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| 5/29/2008 7:46:35 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 3 |
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bluedahl
Rewey, WI
84, joined Feb. 2008
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Great, Sunray.
Meet singles at DateHookup.dating, we're 100% free! Join now!
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| 5/29/2008 9:36:07 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 3 |
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wilbur35
Latrobe, PA
82, joined Apr. 2008
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another good one sunray.todays joke:2 hillbillies were fishing when the first one said"if i was to sneak over to your house when you werent there and make love to your wife,and she got pregnant,would that make us cousins?the other guy answered"i dont know,but it would make us even"
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| 5/30/2008 9:34:31 AM |
Joke of the day | Page 3 |
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bluedahl
Rewey, WI
84, joined Feb. 2008
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I'm looking for the joke for today. Boo, hoo, where are you?
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| 5/30/2008 1:21:35 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 3 |
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ladygodiva2
Granbury, TX
81, joined Apr. 2008
|
Subject: New Theft Tactic
You've heard about people who have been abducted and
had their kidneys removed by black-market organ thieves.
My thighs were stolen from me during the night a few years ago. I went to sleep and woke up with someone else's
thighs. It was just that quick. The replacements had the texture of cooked oatmeal. Whose thighs were these and
what happened to mine? I spent the entire summer looking for my thighs. Finally, hurt and angry, I resigned myself to living out my life in jeans. And then the thieves struck again.
My butt was next. I knew it was the same gang, because
they took pains to match my new rear-end to the thighs they had stuck me with earlier. But my new butt was attached at least three inches lower than my original!
I realized I'd have to give up my jeans in favor of long
skirts.
Two years ago I realized my arms had been switched.
One morning I was fixing my hair and was horrified to see the flesh of my upper arm swing to and fro with the motion of the hairbrush. This was really getting scary - my body was being replaced one section at a time. What could they do to me next?
When my poor neck suddenly disappeared and was
replaced with a turkey neck, I decided to tell my story. Women of the world, wake up and smell the coffee! Those 'plastic' surgeons are using REAL replacement body parts -stolen from you and me! The next time someone you know has something 'lifted', look again - was it lifted from you?
THIS IS NOT A HOAX. This is happening to women everywhere every night.
WARN YOUR FRIENDS!
P.S. Last year I thought some one had stolen my Boobs.
I was lying in bed and they were gone! But when I jumped out of bed, I was relieved to see that they had just been hiding in my armpits as I slept. Now I keep them hidden in my waistband
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| 5/30/2008 8:29:56 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 3 |
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anglican
Nashville, TN
80, joined Feb. 2008
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Do you know how snails fight?
They stand fast and slug it out.
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| 5/30/2008 9:01:04 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 3 |
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anglican
Nashville, TN
80, joined Feb. 2008
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Do you know one thing even the marines can't get around?
A Texan in the left lane,
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| 5/30/2008 9:31:10 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 3 |
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wilbur35
Latrobe, PA
82, joined Apr. 2008
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thats funny lady godiva.
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| 5/30/2008 9:33:33 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 3 |
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wilbur35
Latrobe, PA
82, joined Apr. 2008
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todays joke; did you hear about the gay man who had alzenimer's? he walked around all day wondering why his bum was sore.
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| 5/31/2008 1:31:42 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 3 |
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akdawn
Kenai, AK
79, joined Nov. 2007
|
It was a hot day in Minnesota.
Helga hung out the wash to dry, put a roast in the oven, and then went downtown to pick up some dry cleaning.
"Gootness, it's hotter Dan hell today," she mused to herself as she walked down Main Street . She passed a tavern and thought , "Vy nodt?"
She walked in and took a seat at the bar.The bartender walked up and asked her what she would like to drink.
"Ya know," Helga said, "it is zo hot, I tink I'll have myself a cold beer".
"Anheuser Busch?" the bartender asked.
Helga blushed and replied, "Vell fine, tanks, und how's yur viener
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| 6/1/2008 2:05:41 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 3 |
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akdawn
Kenai, AK
79, joined Nov. 2007
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A husband and wife are shopping in Costco's when the man picks up a crate of
Budweiser Beer and sticks them into the shopping cart.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife
"They're on sale today, only $10 for 24 cans", he says
"Put them back. We can't afford it," says the wife and they continue on
shopping...
A few aisles later the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and sticks it
into the shopping cart.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the man.
"It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful," she says.
The man replies... "SO DOES 24 CANS OF BUDWEISER BEER AND IT'S HALF THE
PRICE"
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| 6/1/2008 2:22:17 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 3 |
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delidelite
Blaine, OH
80, joined Apr. 2008
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Leave it to a a MAN!
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| 6/1/2008 4:15:08 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 3 |
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delidelite
Blaine, OH
80, joined Apr. 2008
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The Zipper
As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg She tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn't.
So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step.
Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg. With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step.
About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.
She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled, 'How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!'
The Texan smiled and drawled, 'Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipp ed my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends.'
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| 6/1/2008 4:29:10 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 3 |
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hma02
Chico, CA
78, joined Mar. 2008
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| 6/1/2008 4:39:44 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 3 |
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akdawn
Kenai, AK
79, joined Nov. 2007
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HAHAHAAAAAAAAA, deli,, sounds like a Texan,, love it!
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| 6/1/2008 6:35:54 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 3 |
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delidelite
Blaine, OH
80, joined Apr. 2008
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HAHAHAAAAAAAAA, deli,, sounds like a Texan,, love it!
YUP! Ya gotta love a Texan! 
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| 6/1/2008 8:55:16 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 3 |
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sunray37
Fort Dodge, IA
80, joined Oct. 2007
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I CAN HEAR YOU LAUGHING!
A little boy blows up a balloon and starts flicking it
all around the house with his finger. His mother tells him to stop it
as he's liable to break something, but the boy continues.
Johnny!' Mom screams. 'Knock it off.' You're going to
break something.
He stops and eventually Mom leaves for a short trip to
the shopping center.
Johnny starts up with the balloon again after his mom has
left for the store. He gives it one last flick and it lands in the
toilet where he leaves it.
Mom comes in and while putting away the grocery gets the
urge, A diarrhea run. She can hardly make it to the toilet in time
and SPLASH, out it comes.When she's finished, she looks down and can't believe what she's seeing.
She's not sure what this big brown thing is in the
toilet! She calls her doctor. The doctor is baffled as she describes
the situation, but he assures her he'll be over shortly to examine
everything.
When he arrives she leads him to the bath room and he gets down on his knees and takes a long, hard look at the thing.
Finally, he takes out his pen and sort of touches it to see what it
might be and POP! The balloon explodes and poop is everywhere. On
him, the walls, etc. Doctor! Doctor! Are you all right?' she asks.
He says, 'I've been in this business for over 30 years,
and this is the first time I've ever actually seen a fart !'
You're laughing aren't you...I know you are!!!
Sorry to cute not to post
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| 6/1/2008 8:59:01 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 3 |
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hma02
Chico, CA
78, joined Mar. 2008
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| 6/1/2008 9:11:11 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 3 |
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wilbur35
Latrobe, PA
82, joined Apr. 2008
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that remnids me of an old one.a guy in a bar asked where the restroom was.the bartnder said upstairs to the right.he went up and all he could find was a hole in the floor so he took a crap in the hole.he went back down stairs and the place was a mess.he asked the bartender what happened.he replied"there you stand so spic and span,where were you when the shit hit the fan" thats todays joke folks.
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| 6/1/2008 9:14:08 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 3 |
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ladygodiva2
Granbury, TX
81, joined Apr. 2008
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A guy and his date walk are in line at the fancy restaurant. They finallly are first. The Maitre'd asks him, "Did you have reservations, sir?" The man replied, "Yeah, but I came anyway.
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| 6/2/2008 5:58:01 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 3 |
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sunray37
Fort Dodge, IA
80, joined Oct. 2007
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I become confused when I hear these terms which reference the word
'service'.
Internal Revenue 'Service'
U.S. Postal 'Service'
Telephone 'Service'
T.V. 'Service'
Civil 'Service'
City & County Public 'Service'
Customer 'Service'
This is not what I thought 'service' meant.
But today, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had hired a bull to 'service' a few cows.
BAM!!!
It all came into perspective. I now understand what all those 'service' agencies are doing to us.
I hope you are as enlightened as I am
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| 6/2/2008 6:18:01 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 3 |
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wilbur35
Latrobe, PA
82, joined Apr. 2008
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i understand.how true.todays joke a quicke,gotta watch the hockey game.aman kisses his wife goodby when he leaves the house.he kisses his house goodby when his wife leaves him.
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| 6/2/2008 6:44:19 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 3 |
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delidelite
Blaine, OH
80, joined Apr. 2008
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Gas...Catholic Style!
Sister Mary Ann, who worked for a home health agency, was out making her rounds visiting homebound patients when she ran out of gas. As luck would have it, an Exxon Gasoline station was just a block away. She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy some gas.
The attendant told her that the only gas can he owned had been loaned out, but she could wait until it was returned. Since Sister Mary Ann was on the way to see a patient, she decided not to wait and walked back to her car.
She looked for something in her car that she could fill with gas and spotted the bedpan she was taking to the patient. Always resourceful, Sister Mary Ann carried the bedpan to the station, filled it with gasoline, and carried the full bedpan back to her car.
As she was pouring the gas into her ta
nk, two Baptists watched from across the street. One of them turned to the other and said, 'If it starts, I'm turning Catholic.'
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| 6/2/2008 8:54:38 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 3 |
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wilbur35
Latrobe, PA
82, joined Apr. 2008
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a jewish rabi bought a new car,a priest friend of his blessed it for him.a mont later the priest boght a new car and the rabi cut 2inches off the tail pipe.
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| 6/3/2008 1:03:47 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 3 |
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delidelite
Blaine, OH
80, joined Apr. 2008
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My contribution for the day...............
All of his life Ole had heard stories of an amazing family tradition.
It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all
been able to walk on water on their 21st birthday.
On that day, they'd walk across the lake to the boat club for their
first legal drink.
So when Ole's 21st birthday came around, he and his pal Corky took a boat out to the middle of the lake.
Ole stepped out of the boat and nearly drowned!
Corky just managed to pull him to safety.
Furious and confused, Ole went to see his grandmother.
"Grandma, it's my 21st birthday, so why can't I walk across the lake
like my father, his father, and his father before him?"
Granny looked into Ole's eyes and said, "Because, you dumb ass,
your father, grandfather and great grandfather were born in January,
not in July."
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| 6/3/2008 1:38:51 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 3 |
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fisherman75
Aurora, MO
84, joined Mar. 2008
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Gosh I must get a life.... Just spent the last 3 minutes looking at Deli's laughing mouse & still chuckling
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| 6/3/2008 3:09:21 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 3 |
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delidelite
Blaine, OH
80, joined Apr. 2008
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Gosh I must get a life.... Just spent the last 3 minutes looking at Deli's laughing mouse & still chuckling
Looks like my mouse did it's job!
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| 6/3/2008 3:30:58 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 3 |
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delidelite
Blaine, OH
80, joined Apr. 2008
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OK,ok........just one more........duhhhhhhhhhhhhh....
I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Richard, the 11 year old next door whose bedroom looks like Mission Control, and asked him to come over. Richard clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.
As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong? He replied, 'It was an ID ten T error.'
I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, 'An, ID ten T error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again.'
Richard grinned.... 'Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?'
'No,' I replied. 'Write it down,' he said, 'and I think you'll figure it out.'
So I wrote down: I D 1 0 T ... I used to like the little shit.............
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| 6/3/2008 5:58:13 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 3 |
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sunray37
Fort Dodge, IA
80, joined Oct. 2007
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This is hilarious!!! Remember this
the next time you need to return something and they
are giving you a hard time!!!!!!! ?
A woman went to a Wal-Mart service counter and
told the clerk she wanted a refund for the toaster
she bought because it won't work The clerk told
her that he can't give her a refund because she
bought it on special. Suddenly, the woman threw her arms up in the air
and started screaming,
'PINCH MY NIPPLES,
PINCH MY NIPPLES,
PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!!!!'
The befuddled clerk ran away to get the store
manager In front of a growing crowd of customers.
The manager comes to the woman and asks, 'Ma'am what's wrong?'
She explains the problem with the toaster, and he also tells her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special.
Once again, the woman throws her arms up in the air and screams,
'PINCH MY NIPPLES,
PINCH MY NIPPLES,
PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!'
Which begins to draw an even bigger crowd!
In shock, the store manager pleads, 'Ma'am, why are you saying that?'
In a huff, the woman says,
'BECAUSE, I LIKE TO HAVE MY NIPPLES PINCHED
WHEN I'M BEING SCREWED!!'
The crowd broke into applause and her money was quickly refunded!!
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| 6/3/2008 9:37:41 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 3 |
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wilbur35
Latrobe, PA
82, joined Apr. 2008
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another quickie for today;i am"is one of the shortest sentences in the english language."i do"is the longest.
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| 6/4/2008 8:23:01 AM |
Joke of the day | Page 3 |
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delidelite
Blaine, OH
80, joined Apr. 2008
|
An older, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard; I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well taken care of.
He calmly came over to me, I gave him a few pats on his head; he then followed me into my house, slowly walked down the hall, curled up in the corner and fell asleep.
An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out.
The next day he was back, greeted me in my yard, walked inside
and resumed his spot in the hall and again slept for about an hour.
This continued off and on for several weeks.
Curious I pinned a note to his collar: “I would like to find out who
the owner of this wonderful sweet dog is and ask if you are aware
that almost every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.”
The next day he arrived for his nap, with a different note pinned
to his collar: 'He lives in a home with 6 children, 2 under the age
of 3 - he's trying to catch up on his sleep.
“ Can I come with him tomorrow?”
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| 6/4/2008 8:42:25 AM |
Joke of the day | Page 3 |
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delidelite
Blaine, OH
80, joined Apr. 2008
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My grandson got away from me Sunday at the mall.
He approached a uniformed policeman and said, "I've lost my grandpa!"
The cop asked, "What's he like?"
My grandson hesitated for a moment and then replied, "Crown Royal whiskey and women with big tits."
(just had to slip this one in here!)
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| 6/4/2008 2:47:26 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 3 |
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rickls1935
Fort Wayne, IN
82, joined Jun. 2007
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DID THAT REALLY HAPPEN, DELI?
THIS DID! my grandson in killeen, tx (6 years old)
got bored while his mother was talking in a restaurant.
he took her cell and dialed 911.
A COP BROUGHT HIM BACK TO THE TABLE!
[Edited 6/4/2008 2:47:57 PM ]
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| 6/4/2008 6:45:40 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 3 |
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sunray37
Fort Dodge, IA
80, joined Oct. 2007
|
Recieved this in email with a note Surprise surprise a typical man
On a transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The
turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck
by lightning.
One woman in particular loses it. Screaming, she stands up in the front of
the plane. "I'm too young to die," she wails. Then she yells, "Well, if I'm
going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! Is there
anyone on this plane
who can make me feel like a WOMAN?"
For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril. They
all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.
Then a cowboy from Oklahoma stands up in the rear of the plane. He is
handsome: tall, well built, with dark brown hair and hazel eyes. He starts
to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning hisshirt.
One button at a time........
No one moves..................
He removes his shirt................
Muscles ripple across his chest..........
She gasps.....................
He whispers.................
"Iron this...then get me a beer."
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| 6/5/2008 7:51:13 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 3 |
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wilbur35
Latrobe, PA
82, joined Apr. 2008
|
what is the most musical bone? a trombone.
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| 6/6/2008 2:26:09 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 3 |
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wilbur35
Latrobe, PA
82, joined Apr. 2008
|
whats the hardest thing about skydiving? the ground
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| 6/7/2008 8:11:25 AM |
Joke of the day | Page 3 |
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fisherman75
Aurora, MO
84, joined Mar. 2008
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When you visit China town(you choose city)do not bother looking up any one named LEE... reason????? you'll get the WONG LEE every time
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| 6/7/2008 9:53:12 AM |
Joke of the day | Page 3 |
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ladygodiva2
Granbury, TX
81, joined Apr. 2008
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Q. Why do elephants wear sunglasses.
A. So the herd won't be recognized.
Q: What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of elephants in the distance?
A: "Look, a herd of elephants in the distance"
Q. What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of elephants in the distance wearing sunglasses?
You gotta go to the next post for the answer.
[Edited 6/7/2008 9:55:16 AM ]
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| 6/7/2008 9:53:49 AM |
Joke of the day | Page 3 |
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ladygodiva2
Granbury, TX
81, joined Apr. 2008
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A. Nothing. He didn't recognize them.
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| 6/8/2008 6:47:55 AM |
Joke of the day | Page 3 |
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delidelite
Blaine, OH
80, joined Apr. 2008
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A man and woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few steps away, suddenly noticed that the
man was slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, but the woman acted unconcerned.
The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of
sight under the table. But the woman appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware that her dining companion had disappeared.
The waitress went over to the table and said to the woman, 'Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table.'
The woman calmly looked up at her and said, 'No, he didn't. He just walked in the door.'
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| 6/8/2008 9:43:28 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 3 |
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wilbur35
Latrobe, PA
82, joined Apr. 2008
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a man was sittingon a park bench,reading a newspaper.suddenly he threw the paper on the ground and yelled."all politicians are a**holes."the man sitting next to him in a finely pressed suitsaid "i take offence to that" "why" the first man asked."are you a politician" "no"he replied "i'm an a**hole"
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| 6/10/2008 4:43:13 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 3 |
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delidelite
Blaine, OH
80, joined Apr. 2008
|
FIVE BEST THINGS TO SAY IF YOU GET CAUGHT SLEEPING AT YOUR DESK:
NUMBER 5: 'They told me at the Blood Bank this might happen.'
NUMBER 4 : 'This is just a 15 minute power nap they raved about in the time-management course you sent me to.'
NUMBER 3 : 'Whew!? Guess I left the top off the White-out. You probably got here just in time!'
NUMBER 2: 'Did you ever notice sound coming out of these keyboards when you put your ear down real close?'
And the NUMBER ONE best thing to say if you get caught sleeping at your desk: (Raising your head slowly) '.... in Jesus' name, Amen'
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| 6/10/2008 5:13:49 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 3 |
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sunray37
Fort Dodge, IA
80, joined Oct. 2007
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A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?'
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: 'I like your sense of humour!'
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| 6/10/2008 8:53:08 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 3 |
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wilbur35
Latrobe, PA
82, joined Apr. 2008
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a doctor and his wife were having an arguemwnt at the breakfast table.he got mad and stormed out the door,going out the door he holered back"and you're no good in bed eighter".after a few hours at his office he began feeling guilty about what he said.he called his wife to apologize.when she answered she was all out of breath."are you o.k "he asked."yes"she said "i was just in bed with the neighbor getting a second opinion".
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| 6/11/2008 6:03:57 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 3 |
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sunray37
Fort Dodge, IA
80, joined Oct. 2007
|
Who Wants To be A Millionaire ???
a wife and husband were watching
Who Wants To Be A Millionaire
while they were in bed.
he turned to her and said,
'Do you want to have sex?'
'No!' she answered.
he then said, 'Is that your final answer?'
'Yes!' she replied.
Then he said,
'I'd like to phone a friend.'
That's the last thing he remembered
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| 6/11/2008 10:07:29 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 3 |
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ladygodiva2
Granbury, TX
81, joined Apr. 2008
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Sunray, I can't type for laughing. Great one !!
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| 6/12/2008 7:00:02 AM |
Joke of the day | Page 3 |
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wilbur35
Latrobe, PA
82, joined Apr. 2008
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have to remember that one sunray.
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| 6/12/2008 8:25:27 AM |
Joke of the day | Page 3 |
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fisherman75
Aurora, MO
84, joined Mar. 2008
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ELEPHANT JOKE!!!1 Why did the Elephant cross the road? (see post below
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| 6/12/2008 8:26:52 AM |
Joke of the day | Page 3 |
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fisherman75
Aurora, MO
84, joined Mar. 2008
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Answer: to Stomp that stupid chicken of course
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| 6/12/2008 4:06:55 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 3 |
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sunray37
Fort Dodge, IA
80, joined Oct. 2007
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well don't know where everyone went to is sure quiet around here. Have u all pulled up stakes? Guess I will try a joke and see if a few are still kicking::signlol
OLD people have problems that you haven't even considered yet!
An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as
part of his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, 'Take
this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.'
The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and
gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the man explained,
'Well, doc, it's like this - first I tried with my right hand, but nothing.
Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for
help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing.
She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out,
still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried
too,
first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezing' it
between her knees, but still nothing.
The doctor was shocked! 'You asked your neighbor?'
The old man replied, 'Yep, none of us could get the jar open.'** *
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| 6/12/2008 6:53:29 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 3 |
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wilbur35
Latrobe, PA
82, joined Apr. 2008
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that is really a good one.that's a keeper
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| 6/12/2008 6:57:58 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 3 |
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wilbur35
Latrobe, PA
82, joined Apr. 2008
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a man went to visit his father at the old age home.his father leanedto the right and the nurse straightened him up.then he leaned to the left and she straightened him up again."gee,dad"he said "they really take good care of you here". "yes" his father replied "but they wont let you fart"
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| 6/12/2008 7:15:26 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 3 |
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sunray37
Fort Dodge, IA
80, joined Oct. 2007
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good one there too wilbur have to remember
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| 6/12/2008 7:17:56 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 3 |
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wilbur35
Latrobe, PA
82, joined Apr. 2008
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for a friend; a woman asked her daughter why she was breaking her engagement "he gave you a huge ring,she said" "well the diamond was good quality" the daughter said "but his mounting left a lot to be desired"
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| 6/13/2008 12:14:42 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 3 |
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sunray37
Fort Dodge, IA
80, joined Oct. 2007
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A lot of folks can't understand how we came to have an oil shortage here in our country.
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Well, there's a very simple answer.
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Nobody bothered to check the oil.
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We just didn't know we were getting low.
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The reason for that is purely geographical.
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Our OIL is located in:
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ALASKA
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California
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Coastal Florida
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Coastal Louisiana
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Wyoming
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Utah
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Kansas
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Oklahoma
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Pennsylvania
and
Texas
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Our dipsticks are located in DC
Any Questions? NO?...Didn't think so.
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| 6/13/2008 2:34:12 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 3 |
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rickls1935
Fort Wayne, IN
82, joined Jun. 2007
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MY FIRST EX BURNED UP HER CAR! She didn't know it used oil!
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| 6/13/2008 4:38:47 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 3 |
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fisherman75
Aurora, MO
84, joined Mar. 2008
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" The Big Bang Theory " I haven't had a big bang in over 5 years
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| 6/14/2008 12:40:02 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 3 |
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sunray37
Fort Dodge, IA
80, joined Oct. 2007
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Subject: Free Sex
A gas station owner in Mississippi was trying to increase his sales. So he put up
A sign that read, 'Free Sex with Fill-Up.'
Soon a local redneck pulled in, filled His tank and asked for his free sex.
The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly he would get his free sex.
The redneck guessed 8, and the proprietor said, 'You were close. The number was 7. Sorry. No sex this time.'
A week later, the same redneck, along with a buddy, Bubba, pulled in for another Fill-up.
Again he asked for his fr ee sex. The proprietor again asked him to guess The correct number.
The redneck guessed 2 this time. The proprietor said, 'Sorry, it was 3. You were Close, but no free sex this time.'
As they were driving away, the redneck said to his buddy, 'I think that game is rigged
And he doesn't really give away free sex.
Bubba replied, 'No it ain 't rigged. My Wife won twice last week.'
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| 6/14/2008 6:40:33 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 3 |
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delidelite
Blaine, OH
80, joined Apr. 2008
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Husband and wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston. After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're too tired to continue, and they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road.
When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350.00.
The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He
tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth $350.00! When the clerk tells him $350.00 is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the Manager. The Manager appears, listens to the man, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for the husband and wife to use.
"But we didn't use them," the man complains. "Well, they are here, and
you could have," explains the Manager. He goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. "The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here," the Manager says.
"But we didn't go to any of those shows, "complains the man again.
"Well, we have them, and you could have," the Manager replies.
No matter what amenity the Manager mentions, the man replies, "But we didn't use it!"
The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the man gives up and agrees to
pay. He writes a check and gives it to the Manager.
The Manager is surprised when he looks at the check. "But sir," he says,
this check is only made out for $50.00."
"That's correct," says the man. "I charged you $300.00 for sleeping with my wife."
"But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager.
"Well, too bad," the man replies. "She was here and you could have".
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| 6/14/2008 7:05:38 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 3 |
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fisherman75
Aurora, MO
84, joined Mar. 2008
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Wheee! doggies ,after those last two.... looks like Rick would be the one to have need of a chaperon
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| 6/14/2008 7:14:52 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 3 |
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newlady2
Goldsboro, NC
78, joined Apr. 2008
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Wow Ladies ,,,,and you look so innocent too *grins
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