| 4/8/2008 10:27:07 AM |
What to expect when meeting new men? |
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cricket101462
Coleman, WI
age: 45
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I recently got out of a LTR of 10 yrs. because the relationship was'nt going anywhere.
We did'nt have too much in common after I quit drinking.
I've met 1 man for coffee and when the waitress asked us if we wanted to see menus, he said no without asking me if I wanted something.
He did'nt offer to pay for my coffee either which is not a big deal, I can pay my own way.
We sat and talked about many different things,
he is a talker which I like cuz I'm kinda shy. We were there about an hour.
So, as we are leaving he does'nt leave a tip. I left one. We got out to our vehicles
and I was just gonna give him a hug. Well, he tried to kiss me and stick his tongue down my throat. I don't feel that is acceptable and told him so. He wants to know what the big deal is. I have'nt talked to him since and will not tolorate that kind of behavior.
Being out of the dating world for over 15 years, I'm very nervous on what to
expect on a 1st meeting. What's acceptable and what is not?
Any advice would be greatly appricated!
I'm pretty old fashion and believe sex does'nt make a relationship. Getting to know that person 1st, and sex (lovemaking) will come naturally when we both feel the time is right.
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| 4/8/2008 10:35:42 AM |
What to expect when meeting new men? |
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muffycakes
Chanhassen, MN
age: 26
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holy crap that guy sounded like a jerk and you don't need that....well i can't really say that times are different because i am rather young and naive but i can tell ya that there are a bunch of wonderful guys on here that i have talked to...having said that, just be patient and you will meet a nice person worth your time. Good luck.
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| 4/8/2008 10:37:43 AM |
What to expect when meeting new men? |
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lonesomeloser
Louisville, KY
age: 49
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Just havent run into the right dude, you will.....hell if I lived up your way, I would buy you a cup of coffee....and eat all ya wanna....
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| 4/8/2008 10:40:31 AM |
What to expect when meeting new men? |
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flyankee07
Atlantic Beach, FL
age: 47
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He sounds like a real jackass and no it is not accepable behavor. I went to lunch with a guy thet kept wanting a hug. no thank you. see ya , bye.
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| 4/8/2008 10:48:40 AM |
What to expect when meeting new men? |
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baltimorebob
Gwynn Oak, MD
age: 58
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The more Attractive they are the more chance they are an Ahole.
Bob
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| 4/8/2008 10:53:05 AM |
What to expect when meeting new men? |
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ge0ge0
Tallahassee, FL
age: 41 online now!
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Sounds like that guy has been out of the scene for over 10 years also. More like crawled out of a dark damp place. His behavior was unacceptable especially on a first meet and greet. No tip speaks volumes about his character.
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| 4/8/2008 10:59:10 AM |
What to expect when meeting new men? |
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lildifferent
Sacramento, CA
age: 47
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Cricket, it sounds like you already know what's up and how a person oughtta' act. the things you noticed are really good signals and you picked right up on them. I know it can be really scary when you've been in a LTR and are just getting back into the dating scene, but remember, all that time you were still getting better and honing your own intuitive skills and others too, i'm sure. so trust your guts, intuition, watch those red flags, be careful and safe and you'll be fine. all you need is some confidence. 
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| 4/8/2008 11:27:02 AM |
What to expect when meeting new men? |
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oldeschoolcharm
Monroe, WA
age: 46
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He was an ass.
But, you know, a lot of women like asses. They are not ladies.
Here's what I would have done:
1. Paid for both our coffees, and asked you if you wanted something to go with your coffee (biscotti, etc.) If you protested, I would have pointed out that "It's coffee, not a proposal, and certainly not a proposition. Though, if you insit, this gentleman will defer to the lady." That should set the tone for my "style".
2. I tip well at coffee shops: generally at least a dollar regardless of what I order for myself, and if I'm ordering for more than one, 25%. $2.50 on a ten dollar tab isn't going to bankrupt me, but it's a lot of money for someone who makes minimum wage or a little better.
3. Conversation would be polite: I would be most interested in what interests we have in common, how long previous relationships have lasted, what you like to do for fun, as well as share the same information about myself. I would want to see if we had enough in common to be friends, without even thinking about romantic possibilites.
4. If we lingered over coffee, rather than guzzling it quickly, I would ask if you were hungry. If so, I would inquire as to what kind of food you liked, and suggest a restaurant. This is a good time to end the "meet and greet" if you have no further interest. We would either walk, or take separate cars to the restaurant, otherwise I would expect to, but not insist upon, paying for both of us.
5. After lunch or dinner, if interest remained, I would make sure you got back to your car, and ask if you'd like to meet again, suggesting some activity based on mutual interests I gleaned from our conversation.
6. If things went very well, I'd be open to a brief hug, or to a peck on your cheek. If greater formallity seemed your style, I'd take your hand kiss the back of it.
Of course, with Eyes and I, things went a bit differently:
0. We had emailed and chatted for a couple of weeks on DH.
1. We met for coffee. 15 seconds after getting our coffees and bringing them to our table, Eyes gives me the "I want you to kiss me" look. I did. It was pleasant. I normally don't "read" people well, so it was a shock to me that I "read" Eyes perfectly, and that I took the chance thinking that I did so.
2. After coffee, we went to get lunch. Eyes was starving. She wanted me to sit beside her, instead of across from her. I happily complied. Some caressing. More kissing, with a hint of passion.
3. After lunch, we went to play pool, though Eyes just wanted to watch me play others. I won two games in a row, felt guilty that she was just watching, and gave her all my subsequent attention. More caressing. More kissing.
4. It was time for Eyes to leave.
5. Yes, she wanted another date.
At no time did I even think about "pushing things" to see if I would "get lucky". Time enough for that in the future if the relationship was meant to progress.
[Edited 4/8/2008 12:09:00 PM]
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| 4/8/2008 1:24:30 PM |
What to expect when meeting new men? |
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eightinchbend
Gadsden, AL
age: 43
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In a recent post, I told someone that shyness is sweet, but self-assuredness commands respect. It sounds to me as if he was exploiting you from the start; how he treated you nearly equates with taking food away from an innocent child. I'm not suggesting you bone-up overnight and start taking down 250 pound guys, but you should develop some sort of personae, or look that will let them know you don't come free with a full tank of gas.
Most importantly, do not let men like him make you feel lesser of yourself; his type is an example of ignorance and insensitivity. Small potatoes; write this one off. He is not a premium guide to measure any reasonable expectations of men in general. A fifteen year sabbatical is a long time, and your uncertainty is easily understood, but don't just step out there unprepared, or not really knowing what you want; that's how you ran into Mr. Cheap Son-Of-A-B*tch. He saw you coming from a mile away. That's why he asked, "What's the big deal?"
Maybe the best thing is to embrace your own past, identify what you DON'T want, and keep yourself out of "firing range" for the creeps. The good ones are out there; you'll know when you see them.
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| 4/8/2008 1:48:51 PM |
What to expect when meeting new men? |
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wolfcreekgal
Sheridan, WY
age: 44
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I'm a little more bold. If a guy I went out with told the waitress "no" when she asked if we'd like to see menus, Id've said: "Excuse me, miss, but I'D like to see the menu!" Then I would have taken my menu and excused myself to another table FAR from this jerk!
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| 4/8/2008 2:21:14 PM |
What to expect when meeting new men? |
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beccala15061
Monaca, PA
age: 22
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I don't believe in a guy paying all the time, but on a first date he needs to at least offer. Also that is very wrong about him trying to make out with you without even at least getting how you feel about the situation or if you even like him. I have met plenty of guys that are very respectable and treat a girl right and on the other hand I have met a bunch of pigs as well. So just keep looking, actually don't look too hard and just have fun because that is when you will find someone and really connect with them. I may be young but I do have a lot of experience in this area, especially raising two kids by myself and trying to find a man that respects me for who I really am. Good Luck!
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| 4/8/2008 2:27:14 PM |
What to expect when meeting new men? |
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oldeschoolcharm
Monroe, WA
age: 46
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On the topic of "who pays", I have a female friend who puts it this way: "My makeup costs me hundreds of dollars a year, and my perfume costs a hundred dollars an ounce. I use both sparingly. He likes the effect they have on my appearance. He can damn well pay for the steak dinner." Can't say that I disagree with her logic.
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| 4/8/2008 3:02:19 PM |
What to expect when meeting new men? |
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shylywilling
Medford, OR
age: 46
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I agree with Wolfcreek. The menu thing was an immediate and all inclusive indication that he is not considerate or attentitive of you or your interests. Absolutely self centered and self serving and that is all the clue that I need to tell me a person is not possibly going to make me happy. Game over immediately if someone this rudely ignores my feelings or wants. Someone else pointed out that the fact that you noticed all of these cues to his selfishness is an indication that you know what you need to know when it comes to shopping for someone that will make you happy.
Perhaps he had a striped uniform with a number on his back for the past fifteen years.
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| 4/11/2008 6:15:53 PM |
What to expect when meeting new men? |
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chubby3114
Republic, MI
age: 43
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i would give you hug and treat like a gentlemen but then i have been out of the dating game for the past 15 years so i do not have a clue how end a date anymore i am not a teenager no more so i show respect to other people
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| 4/11/2008 6:18:27 PM |
What to expect when meeting new men? |
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1mt
Johnstown, PA
age: 54 online now!
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cricket just be your self someone will be very lucky to share time with you
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