| 12/12/2010 8:34:38 AM |
Why is it harder to fall in love when we get older? |
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darlingmarlene
Belford, NJ
63, joined Jul. 2010
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I don't know about you, but this seems to be the case with many of us. When we were kids we fell in love by just getting our ear blown into by the opposite sex, or for some the same sex for that matter. But I find that now that I'm older I'm more choosy to the one that I'll let my heart go to. It's not because I'm damaged goods, that's not the case at all. I just look at men different now. Health, size and looks were something that I never considered when I was young. Now I want it all before love can fit into the equation. I liked to know how other people feel on this subject who are older now. Do you feel the same way?
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| 12/12/2010 12:40:09 PM |
Why is it harder to fall in love when we get older? |
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firefox1155
Jamaica, NY
60, joined Jan. 2008
|
I think you said it all in your post.. When we were young & foolish  we didn't think about all the things we look for now..it was more about having fun, but now I think we look for alot more substance from our mates
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| 12/12/2010 1:05:10 PM |
Why is it harder to fall in love when we get older? |
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cmcslide
Myrtle Beach, SC
49, joined Oct. 2010
|
I don't think it is harder to fall in love as we get older; I think that what happens is, as we get older, we start to accept ourselves and our needs, desires and quirks more, then we know more about who might be a good fit for ourselves.
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| 12/12/2010 1:48:23 PM |
Why is it harder to fall in love when we get older? |
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longhair0413
New Brunswick, NJ
46, joined Oct. 2010
|
If it is harder, I believe it is because as we get older we have more of a tendancy to become set in our ways. We know what we are looking for, we have our ideas of how we wish things to be. We realize that we not only cannot, but should not, change another.
With that being said, I do not think it is harder, I just think we have become more selective, shall we say?
This is not to say that you cannot love, just that being "in love" is something that we understand better.
Oh, and the fact that we may have been hurt, while "in love" probably plays, at least, a subconscious role in it.
Jmho.
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| 12/12/2010 10:20:07 PM |
Why is it harder to fall in love when we get older? |
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elprimo41
Paterson, NJ
48, joined Jan. 2010
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I think it is to fall in love, for the reason that in the past you dedicate yourself to someone you feel that's your everything. When you go seperate ways, you feel hurt, confused, and lost  At a certain age you're pretty much done with games and look foward to an everlasting relationship but yet hesitate because of your experience. The majority of us went through the same thing, but when It's all said and done theres only 2 choices ( A COMPANIAN or SINGLE )  Over all, regardless to how you slice it, at the end it's still our choice to make! PRIMO
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| 12/12/2010 10:41:45 PM |
Why is it harder to fall in love when we get older? |
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darlingmarlene
Belford, NJ
63, joined Jul. 2010
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Thanks guys for the good input. I just know it's a matter of time before I will fall in love again, and this time I hope it will last to the end of the line.
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| 12/13/2010 2:03:47 AM |
Why is it harder to fall in love when we get older? |
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mrvegazs
Newark, NJ
26, joined Dec. 2010
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I say because every one still has a young mentality of when they were younger aka wam bam thank you mam. Also they can't be faithful.
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| 12/13/2010 3:59:17 AM |
Why is it harder to fall in love when we get older? |
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freedompositive
Trenton, NJ
44, joined Dec. 2010
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cause we dont accept that we r getting old...and we r lookin poeple younger than us...WHO DOSNT LIKE FRESH MEAT? LOL
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| 12/13/2010 7:27:29 AM |
Why is it harder to fall in love when we get older? |
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darlingmarlene
Belford, NJ
63, joined Jul. 2010
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Fresh meat,... yeah who doesn't want that. At least when you younger guys get an older woman that's in good shape it's a win win situation. Older woman in bed with a nice stiffy,....
Just think of the possibilities. 
[Edited 12/13/2010 7:28:26 AM ]
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| 12/13/2010 10:06:02 AM |
Why is it harder to fall in love when we get older? |
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dreams84
Camden, NJ
32, joined Jun. 2010
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because we all get picky went we get older
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| 12/14/2010 5:31:54 AM |
Why is it harder to fall in love when we get older? |
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nj_irresistable
Somerville, NJ
35, joined Nov. 2010
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bc we are much more wiser and realize love is just a fantasy
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| 12/14/2010 11:31:14 AM |
Why is it harder to fall in love when we get older? |
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xxxzerocool
Elizabeth, NJ
32, joined Nov. 2010
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Give you a simple answer. You start forgetting what real love is or feels like anymore ounce you lost your love.
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| 12/16/2010 9:07:41 PM |
Why is it harder to fall in love when we get older? |
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duchessa
Yonkers, NY
63, joined Aug. 2008
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Couldn't it be because we become more selective?
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| 12/29/2010 7:55:05 PM |
Why is it harder to fall in love when we get older? |
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honestjohn49
Dorothy, NJ
67, joined May. 2007
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Speak for yourself Duchess
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| 12/29/2010 8:12:08 PM |
Why is it harder to fall in love when we get older? |
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odinstrueson
Little Falls, NJ
56, joined Oct. 2010
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It is harder to meet someone when you get older, but, my philosophy is your as young as you feel. If this is indeed true, then i am still 25 years old. And as Ozzy said in his BLACK RAIN album song, I ain't ever gonna stop!!
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| 1/16/2011 8:44:12 AM |
Why is it harder to fall in love when we get older? |
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darlingmarlene
Belford, NJ
63, joined Jul. 2010
|
It is harder to meet someone when you get older, but, my philosophy is your as young as you feel. If this is indeed true, then i am still 25 years old. And as Ozzy said in his BLACK RAIN album song, I ain't ever gonna stop!!
I believe Ozzy was talking about his durg addiction lol~
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| 1/16/2011 8:50:08 AM |
Why is it harder to fall in love when we get older? |
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jazzman46
Clifton, NJ
56, joined Feb. 2009
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Yes i agree with you, it is harder as we get older.It's harder to be wowed by someone's personality i find as well. It's very sad you keep meeting people and never get that special feeling. But we can't give up!!! The next person might be the one
ken
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| 1/17/2011 1:34:34 AM |
Why is it harder to fall in love when we get older? |
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th6231
Point Pleasant Beach, NJ
68, joined Jul. 2007
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The physiology changes--our hormones change--we just don't care because we have changed on the inside. I find that I am bothered by things I never was bothered by before---then I ask--when did I get old??? This varies from person to person--but for men--less testosterone can alter the passion levels--or the need for physical companionship. Men will often just not care very much. And then day to day stress will alter our priorities. Hard to be romantic with piles of bills or health issues--or family issues. Our problems change as we age--our priorities change as well. The need to have love may be way down the list of things to do. Even finding a new love will TEMPORARILY feel good--then the day to day stuff catches up to us again. I--for example--never had the need for love--I took a different road in life. I decided that my dreams and my desires were different than most people--but I still chased them. Now I have done it all and I enjoy reflecting on what I have accomplished in MY life. I don't think LOVE will ever be a part of my golden years. I don't feel that old need for it!! RELAX and accept that the life you now have is the life that you will have to deal with---so make the most of it--EVERYDAY!! Its not that bad!!
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| 1/17/2011 4:51:32 AM |
Why is it harder to fall in love when we get older? |
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outback2451
Rochester, NY
65, joined Jul. 2009
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Well I am not sure that I find it harder to fall in love... it's more that you are not in the same place as you were in High School. Back then it was "I wanna be Johnny's Girl" and thought that love conquers all and that whole bill of goods.
Now we are in a different place. I have worked soooo damn hard to get the little I have and just can't just anyone into my life and I am leary of changing my life for just anyone only to have it fall apart.
The men my age seem so jaded and have such barriers and I suppose are very self-protective. STill.... of course passion between the genders always seems to never be on the same page. At my age, I find I am MORE passionate than ever and yet the men's interest seems to be waning!! Figures doesn't it.
My biggest interest in a man is to have intellectual stimulation.
Falling in love for me is not the hard part... it's finding someone to allow me to love them and love me in return that presents the problem.
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| 1/25/2011 12:11:21 PM |
Why is it harder to fall in love when we get older? |
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southpaw0420
Blairstown, NJ
38, joined Jan. 2011
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I can speak for me it being harder to fall in love because we have gone through the many stages of what we think love was or is. For example, My first wife I loved then but now that i look back, i don't think it was love it was something else. Same with other loves I have had. By our 30's most of us have a good idea of what we want what we will deal with and what we won't stand for.
I personally don't think love can be found, it grows on you. usually when you click with someone and it is just one of those things you wake up and think, uh oh they are on my mind and not in the usual way. Then it begins.
I also think as we get older we realize those butterflies we feel do not mean love, it just means something new and exciting.
Then again what the hell do I know about love I'm single lol
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| 1/30/2011 5:49:20 PM |
Why is it harder to fall in love when we get older? |
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darlingmarlene
Belford, NJ
63, joined Jul. 2010
|
The physiology changes--our hormones change--we just don't care because we have changed on the inside. I find that I am bothered by things I never was bothered by before---then I ask--when did I get old??? This varies from person to person--but for men--less testosterone can alter the passion levels--or the need for physical companionship. Men will often just not care very much. And then day to day stress will alter our priorities. Hard to be romantic with piles of bills or health issues--or family issues. Our problems change as we age--our priorities change as well. The need to have love may be way down the list of things to do. Even finding a new love will TEMPORARILY feel good--then the day to day stuff catches up to us again. I--for example--never had the need for love--I took a different road in life. I decided that my dreams and my desires were different than most people--but I still chased them. Now I have done it all and I enjoy reflecting on what I have accomplished in MY life. I don't think LOVE will ever be a part of my golden years. I don't feel that old need for it!! RELAX and accept that the life you now have is the life that you will have to deal with---so make the most of it--EVERYDAY!! Its not that bad!!
Oh I think you're so right in many things that you said. But I was in love once, and know what the passion in ones life can do. Think you have problems, and love will complicate your life? Maybe for some that may be in love. To meet with the right person by your side you can move mountains. Being retired now, and living my days with out romantic love is pretty bland. I'll tell you a little secret. Yes I put quite a tall order in my mind of what I was looking for in a man, call it fussy, but if I was fussy when I was younger, and took the time to find the right one, I probibly wouldn't be typing this right now. I have been patient to wait for the right one to come along. I've disapointed more than a few hearts along the way because that little voice told me don't go there, he not what you are looking for.
Last week someone contacted me on DH, as I do with many, it was deleted. By the grace of God this man contacted me again, re-sent his letter to me, although there where things that I really didn't want to budge on, namely location, I gave him an answer back, and we starting writing to each other. Each letter that he worke captured my interest more and more. We than move to the telephone. We started talking around 3:00, it went on until 8:00. We will meet each other this Tuesday for the first time. I hope to write about it for all of you someday. It will be another DH secess story I hope. All I can say to you ladies in waiting, hold true to you cord values, dreams do come true because he's the one!  To be continued 
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| 1/30/2011 5:57:45 PM |
Why is it harder to fall in love when we get older? |
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darlingmarlene
Belford, NJ
63, joined Jul. 2010
|
I can speak for me it being harder to fall in love because we have gone through the many stages of what we think love was or is. For example, My first wife I loved then but now that i look back, i don't think it was love it was something else. Same with other loves I have had. By our 30's most of us have a good idea of what we want what we will deal with and what we won't stand for.
I personally don't think love can be found, it grows on you. usually when you click with someone and it is just one of those things you wake up and think, uh oh they are on my mind and not in the usual way. Then it begins.
I also think as we get older we realize those butterflies we feel do not mean love, it just means something new and exciting.
Then again what the hell do I know about love I'm single lol
Maybe single but you make good since. As I just wrote, I finally found what I was looking for in this on line candy store. Good luck to all of you, for what ever you're looking for.
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| 2/1/2011 12:43:32 PM |
Why is it harder to fall in love when we get older? |
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bunderw100
North Arlington, NJ
64, joined Sep. 2010
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couse went we were younger love was all around us . and u had puppy love as well , as we get older its not the same. we been there wit so many problems and u learn ,after so many year of bull SH--  AND U TAKE THINGS DIFFERENCE NOW THAT YOUR OLDER
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| 2/6/2011 2:52:19 PM |
Why is it harder to fall in love when we get older? |
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jerseypillygirl
Lumberton, NJ
64, joined May. 2008
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I'm not so easily swept off my feet. Still believe in it. 
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| 2/25/2011 2:49:46 PM |
Why is it harder to fall in love when we get older? |
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remodeldr
Ringwood, NJ
54, joined Feb. 2011
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The older we get the more lessons learned and the taller the wall gets. We know way too much at a more mature age. We put up with less BS ! I try to not let things like this get in the way and give most the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes i trust too much, too early.
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| 2/25/2011 10:29:54 PM |
Why is it harder to fall in love when we get older? |
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th6231
Point Pleasant Beach, NJ
68, joined Jul. 2007
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Its probably the culmination of all of our experiences in life. lessons learned--and conditioning. Our definitions of love and romance and dating are probably changed as well. Our hopes and dreams probably changed along the way--and our expectations.
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| 2/26/2011 8:49:34 AM |
Why is it harder to fall in love when we get older? |
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merrillbunny
Brick, NJ
45, joined Oct. 2010
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You are so right. i am the same way!
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| 2/26/2011 9:32:08 PM |
Why is it harder to fall in love when we get older? |
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th6231
Point Pleasant Beach, NJ
68, joined Jul. 2007
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I was just thinking about the question--and I seem to have made the mistake of lumping all people into one pile. Its not difficult for every older person to find love. There are those who have experienced enough in their past relationships, to know what they really want...and when they find a partner who fulfills their wishes....they are happy. Its probably not much more difficult for the older people than it is for anyone else!!
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| 2/26/2011 11:44:16 PM |
Why is it harder to fall in love when we get older? |
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mikec6384
Philadelphia, PA
32, joined Feb. 2011
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if i take e i love anyone!
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| 3/26/2011 8:19:19 PM |
Why is it harder to fall in love when we get older? |
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darlingmarlene
Belford, NJ
63, joined Jul. 2010
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Right again, you have a good outlook on life. Makes me wonder why you're here. Sadly I must say that my new hopeful did not work out for me. I feel very bad, because I think deep down inside he had the potential to love if he would have just let go. Instead he showed me a side of him that was not good, the side his wife put up with for many years for the sake of a family. I just wish that he would have been able to take a few steps back and take a good look at him self. Being anal retentive is a terrible thing in ones life, it can really cause break up in marriages, potential future relationships to go sour fast, and make you die a very lonely old person. But still I will never give up the hope that my true love is out there for me.
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| 3/27/2011 7:39:08 AM |
Why is it harder to fall in love when we get older? |
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cmshelley
Woodbine, NJ
33, joined Mar. 2011
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I don't know about you, but this seems to be the case with many of us. When we were kids we fell in love by just getting our ear blown into by the opposite sex, or for some the same sex for that matter. But I find that now that I'm older I'm more choosy to the one that I'll let my heart go to. It's not because I'm damaged goods, that's not the case at all. I just look at men different now. Health, size and looks were something that I never considered when I was young. Now I want it all before love can fit into the equation. I liked to know how other people feel on this subject who are older now. Do you feel the same way?
Well as we get older n go threw life we find what we want n don't want. Through the pain we imdur as when we where younger to where we r now, looking for a mate. we become more a where of things that went wrong in our sub conscious. n start to put up walls to protect our selves.
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| 3/27/2011 1:30:34 PM |
Why is it harder to fall in love when we get older? |
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long_kisser
Dover, NJ
38, joined Mar. 2011
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I think as you get older you become more materialistic, you start comparing things that’s why you are choosier. And the other thing I noticed the level of excitement will keep on decreasing as you are getting older and older. That’s why its hard to find a love for older people because their selection parameters are on very higher side; by reducing these parameters one can find a love very soon, but I think we(older ppl) are not compromising on that.
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| 4/6/2011 7:14:19 PM |
Why is it harder to fall in love when we get older? |
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honestjohn49
Dorothy, NJ
67, joined May. 2007
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Then again, maybe it's the wrinkles?
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| 4/11/2011 7:57:50 PM |
Why is it harder to fall in love when we get older? |
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sugarnspicetoo
Port Saint Lucie, FL
60, joined Jan. 2011
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I think as you get older you become more materialistic, you start comparing things that’s why you are choosier. And the other thing I noticed the level of excitement will keep on decreasing as you are getting older and older. That’s why its hard to find a love for older people because their selection parameters are on very higher side; by reducing these parameters one can find a love very soon, but I think we(older ppl) are not compromising on that.
you're 32 years old.. ! what's with the "we" older people?
I think.. we see that the pool has grown smaller. We still want what we wanted before, but (hopefully) realize, its not the same as when we were younger. So, we put up with the ageing process..a few pounds, a few aches and pains, a few wrinkles, ..you know what I mean.
and we step back and PUNT...
hoping we can find someone who still "fits" kinda what we wanted/ still want, even with the "time" factor. Someone who still laughs, still cares, still..whatever...
It's difficult at best.
Some of us still try.
Some still want what they wanted when they were 30 years old (NOT gonna happen!) but they don't realize or look in the mirror and see the REAL person looking back..
I do look at someone who does not have major health problems
I do look at someone who can still ...um..get a woody
I do look at someone who still wants to do something more than be "retired" and do nothing.. since I am not retired.. but would like to be-another topic
I do look for someone who still wants to have fun, go out, have dinner at 7 or 8pm and not do the "early bird special".. oh please help me
Someone who still has that TWINKLE in his eye that says.. I'm up to MISCHIEF~~and you are included!!
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| 8/6/2011 7:44:53 PM |
Why is it harder to fall in love when we get older? |
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lovelychris71
Passaic, NJ
44, joined Aug. 2011
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It is harder I feel because we grow up and have less trust than when we were young. I had more boyfriends yrs ago and I was more impulsive and trusting. I learned from the past and am more weary of who I get involved with.
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| 8/7/2011 6:49:42 PM |
Why is it harder to fall in love when we get older? |
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bunniehugs
Manahawkin, NJ
59, joined Dec. 2010
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I still need that chemistry and special feeling. I can't just settle like I did the first time I got married. Unfortunately I'm finding that the pickings are very slim and as you get older all the good men are already taken. My problem is where do you find the right match? I'm not interested in the bar scene, I don't want another alcoholic. I write to men on here and nobody answers me. 
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| 8/7/2011 11:42:20 PM |
Why is it harder to fall in love when we get older? |
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th6231
Point Pleasant Beach, NJ
68, joined Jul. 2007
|
Probably too set in our ways---and probably our past history is a bit odd when others read about us. I have never been married--MY CHOICE--MY DECISION--but I worked and had side businesses---and decided NOT to waste a woman's time. She would have NOT been happy!! I am home long enough to sleep--then its up and out again. What woman would want that?? But at 63 years old--I get asked why?? And I guess it sounds silly. BUT--it was my choice. I know it looks bad--regardless of the explanations. SO--I seem to be a bad risk and people will think I am unemotional, uncaring--and no fun. The fact is--I am very tuned into the emotions--I am fun when I have time to HAVE fun--and no one cares about stuff more than I do. I have a shore house--a farm--and work a state job--I flew in the Air Force--I was a paid firefighter for many many years--I ran a sign painting business parttime---I had a restaurant---and I still show a classic car--when I can!! I am spending my children's inheritance!!
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| 8/17/2011 4:26:38 PM |
Why is it harder to fall in love when we get older? |
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vedrenyuar
Rochester, NY
32, joined Aug. 2011
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I think because our standards heighten with every experience. The older, the more experienced... the more accustomed to things you become, the less they turn you on, the more you seek...until you realize, you've just created something not of this world.
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| 8/22/2011 4:59:24 PM |
Why is it harder to fall in love when we get older? |
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ybnvs1089
Garfield, NJ
43, joined Jan. 2010
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I think that as we get older we get more picky
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| 9/3/2011 1:41:26 PM |
Why is it harder to fall in love when we get older? |
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lovelychris71
Passaic, NJ
44, joined Aug. 2011
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I think it's because we learn from life and become more aware of our surroundings and life. When we are young we are more trusting and impulsive.
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| 10/6/2011 10:26:30 PM |
Why is it harder to fall in love when we get older? |
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jerzeebutterfly
Jersey City, NJ
55, joined Aug. 2011
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Being domesticated for a long time adds to the difficulties of falling in love. Also, I can only speak as a woman, a dip in confidence, possibility the insecurity due to aging prevents the assertiveness needed to "Let Go" for a relationship to blossom and trust "Love" especially if one was a good wife and partner of a failed marriage---subcontiously and basically, I feel, it comes down to "fear"...
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| 10/12/2011 6:32:16 PM |
Why is it harder to fall in love when we get older? |
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serenity200011
West New York, NJ
39, joined Oct. 2011
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I agree as we get older we tend to think things through as oppose to "just going for it." You realize that it takes time and much more than a physical attraction to build a relationship. You learn that when you first meet someone, they might be putting up a facade, so you tend to hold back a little more until you really get to know them.
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| 10/18/2011 11:37:39 PM |
Why is it harder to fall in love when we get older? |
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jerseyguy39
Ocala, FL
44, joined Apr. 2011
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Maybe as people get older, they become cynical and jaded.
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| 10/21/2011 10:03:20 AM |
Why is it harder to fall in love when we get older? |
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darlingmarlene
Belford, NJ
63, joined Jul. 2010
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I think you nailed it. I agree.
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| 10/23/2011 10:22:02 PM |
Why is it harder to fall in love when we get older? |
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th6231
Point Pleasant Beach, NJ
68, joined Jul. 2007
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The older we get--the harder it is to have fun--or fall in love--or make enough to pay these taxes. I thought it was supposed to get easier. I thought these were the golden years. With only 24 hours in a day----and we work at least 8 of these hours--and sleep 6 to 8 hours---and do the incidentals for 2 or 3 hours---that leaves only a few hours for fun.  ...M A Y B E..!!That's the way I see it!!
[Edited 10/23/2011 10:22:40 PM ]
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| 10/24/2011 6:52:01 PM |
Why is it harder to fall in love when we get older? |
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sensualshivers
Glendora, NJ
44, joined Oct. 2011
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Two words came to mind as I read the opening post. It's "blissful innocence" that allows young lovers to fall so hard. In most cases they have yet to develop the thick exterior shell that life and lost love forms around a mature heart.
To me it's as simple as that.
Oh how I long for those day.
[Edited 10/24/2011 6:52:43 PM ]
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| 10/27/2011 2:26:08 PM |
Why is it harder to fall in love when we get older? |
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daytime113
Pittsburgh, PA
56, joined Oct. 2011
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Hi new me my self because life to short
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| 12/20/2011 10:57:11 AM |
Why is it harder to fall in love when we get older? |
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darlingmarlene
Belford, NJ
63, joined Jul. 2010
|
Probably too set in our ways---and probably our past history is a bit odd when others read about us. I have never been married--MY CHOICE--MY DECISION--but I worked and had side businesses---and decided NOT to waste a woman's time. She would have NOT been happy!! I am home long enough to sleep--then its up and out again. What woman would want that?? But at 63 years old--I get asked why?? And I guess it sounds silly. BUT--it was my choice. I know it looks bad--regardless of the explanations. SO--I seem to be a bad risk and people will think I am unemotional, uncaring--and no fun. The fact is--I am very tuned into the emotions--I am fun when I have time to HAVE fun--and no one cares about stuff more than I do. I have a shore house--a farm--and work a state job--I flew in the Air Force--I was a paid firefighter for many many years--I ran a sign painting business parttime---I had a restaurant---and I still show a classic car--when I can!! I am spending my children's inheritance!!
lol....I must say you're making to much sence. Spending your childrens inherritance, you mean the one you worked so hard for?.... Oh man, you're killling me smalls. No marriage, but still found the time to plant a few,... you go boy!
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| 12/20/2011 1:10:05 PM |
Why is it harder to fall in love when we get older? |
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mrmcgibblets
Las Vegas, NV
35, joined Dec. 2011
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it's just adaptation, if you fall you might break a hip
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| 12/20/2011 3:00:31 PM |
Why is it harder to fall in love when we get older? |
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shhytsngiggles
Somerville, NJ
35, joined Nov. 2011
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| 12/20/2011 7:32:08 PM |
Why is it harder to fall in love when we get older? |
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lenny1951
Neptune, NJ
65, joined Nov. 2008
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After being married for 24 years and divorced for 10, I did fall in love again. I couldn't wait to see her, share our days or wait on her, sex was great also.
She broke-up with me 5 times without reason nor discussing it.
Shame on me.
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| 1/15/2012 12:47:39 AM |
Why is it harder to fall in love when we get older? |
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rumbero79
Perth Amboy, NJ
36, joined Nov. 2010
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I think it's hard to find love when we're older cuz we work all the time, have bills to pay, some of us have kids which is a huge responsibility. We don't have the freedom we had or the responsibility we now have when we were younger.
We are also very selective to the very few we encounter because of our daily struggle. We have enough crap to deal with. Who wants more drama in their life?
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| 2/2/2012 10:53:47 PM |
Why is it harder to fall in love when we get older? |
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poem973
Paterson, NJ
41, joined Sep. 2011
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I was going to say something but you basically said it all. Except for the same sex ear blowing I totally agree.
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