| 4/19/2008 8:20:01 PM |
Am I wrong for feeling this way?? |
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daisygirl17948
Mahanoy City, PA
age: 27
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Recently about a month ago my husband had hooked up with another girl. We were married 8 years and have 3 children. The whole month he has been with this girl I have been trying to get him to work things out. He still lives with me and I basically have to sit around and be his babysitter while he is out with her. This past week he has told me that he is torn between the 2 of us and wants to move out and see what happens with her but yet wants me to be here for him if it don't. I have more respect for myself then to be someones second best. I have many people telling me that if I wanted to work it out so bad that I would sit and wait. I feel like that is way wrong and was wondering if anyone else has ever been through this? I just feel that is the wrong thing to do and that I should move on and completely kick him to the curb. Anyone agree?
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| 4/19/2008 8:21:53 PM |
Am I wrong for feeling this way?? |
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timetogolf
Au Gres, MI
age: 54
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pack his stuff, throw it outside, change the locks and kiss his sorry A$$ goodbye
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| 4/19/2008 8:22:31 PM |
Am I wrong for feeling this way?? |
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harley9482
Fort Wayne, IN
age: 25
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He cheats on you, and wants you to cater to him, drop him quick!!! You have kids to take care of, and you deserve a real man, not some poser who is childish. It's no less wrong for you to wait for him to decide, which he likely won't, than for him to cheat. He is at least going hard against the wedding vows. So dump him, and move on
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| 4/19/2008 8:24:28 PM |
Am I wrong for feeling this way?? |
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mrwally2007
Fort Smith, AR
age: 45
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Sound like you answered your own question.
"I have more respect for myself then to be someones second best."
You just have to do what your heart tells you to do. But most of all the kids have to be your first priority.
What ever decision you do make
Good luck.
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| 4/19/2008 8:27:56 PM |
Am I wrong for feeling this way?? |
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kemor72
Kaufman, TX
age: 36
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I'm recently divorced after 15 years with the same woman. She did this to me the first time, and I sat and took it, and decided to love her regardless. Then, it happened again, with the same guy about 2 years later. and, to this day, she still talks to him and emails him, etc., etc. It never stopped. Chances are, he's not going to stop. But, you have to put your foot down, and tell him it's her or you. Period. Tell him you're going to love him, and you still do. But you can't live with him or in a marriage as long as there's another love interest. Tell him that what he's going through right now is a "NEW" thing......a fling......it feels good. It's flattering, and passionate.....but it's not going to last. Every relationship is that way at first. It takes work to keep it there. So, give him is option. But, you shouldn't just sit at the house and take care of kids, him, and everything else while he still gets to go be with someone else. It's hard, but you have to do it for you.
I've been through it. I know you love him. I know its hard. But, I loved my wife too. But, I deserve to be happy. And I deserve to be loved the way I love.
good luck. God Bless.
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| 4/19/2008 9:47:29 PM |
Am I wrong for feeling this way?? |
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oliverbrancher
Calgary, AB
age: 46
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ok. very good question. and with usual responses.
now i want you to know something. it is that you chose to relate with this person whom donated for your children.
ask your self. what were the conditions which created a sense of joy/harmony/togetherness when meeting and in the process of building a life/home/family...???
be specific. what were the conditions... what occurred which made you feel good in partnership...confident in family building...? are you able to clearly say what you desired and shared with this person of that...? and what did he share of his desires for conditions in relationship..? anything...
many times now-a-days... especially within such fear created human male/female partnership experiences...there is information which stone-walls good prospect for relationships combined with already stressed ability to share what is valueable and share-worthy and desireable in relationship.
all of divorces can be attributed to this loss of or unwillingness to explore/relate communications/informations for the purpose of sharing partnership/relationship.
it is the one drastic human foible in society today. people engage for acceptance but on the surface it is due to money or security or sexuality or glamour or whatever else makes one seemingly socially uplifted or personally satisfied.
we as humans (mostly you though...not me) don't know what a partnership is for.
we don't know what was the purpose for making vows of office or without office.
far too often...people get married or shack-up for reasons unexplained but perhaps because the sex was decent and that is a pretty big cause for sharing these days.
but there is always more...and that always more is seldom related fully or clearly.
you are not feeling wrong. you are hurt. you are disappointed and you should be.
but i must go with intuition and suggest that the youthfull dreams which brought you together has been compromised by some other values which stresses the fantasy.
but know. that if you love him and love him unconditionally. you will accept what he determines with or without your approval or communications sharing.
if you love him only according to the conditions of a previous series of meetings and fantasies and you are not able to accept him now that those conditions have been compromised then you did not love him unconditionally.
recognize of course that love is unconditional.
and the mind of a person together with that same persons purposes of feeling building are always conditional.
so as humans we desire to create conditions which are satisfactory to us and call it unconditionality.
it is often untrue. people have a personal and social agenda. even if they say they are unconditionally loving.
you sound very mature. and loving. i know you are going to make the right choice for your self and children.
you will need to explore your personal values.
reply/request at your will
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| 4/19/2008 10:22:14 PM |
Am I wrong for feeling this way?? |
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metu
Mansfield, TX
age: 46
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Adios motherf**ker...don't let the door hitcha where the good lord splitcha!
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| 4/19/2008 10:24:01 PM |
Am I wrong for feeling this way?? |
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sm_flrt_bg_hrt
Newton, IL
age: 47
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ya was there last year.had been with this guy for 12 years helped raise his kids and he asked me to move out so i did.that was 2 years ago march.he married someone else two weeks later.came back in oct said it was a mistake said he still loved me so went back worst5 months ever in my life.whole time he talked to her every day while he said he love me.then she wanted to see if they could work it out and he said he just needed a week to get job transferred so i came to mo where his son lives. i came there and he came week later.still same crap and then in march of last year he had to go to ne for court where we had lived.took him up there and he brought her back i cried half way back but when we stopped looked at them both said he wasnt worth it that she could have him got home moved out met my other guys mom at new job .she managed an apt met wade and had a happy year
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| 4/19/2008 10:31:35 PM |
Am I wrong for feeling this way?? |
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chopperbabe
Selah, WA
age: 47
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I totally agree ... take out the trash, it's garbage day 
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| 4/19/2008 11:00:41 PM |
Am I wrong for feeling this way?? |
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alvaran
Chino Hills, CA
age: 33
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oh,geez..my ex left me for another girl..after then,he was served with the divorce papers i filed,he called and asked me... "but what if i changed my mind and wanted to go back to you?"...my reply?.."oh,well..u can just watch me having fun with all the things u left for that "fun"...and girl,believe me..ur huuby?he will be begging u to take him back,just like mine..when he realized what kind of a "good girl" he's left..
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| 4/19/2008 11:39:30 PM |
Am I wrong for feeling this way?? |
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daddyduck
Splendora, TX
age: 54
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If this is the way it is, metu said it as eloquent as it can be said, there isn't anything but his departure date that is long over due
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| 4/19/2008 11:41:24 PM |
Am I wrong for feeling this way?? |
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harley9482
Fort Wayne, IN
age: 25
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if someone doesn't love or respect you, then you have no need to be with them. You need a man, not a boy, or punk
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| 4/20/2008 12:35:50 AM |
Am I wrong for feeling this way?? |
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fryyyy
North Kingstown, RI
age: 49
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I don't think your wrong for feeling betrayed or angry. Wonder how he would feel if he came home one night.. and you had a bf in bed with you. But if you "stage" this make sure you have the video camera rolling.. cus you can laugh for years at this one.
I'd end it, and move on. Too bad you cant find a live in boyfriend to share your life with while your hubby's out screwing around. You might even hire a non sexual actor just for fun... someone your hubby can come home to and find in your bed, and appreciate as much as you appreciate his wh*re.
Actually a new bf is probably the last thing you need, your husband already is exposing you to new potentially life threatening risks. So increasing the risks with casual sex with some BF is not the answer either.. I just thought it was a cool thought.
I"d talk to a lawyer, about your options. Seems like you would want custody, and possession. Seems to me your hubby is the one that broke the deal.. to me he only deserves the shirt on his back and the car so he can go to work to provide for his kids.
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| 4/20/2008 12:50:43 AM |
Am I wrong for feeling this way?? |
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flowergirl62
South Australia
Australia
age: 46
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daisygirl I am a mother of 3 and if my ex ever did that I would have packed up and left at the first sign. I am appealing to your common sense and either throw him out or pack up and move somewhere else. Good luck to you.
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| 4/20/2008 12:52:42 AM |
Am I wrong for feeling this way?? |
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patty0727
Judsonia, AR
age: 60
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20 + years ago..when I left for work the girls were walking down to my place to do God know what with my husband..I knew he was smoking dope and there were too..and I didn't. For a while I thought maybe it will be ok....but my heart hurt.I didn't want to believe that what I thought was a perfect match wasn't. 20+ years later he was still doing the same dam thing on occassion so I finally let go...I did love him with all my heart but you know what he didn't love me the same way..So I let him go even though it hurt.Today it is weird because he wants me more than anything but I now do not want him.We were married 26 and 1/2 yrs. that is a long time..Today I am glad I finally did what should of happened along time ago.I just couldn't bring myself to do it then, I was too much in love with him.
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