| 1/4/2008 5:38:59 AM |
He lies, cheats and does drugs - what am I doing? |
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spyder03
Big Spring, TX
age: 47
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I met him 25 years ago and we were together for 5 years - I found out I was pregnant and he didn't want to be a daddy so we split up. He showed up when she was born on his birthday. Then he was gone again for 19 years - he shows up again when he becomes a grandfather and we get involved again. He does drugs and has a girlfriend that he can't live with or stand more than 2 days and he comes back home to me for a week. I have given all that I can give and done nothing but love him, support him while he promises that he will get a job and stop doing drugs. But yet he will not stay away from her. I want a relationship where I know that I am appreciated and known that I am an existing person with feelings that is not put second place. I have done this for a year - I have given him every chance under the sun and I want to move on. I want to find friends to go out with and make a life for myself. But I have a weakness when he tells me his lies. I fall right back where I have been for this last year. What am I doing?
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| 1/4/2008 5:47:04 AM |
He lies, cheats and does drugs - what am I doing? |
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legalinthebuff
Port Charlotte, FL
age: 54
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Hello spyder....hmmmmmmmmm I'd say let him go...go on with your life without him. obviously he isn't willing to let her go and stop using. You will never enjoy freedom of suspicion and the nicer things life has to offer. take care of your child(ren) enjoy your grand child(ren). Let him go.
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| 1/4/2008 6:09:45 AM |
He lies, cheats and does drugs - what am I doing? |
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irparis39
New York, NY
age: 48
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Yeah, what ARE you doing?
This relationship is comfortable for you, its familiar...you don't have to put yourself out there to start dating, you don't have to fix yourself to look attractive, sex is readily accessible and what little you ask of yourself is being met by this person you claim to be a human being, I get that. But...a drug user...another woman...why do you feel this is all your worth. You cannot control his behaviour, you cannot change him to your ideal, he has to want to do that himself. If he's the same age as you are, he burned quick a few brain cells with drugs and he doesn't get it.
Not to mention that everytime you sleep with him you put yourself in danger of getting some sort of disease. He knows you well enough to know exactly which buttons to push. And you allow it. This has nothing to do with him, but alot to do with you. You can only change you and what you need. Every time you open the door when he comes over he knows he has access to you. Why would he go anywhere esle? You want a relationship that you know you're appreciated, but YOU don't appreciate yourself so how is that suppose to happen. On your say so...it doesnt' work like that. You get back what you put out and right now all you're putting out there is for drama, drug users and liars to see you coming.
Do yourself a favour...work on you, find out why you're putting up with this man who clearly believes that you're not worth his time to put you first. Only you can be your own best friend. I hope you do so, for your own sake.
Paris
[Edited 1/4/2008 6:11:34 AM]
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| 1/4/2008 6:36:14 AM |
He lies, cheats and does drugs - what am I doing? |
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thebestman
Alpharetta, GA
age: 34 online now!
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Don't take this the wrong way, but what you are doing is is not rational at all and below standard. After all that he has done to you and you are still asking yourself what to do?????
All these years???? You should have moved on long time ago especially since he was a punk and walked out from his father duties. He wasn't a man in the first place. Men don't run. They provide and support for their families. Again, don't take it the wrong way, I'm just straightfoward.
After all the negatives he caused you, and you are still thinking about this?????
MOVE ON!!!
[Edited 1/4/2008 6:37:52 AM]
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| 1/4/2008 7:16:22 AM |
He lies, cheats and does drugs - what am I doing? |
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bountyman
Carthage, MO
age: 47
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short and sweet and sorry for being so harsh
YOU HAVE WASTED 25 YEARS OF YOUR LIFE
THE SAD THING IS YOU WILL PROBABLY WASTE MORE
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| 1/4/2008 7:19:54 AM |
He lies, cheats and does drugs - what am I doing? |
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craftygirl002
Tacoma, WA
age: 39
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I'm not really sure what kind of response you're looking for here. 
Obviously, you know he's not a positive addition to your life, you say you want to move on, but you use the excuse of weakness to justify continually going back to him. 
Quit  , pull yourself together, and MOVE ON!
If you're hoping someone can tell you what to say or do to get him to change, it's not going to happen. The bottom line is that he is who he is and you can't change him. If you're not willing to put up with his negative behavior, it's time for you to go find someone who's a better fit for you.
[Edited 1/4/2008 7:23:33 AM]
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| 1/4/2008 8:10:08 AM |
He lies, cheats and does drugs - what am I doing? |
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winesong
Bend, OR
age: 60
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Would you consider that you are addicted to him?
Addiction to someone, some thing, some behavior, some drug of choice..
addicted to the love of someone? It goes far beyond meth, gambling and sex.
seek help on addictive behavior
and being co-dependant...
He knows your every move and feeling and is controlling you for his own pleasure...
he is someone that should be avoided in order for you to get well.
Good luck,
Wine
Dream Weaver
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| 1/4/2008 8:20:21 AM |
He lies, cheats and does drugs - what am I doing? |
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steveredman
Spotswood, NJ
age: 37
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AS a professional counselor I can say that it sounds like there is a co-dependency. He has shown that he is not willing to ge clean for u. You have to think about yourself now, not about how it is going to affect him. If he is still using drugs than you are in danger of diseases, as well as legal trouble if you are out with him and he gets stopped by the police. You might want to consider going to a support group such as alinon.
Steve
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| 1/4/2008 8:24:01 AM |
He lies, cheats and does drugs - what am I doing? |
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cleek
Rockville, MD
age: 28
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WTF change ur act girl...fock him!
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| 1/4/2008 8:32:06 AM |
He lies, cheats and does drugs - what am I doing? |
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exfirefighter
Inverness, FL
age: 56
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Dump his ass real quick
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| 1/4/2008 9:02:36 AM |
He lies, cheats and does drugs - what am I doing? |
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italianlady05
Omaha, NE
age: 53
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wow..a lot of wasted years here! Do you really want to waste anymore?? You really need some counseling to help you find the way to move on! It's all up to you...I know, easier said than done! good luck, my dear! 
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| 1/4/2008 9:15:33 AM |
He lies, cheats and does drugs - what am I doing? |
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familyman230
Meriden, CT
age: 44
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You have no control over what he does. You're only responsible for your behavior. You've received alot of feedback from these posts. Take from them what works and leave what doesn't. Let go and look for support groups, this forum maybe, that will produce CONSTRUCTIVE criticism. Best wishes and remember, you're responsible for what you do, nothing else.
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| 1/4/2008 11:13:42 AM |
He lies, cheats and does drugs - what am I doing? |
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1pinkstar
Omaha, NE
age: 54
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Maybe he wants to play house or be around his child. Maybe you give him some of the things he wants, but maybe he wants variety. Maybe you should think about you for a change, not him.
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| 1/4/2008 12:12:32 PM |
He lies, cheats and does drugs - what am I doing? |
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tara_tx
Angleton, TX
age: 44
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Amen, what familyman said. Some people never ever EVER get it, and have no desire to. Please don't be one of those, get some help, for the sake of your kids and grandkids first, if not yourself. What you think you're holding onto with DENIAL is keeping you from experiencing joy and fulfillment, and sending a BAD message to your babies. I went through something similar with my marriage that ended in 95. I thankfully got out and got myself together before any children entered my life. It affected my family and everyone who cared about me, so think about that--it's not just YOU it's affecting. It is amazing how your hold YOURSELF back by allowing someone to drag you down. You are not a VICTIM, you situation exists because of the bad choices you have made, over and over. Sticking with him is suicide. It's just FEAR of the unknown keeping you with him, and co-dependency, but how could it be ANY worse than it is now? Let me tell you, it will definitely be light years better for you and those who truly love you if you seek help and make the break. I lovingly tell you, GET A GRIP and start moving forward, no looking back!
Hugs
Tara_tx
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| 1/4/2008 12:23:18 PM |
He lies, cheats and does drugs - what am I doing? |
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lorlie
Eugene, OR
age: 51
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Spyder, your not getting any younger girl. You owe it to
yourself to be happy and experience a real gentleman that
can bring you happiness the rest of your life. You are worth that.
I know it will take a while to get there, and hard road to get there
but it can be done. Is what ever you are willing to do.
Wishing only the best for you.
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