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| 9/28/2013 3:07:07 AM |
I dont know what I feel.. |
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oh_lola_why2
Yucca Valley, CA
51, joined Mar. 2013
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So my husband and I met when we were 15. We were together 31 years. We were getting divorced because he wanted to join a motorcycle gang. He had his mc stolen and he talked about getting a nother with he insurance payout. I freaked, and divorce started. Just 6 weeks ago, a year since the first one was stolen....he crashed his new bike, and died.
Its been a year of only seeing him in court, mostly contempt hearings for his noncompliance. And now, he is just gone, gone. Our 4 children aree all grown, but are all angry. Our oldest said it for all of us, "I'm so mad at him mom, he will never be able to apologize to me, to you, toany of us mom, he can never fix what he broke"
He had gotten pretty abusive he last few years before the divorcestarted. He died he day before it was finalized, so insteadd of being divorced....I'm a widow and I dont know what I feel. I dont know what to do.
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| 9/28/2013 8:12:08 AM |
I dont know what I feel.. |
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miss_mistylight
Franklin, GA
54, joined Sep. 2013
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I am so sorry for your loss.
It's okay to grieve you have the right, no matter the issue of the divorce.
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| 9/30/2013 6:22:04 AM |
I dont know what I feel.. |
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oh_lola_why2
Yucca Valley, CA
51, joined Mar. 2013
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Thank you both. I just feel like something happened tommy real life and somehow I'm stuck with this one and I hate it so much. Nothing seems like it will ever get better, like I will never have content feelings again. Ugh, how can I when theres so much that just doesnt make sense.
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| 10/8/2013 2:00:50 PM |
I dont know what I feel.. |
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barstoolguru1
Dallas, TX
57, joined Oct. 2013
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motorcycle gangs/clubs are a social ladder that takes a man (woman can't be patch holders) and makes them show loyalty by being on call for the patch holding members. it can and will destroy family's and relationships by pulling the male member away from this life and making them pay dues to the club as a probate. probating can be as little as a 3 month period of as long as 3 years or until you get voted in.
as far as what you need to do is move on, apply for survivor benefits. SSN and start to rebuild your life 
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| 10/9/2013 5:38:25 AM |
I dont know what I feel.. |
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oh_lola_why2
Yucca Valley, CA
51, joined Mar. 2013
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I learned real fast what these 'clubs' (I call them gangs) do to families. And thats what I tried to impress upon mybhusband, that they call anytime, no matter what our lives have planned, no matter what we have going on, he has to do what they want first. I dont know if he was so stupid to think he would have been given some special treatment and these things wouldnt apply to him, completely naive not believing thats how it worked or if simply he woke up one morning and decided his family was no longer the most important thing to him and that he valued a bunch of leather clad thugs above everything else or what.
I do know he is dead, directly blamable on this whole biking, biker, gang phase he decided to go through.
I know I need to go on with my life. Its so easy for someone so removed from a situation to say, 'suck it up, move on, go forward' I hope you never experience anything that leaves you stunned not knowing where to start, what to do, how to feel, what to think or even wonder if this is all even real. Because its simply a smack across the face to get the kind of response you befellled on me. A long fact that you probably thought clever that states information not requested or really relevant and a short and sharp, 'move along honey, ive got more pointless snippets to make on other threads and your probs are nothing compared to my vast knowledge and my blatantly ignorant responses that I feel compelled to hurl on other people, I'm the important one here, so xtop whining'. And really, I wonder...are your parents appalled by you or did they raise you to be this rude and honestly, stupid?
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| 10/9/2013 5:41:16 AM |
I dont know what I feel.. |
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oh_lola_why2
Yucca Valley, CA
51, joined Mar. 2013
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At any rate, I know I need to move along but I find it very difficult to walk out of the room, broom in hand and step over the heaped mess on the floor presuming, I guess, that someone else will clean it up. I need closure and I just dont thinkmill ever have it
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| 10/9/2013 7:05:21 PM |
I dont know what I feel.. |
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barstoolguru1
Dallas, TX
57, joined Oct. 2013
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At any rate, I know I need to move along but I find it very difficult to walk out of the room, broom in hand and step over the heaped mess on the floor presuming, I guess, that someone else will clean it up. I need closure and I just dont thinkmill ever have it
closure starts with you and not him. you need to want it or live a life of never having it. your choices will reflect on your kids and how they deal with life. he wrecked his life are you going to follow and wreck yours.
lord knows you are an attractive woman so are you going to hang the next man with your hate? baggage is best left behind at the door
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| 10/12/2013 6:50:45 AM |
I dont know what I feel.. |
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oh_lola_why2
Yucca Valley, CA
51, joined Mar. 2013
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How do people do this? Read something and totally respond to whats not being asked, or what is specifically is pointed out as not the issue? Then, have the nerve to be contrived and snide. Whatever. I suppose the old saying......you can lead a horse to water......however, do you think you can convince it to shut the f**k up?
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| 10/12/2013 12:03:12 PM |
I dont know what I feel.. |
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barstoolguru1
Dallas, TX
57, joined Oct. 2013
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 ....I'm a widow and I dont know what I feel. I dont know what to do.
was the question; was it not?
the journey of a thousand miles starts with the first step. your first step is start moving forward. dwelling on the past is just going to complicate things. with me it was going through boxes of junk and discarding worthless things that clutter my future 
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