And I can confirm it, I still have my DD 214 (discharge papers, I am sure you wouldn't know that). And I can email them to anyone that doubts. Do you want to see my VA Hospital card too? As far as your offering condolences, thank you for that, but it does not give you the right to be hurtful to other people. You just lack the good graces of common people. And you have been hurtful to many here. I know, they have emailed me. So please take your common trash somewhere else.
6/4/2010 1:23:17 AM	Why are people scared to date widows or widowers?
iaminohio Cleveland, OH 65, joined Sep. 2008	Recluse dear, in this age of technology, one can easily create any document and e-mail it, too. So I wouldn't be surprised to see your alleged documents in e-mail. You're saying you were in Air Force, fine. I hope that you were honorably discharged. Ditto for your VA Hospital card. Some people in my family were fighting in WWll, but they don't brag about it, like you do. So go ahead, post your papers on the net. Whatever. Ah, people came to cry on your shoulder? That must have given an enormous boost to your ego. Now that you feel big and powerful man... but I am not discouraged from further posting. I don't see my original post as hurtful. I described a true story, an example from my life. What happened afterwards, was a snowball reaction, when everybody was raving and raging, efficiently leading everybody off the topic. Oh joy. You could have said, your opinion is this, and our opinion is that, and move on, but no, you carry on, keep on raving and raging, snowballing, etc. You finally noticed my condolences, what took you so long? Back to the topic. Have you noticed that this thread is titled as a question, namely, "Why are people scared to date widows or widowers?" When a question is asked, you should naturally expect an answer, don't ya think? Mine was an answer. Boy, am I glad that we don't live in the same city. I wouldn't want to be on the road with you. Talking about road rage... this must be your favorite pastime. Talk to you later.
6/4/2010 3:31:03 AM	Why are people scared to date widows or widowers?
looking4_prince Twin Falls, ID 63, joined Mar. 2009	Please go back to wherever you came from...we are a nice quiet group here,and we support each other in our grief...I'm not sure how you can have an opinion about something you have never experienced !! Divorced people are much more bitter than widows...you have insulted quite a few of our favorite posters and the group as a whole,by spewing your opinions about your wharped ,holier than thou bull...when this happens to you (becoming a widow) I sincerly hope there are people as kind as Carson,Lake,and Recluse to help you thru...until then PLEASE GO AWAY
6/4/2010 4:32:29 AM	Why are people scared to date widows or widowers?
whynotme57 Jacksonville, FL 58, joined Nov. 2009	Back to the topic. Have you noticed that this thread is titled as a question, namely, "Why are people scared to date widows or widowers?" Just because you are misirable and looking for someone to vent upon,this is the wrong place.You need to take your coments back to divorced due to the fact that you just don't belong here [Edited 6/4/2010 4:35:53 AM ]
6/4/2010 6:22:42 AM	Why are people scared to date widows or widowers?
iaminohio Cleveland, OH 65, joined Sep. 2008	Quote from looking4_prince: Please go back to wherever you came from...we are a nice quiet group here,and we support each other in our grief...I'm not sure how you can have an opinion about something you have never experienced !! Divorced people are much more bitter than widows...you have insulted quite a few of our favorite posters and the group as a whole,by spewing your opinions about your wharped ,holier than thou bull...when this happens to you (becoming a widow) I sincerly hope there are people as kind as Carson, Lake,and Recluse to help you thru...until then PLEASE GO AWAY I can have an opinion just about anything. And look at you, you, you sound pretty knowledgeable about how divorced people are "much bitter", although you are not divorced, correct? How come that you ban my opinion then? Amazing that you are not calling your own opinions "insult". Talking about double standards. BTW, your name looking4_prince doesn't indicate much grief. If I ever end up in a widowed situation, I will never turn to the "kind" people as those on your list. I am stronger than that, and no matter what happens, I don't need to whine on someone's shoulder just to get the attention and make their ego go through the roof. Oh please. But thanks for the advice. Please note: I don't accuse. Just comment and keep my cool. I was just trying to give you an insight on why dating a widow(er) makes people uneasy. Quote from whynotme57: Back to the topic. Have you noticed that this thread is titled as a question, namely, "Why are people scared to date widows or widowers?" Just because you are misirable and looking for someone to vent upon,t his is the wrong place. You need to take your coments back to divorced due to the fact that you just don't belong here I am not miserable but thanks for asking . BTW, please note the correct spelling. I am not the one who needs to vent, as opposed to most of the posters on this thread. I am here to express my opinion while answering the question in the thread, and at the same time exercising my 1st Amendment rights. I belong anywhere, this thread including. My post included an answer to the question in the thread, which surprisingly enough, produced so many angry replies. Apparently, some posters have trouble containing their feelings; they fail to realize that life's too short to keep on being angry; move on. The only groups I can't post on, are for 20's, 30's, and so on. Oh and probably in the Man's Land. On the positive note, it could be worse. They could be a family... OMG. I bet Road Rage is their favorite pastime, other than raving and raging on DH.
6/4/2010 7:22:13 AM	Why are people scared to date widows or widowers?
looking4_prince Twin Falls, ID 63, joined Mar. 2009	I didn't like your opinion because it was not what the widow's group is about..if you are so bitter go back to the divorced group or did they ask you to leave there too ?? We ARE asking you to leave..and slam the door behind your sorry ass...Of course if we start ignoring you....you won't have anyone to piss off !!
6/4/2010 7:51:53 AM	Why are people scared to date widows or widowers?
iaminohio Cleveland, OH 65, joined Sep. 2008	Dear looking4_prince, while I respect your opinion regarding what this group is about, you failed to read the question in the thread. It asks clearly, "Why are people scared to date widows or widowers?" My opinion is that you should question the OP why this thread was posted to begin with. I was just replying to it. Don't kill the messenger. Geez. Besides, the group's name is Widowers Group, not Widow's as you misread. Sorry to have disappointed you, but I am not bitter. What made you think so? Throughout this whole ordeal, I was the only one who kept my cool, while everybody around were raving and raging. What do you mean go back, I am posting all over the DH, and nobody asked me to leave. Do you have a problem with my sorry behind? No, I am not leaving, not in your wildest dreams. Not slamming the door either. I am still here, whether you like it or not. Until later. [Edited 6/4/2010 7:54:36 AM ]
6/4/2010 7:58:06 AM	Why are people scared to date widows or widowers?
looking4_prince Twin Falls, ID 63, joined Mar. 2009	bye !!...slams door...
6/4/2010 8:20:35 AM	Why are people scared to date widows or widowers?
iaminohio Cleveland, OH 65, joined Sep. 2008	Bravo! (as Jack Nicholson would have said lol) This is what I call self-service. When I wouldn't slam the door upon your request, then you'd go ahead and slam it yourself. Wonderful! Would you please make this thread go away, so I can't reply to it anymore? Please! Thanks for your response. What a beautiful example of ignoring someone, by posting a reply. You're a genius.
6/4/2010 8:51:58 AM	Why are people scared to date widows or widowers?
teddybo Orlando, FL 61, joined Sep. 2009	Love The Lake,,Bob, Carol and many others:: Thank you for your defense and kindness in this thread. There are many who read and do not post and some like me who post from time to time. We all have benefited greatly from your compassion and understanding. You have walked the same path as many of us. Lovetelake, thanks for your comments on a timeline...death can really confuse issues and you have a clear way of making things sound acceptable and OK..thank you. my simple 2 cents is :: in a divorce, one or both parties chose not to love anymore and to break the special bond.. no one is judging right or wrong, that is just part of divorce.. In the death of a spouse, love never ended and never will. The bond is eternal.
6/4/2010 9:26:29 AM	Why are people scared to date widows or widowers?
iaminohio Cleveland, OH 65, joined Sep. 2008	Right. That is why you're on a dating site.
6/4/2010 9:37:10 AM	Why are people scared to date widows or widowers?
teddybo Orlando, FL 61, joined Sep. 2009	Quote from iaminohio: Right. That is why you're on a dating site. YOUNG LADY, THERE IS NO NEED TO BE CRUEL AND RUDE WITH ME! I CAN DISH IT OUT TOO, BUT I CHOOSE TO SHOW RESTRAINT ON THIS VERY PRECIOUS AND EMOTIONAL SITE FOR PEOPLE THAT HAVE LOST A LOVING SPOUSE TO DEATH... I pray thay you will find a way to have much less bitterness in you heart and being, and learn, even at your age, to have compassion and a sense of service and kindness to all people. I sense you are lonely and bitter. I hope you find answers so you can have inner peace, or as much inner peace that is possible in today's world... peace and simple joy to you,, teddy [Edited 6/4/2010 9:42:17 AM ]
6/4/2010 9:52:32 AM	Why are people scared to date widows or widowers?
whynotme57 Jacksonville, FL 58, joined Nov. 2009	Well said and thank you Teddy
6/4/2010 10:21:07 AM	Why are people scared to date widows or widowers?
carsonguy1951 Carson City, NV 64, joined Sep. 2008	Quote from iaminohio: Again, I want to express my condolences for your late spouses (it's for those who'd missed this statement of mine the 1st time around.) Sort of like a snake that sends condolences for your runny nose after striking your leg with full venom. Folks, this gal will just continue to spew her venom until she makes herself feel better by hurting as many others as possible. My apologies to snakes...it was a poor example. Snakes only strike in defense or to kill for food.... They don't go out of their way to hurt others for sport. [Edited 6/4/2010 10:22:46 AM ]
6/4/2010 12:38:01 PM	Why are people scared to date widows or widowers?
joni1955 Ridley Park, PA 61, joined Nov. 2009	Well said, Carson!
6/4/2010 1:35:32 PM	Why are people scared to date widows or widowers?
funnyface4him Butler, PA 48, joined Mar. 2010	Quote from iaminohio: Right. That is why you're on a dating site ??????????????? [Edited 6/4/2010 1:37:51 PM ]
6/4/2010 1:38:15 PM	Why are people scared to date widows or widowers?
funnyface4him Butler, PA 48, joined Mar. 2010	Quote from iaminohio: Right. That is why you're on a dating site. If you go back to his posts you will notice the love that pours out of him for his wife. Just from reading them we know his wife Peggy. You can feel the love and His love for her without a question you can tell their love is forever. . Anyone can see that.He and so many others have helped so many,that's why they are here. He even gave you his blessing and wished you peace. He wasn't harmful in any way. He never judged you.that alone should show you what a kind and generous husband he was. I'm sure all of us here if we were given the chance to bring our loved one back we would do it in a heartbeat. But since we can't, we come in here to try and find ways to cope with losing our spouses. To even condemn him or question why he is in here is sad, and what is even sadder is that until you experience that level of love that they experienced together you won't understand it. I hope you do get the chance someday to experience that love,I really do. I remember when I searched for widow/widowers forums. This link came up. I joined because I was as lost as I could be. I wasn't looking for a replacement for my husband. It wasn't like he was washing machine that quit working. I was looking for a helping hand and yes a shoulder to cry on and warm arms to surround me when I was hurting. And guess what I found it all in this group especially from posts by Teddybo as he talked about his wife Peggy and from Recluse, Lovethelake. Carson and Joni and all the others as they shared sad,funny and heartwrenching stories of their loved ones.Because you see in here we share with each other and help each other. I found a safe haven here, people that understood, those that could help me and maybe I could help them. I don't consider this a dating site. I consider it my home. The place I can come to and feel safe. To cry, to vent, but most of all we come in here to honor our spouses and the love we shared and will always share with them, we honor our marriages. Most of our spouses told us to go on and find another not even just told us they made us promise. You know why they could do that don't you? Because they know we loved them. But they didn't want us to die because they did. They wanted us to go on and live because they never doubted our love neither did we doubt theirs. Do you think it was easy for us to hear them asking that? Or for them to give it to us? You really think that either of us even wanted to think that? They knew that someday we will be together again and then it would be forever. But until then they gave us their blessing to find another. And no one has a right to take that away from us. That was a contract we made with our spouses. How do we know when the time is going to be right or that the right person is there? Well I'm leaving that up to my heart to decide not someone else. Teddybo, Lovethelake, Recluse, Carson and Joni and all you others that give so much of yourselves to help others I thank you so much. Theresa Theresa [Edited 6/4/2010 1:46:05 PM ]
6/4/2010 2:14:42 PM	Why are people scared to date widows or widowers?
iaminohio Cleveland, OH 65, joined Sep. 2008	Ah, my friend Carson. I see you can't forget me. Even after I stopped posting for awhile, you still carry on. In some perverted way, you obviously enjoy our communication, which is why you keep on addressing me. How sweet. My condolences aren't good enough for you? Then I take them back, just like you did with that snake metaphor of yours. They weren't meant for your supposedly runny nose anyway. They were meant for your crocodile tears. (google that) Let me refresh your memory. I only replied to the original post, as well as to the question in the thread, namely "Why are people scared to date widows or widowers?" I think you're barking up the wrong tree; you should have asked the OP why this thread was posted to begin with. Chances are, it's inappropriate. This group was meant to be for grieving only, yet someone dared to boldly question the dating challenges. Which explains why you grieving widow(er)s are on a dating site lol. I gave you a full insight into the issue, but apparently you can't bear the truth. While attacking the messenger, you chose to hide behind the stereotype of a grieving widower, how convenient. Now you pretend to be hurt. Of course, this gives you an undivided attention, still you're unsatisfied. You're hard to please. It's not that I was trying to please you. IMO, it's silly to post something on a public forum and expect everyone to agree with you, how small minded that is. Disagreeing and honest answers absolutely, it's good to get a different perspective. Still here, yours truly. [Edited 6/4/2010 2:26:24 PM ]
6/4/2010 4:58:47 PM	Why are people scared to date widows or widowers?
carsonguy1951 Carson City, NV 64, joined Sep. 2008	Quote from iaminohio: While attacking the messenger, you chose to hide behind the stereotype of a grieving widower, how convenient. Now you pretend to be hurt. Some of the folks who post on this board don't quite understand why you seem to get so much enjoyment out of hurting others. I can't say I understand it either but have known folks who hide behind the anonymity of the internet to say the most cruel and hurtful things. I would just prefer you expend your venom on me rather than on the others who you have tried your best to hurt. To hurt me, I would have to think your opinions had at least an iota of value.... [Edited 6/4/2010 5:04:22 PM ]
6/4/2010 6:56:27 PM	Why are people scared to date widows or widowers?
lovethelake17 Henderson, NV 57, joined May. 2009	You are truly an amusing woman. I'm glad we've been able to accommodate your desire to correct, educate, and pontificate. I have no problem with you having an opinion, my original post to you was just to let you know your opinion is yours alone and the rest of us have ours. What your opinion is does not affect us nor cause us to fall into your, yes, I say it again, narrow confines of human behavior. I will, however, reiterate that you do not get to tell me what my morals and my values are, regardless if it's just your observation. Enjoy yourself, my dear. I'm actually chuckling away with your posts. Especially your decision that this group is only to grieve and discuss the various mourning we all have. Because, of course, in your view, we should mourn for the rest of our lives. Not that we actually may be, but that we be obvious about it so that you can be sure we are doing it right. Thank you, again for being the DH forum and group police. I shall endeavor to fit myself within your boundaries of correct widow behavior. Now go and tell others that I ranted and raved again. You make me smile. By the way, I don't block anyone. I have no problem with civil discourse, particularly when there is disagreement. Oh, did you need to Google 'civil discourse' or shall I explain it more clearly to you? I would be happy to, you know. Oh, and sweetie? I was married longer than five years. I would have loved to have had him longer, but that was not in God's plan. Since He didn't confer with me about it, I had no say. Not that I probably would have, anyway. That's kind of the way it works. I sincerely hope that you are blessed with all that you so richly deserve. God bless your sweet and caring heart. [Edited 6/4/2010 6:57:03 PM ]
6/4/2010 8:11:34 PM	Why are people scared to date widows or widowers?
joni1955 Ridley Park, PA 61, joined Nov. 2009	Quote from funnyface4him: If you go back to his posts you will notice the love that pours out of him for his wife. Just from reading them we know his wife Peggy. You can feel the love and His love for her without a question you can tell their love is forever. . Anyone can see that.He and so many others have helped so many,that's why they are here. He even gave you his blessing and wished you peace. He wasn't harmful in any way. He never judged you.that alone should show you what a kind and generous husband he was. I'm sure all of us here if we were given the chance to bring our loved one back we would do it in a heartbeat. But since we can't, we come in here to try and find ways to cope with losing our spouses. To even condemn him or question why he is in here is sad, and what is even sadder is that until you experience that level of love that they experienced together you won't understand it. I hope you do get the chance someday to experience that love,I really do. I remember when I searched for widow/widowers forums. This link came up. I joined because I was as lost as I could be. I wasn't looking for a replacement for my husband. It wasn't like he was washing machine that quit working. I was looking for a helping hand and yes a shoulder to cry on and warm arms to surround me when I was hurting. And guess what I found it all in this group especially from posts by Teddybo as he talked about his wife Peggy and from Recluse, Lovethelake. Carson and Joni and all the others as they shared sad,funny and heartwrenching stories of their loved ones.Because you see in here we share with each other and help each other. I found a safe haven here, people that understood, those that could help me and maybe I could help them. I don't consider this a dating site. I consider it my home. The place I can come to and feel safe. To cry, to vent, but most of all we come in here to honor our spouses and the love we shared and will always share with them, we honor our marriages. Most of our spouses told us to go on and find another not even just told us they made us promise. You know why they could do that don't you? Because they know we loved them. But they didn't want us to die because they did. They wanted us to go on and live because they never doubted our love neither did we doubt theirs. Do you think it was easy for us to hear them asking that? Or for them to give it to us? You really think that either of us even wanted to think that? They knew that someday we will be together again and then it would be forever. But until then they gave us their blessing to find another. And no one has a right to take that away from us. That was a contract we made with our spouses. How do we know when the time is going to be right or that the right person is there? Well I'm leaving that up to my heart to decide not someone else. Teddybo, Lovethelake, Recluse, Carson and Joni and all you others that give so much of yourselves to help others I thank you so much. Theresa Theresa Thank you too, Theresa! You are much loved by all of us.
6/4/2010 9:02:33 PM	Why are people scared to date widows or widowers?
nusunrise Summerfield, FL 57, joined Jun. 2010	Thank you Carsonguy 1951 I am new to this site. I appreciate you standing up for all those who are grieving. Just what little I read of her posts, brought on more tears. Tears that one could be so unfeeling and inhumane to the pain of others. It appears to me that iaminohio has some deep seated psycological issues. I am hurting deeply from the loss of my husband 4 months ago. Many of us on here are on here because not only are we hurting deeply and needing extra reassurance. But we are looking for answers and understanding. We are not neccessarily looking for love but a common ground to help fill that big aching void in our chest. Yes, to be held and be able to communicate and express without inhibition what we are feeling. I think I can understand why some may be scared to date a widow or widower. Now that I am a widow, I don't know if I could date someone that hasn't been there. I fear that a single/divorced person can not fully understand the emotions of being widowed, those unexpected, out of the blue, side blinded moments that catch you completely off guard. Perhaps in time, I will feel differently.
6/4/2010 9:20:58 PM	Why are people scared to date widows or widowers?
puppyluv47 Hillsboro, OH 52, joined Apr. 2010	Quote from lovethelake17: You are wrong. You do not get to decide how someone else mourns or grieves or gets over anything, be that a divorce or a death. You do not get decide length or duration. And you do not get to decide whether or not that means they loved someone. You only get to decide what you do for yourself. But to place your judgments on someone else and say they couldn't possibly have loved someone if they chose to look for another love to share is simply unbelievable to me. What is your criteria? 5 years married = 5 years grieving, and so on? Must they wear black, too? I don't think anyone has said that being a widow/er automatically implies that we were happily married, although I think you'd find most of us were. None of us have said that our marriages didn't sometimes have some rocky spots at times. It is evident you cannot relate to someone who is widowed as opposed to divorced. I'd venture a guess that you cannot relate to anyone who doesn't fit into your narrow value judgments. You know, normally people don't have to be something to be able to relate. I have to assume that you do indeed have a problem dating someone who is a widower, whether or not you call it a preference. But you go right ahead and date others. I'm sure no widower will be upset. You know, everyone else was quite nice to you here. But you really angered me, and I don't anger easily. I also don't suffer fools gladly. Awesome!! Well said!! I am not widowed, I am however divorced. It broke my heart as I had married for forever. He obviously didn't. But, I have watched my Mom, after my Dad's death lose her health. She just existed. Sometimes she expected me and my sister to be there 24/7 to fill some of the void. I often wished she had found someone new, I think she would have been a much happier person. There is no protocol to how long a person grieves. Also, just because a person sees someone else, does not mean that they are no longer grieving. Sometimes, a spouse will make it known as a last wish that they want their spouse to find someone else. They love them enough to want them to go on with life. You cannot die, because your spouse did. You have to keep living.
6/4/2010 9:41:48 PM	Why are people scared to date widows or widowers?
joni1955 Ridley Park, PA 61, joined Nov. 2009	Welcome nusunrise!! I was divorced but I have nothing but good memories of my husband. He stood by me when I didn't deserve it. And, when he died, I knew he still loved me. I am honored to be considered his widow. Thank you for coming here puppy, and for your input.
6/4/2010 9:58:38 PM	Why are people scared to date widows or widowers?
nusunrise Summerfield, FL 57, joined Jun. 2010	Thank you Joni1955
6/4/2010 11:49:41 PM	Why are people scared to date widows or widowers?
recluse22 Woolwine, VA 62, joined May. 2010	Quote from nusunrise: Thank you Carsonguy 1951 I am new to this site. I appreciate you standing up for all those who are grieving. Just what little I read of her posts, brought on more tears. Tears that one could be so unfeeling and inhumane to the pain of others. It appears to me that iaminohio has some deep seated psycological issues. I am hurting deeply from the loss of my husband 4 months ago. Many of us on here are on here because not only are we hurting deeply and needing extra reassurance. But we are looking for answers and understanding. We are not neccessarily looking for love but a common ground to help fill that big aching void in our chest. Yes, to be held and be able to communicate and express without inhibition what we are feeling. I think I can understand why some may be scared to date a widow or widower. Now that I am a widow, I don't know if I could date someone that hasn't been there. I fear that a single/divorced person can not fully understand the emotions of being widowed, those unexpected, out of the blue, side blinded moments that catch you completely off guard. Perhaps in time, I will feel differently. Nusunrise, rest assured that iaminohio's opinions are strictly her own. You will find the rest of us sympathetic and supportive. We are here for you like I know you will be for us. This is our little corner of the world where we gather to share our fears and pain and grieve with others going through the same thing. So feel free to vent, grieve, and share with us. It helps. Bob
6/4/2010 11:59:22 PM	Why are people scared to date widows or widowers?
joni1955 Ridley Park, PA 61, joined Nov. 2009	Yes it does and if she bothers you, flag and block her and she won't be able to do it again. We are here to support each other. That is not her agenda, however.
6/5/2010 1:14:05 AM	Why are people scared to date widows or widowers?
puppyluv47 Hillsboro, OH 52, joined Apr. 2010	Quote from nusunrise: Thank you Carsonguy 1951 I am new to this site. I appreciate you standing up for all those who are grieving. Just what little I read of her posts, brought on more tears. Tears that one could be so unfeeling and inhumane to the pain of others. It appears to me that iaminohio has some deep seated psycological issues. I am hurting deeply from the loss of my husband 4 months ago. Many of us on here are on here because not only are we hurting deeply and needing extra reassurance. But we are looking for answers and understanding. We are not neccessarily looking for love but a common ground to help fill that big aching void in our chest. Yes, to be held and be able to communicate and express without inhibition what we are feeling. I think I can understand why some may be scared to date a widow or widower. Now that I am a widow, I don't know if I could date someone that hasn't been there. I fear that a single/divorced person can not fully understand the emotions of being widowed, those unexpected, out of the blue, side blinded moments that catch you completely off guard. Perhaps in time, I will feel differently. Do not let her upset you. She hasn't a clue what she is talking about. As for divorced people. Some understand more than you may realize, depending on the circumstances. I was married for 12 1/2 years. He swore he loved me, took the marriage oath and walked out on me and our 9 year old sons. I was hurt, confused, angry. I could not understand how he could walk out and leave us. I almost died from it. The main difference is, mine chose to leave. Your husband didn't have that choice. We all have that appointment with death. I hope and pray that God will soon heal your heart. Here is something that I share at times. I lost my Dad 12 1/2 years ago. At first I missed him terribly. When I missed him the most, I would pray and ask God to tell Dad that I love him and miss him. I would instantly feel better. I knew at that moment that God did what I asked of Him. I know it's not the same as losing a spouse, because a spouse is your soulmate. But, I am sharing it because maybe it will help you in the healing process. Take care and God Bless. We are here for you, when you need us. [Edited 6/5/2010 1:26:13 AM ]
6/5/2010 1:15:11 AM	Why are people scared to date widows or widowers?
puppyluv47 Hillsboro, OH 52, joined Apr. 2010	Quote from recluse22: Nusunrise, rest assured that iaminohio's opinions are strictly her own. You will find the rest of us sympathetic and supportive. We are here for you like I know you will be for us. This is our little corner of the world where we gather to share our fears and pain and grieve with others going through the same thing. So feel free to vent, grieve, and share with us. It helps. Bob
6/5/2010 1:19:39 AM	Why are people scared to date widows or widowers?
funnyface4him Butler, PA 48, joined Mar. 2010	Puppylove, I'm sorry hun that your spouse didn't realize the gem he had in you and your boys. I wish you well in finding someone that can provide the love that you deserve. You hang in there hun. Theresa
6/5/2010 1:23:37 AM	Why are people scared to date widows or widowers?
puppyluv47 Hillsboro, OH 52, joined Apr. 2010	I will. And I certainly hope you all didn't mind my posting. I hate to see anyone hurt. As far as the thread question, I would be honored to date a widower. Someone who has stayed the course with their spouse. Stay blessed, all of you. My heart is with you all.
6/5/2010 1:25:57 AM	Why are people scared to date widows or widowers?
joni1955 Ridley Park, PA 61, joined Nov. 2009	I can't speak for the rest, but you are most welcome here! I do hope you meet that someone special and will be happy.
6/5/2010 1:36:37 AM	Why are people scared to date widows or widowers?
recluse22 Woolwine, VA 62, joined May. 2010	Quote from puppyluv47: I will. And I certainly hope you all didn't mind my posting. I hate to see anyone hurt. As far as the thread question, I would be honored to date a widower. Someone who has stayed the course with their spouse. Stay blessed, all of you. My heart is with you all. Puppy, don't let our general, coverall statements deter you. I realize there are many divorcees out there that would welcome a widow/er as a mate. That is what started this thread. We have always thought we would have the advantage of knowing what makes a marriage work. What was revealed was that many divorcees considered us to have the baggage of the lost love and a never ending comparison. I am sure there is a certain amount of truth to any of these statements. So thank you for understanding and you are welcome here any time.
6/5/2010 1:40:54 AM	Why are people scared to date widows or widowers?
joni1955 Ridley Park, PA 61, joined Nov. 2009	Hey guys, I am bringing in reinforcements!!
6/5/2010 2:27:02 AM	Why are people scared to date widows or widowers?
puppyluv47 Hillsboro, OH 52, joined Apr. 2010	Quote from joni1955: Hey guys, I am bringing in reinforcements!! Yes, but did you know she'd be a rotten little fireball? Seriously, I appreciate the acceptance. As I said before, I am divorced. But it hurt me terribly. And I've watched my Mom after my Dad passed away. It does give an awareness, of what a widow/er feels. With divorce, sometimes it's a relief, and sometimes it's a death without a funeral. [Edited 6/5/2010 2:34:17 AM ]
6/5/2010 2:28:40 AM	Why are people scared to date widows or widowers?
recluse22 Woolwine, VA 62, joined May. 2010	Quote from puppyluv47: Yes, but did you know she'd be a rotten little fireball? I guess every one has to be something, and she is something!!!! Bob

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