| 9/9/2011 8:00:09 PM |
The story of the girl of my dreams, and how i screwed it up. |
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jferreira0420
Sun City, CA
26, joined Aug. 2011
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When we first met, i thought she was stunning. I also thought that i didn't have a chance in a million years. I was speechless, unaware, of the obvious truth that life had just handed me the best thing i that has ever happened to me on a silver platter. The women, that would change my life, was now living and sleeping 15 feet from where i would be residing. I didn't know the magnitude of how much i could truly love someone. At that point in time i was still young, naive.. ha ha and who is to say im not now. But in all honesty in comparison to then and now is like night and day. There is always more to learn , more time to mature. Learn to be a better person, and my greatest teacher was this person i had barely had the chance of getting to know.
So here i am, living the best time of my life. Out, on my own, going to school for one of my greatest hobbies. Living with a beautiful girl who is funny, easy going, kind, sharing, and enlightening. So as i said, i never thought i had a chance, but i always kept that door open as a possibility. There is always a chance isn't there? Eventually after i had moved everything in and made my room, well mine. Organized the room as i sought fit, i made my self comfortable and began to do what i love doing most. I took my time, picked the best looking bud i had in my container. Savored it, smelled it. broke it up. I mean, what better way to set the tone, enjoy the moment of being on my own growing into the world. I lit that bowl and held it in, lifted my spirits to a level they have never been before. But apparently i was not as discreet as i had assumed i was being. With weed illegal and renting a room i had some mild paranoia's but i thought i had covered most of the bases. I was wrong.... so there i am high as a kite, playing some games on my Xbox. And a little piece of paper comes under the door. I catch it with the corner of my eye, what is this i think? i finish my game and wrap it up and walk over to see this note, to summarize it up. It said "I don't know if you know but u can smell it outside of your room and i just wanted you to know so u don't get caught, if you don't know what im talking about dispose of this when ur done reading it."
Im thinking to myself i am glad it doesn't self destruct, and i immediately can tell its written in a female hands writing. I assume that its this girl i moved in with. I walk out my door and go to her bedroom door and ask if she wrote it. She has me come in and we speak shorty about how we both smoke and she shows me some cool tricks on how to mask the smell from detection. I think this is the coolest thing ever, this hot older chick, is hanging out with me at my house. Where trading stoner stories, smoking some bowls. i am having the time of my life, i might not show it, but inside. im in sublime, its nirvana, I did not think life could get better. So some days go by and we hang out some more, do some smoking. And then she asked if i want to watch a movie. And of course being the Movie buff i am, im completely down for it. So now were smoking, snacking, hanging out in my room on my bed watching movies.. life just got even better, im wondering how high this ladder goes because i thought i was at the top. Its, awesome, I feel like im hanging out with the girl of my dreams, and i was right she was.
I dont have time to finish any more right now but i will continue when i get a chance.
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| 9/9/2011 8:07:04 PM |
The story of the girl of my dreams, and how i screwed it up. |
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audlove515
Jasper, IN
26, joined May. 2011
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So despite the fact that I took the time to actually read this and you've never heard of a cliff note...
You didn't even finish the story!!! Seriously? Omg people, it just keeps getting better and better.
It's not obvious you smoke at all or anything. 
[Edited 9/9/2011 8:07:34 PM ]
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| 9/9/2011 8:13:30 PM |
The story of the girl of my dreams, and how i screwed it up. |
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jferreira0420
Sun City, CA
26, joined Aug. 2011
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Hey i got to give a reason for my readers to come back now  .... but in all honesty i just was in beginning of writing it, and i had to help do something for someone and i didn't want to lose everything i had already written. And i don't want to summarize. I am back and will be writing it probably while your reading this. I don't know if ill finish because i plan on being mildly detailed.
[Edited 9/9/2011 8:14:10 PM ]
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| 9/9/2011 8:17:00 PM |
The story of the girl of my dreams, and how i screwed it up. |
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fun2bchattin
Hedgesville, WV
48, joined Feb. 2011
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There is 3 minutes of my life wasted on waste.
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| 9/9/2011 8:17:19 PM |
The story of the girl of my dreams, and how i screwed it up. |
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cmart1234
Schertz, TX
22, joined Apr. 2011
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TL;DR
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| 9/9/2011 8:22:02 PM |
The story of the girl of my dreams, and how i screwed it up. |
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surfaceofficer
San Diego, CA
30, joined Jul. 2010
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This probably would've been better off as a blog entry.
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| 9/9/2011 8:52:34 PM |
The story of the girl of my dreams, and how i screwed it up. |
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jferreira0420
Sun City, CA
26, joined Aug. 2011
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So im going to continue regardless of the comments. If anyone has any problems than keep them to yourself. Im asking nicely and out of respect that if your not interested in the thread than just dont click on it.. simple as that. We can all be adults here i hope.
So after we watched a documentary that was very eye-opening to me i thought i would be cool to watch together. And now she wanted to watch that show "entourage". I had never seen it before and wasnt too interested in the show on my own but the thought of doing something with her was more than enough to make me interested. I dont know really what came over me but i found myself putting my arm around her and she shifted her body to fit me arm more comfortably and snuggled up close, at this very moment my heart is pounding harder than it ever has. Its amazing how u can feel so exhilarated and nervous/scared, and just love it. They say love is a drug, i had no idea its high was better than any weed i EVER smoked. This girl had my in the clouds just by her touch. She was so warm and soft, i never wanted to let go. I didnt even want to move. Everything was perfect. So im thinking to myself is this really happening? is it real? i look over at her and just by chance "i think"... she lookes right at me. We move and and we kiss. Its slow, sweet, its not wet or sloppy. Our lips met eachother in complete harmony. Nothing else going on in the world could have taken my attenion. I was glued to this girl.
after the night had gone well. I didnt really know how it was going to be after sleeping together and where it was going. All these thoughts and possibilities running through my head. But i had class so i really didnt have time to think about it, i had to drive 2 hours and spend 8 hours in class to drive back 2 hours. But as much as i tried, nothing in class compared to the power of her. She dominated my thoughts. When i got home She had made dinner. Hand made salad, chicken. A whole meal, shes got wine, and a packed bowl. Im thinking i dont deserve this. Not that im a bad person but this should be for the hero's of life, for those who have earned it, im just a kid trying to make something of my life and here this Women is catering to me and my needs. We have the most in depth conversations, not small talk u do at clubs and parties. I mean real opinions, about life and love. Wants and needs of eachother. I felt so comfortable with her, like i could completely be myself and open up with no regards. After the most wonderfull meal of my life she took me upstairs and we layed in bed watching a movie were she went on to give me a full body message, after a long day, to come home to a gorgeous women, food, drink, smoke, relaxing massage and movie and to make sweet love for desert... i could not ask for more in life. And this was our relationship for months. Perfection, no fights, no arguments. We traveled to different cities like venice beach and walked the shore together. Saw cool people and did fun things all the time. But as im sure your wondering when does the part where i screwed up come in? well it obviously wasnt intentional but my immaturity got the best of me. I only wish i could have been a better, more mature man for her, we would both be happier to this day.
It all started honestly with the age difference. I was 20, she was 30. I couldnt even go out to the bar with her. And i got jealous. Negative thoughts, things i wish i never thought. And i pushed her away with my insecurity. I was so scared of losing her than i didnt want to be without her. I cant explain why but the thought of her going out to bars and clubs without me just made me feel so lonely and small. I see now that i needed to allow her to live her life and not be so selfish. In addition the sex life was fantastic but almost structured, always was a check list before it seemed it happend. I mean im a grease monkey. i get dirty, i work on cars. but there was definitely some germ phobia there (mildly). And in my immaturity i didnt know how to communicate. I got short tempered and irritated that she wasnt hearing what i was trying to say, and abruptly said in regards to our sex life "im bored". It was point of no return there. I had cut her so deep that i dont know if it ever healed. I was idiotic, stupid, insensitive and straight up an a**hole for saying that. but it really isnt what i meant, i was just young and knew to relationships and meant i just wanted to try being spontaneous.
All in all, i feel i just lost my perspective, and it really comes down the that corney saying "you dont know what you got untill you lose it". Is really one of the things u have to experiance before u understand. Before this experiance i really didnt understand what that meant. But i live my life to learn from my mistakes and better myself from them. I can only hope one day she finds it in her heart to forgive me. I dont know if she will ever take me back but she still has this day caused me to re-evaluate myself and the things and ways i act say and do. I never want to hurt someone i love like that ever agian. It hurt to bad to lose her that im still weary of falling in love agian, because losing it hurts more than anything. i have broken bones, been in car accidents, cracks my skull before. had surgery. I would trade all of it to not feel the hurt of love. So to all you guys who have it good out there, who has a women out there who loves you and takes care of you, dont send it down the drain. tell her u love her, do all u can for her. appreciate her like never before. take another look, enojoy what u have and dont ever let it go.
[Edited 9/9/2011 8:54:53 PM ]
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| 9/9/2011 9:08:54 PM |
The story of the girl of my dreams, and how i screwed it up. |
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cmart1234
Schertz, TX
22, joined Apr. 2011
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When are you publishing this book?
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| 9/9/2011 9:10:37 PM |
The story of the girl of my dreams, and how i screwed it up. |
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swamp_donkey_v4
Zimatlán de Alvarez
Mexico
95, joined Aug. 2011
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reach out and give me a tug.
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| 9/9/2011 9:30:42 PM |
The story of the girl of my dreams, and how i screwed it up. |
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alvarezrd20sc
Waverly, NE
42, joined Aug. 2011
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Self fulfilling prophecies lead to broken relationships.
Addiction and Recovery 101.
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| 9/9/2011 9:42:33 PM |
The story of the girl of my dreams, and how i screwed it up. |
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daegus
Los Angeles, CA
26, joined Aug. 2011
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Sounds like OP is looking attention and not opinions to help him learn from his experience. I read Audlove's comment and decided not to read, but I feel a whole lot better about my thread now.
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| 9/9/2011 10:02:25 PM |
The story of the girl of my dreams, and how i screwed it up. |
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jferreira0420
Sun City, CA
26, joined Aug. 2011
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not looking for attention. I thought i would just share my story with others who might be interested in what i have to say. If u want to give me critizim that is fine, but back handed comments are for children. but apprarently there is alot of children on this forum.
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| 9/9/2011 10:04:13 PM |
The story of the girl of my dreams, and how i screwed it up. |
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jferreira0420
Sun City, CA
26, joined Aug. 2011
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Sounds like OP is looking attention and not opinions to help him learn from his experience. I read Audlove's comment and decided not to read, but I feel a whole lot better about my thread now.
so your commenting on something u did not even read... very smart.... keep your opinions to yourself unless there is some point to it.
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| 9/9/2011 10:20:11 PM |
The story of the girl of my dreams, and how i screwed it up. |
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delphinium75
Pleasantville, NJ
52, joined Jul. 2011
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Maybe u should write her a letter similar to what u have posted, and send her flowers everyday until they fill her apt/room.
U did mess up, but that is def a forgivable mistake. Extremely hurtful, non the less.
If she means this much to u, u'll do almost anything to fix it. Try. I can't possibly hurt.
(unless she's otherwise involved)
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| 9/9/2011 10:32:05 PM |
The story of the girl of my dreams, and how i screwed it up. |
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rlm68
Aurora, CO
46, joined Apr. 2010
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geeeeeeezus dude,
you practicing to be a writer...
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| 9/10/2011 12:12:49 AM |
The story of the girl of my dreams, and how i screwed it up. |
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daegus
Los Angeles, CA
26, joined Aug. 2011
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so your commenting on something u did not even read... very smart.... keep your opinions to yourself unless there is some point to it.
You mean the same way you take the time to write a story for which the most part you kept to yourself?
You want to write stories, take your a** to fanfiction.net
There you can have all the twists and turns you want while with holding the ending.
And congratulations, you just proved how edgy you are. Sarcasm is sooo underrated and no one's doing it, I'm sure you'll make it popular OP.
I'm going to go cut myself now since OP is just so brilliant and has declared me the opposite. 
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| 9/10/2011 12:31:38 AM |
The story of the girl of my dreams, and how i screwed it up. |
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jferreira0420
Sun City, CA
26, joined Aug. 2011
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Maybe u should write her a letter similar to what u have posted, and send her flowers everyday until they fill her apt/room.
U did mess up, but that is def a forgivable mistake. Extremely hurtful, non the less.
If she means this much to u, u'll do almost anything to fix it. Try. I can't possibly hurt.
(unless she's otherwise involved)
thank you. i appreciate the advice. its nice to know it can be considered forgivable by someone.. i will try that. maybe a bold move will help show her i mean it.
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| 9/10/2011 12:32:48 AM |
The story of the girl of my dreams, and how i screwed it up. |
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icuddle
Salem, OR
62, joined Dec. 2009
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The truth is that I would not be interested if it were my story about my girl. Past is past, even in my life. Your past is even less than not interesting.
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| 9/10/2011 12:33:11 AM |
The story of the girl of my dreams, and how i screwed it up. |
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jferreira0420
Sun City, CA
26, joined Aug. 2011
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geeeeeeezus dude,
you practicing to be a writer...
No one is forcing u to read it.. for all u know others like to read it. If u dont want to read it then dont...
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| 9/10/2011 12:36:29 AM |
The story of the girl of my dreams, and how i screwed it up. |
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shaneladd
Bakersfield, CA
62, joined Dec. 2009
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I scanned and saw "I lit that bowl", and that's all I needed to know about you being a screw up.
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| 9/10/2011 12:36:43 AM |
The story of the girl of my dreams, and how i screwed it up. |
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jferreira0420
Sun City, CA
26, joined Aug. 2011
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You mean the same way you take the time to write a story for which the most part you kept to yourself?
You want to write stories, take your a** to fanfiction.net
There you can have all the twists and turns you want while with holding the ending.
And congratulations, you just proved how edgy you are. Sarcasm is sooo underrated and no one's doing it, I'm sure you'll make it popular OP.
I'm going to go cut myself now since OP is just so brilliant and has declared me the opposite.
I really dont understand what u are trying to say here. "a story for the most part i kept to myself?" its called first person narration...go back to school.
And secondly, your the one to started talking crap..
And finally, u finish up with sarcasm, the same thing u just criticized me for... good going hypocrite...
If you didnt want to read it... then dont!
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| 9/10/2011 12:38:41 AM |
The story of the girl of my dreams, and how i screwed it up. |
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jferreira0420
Sun City, CA
26, joined Aug. 2011
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I scanned and saw "I lit that bowl", and that's all I needed to know about you being a screw up.
Marijuana is only illegal because of ignorant people like you.. Im not trying to insult you, but u must obviously be ill informed, if you truly knew all the facts of what marijuana is, its effects, and its uses. not to mention why its actually illegal, you would have a different point of view... Alchohal was illegal at a point in time.. and ciggeretts kill... no one has ever died from weed.. thats a fact.
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| 9/10/2011 1:55:47 AM |
The story of the girl of my dreams, and how i screwed it up. |
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daegus
Los Angeles, CA
26, joined Aug. 2011
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Quote from jferreira0420:I really dont understand what u are trying to say here. "a story for the most part i kept to myself?" its called first person narration...go back to school.
And secondly, your the one to started talking crap..
And finally, u finish up with sarcasm, the same thing u just criticized me for... good going hypocrite...
If you didnt want to read it... then dont!
I'm going to wish you good luck, with whatever you're going through and hope you rise out on top.
I got to go study, every time I run into people like you, I make sure to study my a** off because denial can happen to anyone.
P.S. I wanted to read it until I found out it was incomplete and your reasoning was it kept people coming back for more.
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| 9/10/2011 4:03:12 AM |
The story of the girl of my dreams, and how i screwed it up. |
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rlm68
Aurora, CO
46, joined Apr. 2010
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No one is forcing u to read it.. for all u know others like to read it. If u dont want to read it then dont...
 i didnt i just seen too many words and thought...hell no a guy did that
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| 9/10/2011 10:04:20 AM |
The story of the girl of my dreams, and how i screwed it up. |
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glockgirl9
Renton, WA
48, joined Aug. 2011
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So at the very beginning of your story the girl wrote a note and basically said put out the joint so you don't get caught? And she is a pot smoker too? Why didn't she just say let's smoke together?
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| 9/10/2011 12:58:13 PM |
The story of the girl of my dreams, and how i screwed it up. |
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theclimbingrose
Itasca, IL
28, joined Jul. 2011
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You both are f**ked up!!! Druggies!! Get yourself CLEAN before trying to date again! Its STILL ILLEGAL dumbass there is no arguing that point which makes u a f**king deadbeat DRUGGIE!!
Just because someone likes drugs does not mean they are a deadbeat.
Let's flip the coin, if someone enjoys the effects of a painkiller, does that automatically make them a deadbeat.
You do realize that many drugs in the category of Rx painkillers are just synthesized heroin?
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| 9/10/2011 1:28:01 PM |
The story of the girl of my dreams, and how i screwed it up. |
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icuddle
Salem, OR
62, joined Dec. 2009
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Just because someone likes drugs does not mean they are a deadbeat.
Let's flip the coin, if someone enjoys the effects of a painkiller, does that automatically make them a deadbeat.
You do realize that many drugs in the category of Rx painkillers are just synthesized heroin?
Yeah. I can see how you enjoy things so much that you never smile.
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| 9/10/2011 2:38:35 PM |
The story of the girl of my dreams, and how i screwed it up. |
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jferreira0420
Sun City, CA
26, joined Aug. 2011
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You both are f**ked up!!! Druggies!! Get yourself CLEAN before trying to date again! Its STILL ILLEGAL dumbass there is no arguing that point which makes u a f**king deadbeat DRUGGIE!!
You are obviously really ignorant. In california it is not illegal. Federally maybe, but the feds only shut down those who arent following the laws, medicinally marijuana is completely legal as long as u follow the laws. I have my medical card, i am not a deadbeat, or a "druggie". you should think before you speak or maybe do some research. I have ailments and i use is medicinally. Whether or not the reasons i started, i use it legally and medicinally. And just because i do something u dont doesnt mean im a dumbass.. how many dumbasses kill poeple drinking? how many dumbasses smoke ciggeretts and kill themselves? how many dumbasses OD on pills... actors, famous rich poeple. Maybe they should have stuck to pot and they would still be alive. But like i said your obviously retarted if you think its illegal. MARIJUANA IS LEGAL IN 14 STATES! dumb b*tch
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| 9/10/2011 2:41:24 PM |
The story of the girl of my dreams, and how i screwed it up. |
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jferreira0420
Sun City, CA
26, joined Aug. 2011
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Yeah. I can see how you enjoy things so much that you never smile.
You must be so ugly u dont even have a pic... least she has a picture... keep judging poeple and see how far it gets u. no one likes a judgmental prick.
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| 9/10/2011 2:59:02 PM |
The story of the girl of my dreams, and how i screwed it up. |
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bones01
Homeland, CA
66, joined Apr. 2008
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For Puncuation you get an "F".
For Spelling "D+"
Originallity "Incomplete"
Contents "C-"
Drama Value. No Value.
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| 9/10/2011 3:03:39 PM |
The story of the girl of my dreams, and how i screwed it up. |
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goldie_rai
Louisville, KY
44, joined May. 2011
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Roll her the most perfect joint, and leave it at her door along with a very long letter of apology, you two will be smoking together again in no time. 
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| 9/10/2011 3:06:38 PM |
The story of the girl of my dreams, and how i screwed it up. |
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ninnja
Jasper, IN
39, joined May. 2009
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I won't even mention the age thing cause it really doesn't hold much merit in this situation.
Things like that can come at any age.
I will say that if two people feel that type of a bond nothing can keep them apart, not even distance or time.
One or both of you did not hold that bond.
Sometimes we hold on to things so hard we crush what we were holding and turn into something unrecognizable.
Every relationship is reciprocal. When you touch something, it touches you. It changes you in some way or another.
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| 9/10/2011 5:18:46 PM |
The story of the girl of my dreams, and how i screwed it up. |
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isaywhen
Marina del Rey, CA
31, joined Aug. 2011
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You must be so ugly u dont even have a pic... least she has a picture... keep judging poeple and see how far it gets u. no one likes a judgmental prick.
He's hateful to everyone so I wouldn't give what he has to say any merit. Consider the source.
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| 9/10/2011 9:17:11 PM |
The story of the girl of my dreams, and how i screwed it up. |
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jferreira0420
Sun City, CA
26, joined Aug. 2011
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He's hateful to everyone so I wouldn't give what he has to say any merit. Consider the source.
"hatefull to everyone" really now? really? have u read the thread or just the last page? i have responded to others who give valid and reasonable points. As long as your not just being judgmental and insulting people i am nice and respectful. but as soon as you stoop to those levels im going to give you a taste of your own medicine.
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| 9/10/2011 9:18:45 PM |
The story of the girl of my dreams, and how i screwed it up. |
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jferreira0420
Sun City, CA
26, joined Aug. 2011
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I won't even mention the age thing cause it really doesn't hold much merit in this situation.
Things like that can come at any age.
I will say that if two people feel that type of a bond nothing can keep them apart, not even distance or time.
One or both of you did not hold that bond.
Sometimes we hold on to things so hard we crush what we were holding and turn into something unrecognizable.
Every relationship is reciprocal. When you touch something, it touches you. It changes you in some way or another.
thank you for your opinion. You words go farther than u know.
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