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Forums: Relationships: the hardest job in the world THE STEP-FATHER
1/9/2008 7:52:18 AM the hardest job in the world THE STEP-FATHER  

fatblack
Tickfaw, LA
age: 27

 MEN HELP ME OUT IM IN A REALTIONSHIP TRYING TO GET THINGS RIGHT WHEN I WHIP HER BAY BAY KIDS THEY TURN ON ME AND SHE TRAINS THEM TO WATCH ME AND YOU KNOW THE REST OF HOW WOMEN USE THEY KIDS TO THEIR ADVANTAGE CAN SOMEONE HELP ME OUT ON HOW TO GO AT RAISING THIS FAMILY OF MINES IM TO YOUNG FOR THIS SHIT I MIGHT KILL
1/9/2008 9:10:29 AM the hardest job in the world THE STEP-FATHER  

spiritwonder
Lions Head, ON
age: 59

 The first thing you need to understand is that a Mother will protect her young whatever way she has to.

The second is, you need to have an understanding with the mother on the discipline rules. If you are a Step-Father, the children are not yours and the mother will be concerned about child abuse.

Thirdly, the children may be rebellious since you (whether true or not) have taken their mother away from their father.

All these need attention at the beginning of a relationship. If there are differences you are not able to deal with, just stay friends since anything further will be a conflict and eventually eat away at the relationship.

Being a step-parent can be a very challenging undertaking. You are not just having a relationship with the man/woman, you are having a relationship with the kids, and that can be much more difficult than the man/woman relationship. Kids do not have reasoning powers and do not understand the consequences of their actions and as a result, act out their fears. You need to win the kids while winning the heart of the one you love.
1/9/2008 9:13:46 AM the hardest job in the world THE STEP-FATHER  

kgearly1021
Valdosta, GA
age: 47 online now!

 First off you have no right to put your hands on another person, no matter what the age. second if you are in a relationship with this woman, why are you here? Waiting on a better offer?
1/9/2008 9:37:56 AM the hardest job in the world THE STEP-FATHER  

chrisk1974
Bowling Green, OH
age: 33

 he may be here cause he liked the forums here when he was single and came back with a problem. don't be so fast to judge.

it's not your job to discipline her children. they have a father, and sorry but you're not him. you can support her, and the rules she makes for them. its her job to enforce them though. if you dissagree with how she choses to raise them, you can try talking to her about it. if theres no middle ground maybe the best thing is to leave.
1/9/2008 10:29:23 AM the hardest job in the world THE STEP-FATHER  

lifesaver4u
Lakewood, WA
age: 37

 First of all they are not your kids so keep your hands off em..
1/9/2008 10:41:40 AM the hardest job in the world THE STEP-FATHER  

harley68
San Antonio, TX
age: 39

 Being a PARENT is the hardest job in the world! Not just being a step parent. My only advise to you. Work it out with your wife/the mama. And I agree with the rest, you have no right to spank someone's child. You should of set ground rules before you let it get to this point.

BTW - the comment " I might kill" not funny!!
1/9/2008 10:42:34 AM the hardest job in the world THE STEP-FATHER  

sinfulcharming
Fort Wayne, IN
age: 41

 Becoming a stepfather can be one of the most challenging roles a man may ever face. It can also be one of the most rewarding, after some common obstacles are overcome. It is very rare for the male figure to simply assume the father figure role without any problems. To begin with, the relationship between the mother and man should be a committed one before the children are involved. Children can become attached to a person very quickly and can be easily be hurt if the relationship ends.

Sometimes the stepfather and children will bond easily, but in a lot of cases the incoming man can be seen as in intruder. It generally takes a lot of time to gain a child's trust. How the stepfather treats the child's mother will go a long way towards how the child perceives his character. The stepfather is the newcomer in the house and can be seen by the child as diverting the mother's attention. Once the child is aware that he or she is still receiving love attention from his or her mother, the stepfather may gain acceptance.

Appropriate boundaries for all parental figures should be set from the start. The stepfather should be made aware of how significant his role is to be with the children. If the child's biological father is already in their life, then the stepfather should be prepared to be under the scrutiny of the biological father. This new parental figure may be looking after their child for a significant amount of time. It is only natural that the biological father should be concerned to a degree.

The new stepfather should never try to compete with the biological father for the child's affections. If everyone follows the acceptable boundaries, the child will have more respect for the stepfather. This is especially true if the child is an adolescent. Trying to win favoritism will not be productive, as children are intuitive about sniffing out lies and insincerity.

Not everything will be easy for stepfathers. Children have temper tantrums, mood swings and are prone to taking out their anger on newcomers into the family. They will also test the stepfather's limits. Stepchildren are more than aware that they are not the stepfather's natural children. If the stepfather does have his own children, he should try to integrate the stepchildren into the family, and show them special attention. This can be a time when the children can see that there is no favoritism and each child is as important as the next.
~Sin
1/9/2008 10:45:31 AM the hardest job in the world THE STEP-FATHER  

crowdog3
Ponca City, OK
age: 34

 Thay ain't yer kids, you have NO right spanking them, all you can do is ground them, till their mom gets home, and then discuss what too do,

If they was my kids, and you spanked them, I would come over there and spank you

You need too learn you are their STEP dad, and nothing more
1/9/2008 10:48:47 AM the hardest job in the world THE STEP-FATHER  

1pinkstar
Omaha, NE
age: 55

 well, Sin he is not saying he is a Step father. He's probably just shacking up with the woman. Or he is a baby daddy wanna be.

If I was her, I'd be kicking the guy who posted this crap to the curb with the rest of the garbage. Boy, you need to get some anger management training. And stay away from children and vulnerable people. And stay away from animals too. And do not reproduce.
Clear enough?

1/9/2008 10:49:25 AM the hardest job in the world THE STEP-FATHER  

lust4love
Atco, NJ
age: 37

 You can scream in their face till they crap their pants. break object helps get the point across especially items they value.
1/9/2008 10:50:21 AM the hardest job in the world THE STEP-FATHER  

1pinkstar
Omaha, NE
age: 55

 I think I'd kick your ass to the curb too.
1/9/2008 10:52:38 AM the hardest job in the world THE STEP-FATHER  

17cloverman
Delanson, NY
age: 44

 nope nope nope staying out!








[Edited 1/9/2008 10:58:01 AM]
1/9/2008 10:55:54 AM the hardest job in the world THE STEP-FATHER  

kgearly1021
Valdosta, GA
age: 47 online now!

 I raised all mine and other than when they were small and put stuff in their mouths, I never even spanked my own children, what do I look like letting some man, who is not their father put his hands on them? I repeat and edit my last post. You have no right to put your hands on another person, nor do you have the right to try to instill fear in them.



[Edited 1/9/2008 10:56:32 AM]
1/9/2008 10:56:31 AM the hardest job in the world THE STEP-FATHER  

magicmanooo7
Pineville, LA
age: 34

 i agree , a step-parent can be a difficult job. and the biological parent really controls how hard this job will be for them, as well as the children's behavior. for me, i feel like if my child deserves an ass-whipping...theyre gonna get one!..if a parent lays down a ground rule that the step parent isnt supposed to touch their children, and the children need to be disciplined, i have a big problem with that...and i do believe theres an age when its "too late" to mold a child. if you whip them you may get their respect, ..but theyre only going to respect YOU!..this form of discipline must be done early in their lives, and if done right..you wont have to do it any more than 1-2 times.
1/9/2008 11:15:32 AM the hardest job in the world THE STEP-FATHER  

libra75
Lowell, AR
age: 32 online now!

 I was a step-father for 10 yrs.........
I never beat those kids.........

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