| 8/25/2011 9:04:39 PM |
How do i not let it change me? |
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ohcharles973
Corpus Christi, TX
age: 26 online now!
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I just got out of the most eFfed up relationship of my life. I was dateing this girl for the past year. At first it was so great. At one point I thought "this girl might be the one." But maybe about half way thru the year she starts accusing me of cheating on her just cause I had female friends. She would say just having a conversation with a girl was cheating. Clearly she had self esteam issues, amongst other issues. I'll admit I have cheated in past relationships I'm not perfect. But with this girl I thought she was the one. I had no reason Nore did I want to cheat on her.
Every other day she accused me of cheating checked my emails my phone and would randomly make me go pick her up so that sh
e can see I was near. Finaly she broke up with me and when I was ok with the brake up she flipped out and destroyed my car. This is the short version of the story.
Well what I'm trying to get at is now I'm.. I guess scared of starting another relationship. I mean, I think this expiriance is making me jaded to the idea of love and loyalty. I mean the times I have truer to be a good BF I get the s**t end of the stick. So how do I not let this change me?
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| 8/25/2011 9:06:32 PM |
How do i not let it change me? |
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tootsiebee
Tarzana, CA
age: 23
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You just DON'T LET IT CHANGE YOU...
**** AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO READS THE TItLE AND REPLY?? MAYBE I SHOULD START READING WHAT THE OP WRITE***
[Edited 8/25/2011 9:07:11 PM ]
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| 8/25/2011 9:07:57 PM |
How do i not let it change me? |
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vallamaldoran
Edmonton, AB
age: 36
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Men and women can't be friends.Casual or friendly aquaintances perhaps,but never friends.Sex will always get in the way.Somewhere in your mind,even hidden deep you have thought about them in a sexual way.Eventually something is going to happen because from friendship springs love.
Unless the woman my husband to be is hanging out with is gay then there will be no hanging out together.Things happen between men and women.Eventually a man and woman will do what a man and woman were meant to do.
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| 8/25/2011 9:10:54 PM |
How do i not let it change me? |
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binderdundat
New Orleans, LA
age: 49
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I just got out of the only relationship of my life. Everything else is just fantasy.
I fixed it for ya OP... no thanks necessary 
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| 8/25/2011 9:35:09 PM |
How do i not let it change me? |
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ohcharles973
Corpus Christi, TX
age: 26 online now!
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Why would it be the "only" relationship?
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| 8/25/2011 9:36:54 PM |
How do i not let it change me? |
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choosejoy7
North Sioux City, SD
age: 43
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bc if you had had other relationships, you'd let this crazy train go and move on with your life...that's why.
time and distance my friend...next...
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| 8/25/2011 9:40:24 PM |
How do i not let it change me? |
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icuddle
Salem, OR
age: 59
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You forget it and move on...like a big boy.
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| 8/25/2011 9:42:45 PM |
How do i not let it change me? |
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bumblebee7
Fort Payne, AL
age: 56 online now!
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Men and women can't be friends.Casual or friendly aquaintances perhaps,but never friends.Sex will always get in the way.Somewhere in your mind,even hidden deep you have thought about them in a sexual way.Eventually something is going to happen because from friendship springs love.
Unless the woman my husband to be is hanging out with is gay then there will be no hanging out together.Things happen between men and women.Eventually a man and woman will do what a man and woman were meant to do.
Sorry...I disagree, I have some women friends....So, what you trying to say is he was cheating or it would have happened eventually?
Or that you cannot accept this woman had insecurity faults, and could have not been wrong? as in, its always the mans fault.
I have women friends I chat with on line, some here and there is nothing in it other than that.
Op...you don't let it change you, because it was her with the problem...next time try to see if your with someone who is more trusting and secure.
I've had a couple of women live with me, met them from a site, they knew I was still on the site for the forums and chatted with a few women friends...they were secure qand had trust and no reason not to trust me.
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| 8/25/2011 9:43:05 PM |
How do i not let it change me? |
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ohcharles973
Corpus Christi, TX
age: 26 online now!
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I see what u mean. But no its not my only one. It's like my fifth REAL relationship. Before this one I was in one for four years and that one was easy to get over. But this one is messing me up.
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| 8/25/2011 9:45:26 PM |
How do i not let it change me? |
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perspicacity888
Hamilton, ON
age: 23
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In a place called the card zones
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| 8/25/2011 9:46:13 PM |
How do i not let it change me? |
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melissa_lynn
Tulsa, OK
age: 18
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Sounds like u had a crazy girl ...not takin sides but we have only herd yur side of the story..I'm sure she has a different one.. everyone makes mistakes and sometimes our heart says one thing while n reality its not true..just take your time and b patient..don't rush it ..but whatever u do...don't u DARE change who.u r becuz of an ex girlfriend ...be true to who u r.. cuz one day ..your wifes gonna appreciate u for it 
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| 8/25/2011 10:42:39 PM |
How do i not let it change me? |
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sunshinenbubble
McPherson, KS
age: 32
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You can't. Truth is, we learn from our experiences, be they positive or negative. This has become a part of your past, your history, your make-up, if you will. The key is to not let it change you in a negative way, but to grow & learn from this experience. Will you allow another relationship to continue for an extended period of time again under similar circumstances? I doubt it. That alone indicates change. It is a healty change. Will you brood about the crazy chick & fear that every future relationship will end in the same manner? That also is change, just a change to your detriment, not improvement. Don't fight the experiences of your life, but glean what lessons you can, and move forward, as a growing, changing, better man.
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| 8/25/2011 10:44:02 PM |
How do i not let it change me? |
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vallamaldoran
Edmonton, AB
age: 36
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Sorry...I disagree, I have some women friends....So, what you trying to say is he was cheating or it would have happened eventually?
Or that you cannot accept this woman had insecurity faults, and could have not been wrong? as in, its always the mans fault.
I have women friends I chat with on line, some here and there is nothing in it other than that.
Op...you don't let it change you, because it was her with the problem...next time try to see if your with someone who is more trusting and secure.
I've had a couple of women live with me, met them from a site, they knew I was still on the site for the forums and chatted with a few women friends...they were secure qand had trust and no reason not to trust me.
I'm not saying anything about this particular situation because I don't know her side of the story.We are only getting one side here.
What I am saying is that eventually men and women will do what men and women were meant to do if they are always spending time together.It's only this politically correct crap that people spew that prevents most of us from stating facts.Men and women can't ever be friends in the same way that two straight men can or two straight women can.Sex will ALWAYS be a possibility and a factor.It is never a possibilty or a factor between two straight people of the same gender.
[Edited 8/25/2011 10:44:37 PM ]
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| 8/25/2011 11:41:18 PM |
How do i not let it change me? |
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bumblebee7
Fort Payne, AL
age: 56 online now!
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I'm not saying anything about this particular situation because I don't know her side of the story.We are only getting one side here.
What I am saying is that eventually men and women will do what men and women were meant to do if they are always spending time together.It's only this politically correct crap that people spew that prevents most of us from stating facts.Men and women can't ever be friends in the same way that two straight men can or two straight women can.Sex will ALWAYS be a possibility and a factor.It is never a possibilty or a factor between two straight people of the same gender.
True in some cases....if there is attraction, and neither is taken....but I can truely be friends with a woman and I assure you I'm not gay.
Yes, if we heard the sides to many of these post, you never know what we would hear and sometimes I question these post.
But, I have experienced a jealous insecure person in a relation before, so I took that into consideration here.
On the site I may not always say the right things, but most know they are honest expressions from the heart...so my inbox is generally filled with women who just want to talk to a man who they trust won't rty to initiate anything, and someone just to talk to or ask advice from a mans perspective...showing it is possible.
I can find a woman attractive, but it takes a lot more than that to want to have sex with her.
But, I did see your point.
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| 8/25/2011 11:45:20 PM |
How do i not let it change me? |
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toxic_tale
Milwaukee, WI
age: 34
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Should've have stayed and not cheated with the one who loved you but isn't it just ironic that it's always the one you love who hurt you back
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| 8/26/2011 12:32:02 AM |
How do i not let it change me? |
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justanotherbigd
Fort Lauderdale, FL
age: 47
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Men and women can't be friends.Casual or friendly aquaintances perhaps,but never friends.Sex will always get in the way.Somewhere in your mind,even hidden deep you have thought about them in a sexual way.Eventually something is going to happen because from friendship springs love.
Unless the woman my husband to be is hanging out with is gay then there will be no hanging out together.Things happen between men and women.Eventually a man and woman will do what a man and woman were meant to do.
that's the hugest load of shit I ever heard.
If I f**ked all the girls I was friends with I sure as hell would not be here!
Back on subject..
Op I went through the same shit a few months back.
When some one has out of control jealousy issues it means one of two things. One they need help due to self esteem issues, or they are guilty of cheating themselves.
My ex was trying to get dates with no luck, yet would acuse me of everything. I tried to reasure her that I had no intention of ever cheating on her. Her abuse became worse. Then it happened I found her cheating on me. I dumped her flat. To this day she will try anything to get me back.
Just as you op there's no way in hell.
Dose it change you. Only that you don't care for her.
If you get a bad cheeseburger are you going to never eat cheeseburgers again.
Women are all CRAZY! You Must find one with the amount of crazy you can stand.
Big D
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| 8/26/2011 12:51:37 AM |
How do i not let it change me? |
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vallamaldoran
Edmonton, AB
age: 36
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that's the hugest load of shit I ever heard.
If I f**ked all the girls I was friends with I sure as hell would not be here!
Back on subject..
Op I went through the same shit a few months back.
When some one has out of control jealousy issues it means one of two things. One they need help due to self esteem issues, or they are guilty of cheating themselves.
My ex was trying to get dates with no luck, yet would acuse me of everything. I tried to reasure her that I had no intention of ever cheating on her. Her abuse became worse. Then it happened I found her cheating on me. I dumped her flat. To this day she will try anything to get me back.
Just as you op there's no way in hell.
Dose it change you. Only that you don't care for her.
If you get a bad cheeseburger are you going to never eat cheeseburgers again.
Women are all CRAZY! You Must find one with the amount of crazy you can stand.
Big D
Why don't you actually try reading what is written rather then reading a few words and making up the rest.
Sex will always be a "possibility" between a straight man and a straight woman.It will always be there.The hugest load of shit I have ever heard was that men and women can be friends just the same as two straight men or two straight women.Sorry not true! You are never going to look at your guy friends, if you are straight, and once in awhile think about f**king them! Lie if you wish but even in the back of your mind you have "wondered" occasionally about your women friends.It's the nature of our species.
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| 8/26/2011 6:46:22 AM |
How do i not let it change me? |
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fun2bchattin
Hedgesville, WV
age: 44
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Karma, she always gets you somehow. Live and learn.
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| 8/26/2011 7:07:59 AM |
How do i not let it change me? |
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dkdk25x
Piqua, OH
age: 35
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Ireally dont agree iam sorry but my oldest friend i have is a very pretty woman that i grew up with and she is very dear to me we have spent lots of time together and vever had sex we joke very openly at times but she is and always will be my friend i do love her just not that way.
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| 8/26/2011 7:17:00 AM |
How do i not let it change me? |
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ohcharles973
Corpus Christi, TX
age: 26 online now!
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To toxic tale...I didn't cheat on her at all.
[Edited 8/26/2011 7:18:56 AM ]
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| 8/26/2011 7:26:47 AM |
How do i not let it change me? |
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epichairday
Durand, WI
age: 46
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Men and women can't be friends.Casual or friendly aquaintances perhaps,but never friends.Sex will always get in the way.Somewhere in your mind,even hidden deep you have thought about them in a sexual way.Eventually something is going to happen because from friendship springs love.
Unless the woman my husband to be is hanging out with is gay then there will be no hanging out together.Things happen between men and women.Eventually a man and woman will do what a man and woman were meant to do.
....wrong. Maybe in your world. I have many female freinds. And I don't think of them sexually ever.
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| 8/26/2011 7:43:05 AM |
How do i not let it change me? |
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angelofhonesty
San Antonio, TX
age: 42
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Seriously you can't prevent that experience from Changing You, hopefully it changed you for the better, by that I mean I hope you are WISER. Shit happens in relationships, bad shit happens even more frequently, heart aches happens to all of us. But if you better yourself by your experiences and are smart enough to know that you can't judge all my the conduct of your ex's then, all is good. But if you are a JackAss and figure Love is unattainable because of your ex's then you are a lost cause and should give up on Love already!!!!
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| 8/26/2011 8:36:16 AM |
How do i not let it change me? |
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ohbelle
Wickliffe, OH
age: 44
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You can't. Truth is, we learn from our experiences, be they positive or negative. This has become a part of your past, your history, your make-up, if you will. The key is to not let it change you in a negative way, but to grow & learn from this experience. Will you allow another relationship to continue for an extended period of time again under similar circumstances? I doubt it. That alone indicates change. It is a healty change. Will you brood about the crazy chick & fear that every future relationship will end in the same manner? That also is change, just a change to your detriment, not improvement. Don't fight the experiences of your life, but glean what lessons you can, and move forward, as a growing, changing, better man.
What she said.
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| 8/26/2011 9:06:25 AM |
How do i not let it change me? |
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esmeraldar
Toms River, NJ
age: 63
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It's totally untrue that men and women can not be friends. I have had many male friends and got along with them better than I did with female friends. And if there is some attraction there and the person is in a relationship, that doesn't mean that there will be sex.
An insecure person will be jealous of their partner's relationships, even if there is nothing going on. Some people believe in "once a cheater, always cheater". This particular woman was so insecure that she let it make her act out.
I think this experience will change you, but hopefully you will learn something. Don't let it lead you to believe that all women will act this way. If you have female friends that you value you need to be with a woman who is secure enough to accept them. And if she has male friends, you need to accept them, too.
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| 8/26/2011 9:18:17 AM |
How do i not let it change me? |
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russy_russ
La Porte, TX
age: 33
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The experience should change you. It should change you into a better investigator. Some people aren't comfortable with their partner having friends of the opposite sex, and some are quite fine with it. So next time, before you get involved with someone, find out which type they are. If she's the type who's not comfortable with you having female friends, then move on, even if the two of you have awsome chemistry. Or you can add her to your collection of friends. Either way, don't put yourself through the same mess.
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| 8/26/2011 9:53:12 AM |
How do i not let it change me? |
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katbbw
Middletown, NY
age: 34
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baby, you cant get jaded at your age! Its too damn early!
I dont know what the hell it is with women checking wallets, phones, pants pockets!
Obviously she has issues way before you came along!
My ex cheated on me! I never checked his phones or anything tho!
Some women might say I should!
Someones gonna cheat reguardless if you check their shit or not!
Going through someones stuff isnt going to prevent anything!
This is what I would tell a girlfriend!
You need down time! Just chill, time will heal wounds! Stay away from the crazy b*tch! get a restraining order if u have to and do you! Take the time! You will be better for it! Do NOT rush into another relationship right now! Good luck sweety!
FYI, My ex had a few female friends! I felt em out and the one I just did not trust! The one I didnt trust ,. he cheated on me w her! I dont mind my guy having a few female friends. but never will I allow one in my home again!
[Edited 8/26/2011 9:54:55 AM ]
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| 8/26/2011 1:57:33 PM |
How do i not let it change me? |
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justanotherbigd
Fort Lauderdale, FL
age: 47
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Vallamoron so your in a relationship and if you have a Guy friend there's a chance you might f**k him.
There should be no chance! Your in a f**king relationship! !
Some of you old people are f**ked up!! A 91 who are you f**king? SANTA!!
JUST S TIP.. IF YOUR IN A F**KING RELATIONSHIP YOU DONT F**K YOUR FRIENDS.
I have ex girlfriends that I did f**k at one time,that are good friends. And I still don't f**k them if I'm in a relationship!
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| 8/26/2011 2:38:46 PM |
How do i not let it change me? |
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angels3x4me
Leicester, NC
age: 48
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I'm not saying anything about this particular situation because I don't know her side of the story.We are only getting one side here.
What I am saying is that eventually men and women will do what men and women were meant to do if they are always spending time together.It's only this politically correct crap that people spew that prevents most of us from stating facts.Men and women can't ever be friends in the same way that two straight men can or two straight women can.Sex will ALWAYS be a possibility and a factor.It is never a possibilty or a factor between two straight people of the same gender.
I totally disagree with you. I have 2 male friends, one I've known for 36 yrs, the other for 10 years. I can talk to these men about anything and they have been there for me over the years when I needed a friend. I have seen the 1st one thru a bad divorce etc, given and taken advice on kids, we go out to lunch, supper, to the casino, we talk to each other about people we're dating....The 2nd friend I see less often because he lives a distance away, but we talk online almost daily, and talk on the phone, and when we're able we see each other. He and I also talk about people we date etc and he curantly lives with someone.........Anyone who can't have a true friendship with another human being, female or male without thinking eventually "sex" will become part of it, just plain needs to grow up and / or doesn't know what TRUE friendship is.
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| 8/26/2011 2:48:00 PM |
How do i not let it change me? |
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angels3x4me
Leicester, NC
age: 48
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OP--- This will change you, nothing can stop that. It's up to you to decide how it will change you, mneaning, do you go on from here and not get involved because of a fear of it happening again, OR do you go on from here and learn what signs to look for, be up front with future women and and say "hey, I have female friends, how do you feel about that" Not all women are that insecure and jealous!! I have no problem with my b/f having female friends, I know it can be done without the "sex" becoming involved. And when I'm talking to someone and may date them, I always ask how they feel about having friends of the opposite sex, because my friends mean alot to me. they have been there for amny years, not going to just dump them because someone I date don't like it.
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| 8/26/2011 3:00:29 PM |
How do i not let it change me? |
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anardric
Brownwood, TX
age: 27
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You can't. Truth is, we learn from our experiences, be they positive or negative. This has become a part of your past, your history, your make-up, if you will. The key is to not let it change you in a negative way, but to grow & learn from this experience. Will you allow another relationship to continue for an extended period of time again under similar circumstances? I doubt it. That alone indicates change. It is a healty change. Will you brood about the crazy chick & fear that every future relationship will end in the same manner? That also is change, just a change to your detriment, not improvement. Don't fight the experiences of your life, but glean what lessons you can, and move forward, as a growing, changing, better man.
QFT! 
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| 8/26/2011 3:24:31 PM |
How do i not let it change me? |
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rhea27
Danbury, CT
age: 42
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Quote from russy_russ: The experience should change you. It should change you into a better investigator. Some people aren't comfortable with their partner having friends of the opposite sex, and some are quite fine with it. So next time, before you get involved with someone, find out which type they are. If she's the type who's not comfortable with you having female friends, then move on, even if the two of you have awsome chemistry. Or you can add her to your collection of friends. Either way, don't put yourself through the same mess.
**********************************
I got to agree with the quoted post above. It should change you - not totally into a different person - to to learn to be more careful the next time.
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| 8/26/2011 3:26:12 PM |
How do i not let it change me? |
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rhea27
Danbury, CT
age: 42
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Quote from ohcharles973: I see what u mean. But no its not my only one. It's like my fifth REAL relationship. Before this one I was in one for four years and that one was easy to get over. But this one is messing me up.
***********************************
Why is this one messing you up more, while the other was easy to get over?
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| 8/26/2011 3:37:32 PM |
How do i not let it change me? |
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shaneladd
Bakersfield, CA
age: 58
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Quote: I think this expiriance is making me jaded to the idea of love and loyalty.
You've cheated on girls in the past.
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| 8/26/2011 3:51:01 PM |
How do i not let it change me? |
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alvarezrd20sc
Waverly, NE
age: 39
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Men and women can't be friends.Casual or friendly aquaintances perhaps,but never friends.Sex will always get in the way.Somewhere in your mind,even hidden deep you have thought about them in a sexual way.Eventually something is going to happen because from friendship springs love.
Unless the woman my husband to be is hanging out with is gay then there will be no hanging out together.Things happen between men and women.Eventually a man and woman will do what a man and woman were meant to do.
No friends... just women we've f**ked and women we haven't f**ked YET.
(just kidding... well, maybe there's SOME truth to it I guess!)
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| 8/26/2011 3:59:45 PM |
How do i not let it change me? |
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shaneladd
Bakersfield, CA
age: 58
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No friends... just women we've f**ked and women we haven't f**ked YET.
(just kidding... well, maybe there's SOME truth to it I guess!)
That should make the women on your DH friends list feel just peachy.
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| 8/26/2011 4:07:35 PM |
How do i not let it change me? |
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spanky250
Port Charlotte, FL
age: 90
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Men and women can't be friends.Casual or friendly aquaintances perhaps,but never friends.Sex will always get in the way.Somewhere in your mind,even hidden deep you have thought about them in a sexual way.Eventually something is going to happen because from friendship springs love.
Unless the woman my husband to be is hanging out with is gay then there will be no hanging out together.Things happen between men and women.Eventually a man and woman will do what a man and woman were meant to do.
I see this statement frequently on this site, and in my opinion it's complete and utter garbage. Perhaps it's true that some men only see women as a life support system for a vagina and therefore can't be trusted to be around any woman outside of their relationship, but by no means is it a true blanket statement. I have many female friends as well as male friends, and I wouldn't dream of trying to have sex with any of my friends. I know what boundaries are and I do not cross them. I also know the worth of a good friend.
The other side of the coin is that some women probably can't be trusted to not cross the boundary with their male friends. It's not a gender issue, it's a character issue. Put simply, some people have no scruples. But again, it's not true of everybody, and so making a blanket "men and women can't be just friends" statement is ludicrous at best. If YOU aren't capable of being a friend with a man, that's YOUR issue. Don't project your issues onto all people, because it's just not true.
And as far as "your man isn't going to have any female friends"...seriously? So you're going to dictate who "your" man can and can't have as friends? You really think you have that right? To be so controlling? Good luck finding a man that's going to put up with those control issues. If you aren't capable of trust, or you can't choose trustworthy men, then you really should just get a dog and give up on dating altogether.
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| 8/26/2011 4:23:36 PM |
How do i not let it change me? |
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ohcharles973
Corpus Christi, TX
age: 26 online now!
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Rhea and shane
The answer to both ur questions is with this girl I actully tried I actully loved her. So I didn't cheat or play bullshit games.
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