| 12/29/2007 6:00:02 AM |
Advice? - What would you do? |
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bigdaddy86
Carbondale, IL
age: 23
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Ok -
I don't know any of you, so I don't have a problem telling the whole story. I was with my wife for about 2 years and we got married and had a baby in June. She's in the Army, and in mid-October she was in the field on a training exercise. She called me and told me she wanted a divorce and she wanted me to take our daughter and leave. I talked her into letting us stay until she got home so we could talk. We talked and decided to take a break for a couple weeks so she could sort out her feelings. So I took my daughter to stay with some family.
Within 4 days she had went through our entire savings partying. I came back, we had a fight/talked and she told me she had cheated on me while I was gone, and she had been cheating on me for about a month while she was 7 months pregnant. At first she agreed to let me have custody, but now she's starting to back out on that (I still have our daughter currently). I know she loves our daughter, but she's really not a good mother.
Now, the Army doesn't take adultery very well and it is punishable under military law. There are also other things she's done in her past that prove she's not all there in the head. My question is, do I call her commander and let him know everything? And basically guarentee getting custody of our daughter? Or do I give her a chance to change, so our daughter doesn't have to grow up without one of her parents? (We're definitely getting a divorce, but I'm scared the judge won't let her see her daughter if I air everything out..)
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| 12/29/2007 6:04:02 AM |
Advice? - What would you do? |
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emt854
Appleton, WI
age: 53
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That is a tough one..I guess you have to go with your heart..you know whats best for you and your daughter. How could any woman tell her husband to leave and take their daughter..sounds like she needs some help and maybe telling the Army will get her the help she needs.
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| 12/29/2007 6:11:10 AM |
Advice? - What would you do? |
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garnetlady
Cincinnati, OH
age: 48
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My advice is to always do what is best for the child. Follow your heart hon..good luck.
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| 12/29/2007 6:12:05 AM |
Advice? - What would you do? |
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arreis
Cottonwood, AZ
age: 46 online now!
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I think that I would talk to her commander....He/She, has spent more time with your wife than anyone else....get their opinion on the stability of your childs, mother. Maybe right now, your wife doesent want to be a mother. Then what good would that do your child?.....I am sure in time your childs, mother will see what has gone wrong. Do what is best for the child first....Good Luck....
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| 12/29/2007 6:17:17 AM |
Advice? - What would you do? |
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steak_king
Whitmore Lake, MI
age: 50
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Take the child. If you ever think you're going to change someone in any way that won't work. Let aloone someone that sleeps around AND doesn't want the child. I'd talk to a lawyer for their input myself.
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| 12/29/2007 6:22:25 AM |
Advice? - What would you do? |
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lolo4fun
Rancho Cucamonga, CA
age: 37
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Do whats best for the child, even if that means growing up with only one parent. If she's a good mom, like you said, she'll get her shit together. You don't say, but if she is partying to the tune of drugs I would definitely take that child and tell whoever you have to in order to insure custody!
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| 12/29/2007 6:22:25 AM |
Advice? - What would you do? |
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bigdaddy86
Carbondale, IL
age: 23
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I know the stability of my wife. She's f*cked up in the head. When she was 18, she was committed for 3 days for snapping out and holding a knife to her mom's throat. The only reason she's in the Army right now is because her recruiter, who she was sleeping with at the time, shredded the paperwork on it. She's told me she's lied so much about herself, she doesn't even really know what the truth is anymore. She lost her virginity when she was 18, and by the time she was 21 she had slept with over 80 men. She's got issues.
You all keep telling me to follow my heart..But my heart is torn. I know that my daughter would be perfectly fine without ever knowing her mother and that I would have no problems at all raising her by myself. And I really feel that my wife doesn't deserve to see her after what she's done to us. But I know there's good in my wife. I've seen it. That's why I married her. And I would love for her to be in our daughter's life if she CAN change..I just don't know if she can ever get over her problems fully.
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| 12/29/2007 6:25:12 AM |
Advice? - What would you do? |
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steak_king
Whitmore Lake, MI
age: 50
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Walk away is what I say
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| 12/29/2007 6:27:33 AM |
Advice? - What would you do? |
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lolo4fun
Rancho Cucamonga, CA
age: 37
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More like run and don't look back! If she does seriously change then she'll come looking for you. I wouldn't try to change her or look for the good in her anymore. She'll change when she's ready and not a moment before! If the love of a good man and her daughter arent enough for her to want to be a good person than f*ck her, you don't need or want someone like that in your life!
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| 12/29/2007 6:35:17 AM |
Advice? - What would you do? |
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trish222
Berwick, PA
age: 45
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Break ups are tuff...understanable. are you also in the army? you must ask yourself without spite how will you effect her career if you air your personal life to the commander? right now she is not thinking clearly,and belonging to the army this contract must come first. im sure something is happening in her life which would cause her to party your savings away. my advice to you is keep your daughter, but do it in a legal form, as far as talking to the commander i wouldnt. you may want to suggest couseling and document everything, by doing this it will be your proof that you are a mature father and are looking for expert advice. if you truly feel her behavior is not normal in the battle for your daughter an evaluation for mental stability on her mom can be obtained. try to handle this in a manner that truely shows your intrest here is for the child, and nothing else.
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| 12/29/2007 6:36:59 AM |
Advice? - What would you do? |
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steak_king
Whitmore Lake, MI
age: 50
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yeah, what lolo said 
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| 12/29/2007 6:39:56 AM |
Advice? - What would you do? |
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vintage57
Galesburg, IL
age: 50
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Yea,I believe its over when "I need to take a break" is said !!
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| 12/29/2007 6:41:07 AM |
Advice? - What would you do? |
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allinthedo
Tracy, CA
age: 29
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Keep your little girl. Tell her commander everything. She will see your daughter but when the judge says she can. Your daughter will love you for the rest of your life. Your X obviously doesen't love you any more.
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| 12/29/2007 7:01:44 AM |
Advice? - What would you do? |
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wisegirl33
Queensland
Australia
age: 43
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You need to let go of your wife and think of the welfare of the child. I have never had any children myself, but personally, if I had....the child would always come first in my life before myself. YOu can speak confidentially with a therapist in the Service (all of the armed forces have them) to discuss issues related to "speaking to your NCO at a later time". Seek confidential assistance first, but go for custody of the child. If you are as responsible as you say you are - you should be the one who has sole parental and custodial rights of the child. Good luck to you.
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| 12/29/2007 7:05:55 AM |
Advice? - What would you do? |
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nopretense
Harleysville, PA
age: 47
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I think that, to protect your daughter, you do what you have to do and get full custody. Taking everything you say at face value, your wife is unstable and you need to have control.
You said "I'm scared the judge won't let her see her daughter if I air everything out." Don't worry about that. You get custody then you can let them have time together to the extent that it is good for your little girl. A judge won't forbid you from allowing that to happen. All they will do is leave the control in your hands, which is what you want.
Good luck.
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