I wouldn't date a victim of abuse if sufficient time and counseling hadn't taken place.

I'm curious about this one. In my field of work, I handle cases with all different types of abuse and neglect. Did you know that sexual abuse/incest is the MOST common form of abuse involving children (Hays, 1990). So my question is how do you feel about dating a man or woman who's been a victim of sexual abuse? And would you ever date someone who's child suffered such abuse at one time? Why or why not?

(And please keep this a polite discussion....it's a very serious topic but one I'd like feedback on)

Why not. Sexual abuse does not make a women unstable or poor relationship material. There are many out there that were never sexually assaulted and unstable as heck and many that were not and are great adjusted people. If a woman is awesome she will be whether she has been assaulted or not.

I'm not so sure about your use of those stats or what they mean. I assume the truth is that incest is the most common Sexual abuse not the MOST common abuse. Not so sure if research is your strong point.

http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cb/pubs/cm08/cm08.pdf
As in prior years, the greatest proportion of children were neglected. CPS investigations or
assessments determined that:
¦
More than 70 percent (71.1%) of victims suffered neglect;
¦
More than 15 percent (16.1%) of the victims suffered physical abuse;
¦
Less than 10 percent (9.1%) of the victims suffered sexual abuse;
¦
Less than 10 percent (7.3%) of the victims suffered from psychological maltreatment; and
¦
A child may have suffered from multiple forms of maltreatment and was counted once for each maltreatment type.

I would, but at the same time, I understand why you are asking. A person must be prepared for it. If I went into a relationship not knowing they or their children were abused, that might cause issues. I am normally quite sensitive anyway, but what if I do something or say something that triggers that memory? If I know ahead of time, at least I have a better idea of how to carry myself around that person. I tend to be sarcastic and a joker sometimes, and I can inadvertently hurt their feelings. As a matter of fact, just emailing someone on here I did just that, I had good intentions, but what I said was not taken lightly. Never meant for that, but it happened.

So, in a way, I guess I would potentially feel I have to walk on eggshells. If the attraction and circumstances are right though, I would date someone with that type of history as long as I am well informed.

Which is why it's important to learn about their 'other' relationships. Communication is a primary key with this topic. But one worth bringing up in conversations prior to meeting face to face, in my opinion.

I have made it my personal responsibility to share this experience with potential dates for three primary reasons:
1) I want them to know it is something I can talk about, that I have moved beyond being a 'victim' and did so many years ago.
2) Another reason I share is because I want them to have the choice to decide to date me or not. I wouldn't want them to feel I deceived them by not telling them this important detail about my past.
3) Despite the fact that I moved forward in a healthy way - I still have an emotional response when I smell 'Old Spice' cologne. That was what the abuser wore. So I explore and learn whether or not a man wears this cologne before a first date.

I'm curious about this one. In my field of work, I handle cases with all different types of abuse and neglect. Did you know that sexual abuse/incest is the MOST common form of abuse involving children (Hays, 1990). So my question is how do you feel about dating a man or woman who's been a victim of sexual abuse? And would you ever date someone who's child suffered such abuse at one time? Why or why not?

(And please keep this a polite discussion....it's a very serious topic but one I'd like feedback on)