Joke Thread... post em here!

12/11/2007 8:49:34 AM	Joke Thread... post em here!
bluboy Elsberry, MO age: 56 online now!	An old man, Mr. Wallace, was living the last of his life in a nursing home. One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed. Nurse Tracy asked if there was anything wrong. "Yes, Nurse Tracy," said Mr. Wallace, "My Private Part died today, and I am very sad." Knowing her patients were forgetful and sometimes a little crazy, she replied, "Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr. Wallace, please accept my condolences." The following day, Mr. Wallace was walking down the hall with his Private Part hanging out his pajamas, when he met Nurse Tracy. "Mr. Wallace," she said, "you shouldn't be walking down the hall like that. Please put your Private Part back inside your pajamas." But, Nurse Tracy," replied Mr. Wallace, “I told you yesterday that my Private Part died." "Yes, you did tell me that, but why is it hanging out of your pajamas?" You gotta love this. "Well, he replied, 'Today's the viewing Later, Blu : Be Happy,Sasfe and many Blessings.
12/12/2007 12:37:06 PM	Joke Thread... post em here!
herefromminsk Charlottesville, VA age: 70	Poof!, the Light Goes Off ! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A 90-year-old man goes for a physical. All of his tests come back with normal results. The doctor says, 'George, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?' George replies, 'God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he's fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof!, the light goes on. When I'm done, poof!, the light goes off.' 'Wow, that's incredible,' the doctor says. A little later in the day, the doctor calls George's wife. 'Ethel,' he says, 'George is doing fine but I had to call you because I'm in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and poof !, the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he's done, poof! the light goes off?' 'OH MY GOODNESS!' Ethel exclaims. 'He's peeing in the fridge again --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
12/12/2007 4:23:07 PM	Joke Thread... post em here!
radeon250 Rapid City, SD age: 51	Earl and Bubba are quietly sitting in a boat fishing, chewing and Drinking beer when suddenly Bubba says, 'I think I'm gonna Divorce my wife - she ain't spoke to me in over 2 months.' Earl spits, sips his beer and says, 'Better think it over - - - - - Women like that are hard to find.'
12/13/2007 7:18:11 AM	Joke Thread... post em here!
herefromminsk Charlottesville, VA age: 70	Poodle & the Leopard A Wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa , taking her faithful aged poodle named Cuddles, along for the company. One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch. The old poodle thinks, 'Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!' Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap the old poodle exclaims loudly, 'Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?' Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. 'Whew!', says the leopard, 'That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!' Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, 'Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine! Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, 'What am I going to do now?', but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says. 'Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard! Moral of this story.... Don't mess with old farts...age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! Bullshit and brilliance only come with age and experience. I am in no way insinuating that any of you are old, some are just more youthfully challenged.
12/13/2007 3:59:39 PM	Joke Thread... post em here!
cottagebithec Utica, NY age: 60	bluboy... I worked with the elderly for over forty years, believe me when I tell you, IT'S the last thing to die!
12/14/2007 3:26:50 PM	Joke Thread... post em here!
patrick49 Marion, NC age: 58	If this does not make you laugh out loud, you have lost your sense of humor. The other night I was invited out for a night with the 'girls.' I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, 'I promise!' Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed. 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT !) The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him 'MIDNIGHT'... he didn't seem pissed off in the least. Whew, I got away with that one! Then he said 'We need a new cuckoo clock.' When I asked him why, he said, 'Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said 'oh sh!#$.' Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.'
12/14/2007 4:03:26 PM	Joke Thread... post em here!
mrsmiles4444 Culpeper, VA age: 51	3 dogs are walking down the street. A boxer, a lab, and a chiwhawha. Across the street comes a gorgeous poodle, and of course the 3 male dog run over to court her. " Boys, boys" she says. " I know you all want me, yet I can only date one of you." " Here's what I suggest. The one that uses the words Liver and cheese in a sentence best will win a date with me." " I love liver and cheese" says the boxer " Good" she says " If you date me, I'll shower you with liver and cheese." Said the lab " Ooooooh she said The Chiwhawha was just sitting there taking all this in and got up slowly, turned to the other male dogs and said. " Liver alone cheese mine." [Edited 12/14/2007 4:30:26 PM]
12/14/2007 7:12:15 PM	Joke Thread... post em here!
sassy_lassy Kingston, TN age: 65	Some crazy facts why men thinks poker is better than sex....( and they wonder why they sleep alone) 1.You can play poker 24 hours continuously 2.There are no such days when you can’t play poker 3.You don’t have buy champagne and flowers each time in order to play poker 4.When you play poker you aren’t asked? Whether you play poker somewhere else and when you played it for first time 5.You may play poker on several tables simultaneously, without long arrangements 6.Simultaneously with the game in poker you can drink beer, smoke cigarettes, watch TV 7.Poker won’t ask you if you have another poker 8.You can play poker at presence of your friends, parents, common spectators 9.When you have finished a game of poker you can begin new one just in a few minutes 10.After playing poker you don’t keep tripping and you don’t have backache 11.You are’t obliged to marry your opponents 12.If you are suddenly bored with playing poker you can quit everything and leave at any moment 13.Poker won’t infect you with anything 14.After a game of poker, there is no risk to become a father MY favorite one..... 15.If you have fallen asleep over game of poker or lose your shirt, you won’t be chucked out just in grannie panties (lol).
12/14/2007 7:33:16 PM	Joke Thread... post em here!
sassy_lassy Kingston, TN age: 65	A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices sign out of the corner of his eye. It reads: Sisters of St. Francis House of Prostitution, 10 Miles. He thinks it’s a figment of his imagination and drives on without second thought. Soon he sees another sign, which says: Sisters of St. Francis House of Prostitution, Next Right. His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive. On the far side of the parking lot is a stone building with a small sign next to the door reading: Sisters of St. Francis. He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks, “What may we do for you, my son?”. He answers, “I saw your signs along the highway, and was interested in possibly doing business.” “Very well, my son. Please follow me.” He does as he is told and another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup, instructs, “Please place $100 in the cup, then go through the large wooden door at the end of this hallway”. He gets $100 out of his wallet and places it in the second nuns cup. He trots eagerly down the hall and slips through the door, pulling it shut behind him. As the door locks behind him, he finds himself back in the parking lot, facing another small sign: Go in Peace. You Have Just Been Screwed By The Sisters of St. Francis. Serves You Right, You Sinner!
12/15/2007 12:59:17 PM	Joke Thread... post em here!
sorprano Wayne, NJ age: 55 online now!	??? [Edited 12/15/2007 1:07:59 PM]
12/15/2007 1:04:46 PM	Joke Thread... post em here!
lawvixen Oldsmar, FL age: 54 online now!	... [Edited 12/15/2007 1:14:41 PM]
12/15/2007 1:06:10 PM	Joke Thread... post em here!
sorprano Wayne, NJ age: 55 online now!	me too [Edited 12/15/2007 1:08:25 PM]
12/15/2007 1:07:43 PM	Joke Thread... post em here!
lawvixen Oldsmar, FL age: 54 online now!	... [Edited 12/15/2007 1:15:09 PM]
12/15/2007 1:16:23 PM	Joke Thread... post em here!
maxlite777 Louisville, KY age: 59	Black-Guy stumbles across a Bottle on the beach.....Let's make a long story short...Is granted 3 wishes I want to be White, Uptight and Out Of Sight Smart-Ass Genie POOFS! Makes Him A Tampon...
12/15/2007 1:23:14 PM	Joke Thread... post em here!
emt854 Appleton, WI age: 53

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