| 1/14/2008 10:32:38 PM |
Are we meant to be or am I fooling myself? |
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craftygirl002
Tacoma, WA
age: 39
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I would be curious if the distancing behavior follows the jealous behavior. If it does, that's called 'passive agressive' & it's not cool. Essentially, he's 'punishing' you for doing something he didn't like by pulling away.
If the distancing and jealous behaviors seem to be totally independent of each other, you may want to think about what happens before each type of reaction. Obviously, you seem to have a pretty good handle on what precipitated the jealousy. Any idea what happened before the distancing?
Regardless of what causes these behaviors, if these are the 'tools' he uses to resolve issues, he may not be such a good catch. I would wonder if he's the type who will bail at the slightest sign of trouble in the relationship. I would also wonder if he's the type who will expect you to make any adjustments or sacrifices to resolve issues in the relationship. Let's face it, if you're with someone for long enough, you'll run into problems. (Financial, sexual, emotional, medical....and the list goes on.) Of course, these are just things I would be wondering about & would discuss with him. If it turns out that he's not open to talking about it or the behaviors continue, I'd move on.
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| 1/14/2008 10:35:19 PM |
Are we meant to be or am I fooling myself? |
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markmeunier
Timmins, ON
age: 40
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A healthy relationship requires an intimate understanding that each participant has lived their life before they met you. To insist or seek in any way, physical or emotional or whatnot to separate you from the world you live in and enjoy is heartless and absolutely not love. Control is a warning sign and should come with blinking lights and sirens. A jealous person is merely indicating their own insecurities. Acceptance and a desire to share all of your life in a healthy way is what we all seek. Do not be blinded by whatever reasoning anyone uses to deprive you of what you are. Selfishness on his part this early in your relationship is a blessing dear, just forget him and seek out what is truly right for you. If he is the 'one' he will see the errors of his ways and come back to you with understanding for his wrongful actions and a true desire to better himself and let go of his own issues.
Happy Birthday Hon... Do't be so hard on yourself, you have done nothing wrong but offer yourself out of Love.
Mark
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| 1/14/2008 10:44:52 PM |
Are we meant to be or am I fooling myself? |
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madcrazy4u
Carmichaels, PA
age: 32
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Thanx for the birthday wish Mark. I know I shouldn't be so hard on myself. The not knowing what he's thinking is killing me inside. I don't want to see this end like this. I just want to know what's going on.
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| 1/14/2008 10:45:40 PM |
Are we meant to be or am I fooling myself? |
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italianlady05
Omaha, NE
age: 53 online now!
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Mark, very wise observations.
All I could see were red flags..and a huge control issue..
Hon, you sound like a sweetie and I think you are selling yourself short on this guy.
A few weeks? Sounds like he is playing games or moved on...and you may find that he has done you a tremendous favor, even if it doesn't feel like it right now. JMO
And Happy Birthday! Wish it could have been a better one for you!
Hugs,
Lady
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| 1/14/2008 10:54:36 PM |
Are we meant to be or am I fooling myself? |
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madcrazy4u
Carmichaels, PA
age: 32
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Thanx so much for the hugs italianlady. I really needed one. My worst fear is that he's moved on, or should I say "moved back" as in went back to his ex-gf he had before me. All I need/want is for him to talk to me. That way I'll know for sure and can put closer to the whole situation.
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| 1/15/2008 6:24:18 AM |
Are we meant to be or am I fooling myself? |
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oneheart
Kennesaw, GA
age: 61
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All I see are RED FLAGS.....it's easier to get caugh up in the games, than to play!!!
Been there & done that! Just put some distance between him & you....see if he wants
to come back....if not let it go!!! Plenty of fish in the sea...Happy B-day!!
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| 1/15/2008 9:27:23 AM |
Are we meant to be or am I fooling myself? |
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irparis39
New York, NY
age: 48
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I think you're not processing what everyone is trying to tell you. And you keep making excuses for jealousy.
If he's a jealous type, its not going to get better to be with him as time goes on or by you telling him you don't cheat. He doesn't give a hoot about your cheating policy, what he's hearing is, you won't cheat right now, but what of the future. Jealousy is a sign of insecurity, lack of self confidence and uncontrolled impluses. Take the way he's distancing himself. Instead of talking to you, he's making you sure that you in some way freak out on what his behaviour is going to be next...like go back to an ex as you suggested. He's keeping you afraid. He knows what he's doing. Once you call him...because he knows you're going to call him, He knows your emotionally attached, you can't help it, he will find the way to be the victim. And you will apologize essentially for something he has done, and that's how emotional abuse starts. But what the heck would I know, right, he's just a pilar of values who hasn't called you in 4 days.
Your only been dating a few weeks, sorry, not enough time to engage any feelings here. Maybe you have, that's your problem, but he obviously hasn't that he can go without calling you for 4 days.
You're sitting there playing the "I am right" card and you're not listening to what the guys are telling you from a man's standpoint, its ok, you want this to work and you're hoping with this guy things will be different...hope is good, I guess. But when it starts to hurt you and not think about you in the equation, what good is hope if its going to kick your butt playing meaningless games like playing the withholding card or the poor me card.
The choice is always yours, of cause, if this is important to you, which it is, then obviously calling and texting more enough is really what you want. Taking it slow, doesn't mean NOT communicating and/or chatting on the phone. I have learned that when a guy is into you, he doesn't play any games to be with you. If he says he's going to call, he calls. He's in your face being the hero that he wants to be, and heros tend to act and not hang back. A woman knows exactly where he's coming from and where she stands. Certainly not freaking out on the sidelines wondering who he's with.
Paris
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| 1/15/2008 12:19:56 PM |
Are we meant to be or am I fooling myself? |
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madcrazy4u
Carmichaels, PA
age: 32
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Wow!...I'm speechless, paris. Never thought of it being the start of emotional abuse. After a good nights sleep and talking to a few personal friends about this, I've realized that I don't need or deserve to be treated like this. I'm going to distance myself from him completely and live my life for me.
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| 1/15/2008 12:31:34 PM |
Are we meant to be or am I fooling myself? |
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winesong
Bend, OR
age: 88
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I was wondering if he knew it was your birthday, and chose to ignore it. No money for a card or a gift, dinner and a movie? Will he surface after your birthday...and want to kiss and make up... email card would be free..if it was the thought that counts...even a text Happy Birthday... Is he immature in other ways? An honest person would get a card, and say I wish I could get you more...here is a hug and wish for our future to be bright!
You have been given some great advice, and observations...and it appears that after a good night's sleep you have done a 180* on him.
I hope you enjoyed your birthday Capricone girl. Capricone people are pillars of strength.
Enjoy your week and please do tell us the outcome by this week-end.
LOVE...or .... after a couple of weeks of dating? That sure sounds like it moved pretty FAST....mentally or other wise. hum...guard yourself..and be open to what comes next.
MR> Passive aggressive might bite you today...
Wine
[Edited 1/15/2008 12:33:57 PM]
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| 1/15/2008 12:38:36 PM |
Are we meant to be or am I fooling myself? |
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tinasdream
Katy, TX
age: 31
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4 days no call hes just not into u
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| 1/15/2008 12:40:38 PM |
Are we meant to be or am I fooling myself? |
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madcrazy4u
Carmichaels, PA
age: 32
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Yes, wine. He knew it was my birthday. I can't say that it doesn't hurt, because it does. All I know is that I'm better than all of this and hopefully the distance I'm giving him now will give him a big reality check. Huge lesson learned here for me!
I forgot to mention that 2 of those 4 days he was out of town working. But he still could have called.
[Edited 1/15/2008 12:42:10 PM]
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| 1/15/2008 12:59:23 PM |
Are we meant to be or am I fooling myself? |
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naulins
New Orleans, LA
age: 45
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Get rid of the bum. It doesn't take money to return a call or to say Happy Birthday. Better now then later. A few weeks and your in LOVE. Come on??????? You are just looking to get HURT.
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| 1/15/2008 3:59:33 PM |
Are we meant to be or am I fooling myself? |
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sweetangel40
New South Wales
Australia
age: 40
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Happy Birthday to you Hun
Many wise suggestions and observations for you here from this thread hun ! There is a lot of clear points here but at times such as these we tend to see around the issues rather than read inbetween the lines. What comes to mind for me is there's already 2 or 3 obvious signs of "Toxic factors" for you to start a relationship with ! I'm wondering how many more issues or masked personality traits there may be ? perhaps not so obvious this early on ?
One things for certain, If you start a relationship with the Toxins in the very beginning these usually end up effecting us as people, cause the one with the issues to begin with have never dealt with them and are bringing the baggage into your relationship. To end my post i would just like to make a suggestion that when these issues are obvious to us to begin with "DROP THEM LIKE A BAD HABBIT" the moment they are staring us in the face as these tend to become our issues as we persist with them for the sake of the relationship...Hope this helps hun...feel free to drop me a line 
take care
Sweetangel40 
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| 1/15/2008 9:32:11 PM |
Are we meant to be or am I fooling myself? |
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lattml
Hazleton, PA
age: 41
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Madcrazy, I wouldn't take a stab at whether he and you have a chance, but I can tell you a lot of guys have VERY jealous natures when it comes to women. I am guilty as charged. I don't get jealous over another guy's paycheck or anything, but I do get jealous when "my girl" talks to a "guy friend." I wonder whether it's more than "friends" and whether they're meeting behind my back (maybe that's because it's happened to me more than once). But part of it may also simply be insecurity. When he gets jealous, I think you're right to tell him he's got nothing to worry about -- that works with me. Maybe if he hears it enough, he'll believe it and you'll be fine.
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| 1/16/2008 6:15:36 AM |
Are we meant to be or am I fooling myself? |
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madcrazy4u
Carmichaels, PA
age: 32
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Thanx latt, but no matter how many times I tell him he still won't talk to me. I'm so done w/ him. It hurts tremendously but I'll deal w/ the rejection from him. Seems like that's ALL I get lately. I'm gonna live my life as a strong single woman for awhile. That way there is no chance of my heart getting broken again.
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