| 1/6/2008 11:43:46 AM |
What is a real "deal breaker" with you? |
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shezakeepher
Columbia, SC
age: 53
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All the above but also;
Someone that tries to manipulate you and come between me and my family. Some guys are jealous and will try to cause trouble with the family. This includes coming between me and the Lord.
Mental games, emotional abuse, control freak.
The “I’m a victim” personality; they tend to blame everyone for hardships in their life, not taking responsibility for themselves and their happiness. Sure there are things that happen to us and we need an ear to work “through” things, and someone to believe in you and stand shoulder to shoulder with you but just don’t sit on your thumbs and do nothing about it and blame others.
When they mistake you for someone else – ex bf didn’t trust me because his ex cheated on him
Compared to what others put on here I sound like a cold hearted witch, but you did say aside from the obvious. 
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| 1/6/2008 11:55:19 AM |
What is a real "deal breaker" with you? |
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recluse
Greenville, SC
age: 58
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You're both in a romantic mood. You've had dinner, gone to your apartment for a little wine, and are now in bed. You, the man, are about to "make entry" and she says, "No, I just can't."
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| 1/6/2008 11:59:24 AM |
What is a real "deal breaker" with you? |
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recluse
Greenville, SC
age: 58
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Loveisarose and others,
I've heard many women say that verbal abuse is worse than physical. I know the tongue can be acerbic, but I think women who are physically abused suffer greater negative mental consequences than women who suffer only verbal abuse.
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| 1/6/2008 2:57:50 PM |
What is a real "deal breaker" with you? |
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shezakeepher
Columbia, SC
age: 53
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Sorry off topic:
Recluse, I disagree – I think when women speak of verbal abuse it’s more the mental abuse. Which can start out is small ways plants seeds of doubt and belief in yourself. You don’t see it coming till it’s too late, that seed has taken root.
Look at it this way;
You can have physical sex and it’s just that, sex, wham bam and it’s over.
Or you can make love, that is the combination of the physical and the mind.
We know that the sex that involves the mind is so much more powerful.
So the abuse that involves the mind is a harder hit.
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| 1/6/2008 3:14:14 PM |
What is a real "deal breaker" with you? |
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whidbey
Normal, IL
age: 57
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I don't think one form of abuse is 'worse' or has more impact than another. When one is being beaten down time and time again, does it really matter if it is by voice or by fist; or perhaps by both?
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| 1/6/2008 3:18:33 PM |
What is a real "deal breaker" with you? |
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thepkk
Springfield, MO
age: 52
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Both forms of abuse wears on the mind. I have known girls that were beat by thier ex's that was as messed up as me and he just did the mind thing. I used to be thin before I married him. Wonder if there is a connection???
Shez you look different today. did you do something to your hair???
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| 1/6/2008 3:22:34 PM |
What is a real "deal breaker" with you? |
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shezakeepher
Columbia, SC
age: 53
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PKK ..... ... a friend said I should put that pic up. I thought what the heck I'll do it for awhile.
On my post...... I'm sorry I replied my last post, it's off topic and not one I really care to get into..... (ok so call me a goofball)... anyway didn't go in and delete it cause I didn't want to have whidbey think I was jerking her around and leave her post hanging.
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| 1/6/2008 3:27:02 PM |
What is a real "deal breaker" with you? |
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thepkk
Springfield, MO
age: 52
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Why would that be off topic abuse is a deal breaker.
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| 1/6/2008 3:27:51 PM |
What is a real "deal breaker" with you? |
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whidbey
Normal, IL
age: 57
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hey there shez - I've gotten to know you through your posts and dont' believe you would jerk anyone around
So to bring this back on topic - a dealbreaker would be someone who jerks others around! 
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| 1/6/2008 3:42:09 PM |
What is a real "deal breaker" with you? |
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sugahsouth
Lake City, TN
age: 59
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I've only been married twice. Only
Been in a lot of relationships. So, I've experienced it all. The first man
I "almost" married, I realized was an alcoholic. However, not an obnoxious one.
Dated a drug abuser....quit that in a hurry. Then, my husbands took care of the
other abusers with the exception of infidelity. Never was with an unfaithful man.
My ex fiance' was a non communicator.
However, by far the worst of any of them...was the mental/emotional abuser.
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| 1/6/2008 3:43:28 PM |
What is a real "deal breaker" with you? |
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ramblingrose
Birmingham, AL
age: 62
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Godloleboy,
Unconditional love does not mean a person has to stay with a spouse when staying is harming them. We all have the right as human beings to live in peace. Unconditional love for me is loving the person anyway, but from a distance. I love the first person I was married to, but I don’t live with him. I’m not “in love” with him, but value him as a child of the universe.
A deal breaker for me is disrespect.  Period!  I think that pretty much covers everything else. When a person doesn’t have respect for themselves, they lie, they cheat, they abuse, they obsess, and they have no respect for others. I don’t need it so I stay away from those people. I think it's a good way to take care of myself.
Thanks for starting this. I've read many interesting comments.
Love y'all!
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| 1/6/2008 3:57:07 PM |
What is a real "deal breaker" with you? |
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goldangel
Hickory, NC
age: 55
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Well I have had both ,Shez I agree with you ,both are bad,but physical can and with heal,but the mental from both verable and physical will last a life time,I just called my ex to see if he had signed the last of the papers,and he said no and still wants to blame
me to his day and it was a year sept6 2006 
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| 1/6/2008 4:11:41 PM |
What is a real "deal breaker" with you? |
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elfiegirl
Venice, FL
age: 53 online now!
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Sorry...no such thing as unconditional love of one human for another...JMO
...that is reserved for God...we should only be AS forgiving. Once ANY
conditions/"deal breakers" are put on a relationship, it is no longer
"unconditional." But it's like God said, "Do not cast your pearls before swine...."
I am pretty sure "all of the above" instances would be included in that. I
don't believe God meant for us to tolerate such behaviors...forever. There
comes a time, when you must call it quits, after exhausting all other avenues
of reconciliation. It's not that you have quit forgiving...it's just that it
is fruitfless to try to keep loving, after so many adversities have beaten
the union beyond repair.
If couples who are believers would just read the Good Book "together", even
if they never even went to church, they would see HOW God intended us to
treat each other. If nothing else...it is the extreme marriage guidebook.
If couples would just follow the instructions....most all, if not all,
of today's problems in marriages would become a thing of the past.
Well...all the above would be "deal-breakers" for me, but only AFTER
exhausting all other avenues. JMO
[Edited 1/6/2008 4:13:24 PM]
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| 1/6/2008 4:37:08 PM |
What is a real "deal breaker" with you? |
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whidbey
Normal, IL
age: 57
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There are lots of really wonderful and insightful posts here which emphasises what is a deal breaker to one may not be a deal breaker to another. But by sharing we've all had the opportunity to explore deeper within ourselves and I know the discussion has helped me define my deal breakers more clearly - so thanks!
The physical vs. mental/emotional debate will always be alive I think. I'm a survivor of both, and frankly I would not say one was less impactful than the other for ME. As an advocate for abuse victims, I've learned the definition of how it impacts one solely rests on the person who is being abused; it is how he/she defines it for themselves.
Thanks for all the insights folks - I have learned much from you all!
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| 1/7/2008 3:40:44 PM |
What is a real "deal breaker" with you? |
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shezakeepher
Columbia, SC
age: 53
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Ran across a deal breaker today that I had not thought about till it was before my eyes ........... poor Hygiene !!!!! ewwwwwwwwww
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