Stages of Grief After a Break-Up

3/27/2008 6:20:15 AM	Stages of Grief After a Break-Up
susansheart839 Port Saint Lucie, FL age: 60	Someone saw a post I had on here and asked what the stages of grief were. I thought I would try to help more than one person, and if I have helped you, I am happy. I am not a grief counselor or a shrink. These are just my thoughts about what I went through and how I survived. I went through this twice, once when I buried my first husband, then just recently when I divorced a man I thought was going to love me forever. The divorce was worse because I knew my first husband loved me until he took his last breath, and there is some comfort in that. My second husband was online in five minutes after I told him I wanted a divorce and he had girls calling the house in the middle of the night to chat with him! I often wonder what kind of woman would be bold enough to call a man at his wife's house, knowing she was there, but not caring. Once I picked up the phone at 3 am and just calmly told the woman to be grown up enough to know there are barriers she was crossing that she would have to pay for later. Then, I hung up. Believe it or not, I still cry about my first husband when some dope takes advantage of me. Makes me wish I had been buried with him, but I guess it isn't in the cards that we should be together again yet. After crying comes anger. Anger at him for being such a fool not to love you (because you are the best woman he will ever find), and anger at yourself for believing his lies and falling for his lines. We were so self assured and cocky about this love, weren't we...your friends will get sick of you calling them and bashing him 24/7, but don't worry, they've been through it, too, so the real friends will hold your hand and bash him with you! Oh no, why won't he call me? Answer my e-mails or IM's? Why is he ignoring me? He said he loved me, for crissake. How can he just stop like that, all of a sudden, knowing I am crushed beyond belief? Has he no feelings? Yeah, for the new girlfriend, not for me. What can I do to get him to love me again? Maybe I will do a drive-by to see if he is home (or if there is a strange car in the driveway) See all these questions? This is bargaining with God. God's answer will be NO. After all the crazy thoughts and inner dramas have been played out, you will accept it. Now comes numbness. You walk around not feeling anything and not caring what you look like or if the dishes get done. During this stage, you lose a lot of weight because you don't care about eating, either. Nothing seems to matter because, hell, life just isn't worth it if you don't have his love and attention. Thankfully, this phase passes quickly! If you smoke, you will smoke more than ever - I don't know why. Maybe the nicotine helps. But be aware, this is a very dangerous stage where you might do harm to yourself because you just don't have the willpower to carry on. The friends who carried you through the anger stage will call, but you won't want to talk to them. You are hiding your inner flaws, forgetting that your flaws are few and your gift of love outweighs them. This is where you try to hibernate, locking yourself inside your house, the tv is your best friend because it blocks out the white noise of pain, so it's on 24/7. Or maybe you come here and read all the posts, post your own thoughts, cry a little bit more when you find a post that reminds you of what you are going through. Wait? What just happened? The house is a mess, I need to go to the manicurist and hair stylist, I look terrible, how could anyone love me the way I am? This is when you do a thorough house cleaning. Any pictures of him are tossed, any remembrance of him goes into the trash, you don't care anymore what he feels because he was the loser, not you. Now your house is sparkling clean, your nails are beautiful, your hair stylist just gave you a kick-ass haircut and/or color and you call your friends with the newest joke. You go out with the girls to a bar and you find men are buying you free drinks, telling you that you are a knock-out. Boy, this feels good! Forget it, ex, I was just reborn. OH BUT WAIT RIGHT THERE, GIRLFRIEND. This is the whre stage. Any man who shows interest in you will get "lucky" and you find yourself juggling 3 men, wondering which one will be the next greatest love of your life. This stage is very dangerous because the men can smell vulnerability and go for the kill. You're an easy target. You will believe anything they say because you are arrogant and to men, being hunter/gatherers that they are, they will chase you until they catch you. Then they will dump you!!! But this time, you won't cry. It's the Oh Fcking Well stage. Finally, while watching tv one night, a friend will call and you will have a normal conversation. You won't be ragging on the ex or bragging about all the men in your life. Your focus will not be men, it will be how do I stop this from ever happening again? The new you will feel peaceful. You are not running away from your feelings anymore or dwelling on the "what ifs", you accept the fact that he was a fool from the beginning and you should have been aware of it (and inside, you KNOW you were, you saw all the red flags, but his bullshit kept you from seeing it). Your self worth is returning. Now you realize that if someone says they love you, they must prove it, not just say it. They need to earn your love because you are worth the effort. And once earned, they will never, ever, ever take it for granted because your love is a gift they appreciate. True love knows no bounds. It does not demand, it does not criticize or abuse. True love is not dependence, it is interdependence, where together as a team you both feel joy, inner peace and happiness, and it is so good it is better than going it alone. Both people think of the other first and show their feelings of love in every way possible. Before I met my first husband (soulmate for eternity), I went to a counselor because of a love drama that was driving me crazy. She asked me a very important question: "If you were standing still and all your friends were passing you by, hitting you hard in the arm, how many would be able to do this before you said stop?" I answered, "Oh, I don't know, maybe three." Her answer back to me was, "Not one of them should be able to hit you!" That was my Oprah "AHA!" moment. You do not find love, it finds you. And it will not find you when you are hurt, crying and wondering what the hell happened. It will find you when you are whole again, happy with who you are and your place in this world. I hope this helps.
3/27/2008 6:40:50 AM	Stages of Grief After a Break-Up
kenb5b01 Northport, WA age: 43 online now!	House Feathers Your awakening should have been at the alter of your second marriage. Before you said I do, you should have asked yourself if you did. Through the entire marriage you just didn't. You said it all when you said, "Before I met my first husband (soulmate for eternity)" Furthermore, when one person says they want a divorce, what is the point of waiting around? Love is an experience that is shared. Nobody can earn it. It is mutually there and free exchanged, if it isn't then it's just drama.
3/27/2008 6:42:06 AM	Stages of Grief After a Break-Up
foxy_woman_49 Omaha, NE age: 49	The numb feeling as you say is the best part -weight lose. How can anyone complain about that
3/27/2008 8:36:43 AM	Stages of Grief After a Break-Up
luvzhugz12 Richardson, TX age: 42	I don't usually read the longer posts (lack of patience) but you wrote a very good piece about the various stages before, during, after divorce. Thank you for sharing a little bit of yourself -
3/27/2008 12:48:41 PM	Stages of Grief After a Break-Up
susansheart839 Port Saint Lucie, FL age: 60	Ken, although my first husband was my "soulmate," I did love my second husband. Yes, I did file for divorce, but only after he refused counseling, became verbally and emotionally abusive, his alcoholism raged, and in a final insult, told me our marriage had always been a charade. This, after I sold my house in CA and moved 3,000 miles to FL for a happily ever after life. Got the picture now?
3/27/2008 2:38:11 PM	Stages of Grief After a Break-Up
lonelymantoday Indianapolis, IN age: 53	WOW! This so fits my last relationship I thought was so for me. I had this very attractive lady walk right up to me in late December last year. It was after Christmas. I was totally in awe. First of all, my name is Bob and I am from Indianapolis, Indiana. I am 53 although I stay fit and healthy as I don't smoke or seldom drink so I look and feel like I'm in my 30's. However, this lady asked my what I ws doing after work. So we went for coffee ater I got off a 9pm from my P/T job. Things went well and after about 30 minutes at Denny's, her oldest child (she has 3 from 3 violent marriages she said)called. She is 11 with her other two (boys) are 7 and 3. I believe this was all planed because suddenly I was to come home with her, which was literally five minutes from me. It wasn't 2 hours later she was all over me for sex. Then the conversation turned from then on to her financial woes. Things went from being very happy to being sad for her as she cried alot. She kept mentioning this is due and this is past due etc.. She had a bad situation, which went unmentioned, which loaning a friend money adn how screwed up her checking account is and because of that had no account. She is a Christian and sings in teh church choir. This I have seen. Then I noticed since I could NOT help her out with money and lots of it, the conversation went forced and seeing each other slowely faded off. We did dine out alot with her 3 kids which I happened to like, and them me, That was for real. But everytime we went out, she was all eyes on other men. All of a sudden, after we had after church dinner plans, she met another man and 2 days later was engaged. 2 days later after that, she dumped him "for being a jerk". She came back to me. Three days later she met someone else at Starbucks. I called it quits. He didn't work out for whatever reason. She again started calling me again. I was on my way to a bible study when she left me a message she wasn't going due ot the flu. She convinced me to go take care of her and the kids until she got better. I did. Then her phone kept ringing and it was private conversations. Even her text messages were secretive.. I ignored that until I overheard her from the other room. "I'll call you in the next day or two when I am better and "he's' gone. 'He' meant me . I gave her and those kids alot of love straight from my heart. By the way the 2nd day I went over ther her microwave went out. How ironic. I took care of that. THe nshe needed food, the nlots of cash etc. Tht did not happen. IT went to hell from then on. The following week, I took her lunch at work. Then it ended there .She met someone else. "take care of yourself". All this took place over about 1 month. She now sports a sparkling ring on her wedding finger. That was quick. Unless she already had it. I was strung along and played. She is a golddigger. I wanted to die because I really felt for her. I did not eat ANYTHING for almost 2 weeks. Depression like you wouldn't believe. First my divorce 6 years ago for her cheating, now this. Damn!!! I lost 24 lbs. I cared about nothing or nobody. It was and still is tough going anywhere, even to work. Will I ever find any true love? Or will they just come to me like everybody says if I just stop looking? I am a person who has a big heart and is honest in anything I do. What do her kids think of her ways? Everything she does with her body and her "bedroom eyes" she refers to them as, she says was/is self taught. And alot of men complement her of that. I bailed out for good. But I thought I had my dream mate. Wrong! Nice guys DO finish last..
3/27/2008 3:20:08 PM	Stages of Grief After a Break-Up
doll121 Middleport, OH age: 50	depression.
3/27/2008 3:27:59 PM	Stages of Grief After a Break-Up
bella2020 Lebanon, OH age: 47	Sorry about your loss and everything you said in your thread is true,Hope u find happiness. PS. How long did all that last?
3/27/2008 3:36:56 PM	Stages of Grief After a Break-Up
italianlady05 Omaha, NE age: 53 online now!	Susan..i rarely read posts this long..wow..but i will say that i stayed till the end and you are right on target. I'm happy to say that i and others do survive and go on living very happily...at the time, you just wish a few months or even years could go by in the blink of an eye.. good luck to all out there who are going through these tough times..whew...i'm so glad i'm not!
3/27/2008 3:49:26 PM	Stages of Grief After a Break-Up
drumrman Belmont, MA age: 43	After the fire the fire still burns The heart grows older. but never ever learns The memories smoulder, and the soul always yearns After the fire the fire...still...burns
3/27/2008 4:17:20 PM	Stages of Grief After a Break-Up
bella2020 Lebanon, OH age: 47	Well aran't we the little poet Drummr your a sweety
3/27/2008 4:20:08 PM	Stages of Grief After a Break-Up
ronn657 Stoughton, MA age: 55	Funny I left a bad relationship in July and I haven't stoped the tears yet.. I am not angry at her but at myself for allowing someone to keep promising forever and not seeing the signs that it would never happen. Can someone tell me how to get to anger so I can really move on and love someone else?? By the way BELLA?? You are adorable.. [Edited 3/27/2008 4:20:41 PM]
3/27/2008 4:24:21 PM	Stages of Grief After a Break-Up
bella2020 Lebanon, OH age: 47	Hey Ronn whats up? And so are you
3/27/2008 4:25:59 PM	Stages of Grief After a Break-Up
ronn657 Stoughton, MA age: 55	Seriously Bella.. I believe you could eliminate any heartbreak.. You have such a beautiful smile [Edited 3/27/2008 4:26:19 PM]
3/27/2008 4:33:30 PM	Stages of Grief After a Break-Up
bella2020 Lebanon, OH age: 47	Hey Ronn ,Thank u ,your very kind,I haven't been though what Susan has been though.But understand what she's saying .Have had a lot of freinds and co workers that have been hurt,men and women .

Page: 1, 2, 3

mega personnel sign in

best hookup sites for women