How have you recovered from abuse in your past?

12/29/2007 2:13:28 PM	How have you recovered from abuse in your past?
kinkycapitalist Atlanta, GA age: 52	I forced my self on my self, repeadedly as a young man to the point of rape by my left hand and right. I have recovered by using women to forget the early abuse.
12/29/2007 2:25:56 PM	How have you recovered from abuse in your past?
writerman57 Jacksonville, FL age: 57	mr capitalist: I am sure that you meant to add humor to the thread, but I assure you that it is not appropriate here. If you have read through the posts, no one is making fun here. I think that I can speak for the group and respectfully ask you to edit out your post here. John
12/29/2007 4:05:41 PM	How have you recovered from abuse in your past?
nashoba_miko Bethany, OK age: 38	yes capitalist, please edit out...there are other threads which are more tolerable of that same comment, this one isnt it.
12/29/2007 5:35:54 PM	How have you recovered from abuse in your past?
charlesdecker Sun Valley, CA age: 37	I was never abused, and I have never abused anyone. And what Kink said was a little fcked up, I suppose. But what's fcking with me right now is that the Patriots are losing. Edit: I am truly sorry for those who have been abused. Some deal with it in the way that they can live a "normal" life. Some never get over it. I guess that is why I have loved my parents the way I have. They weren't perfect, no parent is. But they always did their best, and they never hit me, never yelled at me without a good reason, and they always loved me. And I am so grateful for that. [Edited 12/29/2007 5:41:13 PM]
12/29/2007 6:51:40 PM	How have you recovered from abuse in your past?
writerman57 Jacksonville, FL age: 57	Yes it is good to know that there were kids who had good parents and a happy childhood. Sometimes you wonder if everyone wasn't abused?
12/30/2007 6:46:33 AM	How have you recovered from abuse in your past?
thankuvets Choctaw, OK age: 39	First of all, to all of us that have been abused and especially to all of those that are still having problems either facing it, or cant figure out how to deal with it, I understand that. My dad was the greatest man I have ever known, and I have known some very good role models growing up. My problem was my mother, she left when I was young and stayed gone for many years, but when she came back, I would spend summers with her and I regret everyone of the days I did spend with her... I wont go into details for one simple reason, what she did and how she screwed me up is over, I faced it, and moved on. It took many years, but I am now a better person, cost my a marriage to figure it out, took some intense therapy to realize it was not my fault but hers. My wish is that everyone knows this, abuse hurts, yes, but never stop seeking help, I understand that for those that trully want help, having to face it with another person like a therapist is the most hardest thing to do ever. I did it, and it still bothers me sometimes to think I poured out my heart to a stranger like that. I married a girl, yes, I say girl, we were very young, she alot younger, was abused in just about everyway possible, ALL ways. I love her still and could never be mad at her, strictly for what she has gone through, cause to hate her would say to her that she was worthless. I dont like what she did and what I did, and it cost us a divorce, but she is still a woman that had to deal with things, as did I and we loved each other deeply at times. I will say that our marriage was full of love at times but not the reason we got married, I wanted the pain of loneliness to stop and I didnt want her to be abused anymore. It worked for 17 years, had two great kids, but it didnt stop us seperating in the end.. As for the pain, I will tell you all this, you CAN NOT HIDE from the pain, you will have to someday face it, move on and live, I did for one reason, I wont let anyone destroy my life, I will live happy and crazy and wild and enjoy life just so they cant have that happiness, or take my joy away.. Get help, talk, if you just cant do it with a therapist, which is best, then find a friend that you trust and talk to them. I have been helped by friends and I have helped some back. I spend alot of time with PTSD sufferers from wars, my Vets as I call them are my brothers and fathers, and I love them all dearly. Some handle it different than others, some dont... I am there for them all the same no matter what. Please understand this, abuse is common, it sucks, but how you choose to deal with it, give power to it, or face it, is up to you. I know that sounds hard and uncaring, trust me it is not. Its just the facts, you were abused, you cant change it, but you can change the way you deal with it. It will be hard, but you keep it inside, you dont let it out or get help, then you will lose in the end. I did, cost me everything I hold dear, my wife, my normal life, my kids, everything. Divorce sucks, but its not the end of the world. If I have removed my walls years ago, I would still be happy and married. The walls are the abuse that dont want you to be happy, and yet we hold onto them cause there safe to us. I smashed my walls and built me a loving, caring and honest person in there place. I have many friends now that I would die for and I can say now that I love me, and until you can do that, no amount of laughter, and joy and playing around will stop the pain.. I did that for 28 years, and the last year or so were hard, the last 2 months have been my happiest, funnest times of my life, I feel like a kid again, loving life and I will never let anyone hurt me again. Tear down the walls, talk to someone, get it out, face it and trust me, you will be surprised just how beautiful life can be, I know that reading this and seeing how happy I am, you will say, YEAH right, he just dont know, YES, I do know, and I also know you dont and cant believe this, I was the same way. Please, get help, be brave, strong, and solid, take that fear and anger and use it to help yourself and dont give the power to it, that is what keeps you down, use it to make yourself strong.. I wish you all good luck and much joy, you dont know me, but I am a good person that just wants to see everyone happy, I hate to see sadness in anyone. I am always there for my friends and anyone that wants to trully stop the pain. Good Luck to you..
12/30/2007 7:40:17 AM	How have you recovered from abuse in your past?
dkitten Amelia, OH age: 31	I've been all over the place with abuse. For me at least, the emotional, verbal abuse are/ have been MUCH more difucult to recover from. In back to back relationships i got involved with VERY physicaly attractive men who also turned out to be emotionaly UGLY!!! I've been told it's my fault i've been cheated on, ignored, emotional cut off. When the person you love more than anything in the world or the father of our childrren ( those were not same men for me). When they can point blank look you in the face & tell you you're too heavy, stupid, never going to do/ get any better/ don't deserve what you have to begin with, cheat on you. Basicaly emotionaly bankrupt you... After awhile you begin to beleive that. I understand i am not those things, those were attempts to control me. but still everyday i look in the mirror and find something to hate. i'm getting help. but emotional abuse has been much more difucult for me to heal.. i have had physical abuse too but bones heal, cuts stop bleeding.. some stitches or compress take care of a cut up face..... still trying to find how to stop the bleeding from my heart and soul!!!
12/30/2007 7:47:33 AM	How have you recovered from abuse in your past?
writerman57 Jacksonville, FL age: 57	wow, sometimes it is good to just get out of the way and yield the floor to those who have come through it. Vets, what an outstanding job that you have done in encouraging others. It also shows that abuse does not just happen to women. Thanks for sharing. People, keep up the good work here. You have no idea whom you may help. I sincerely want to thank all who have posted on here. I could not think of a better more worthy thread to have on here and what a difference it can make
12/30/2007 9:02:10 AM	How have you recovered from abuse in your past?
nashoba_miko Bethany, OK age: 38	Dkitten, I COMPLETELY understand the emotional abuse also...seems the physical (and plain old emotional one) abuser justifies their actions by demeaning you. My first ex ACTUALLY wrote me a letter after I left him ADMITTING it. I still have it...19 years later. He has changed and we have a semi friendship thing because of our son. Stay with friends who see the REAL you when you start to have self doubts.
12/30/2007 1:19:38 PM	How have you recovered from abuse in your past?
lotus3 Venice, FL age: 55 online now!	dkitten...I was sexually abused as a young girl, then during my 2nd marriage, was physically abused, and came very close to having my life snuffed out...my last relationship which was about 17 years ago...and before I finally got the therapy, and help I needed...was the emotional abuse. I do laugh now, when I think one of the first question I posed to him was..."Have you ever hit a woman?" when he replied no...which turned out to be true...I went for it....only to find the emotional abuse, inflicted on a person is truly the hardest one to reconcile. Towards the end of the relationship, which was dying a very slow death...I was walking by a store...and caught a reflection of myself (did not realize it was me) stooped over, head down and a slow dejected walk! I was totally shocked when I realized I was looking at myself. It was then, due to the therapy I had recieved for the sexual abuse....I made myself leave this man. Since then, by taking care of my physical, and emotional health, surrounding myself with healthy people, not allowing myself to get lost in alcohol..I walk with confidence, head held high, and a definite glow...I love myself...such a simple little thing...to love ones self. I often see women on the street, that walk, with what I call the walk of shame...and I just want to reach out, put my arms around them...and tell them it does not have to be this way.
12/30/2007 1:41:20 PM	How have you recovered from abuse in your past?
woman1031 Hanover, PA age: 48	Vet that was awsome. Once you are out of the abusive situation you are no longer a victim unless you choose not to face it and deal with it. Get therapy. I did one and one and group. You will meet the most outstanding people (like Vet) at these therapy sessions. There is no judgement, only compassion and understanding. I am were I am today because of the many brave ex-victims who helped to pull me up. Just reach your hand out and watch the masses that come to your aide.
12/30/2007 2:21:55 PM	How have you recovered from abuse in your past?
cleek Rockville, MD age: 30	i never was abused....i dont take crap!
12/30/2007 2:39:19 PM	How have you recovered from abuse in your past?
drummrboy Belmont, MA age: 43 online now!	Alright, let me ask this question? If you are in a relationship with someone who has been abused in the past, and it is affecting the realtionship, how do you break through that wall to help that person deal with their abuse? I think it's great that people are openly discussing this issue, because it is important. But if you're the person on the outside looking in, how do you cope with someone who is struggling with their own abuse issues?
12/30/2007 2:59:22 PM	How have you recovered from abuse in your past?
wildfire200184 Lindale, GA age: 33	I don't know if me and my son will ever forget the abuse we went through.What make it so bad is when the kid get abuse and he dreams about it every night.Crystal
12/30/2007 7:13:56 PM	How have you recovered from abuse in your past?
thankuvets Choctaw, OK age: 39	Drummer, I know this too, my EX was abused badly, but being that I was too, maybe it helped us to work it for awhile.. As for what to do, well, my friend, time and never try to understand, just be there for them, when they want to talk, be compassionate, helpful and care.. You havent been through it, so you will NEVER know, but you can listen, be caring and do what they need to help them.. I tend to listen, then just sit quietly by there side, but that dont work for everyone, some need to vent, some dont want to discuss it, when the time is rigth they will open up.. Never try to control the situation, dont hold them back no matter what they want, let them try what the need to try... Give them space when they need it, its hard at times, cause you want to help so bad it hurts, but sometimes you just cant.. Stand by them, that is the best thing.. Good luck.

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