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| 8/16/2008 2:31:10 PM |
Anyone care to share a joke? |
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2bluiz
Calgary, AB
66, joined Feb. 2008
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 It's said that laughter is the best medicine so maybe we should share a little craziness on Alberta Chat.
5 tips for women
1. It is important that a man helps you around the house and has a job.
2. It is important that a man makes you laugh.
3. It is important to find a man you can count on and doesn't lie to you.
4. It is important that a man loves you and spoils you.
5. It is important that these four men don't know each other.
Its hard to find 1 good man so maybe it'd be easier to find 5 partially good ones? 
Meet singles at DateHookup.dating, we're 100% free! Join now!
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| 8/17/2008 11:07:02 AM |
Anyone care to share a joke? |
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forestrose
Calgary, AB
64, joined Dec. 2007
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What's the joke, 2bluiz? I thought that's how it worked! good one!
Well, I'm one of those people who can never remember jokes, and as you know, I am around kids
a bit too much, so:
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummi bear.
Two men were fishing, when one wanted a cigarette and asked his friend for a lighter. His friend hands him a large lighter. He says "Wow, I've never seen such a large lighter". Friend says "I got it from my magic genie".
"Wow, you have a genie". "yes, and I can make wishes and ask the genie for things". So the man says "Cool. Do you think I could ask your genie for something?" His friend says "Sure" and beckons the genie. The man says to the genie "I wish for a million bucks". Immediately hundreds and hundreds of ducks started falling from the sky.
The man says "What the heck is wrong with your genie? I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!"
His friend says "I know. I didn't ask for a 10" Bic either."
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| 8/17/2008 9:49:11 PM |
Anyone care to share a joke? |
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happyhorsegirl
Calgary, AB
55, joined Apr. 2008
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Good ones ladies!!
I am terrible with jokes too, but here goes:
A couple of men in a pickup truck drove to a lumber yard.
One of the men walked into the office and said, "We need some four-by-twos."
The clerk asked, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?"
The man said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck.
He returned shortly and said, "Yeah, I meant two-by-four."
"All right. How long do you need them?"
The customer paused for a moment and said, "I'd better go check."
After a while, he returned to the office and said, -
"A long time. We're gonna build a house..."
told ya..
Happy
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| 8/18/2008 5:53:43 PM |
Anyone care to share a joke? |
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forestrose
Calgary, AB
64, joined Dec. 2007
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Haven't heard that one before!
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| 8/18/2008 7:48:30 PM |
Anyone care to share a joke? |
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2bluiz
Calgary, AB
66, joined Feb. 2008
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This may be a little long but I think most will enjoy it......
THE PHOTOGRAPHER
The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon."
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.
"Good morning, Ma'am", he said, "I've come to..."
"Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been expecting you."
"Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?"
"Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat".
After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there."
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!"
"Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."
"My, that's a lot!", gasped Mrs. Smith.
"Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that."
"Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said.
"Oh, my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with."
"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.
"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look"
"Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.
"Yes", the photographer replied. "And for more than three hours, too.
The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots.
Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in."
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?"
"It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away."
"Tripod?"
"Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long."
Mrs. Smith fainted
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