| 5/2/2008 6:57:10 PM |
how many days before you say ok.... |
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mindyb
Park Rapids, MN
age: 43 online now!
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So you talk...months go by...total respect...you finally get to the phone call youo hit it off, he starts talking about compatibility and living together...its a little fast but you think ok i will at least talk about it and it opens a flood gate that he intiated soon the "I love you's" come...its all good...
he/she is calling you several times a day texting all the sweet loving messages being so cool to not make it about sex(theres a little of that too ) but the snuggly love stuff and talking...then out of no where he dissappears...you think mmm alot on his mind, stress, phone fell in a toilet....ahhh but there is email some where there is email...a freind...a neighbor...a pc at work somewhere somehow...if he meant the words I love you and he meant it when he really wanted to investigate serious levels and then no phone calls...no text...nothing...what is the time period..considering how serious the two of you have become and considering he intiated the serious level...
How many days seem normal to fall off the face of the earth...before you say ok thats it I wont be made a fool of..of course after sending him a few attemtps " Are you ok?" "Is everything ok?" "Look if your uncomfortable we can pull back into friendship mode I respect you and will try to understand" you put all the respectful considerations out there and no response...
what would you think?
AND
How many days would you let go by before you forced your self to decide to break it off because they obviously are not interested?
 just takling a little poll here thanks for your help
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| 5/2/2008 7:02:17 PM |
how many days before you say ok.... |
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tlc4u46
Santa Barbara, CA
age: 47
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A guy and I were chatting on the phone for a while I was even considering visiting him. He totally initiated everything. So one Friday he calls me I'm still at work and tell him I'll call him back. Called back voicemail, called next day voicemail (no return phone calls). Monday rolls around and I text "are you alive" no response. I guess he died. I got the hint!!!!!!!!!!!!
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| 5/2/2008 7:08:17 PM |
how many days before you say ok.... |
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curious70000
Wyandotte, MI
age: 46
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Personally couldn't fathom any of this for myself, for i simply wouldn't get that caught up with someone i haven't personally met and dated in person for quite some time, if someone i knew only by phone and e-mail said i love you, talked about moving in etc,etc, i'd be the one who fell off the face of the earth,lol,, toodles, see ya, have a good life, buh bye.... But if you are one who gets caught up in cyber relationships and this person did not call or contact within a week or two, i'd say he's not really that into you, and what a terrible thing people do this kind of thing to those who are so vulernable for some kind of personal high, or just for kicks? I don't understand why some people do this, but i've heard numerous people in here talk about it, don't it make people think maybe they should invest more real time before giving up so much of themselves over some cyber "relationship"?
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| 5/2/2008 7:09:34 PM |
how many days before you say ok.... |
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cinnamongirl65
St Catharines, ON
age: 42
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Well ur not alone,find it strange myself...don't really get the push then the pull back...afterall who intiated the push ahead ...i think sometimes they might bite off more then they can chew...We are strong women and it is okay to talk but when they are faced with living up to all they are talking about it ...they bail...real men don't bail!!!! just a point to ponder! 
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| 5/2/2008 7:16:12 PM |
how many days before you say ok.... |
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luxwolf
Calgary, AB
age: 46
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how many days before you say that its' ok
i really need to know my life is on the way
and on the way to you i find myself in dream
the moment will come you make me wanna stay...
don't let the vision end hold on eternally
thru' rise and fall take my hand
i am on my bended knee...
how many days my love how long can i go onnnnnn
is this love that i am feeling is this the love
that i/ve been searching love...is this love....?
share in song with me rewrite heavens memories
stand up and see the light the stars of history...
is this love that i am feeling is this the love...
that i've been searching for ... is this love...
[Edited 5/2/2008 7:17:23 PM]
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| 5/2/2008 7:26:27 PM |
how many days before you say ok.... |
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knittinkitten
Lady Lake, FL
age: 71 online now!
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OP, If I counted how many times I've heard the words "I LOVE YOU" from guys I haven't met....I could write a book. Yes, in the beginning I was quite naive...not that I believed them, but it gave me a warm, fuzzy feeling to think someone cared.
I have received some of the most beautiful poems and songs and emails, and Ecards and messages.....Yes, maybe a book.
Now, those words from someone who hasn't met me, are a definite RED FLAG.....two have been scammers, and one...just last week....after saying he was definitely going to hop a plane down to Florida to meet me.....totally turned on me when I asked a few questions.....you see, I wanted to be sure he understood that he was going to be ALONE in the hotel room at night. Wow, that didn't set right with him. I received a message from him shortly after...He called me SYBIL....and, I also had to look up the word "morose", and contemplate on his announcement that I had a longtime, deep seated hatred for MEN....
No, I don't really hate anyone...but I DO have second thoughts about SOME of 'em.
But, with it all, I'm definitely not ready to give up hope....Often, in between the "others", I meet some awfully nice guys!!! 
KK
[Edited 5/2/2008 7:38:11 PM]
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| 5/3/2008 8:30:36 AM |
how many days before you say ok.... |
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mindyb
Park Rapids, MN
age: 43 online now!
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oh I hear you and as a matter of fact I am writing several. Thats why these threads are hear to make us think and open up and for me to gain insight and write...I came here to write not look for love...mingle about and bam!! again and again I meet amazing people. So yeah after three days isaid well...it was at a very intimate level...meaning there was a connection that was truly unexplainable and I dont put myself out there easily...I am more of an observer and I am very real with people so it does make it very easy for people to get really close to me andi have always been very use to that but for me to get close to them and with impact...it was kind of an experience simular to love at first sight if you have ever experienced that..I have only once...only in this case i heard his voice and bam....and he felt pretty impacted as well for him to bring up next level goals so quickly ...it seemed like WHOA...he has my bags practically packed and moved..slow down...but then I thought well its not like i am actually on the road...its talking I will give him the benefit of the doubt and entertain the iodea and the what is and investigate such as look up the area where he lives on line and see what the town has to offer...how many miles just a bunch of little things to entertain the idea BUT NEVER loosing sight of slow down just talk about it is ok well the I love you's were out there from both of us...after all we had been talking for many months as friends...we had been able to see into each others soul for some time...so for something to bloom like that was pretty exciting...there ended up being a very logical reason of what happened to him and why no phone ect. BUT ...he already put I love you out there...that changes everything from casusal ot more than intimate now....I love you says alot starting with I wont let you worry...i will keep you safe ect.....WHEN you REALLLLLY love someone you find away to let them know your ok...
example
A man breaks down on the side of the road and has serious car problems....they cant get the part for 3 days and its the only place in the town he was passing thru...whats the first thing he does...he calls that person he loves and lets them know I am ok heres whats going on. Soooo many examples...when you love a woman you let her know you value you her by caring enough to not let her worry...A woman is away from home...most men dont want their lady away from home...he goes nuts if he cant hear her sweet voice everyday so she respects him, understands him and calls...emails...phone fell in the toilet...a garbage truck ran over your lap top...does she sit back and do nothing....NO she finds a way to get him a message so he does not worry.
I would not text for several hours busy doing something else and I would get a text from him....R U ok?...It was so cool he is concerned he wants to be sure we are ok...but let the role be reversed..let me draw to conclusion that he is gone after THREE DAYS...oh wait if I count the day I sent the text that would FOUR days...on the fourth day i had to face facts well finally it had happen i had become one the DHU statics...I figured he headed for the hills for whatever reason...Did i think it odd...you bet...I thought it was very odd considering how our conversations had been but at the same time the top thing all my firned reminded me off...and i will say only two were women...most were men...Mindy You have to consider you are a woman of value and if he valued you he would have busted his ass to get a message to you...I thought about when my computer crashed I went to the neighbors untilI found someone with a pc i could use for 5 to get a message out there. My friend was right...My Guy friend said IF he loved me, IF he valued me this gentlemen would make sure I did not worry just as i would give him the same respect. and yet...is this considered...tunnel vision...all that is seen is that I jumped to the wrong conclusion...I have another friend that i can telly ou right now without a doubt....there would have been open arms and I am so sorry I worried you and then iwould have listened while the venting took place ....so long winded here sorry...but my point of this is not to complain to anyone about someone i truly love...but to let it be a lesson...share my mistake, in whihc i owned...his mistake which ...not yet...and share it so you all never make the mistake...if you care never for one second allow them to wonder, worry and possibly think your left...Ithink two days tops for an online relation ship is the limit of no in touch anything longer and you need to bust your ass to get a message saying hey iot might be awhile , thinking of you,be in touch, experienceing problems, dont worry,kissses...just the basics...no I am sorry is even needed...no fault needs to be...stuff happens amnd even miscmunications happen but as adults we can see how these things happen we move past them and get back on track with ease....so with the whole story...i say intimate on line relationship two dayes...casual dating but regular...two weeks top!! and then your risking them moving on....attentiveness works both ways and is very rewarding for both...its not hard, infact it can feel pretty damn good...and i would say if you think its work then your not relationship material to being with sorry but true....most people i know love the other one so much that they would not even consider a relationship without attentiveness....in closing...wayyyyyyyyyyy too much drama..i like to get over mishaps right away..talk about it, forgive every step of the way and listen, learn, grow and love...no big deal...still love for him....sometimes when life makes us weary we dont always think rationally and tend to be a bit dramatic...but when there is someone of love and insight trying to help you get to the other side where the good stuff is...start walking in the direction of the good stuff.
[Edited 5/3/2008 8:36:15 AM]
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| 5/3/2008 7:23:47 PM |
how many days before you say ok.... |
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cinnamongirl65
St Catharines, ON
age: 42
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Very well said Mindy I couldn't agree with u more..Stuff happens and sometimes we can't control ourselves never mind others..I think u r a great lady with a positive outlook on life,ur feet are firmly planted on the ground.I think ur positive outlook has brought u great insight ...
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| 5/3/2008 7:50:20 PM |
how many days before you say ok.... |
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mindyb
Park Rapids, MN
age: 43 online now!
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OMG Cinnamon...I hopped back ov4er here to edit thinking perhaps I said too much. Iwas only trying to get a view from others and perhaps we can all learn from one another and now you say something so pure and touching...thank you, I value you for sharing that ...now dont worry I am not gonna get all sappy but you know it really touched my heart and its been as tough week...i needed to be reminded of something wonderful like what you shared with me...big squeeze and a room full of roses for lifting me up and making me feel wonderful
You so totally Rock
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| 5/3/2008 8:16:17 PM |
how many days before you say ok.... |
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rendezvous04
Tinley Park, IL
age: 57 online now!
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mindyb This so sounds like what I'm going through. When I tell him I think he needs to communicate more how he feels. He says he cares a lot and I should not be so demanding. As you can imagine I was totally taken aback by this now I'm like wondering what's going on. I play the waiting game, I'm not sure any more. Days, weeks .... not a clue at this point. He is a really nice gentleman I'm sure we will both figure it out. Good luck to you All the best!!
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| 5/3/2008 8:37:15 PM |
how many days before you say ok.... |
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mindyb
Park Rapids, MN
age: 43 online now!
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Good luck to you....its tough to read people sometimes....what is being opinionated and in good form and well mannered with gentleness can be demanding just because it was mentioned...i recently pointed out a lack of communication that took place from a man i love in which upon the first day of talk, and we talked all day ,everydawy,for days....lol I asked him "what are your "can't Stands" things you just cant deal with?" his reply was "I am big on communication I communicate alot and I have got to have the same"..something to that effect...and then he dropped the ball...a perfectly logical explantion and things do happen but when it sent me running he was upset with me for misunderstanding him but had he gotten ahold of me and comunicated somehow what was going on I would have never ever ever done anythikng less than been patient and anxious to hear from him...well you know sometimes waiting with no word can simply scare the bjesus out of a person, especially after growing serious so quickly...i have regrets but more importantly I have prayers that wisdom will lead him in the right direction...before this happened we were so incredibly amazing...why should one little communication breakdown in which there was no yelling, no disrespect and encourgaement stand in the way of the path we were on...idk...have to see i have done all i can do
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| 5/3/2008 9:30:03 PM |
how many days before you say ok.... |
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fryyyy
North Kingstown, RI
age: 49
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I think i'd be very very cautious, about a lot of things. One thing is letting my heart get ahead of my mind.. Or my heart get ahead of their's. I think it would have to be slow in the first place.. the progression. Cant have any whirlwind stuff. It's more important for me to know and understand that other persons motives.. than it is to understand mine. I know needs change.. they might THINK they love me.. but they just might need me.. and i think needs change.. so.. a need based relationship is a bad thing i think. Once i got them figured out.. maybe i can spend a little time assessing my own feelings.
If someone "poofed" out of my life.. I'd be firstly concerned something happened to them. If they were ok... well.. I want them to be where they want to be.. That's how i think it works.. if they don't want to be with me.. then they don't belong here. I'm not too good with mulligans when it comes to relationships tho. I can forgive a lot i think. but i can't forgive an ending.. once it's over it's over. I take someone at their word.. if they say that's it.. it's over. At that point it becomes forever. Then i don't want them in my life at all. Ever again. They "cease" to exist.
How many days? Well that depends how long i knew them.. how deep the relationship was. and to some extent what their mental state is. I wont desert a friend. But i will accept a sane persons decision.
It would be as soon as possible tho.. once i "got the message". How long it would take me to get the message? Not long if we communicated. Not long at all if i knew they were ok, and able to communicate, but chose not to.
so it could be a split second.. to a few weeks... depending on the situation.
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| 5/4/2008 10:17:00 AM |
how many days before you say ok.... |
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mindyb
Park Rapids, MN
age: 43 online now!
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I was very very very concerned....He drives i was deeply concerned. but then when you get a text each day saying your gonna call from him and he doesnt now thats a horse of a different color. I am mostly concerned that he needs time off. He needs to rest.he needs to just relax and revitalize. He has had the week from hell and I could not blame him one bit for how he might feel but i also know how wonderful it was and how much he enjoyed the love...I could tell by the way he talked to me. As far as be careful about thinking with your heart and not your mind...huh not be rude but mmmmm hello!!...thats where the love is...love is not in your mind...you think with your mind regarding love you you will surely f*ck up a good thing. listening to your heart guides you to the right places...andI will tell you that is not just about love...thats in everyaspect of life I think GOD i am not a person who tunes out my heart and allows my mind to rule over my heart...NO THANK YOU. But...i do try to think things thru with my mind before i act...in this case look what happened...disaster....I used my mind to be rational about the 4 days gone by thing the broken promises of not keeping his word and calling the not knowing what was going on and look what has happened. Fear made me turn away from my heart and think with my mind...had I shut my mind off forced fear out and listened to my heart i would be hearing I love you instead of nothing as he is probably making the same mistake allowing fear to set off "flags" instead of looking to the good stuff....if he decides to stick with my breaking it off he is loosing something spectacular between us, i do understand his fear after all it drove me to break it off how stupid of me...but it was new and I had a previous experience that i thought the wrong thing...I tried going walking and deep cleaning and shower and baths anything to try to push it out of my head but all i did was create more energy I KNOW NOW what I should have done was go to the damn walgreens and buy some sleep aides and just slept so i could not think!!! Thinking from my heart would have prevented all of this but instead I let the trace of fear disguised as a "gut feeling" lead me thru my mind instead of focusing on my heart. i have learned a very valueable lesson. I am hoping he does not make the same mistake and just puts this behind him and also faces the truth that had he found his way to a computer anyones, anywhere and zapped an email on day one...worry is gone...I know he is safe and also None of this would have ever happened we each could have done something better...he was under alot of demands and was in brain mode dealing with the bullshit that was coming at him which maybe when that happens go wash your face look in the mirrot close your eyes see the face of the one you love and before your mind can think look to your heart and finsd a way to get to them. Love does not fail...we both had it we both did not look to it we looked to our brains....think with the heart when it comes to love never the mind, the mind f*cks things up regarding your relationships....fear is nothing more than a hurdle that you want you toe to hook on knock the damn thing out of the way so the next time its in your path getting over it is not quite as of big jump...just step right past it.
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| 5/4/2008 1:49:48 PM |
how many days before you say ok.... |
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misssmatch
Cleveland, TN
age: 51 online now!
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mindy i have read most of the posts in this thread...yes love is in our hearts and sometimes our minds mess it up, however, was there a valid excuse for his not calling you? i'm sorry if i missed that somewhere in another post...everyone has cell phones these days, especially people on the road... i dont understand that part...
we cannot help how we feel...in all honesty, i would have been upset if that had happened to me...i hope it works out for you....good love is hard to find...mm
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| 5/4/2008 6:03:57 PM |
how many days before you say ok.... |
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raregold59
Charlotte, NC
age: 49
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Mindy, I know you must have been hurting but know that time heals all wounds. My advice is to start focusing on the things you DO WANT in life, not so much on the things you DON'T WANT.
I wish you the best!!!
Take care
[Edited 5/4/2008 8:39:49 PM]
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