| 1/5/2008 12:59:59 PM |
He lies, cheats and does drugs - what am I doing? |
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mainle
Boston, MA
age: 42
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It's called dependency. Not specifically because of money or material gain. You obviously had feelings for him in the past and still do or you wouldn’t have taken him back.
If this man has not made up his mind by now (after all of these years), and continues with the other woman, this man is considered a repeated offender-constantly repeating the same errors.
Until this man takes responsibility and has a revelation, he will not make a decision. He's more confused than you are!
Unfortunately, there is nothing that you can do to change his behavior; it's something that he has to realize. But in the meantime, damn, charge on with your life! You might find someone who loves you tremendously and unconditionally.
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| 1/5/2008 1:03:03 PM |
He lies, cheats and does drugs - what am I doing? |
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lynn456
Martinsburg, WV
age: 39
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| 1/5/2008 1:08:43 PM |
He lies, cheats and does drugs - what am I doing? |
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mariatt
Los Angeles, CA
age: 52
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I agree with Paris and a lot of other people on this site.
I myself was engaged to a guy, who also had a drug problem with coke
that he absolutely denied having... he also started flirting around
online with other women and obviously I was not going to be part of
that ..
I tolerated the coke use because of my love for him, but everything
together became too much and I blew a fuse. He is no longer in
my life,engagement or not, because I asked myself , do I want to
live with this issue the rest of my life? The answer was no.
I think you need to ask yourself the same question, when you
are calm, when you are relaxed, when you are stable, and listen
to you logic about your answer. You are the only one who knows
your own limits.
I do so wish you the best and hope you find yourself free of anything
that would be a burden to you, which sounds like this person.
Maria  
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| 1/5/2008 2:05:54 PM |
He lies, cheats and does drugs - what am I doing? |
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lynn456
Martinsburg, WV
age: 39
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a dog always returns to his vomit!
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| 1/5/2008 2:24:51 PM |
He lies, cheats and does drugs - what am I doing? |
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mariatt
Los Angeles, CA
age: 52
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what the hell does that mean Lynn???
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| 1/5/2008 3:10:24 PM |
He lies, cheats and does drugs - what am I doing? |
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prxf
Pittsburgh, PA
age: 51
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A wise dog would stay clear of it.
Snyder03, you have to stay strong and avoid anything he says. Just keep in mind what he did to you. You deserve a better life and need to move on. Better guys are out there, give them a chance.
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| 1/5/2008 7:23:04 PM |
He lies, cheats and does drugs - what am I doing? |
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forestrose
Calgary, AB
age: 55
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What irparis and winesong said, and some of the other replies. First time a victim, second time a volunteer. Pretty clear picture here - he is who is, why do you expect him to behave differently?
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| 1/5/2008 7:27:49 PM |
He lies, cheats and does drugs - what am I doing? |
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freeagain17
Port Saint Lucie, FL
age: 46
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Stop giving him permision to treat you badly. He keeps coming back because you allow him to. This cycle isn't good for you or your child. You and your child deserve better. You know the old saying...first time shame on him, second time shame on me. Put an end to it. I know it will be hard but you will be happier in the long run. Best of luck to you!
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| 1/6/2008 4:10:52 AM |
He lies, cheats and does drugs - what am I doing? |
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gracec
Colton, CA
age: 58
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I remember being in the same situation. I kept going back too, out of who know's what reasoning? And what happened is I began and did hate myself. It was tremendously painful. I felt ashamed to tell anyone. The remarks I got back were so wide and varied. Your doing this to yourself, I wanted to be treated this way, look at myself, what are you doing to your children AD INFINITUM! And as hard as I tried, I was unable to get away and move on. I just did not know why others could and I was still hanging in there being treated like hell. Then I got in so so much pain about it, I became willing to seek help. Of course I was absolutely convinced that it was all his fault! And I was able to cite all the reasons why. "If only he would do ______ then our family would be OK!" Then one day I was complaining and someone shared their story with me. And I didn't feel ashamed, not stupid, "not enough", and I had a respite from hating myself. Because they had been thru it before too. I had a moment of clarity. I just started to do what that woman asked me to do, blindly and with the faith that she got out of it and maybe if I did what she did, I COULD TOO! She asked me to go to an Al Anon meeting with her. They asked me to try 6 before I made up my mind. Again, I knew I did not have the answers because I hadn't had the answers for 15 years. And the marriage prior to that one which was about 7 years. I LEARNED SOO MUCH! Alcoholism is a disease. A family disease. Then I learned I didn't cause it, I can't change it, and I can't cure it! BOY! Did that feel relieving! And I also learned that the alcoholic, WAS MY DRINK! He was my obsession and I compulsively tried to fix him. Just as the alcoholic had lost the choice to turn down a drink or whatever, I had lost my choice to stay or go as long as I tried to do it alone without treatment or help. Some things had to change before there could be change. And I was damned if I knew what those changes were! So I went to Al Anon just as you go to a mechanic to get your car fixed and not the cleaners. I Went to alot of meetings and did whatever they and then my sponsor told me to do! They could not hurt me anywhere near how I had hurt myself. I was not dumb trying to get smarter. I was not bad trying to get good. I was sick trying to get well. I used all the tools Al Anon has to offer. I rebuilt my life that I totally missed out living focusing on the alcoholic. Please...give it a try, if not, the disease is progressive and I wouldn't wish that on anyone. Not anyone, especially my children. I felt like I was at home and safe. If you try it, I hope you feel that way too.
Gracec
[Edited 1/6/2008 4:18:37 AM]
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| 1/6/2008 5:58:32 AM |
He lies, cheats and does drugs - what am I doing? |
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justoppedby
Sacramento, CA
age: 43
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You need to find few good friends and ask them to help you get through this. Safety in numbers. Strength as well. You are worthy of being happy. You just need to start believing it for yourself.
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| 1/6/2008 9:16:23 AM |
He lies, cheats and does drugs - what am I doing? |
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tallestdiva
Flint, MI
age: 32
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There is absolutely nothing wrong with this man, anything he wants he gets. He doesn't have a care in the world. As long as he can get his fix and bounce between two homes and two women, he is fine. You said you don't want to be in second place, but you are! You are second to his drugs, and that's why he still is not clean. He makes promises that he doesn't keep and each time you believe him. And each time he means it, and what he promises is truly his hearts desire, until the urge calls and everything is out the window including you! Addiction is an illness, he is sick and needs help, but he can only be helped when he is ready. No one can do this for him, by you letting him in and out of your life,home,and bed; you are enabling him. And you are now part of his problem. Now the question is what is wrong with you?
I am coming from the heart, you need th be honest with yourself. What happened to you, that you must now accept this behavior. You have given him so many chances, so when are you gonna give yourself one? What will it take for you to realize your worth? When are you going to stop caring for someone more than you care for yourself? Which is actually impossible, without self love how can you truly love another. But what you are actually doing is filling a void within yourself by overly consuming yourself with him. At this point you have lost yourself. However you can find your way back home. Strength, courage, and wisdom is what you need. Dig deep, pray often, and ask for what you need not what you want.
I have only mentioned to you, the tools I used. For I too loved a man that was and still is an addict. Life is about choices, some choose to leave, which I did. Others choose to stay and work things out. Now if you notice I have not suggested you do either. I have just spoken about getting yourself stronger and healthier. And in due time you will make that decision on your own.
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| 1/6/2008 9:55:10 AM |
He lies, cheats and does drugs - what am I doing? |
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babs218
Brick, NJ
age: 55
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do not waste one more second of your energy on him..get out you're giving up the best years of your life...you know the answer you just need to DO IT..WE'VE ALL BEEN THERE....like nike says..just do it
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| 1/6/2008 9:07:06 PM |
He lies, cheats and does drugs - what am I doing? |
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wifluffy
Hartland, WI
age: 42
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The relationship i was in with my son's father was basically him with a drug and alcohol problem and i will tell u from my experience that they don't change. I guess mayb some do but they have to want to and it sounds like he is using u when things with the gf get rough then he comes to u because he knows u will take him in and support his dumb ass! Life is to short to be in a miserable relationship like u r in if thats what u can call it. GET HIM OUT OF YOUR LIFE! I don't think any of us need to tell u that because u know thats what u need to do! Good luck to u!
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| 1/6/2008 9:14:49 PM |
He lies, cheats and does drugs - what am I doing? |
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dutchboy4u
Huntington Beach, CA
age: 44
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My reply is dump him and start over. Find a good clean man. Don't listen to another one of his lies. Just kick him to the curb.
[Edited 1/6/2008 9:16:55 PM]
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| 1/6/2008 9:17:03 PM |
He lies, cheats and does drugs - what am I doing? |
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kgearly1021
Valdosta, GA
age: 48
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My Grandmother always said this--
You are the only one that will know when you get your belly full of him
I am gonna add--
I promise you will know and recognize the minute it happens.
Get some help!
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