Atheist humor.

8/21/2011 4:29:55 PM	Atheist humor.
duchessa Yonkers, NY 64, joined Aug. 2008	Catholic Kittens One day a Catholic Priest was walking down the street and saw a little girl on her front porch with a box of newborn kittens. The little girl greeted him, "Hello Father; these are Catholic kittens." The Priest replied, "That's nice. Bless you child." A week later the Priest saw the little girl again with the box of kittens and asked, "How are the little Catholic kittens doing?" The little girl solemnly informed him, "They are not Catholic kittens anymore, they are Atheist kittens now." The Priest was shocked, "What happened?!" The little girl grinned, "Their eyes opened." Meet singles at DateHookup.dating, we're 100% free! Join now!
8/21/2011 5:06:36 PM	Atheist humor.
kinkaju Booneville, AR 71, joined Jun. 2011	Sign in front of a church The sermon tonight is "what is hell" come early and listen to the choir practice
8/21/2011 5:12:13 PM	Atheist humor.
freethinker2112 Bentonville, AR 50, joined Sep. 2008	An atheist buys an ancient lamp at an auction, takes it home, and begins to polish it. Suddenly, a genie appears, and says, “I’ll grant you three wishes, Master.” The atheist says, “I wish I could believe in you.” The genie snaps his fingers, and suddenly the atheist believes in him. The atheist says, “Wow. I wish all atheists would believe this.” The genie snaps his fingers again, and suddenly atheists all over the world begin to believe in genies. “What about your third wish?” asks the genie. “Well,” says the atheist, “I wish for a billion dollars.” The genie snaps his fingers for a third time, but nothing happens. “What’s wrong?” asks the atheist. The genie shrugs and says, “Just because you believe in me, doesn’t necessarily mean that I really exist.”
8/21/2011 5:14:40 PM	Atheist humor.
duchessa Yonkers, NY 64, joined Aug. 2008
8/21/2011 5:16:26 PM	Atheist humor.
freethinker2112 Bentonville, AR 50, joined Sep. 2008	How many atheists does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to actually change the bulb, and the other to videotape the job so fundamentalists won’t claim that god did it.
8/21/2011 5:24:53 PM	Atheist humor.
duchessa Yonkers, NY 64, joined Aug. 2008	Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car which said: "TWO PROSTITUTES--$50.00." A policeman, seeing the sign, stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail. Just at that time, another car passed with a sign saying: "JESUS SAVES." One of the girls asked the cop, "How come you don't stop them?!" "Well, that's a little different," the cop smiled. "Their sign pertains to religion." So the two ladies of the night frowned as they took their sign down and drove off. The following day found the same cop in the same area when he noticed the same two ladies driving around with a large sign on their car again. Figuring he had an easy arrest, he decided to catch up with them -- when he noticed the new sign which now read: "TWO FALLEN ANGELS SEEKING PETER---$50.00."
8/21/2011 6:02:05 PM	Atheist humor.
kinkaju Booneville, AR 71, joined Jun. 2011	Freethinker & Duchessa peleas excuse any typos I am laughing so hard and tears are running down my face.Too funny
8/21/2011 7:21:53 PM	Atheist humor.
duchessa Yonkers, NY 64, joined Aug. 2008	This one is not about Atheists.....but funny as hell... The rescue squad was called to the home of an elderly couple for a heart attack the gentleman was having. When the squad got there it was too late and the man had died. While consoling the wife one of the rescuers noticed that the bed was a mess. He asked the lady what symptoms the man had suffered and if anything had precipitated the heart attack. The lady replied, "Well, we were in the bed making love and he started moaning, groaning, thrashing about the bed, panting, and sweating. I thought he was coming - but I guess he was going.
8/21/2011 8:48:51 PM	Atheist humor.
kinkaju Booneville, AR 71, joined Jun. 2011	I once told my wife that I would like to go out making love.She got very up set about it un till I told her that I felt sorry for the undertaker. She ask me why? I saidits going to take 3 days to wipe the smile off my face.
8/21/2011 9:24:47 PM	Atheist humor.
duchessa Yonkers, NY 64, joined Aug. 2008	Quote from kinkaju: I once told my wife that I would like to go out making love.She got very up set about it un till I told her that I felt sorry for the undertaker. She ask me why? I saidits going to take 3 days to wipe the smile off my face. Didn't Rockefeller died making love?
8/21/2011 10:07:06 PM	Atheist humor.
kinkaju Booneville, AR 71, joined Jun. 2011	Thats the rumor
8/21/2011 10:38:31 PM	Atheist humor.
duchessa Yonkers, NY 64, joined Aug. 2008	Quote from kinkaju: Thats the rumor That "feller" was a "rock" all the way to his last day.
8/21/2011 11:46:22 PM	Atheist humor.
kinkaju Booneville, AR 71, joined Jun. 2011	"come & go all at the same time"
8/22/2011 7:08:07 AM	Atheist humor.
duchessa Yonkers, NY 64, joined Aug. 2008	Quote from kinkaju: "come & go all at the same time"
8/22/2011 11:07:44 AM	Atheist humor.
gjlover Grand Junction, CO 54, joined Aug. 2010	That's what I want, to die having sex. So my tombstone can say "He Came and Went"
8/22/2011 2:28:15 PM	Atheist humor.
duchessa Yonkers, NY 64, joined Aug. 2008	Quote from gjlover: That's what I want, to die having sex. So my tombstone can say "He Came and Went" And your tombstone will read...
8/22/2011 4:28:07 PM	Atheist humor.
kinkaju Booneville, AR 71, joined Jun. 2011	I hope to come first then go ,otherwise they won't be able to close the lid on the coffin [Edited 8/22/2011 4:28:24 PM ]
8/22/2011 4:40:12 PM	Atheist humor.
duchessa Yonkers, NY 64, joined Aug. 2008	Quote from kinkaju: I hope to come first then go ,otherwise they won't be able to close the lid on the coffin And as the saying goes..."It would not be autopsied but jerked." We are disgusting...
8/22/2011 4:41:44 PM	Atheist humor.
kinkaju Booneville, AR 71, joined Jun. 2011	Atheists can laugh too
8/22/2011 4:58:56 PM	Atheist humor.
duchessa Yonkers, NY 64, joined Aug. 2008	Quote from kinkaju: Atheists can laugh too The Pope took a philosophy professor (an atheist at that) out fishing on a large lake. As they drifted on the still lake, the philosopher accidentally dropped an oar and watched it float away. The pontiff stepped out of the boat, walked across the water to the oar, grabbed it and walked back to the boat. The next day at the university, a colleague asked the philosopher if he had enjoyed fishing with the Pope. "It was okay, but would you believe that guy can't swim?"
8/22/2011 5:25:38 PM	Atheist humor.
kinkaju Booneville, AR 71, joined Jun. 2011
8/22/2011 5:33:57 PM	Atheist humor.
gjlover Grand Junction, CO 54, joined Aug. 2010	That's a big tombstone......
8/22/2011 5:43:40 PM	Atheist humor.
duchessa Yonkers, NY 64, joined Aug. 2008	gjlover ""That's a big tombstone......"" You proud boy...
8/22/2011 5:54:21 PM	Atheist humor.
duchessa Yonkers, NY 64, joined Aug. 2008	Did you know, if you rearrange the letters in 'religion' it spells 'ngoiilre'? Yeah, still makes absolutely no sense.
8/22/2011 6:00:18 PM	Atheist humor.
kinkaju Booneville, AR 71, joined Jun. 2011	The Davinci code?? no lire ? [Edited 8/22/2011 6:00:57 PM ]
8/22/2011 6:08:52 PM	Atheist humor.
duchessa Yonkers, NY 64, joined Aug. 2008	kinkaju ""The Davinci code?? no lire ?"" ??????????
8/22/2011 6:31:35 PM	Atheist humor.
kinkaju Booneville, AR 71, joined Jun. 2011	just a small joke religion no lire asking for money [Edited 8/22/2011 6:33:37 PM ]
8/24/2011 10:42:35 AM	Atheist humor.
muldoon1959 Vallejo, CA 58, joined Feb. 2008	A priest a rabi and an atheist were walking along one day and found a pile of money. Not knowing what to do with the money, the priest suggest, "we draw a circle on the ground. Throw the money up in the air, and whatever lands in the circle we give to god and the rest we keep". The rabi makes the same suggestion exept that he says " whatever lands on the outside of the circle we give to god and the rest we keep." The atheist suggests "we throw it up in the air, and whatever god wants, he keeps."
8/24/2011 2:57:21 PM	Atheist humor.
psycho_jak Eugene, OR 31, joined Jul. 2008	How can you tell if a Catholic priest is a pedophile? Ask if he's Catholic and ask if he's a priest.
8/24/2011 8:14:27 PM	Atheist humor.
duchessa Yonkers, NY 64, joined Aug. 2008	It was Sunday and an early morning mass inside the catholic cathedral the priest stood up holding a ball. PRIEST: "brothers and sisters, whoever this ball touches is a very sinful man and its soul is already in the depths of hell" the crowd awed and feared. The priest threw the ball..it bounce on the wall, on the chairs, on the ceiling and finally hit the PRIEST.. PRIEST: Oh my..it was just a test brothers...
8/28/2011 11:57:55 AM	Atheist humor.
duchessa Yonkers, NY 64, joined Aug. 2008	Bible class In Sunday school, Sister Mary asked the class: "What part of the body goes to heaven first?" In the back of the class, nasty Billy waved his hand frantically, but Sister Mary, suspecting a wrong answer, turned to another child. "Yes, Susan?" "The heart goes to heaven first because that's where God's love lives." "Excellent," said Sister Mary, "and you, Charlotte?" "The soul, Sister Mary, because that's the part that lives beyond death." "Very good, Charlotte," said the Sister, as she noticed Billy's hand still waving in desperation." "OK, Billy, what do you think?" "It's the feet that go first, Sister, the feet." "That's a strange answer Billy. Why the feet?" Billy answered, "Because I saw my mom with her feet up in the air, shouting, 'God, I'm coming, I'm coming!'"
8/28/2011 12:09:21 PM	Atheist humor.
dpdrinker23 Fredericktown, MO 30, joined Aug. 2011
8/28/2011 1:09:51 PM	Atheist humor.
duchessa Yonkers, NY 64, joined Aug. 2008	The heretic I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said, "Stop! Don't do it!" "Why shouldn't I?" he said. I said, "Well, there's so much to live for!" He said, "Like what?" I said, "Well, are you religious or atheist?" He said, "Religious." I said, "Me too! Are your Christian or Buddhist?" He said, "Christian." I said, "Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?" He said, "Protestant." I said, Me too! Are your Episcopalian or Baptist? He said, "Baptist!" I said, "Wow! Me too! Are your Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord? He said, Baptist Church of God!" I said, "Me too! Are your Original Baptist Church of God or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?" He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God!" I said, "Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915?" He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915!" I said, "Die, heretic scum!" and pushed him off.
8/28/2011 3:33:17 PM	Atheist humor.
duchessa Yonkers, NY 64, joined Aug. 2008	The new priest A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass, he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip." So the next Sunday, he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon returning to his office, he found the following note on his door. 1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp. 2) There are 10 Commandments, not 12. 3) There are 12 Disciples, not 10. 4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated. 5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass. 6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J. C. 7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior, and Spook. 8) David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out him. 9) When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass. 10) We do not refer to the cross as the 'Big T'. 11) When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper, he said, "Take this and eat it, for it is my body." He did not say, "Eat me." 12) The Virgin Mary is not referred to as 'Mary with the Cherry'. 13) Recommended grace before a meal is not 'Rub-A-Dub-Dub, thanks for the grub, yeah God'. 14) Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
8/28/2011 5:55:29 PM	Atheist humor.
kinkaju Booneville, AR 71, joined Jun. 2011	This is the place to come when you need a laugh without a doubt
8/28/2011 7:04:07 PM	Atheist humor.
duchessa Yonkers, NY 64, joined Aug. 2008	# 4, 8 & 9 are my favorites....
8/31/2011 4:10:06 PM	Atheist humor.
kinkaju Booneville, AR 71, joined Jun. 2011	#11 #13 #14 are the ones that tickle my funny bone Good food,good meat Good god let's eat
8/31/2011 5:23:44 PM	Atheist humor.
duchessa Yonkers, NY 64, joined Aug. 2008	Which Way to Heaven? Reverend Billy Graham tells of a time early in his ministry when he arrived in a small town to preach a sermon. Wanting to mail a letter, he asked a young boy where the post office was. When the boy had told him, Dr. Graham thanked him and said, "If you'll come to the Baptist Church this evening, you can hear me telling everyone how to get to heaven." The boy replied, "I don't think I'll be there... You don't even know your way to the post office."
8/31/2011 5:32:20 PM	Atheist humor.
dpdrinker23 Fredericktown, MO 30, joined Aug. 2011

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