1/1/2015 2:31:31 PM |
Is it not ok for people in relationships to have other friends? |
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artist820
Tehachapi, CA
58, joined Jan. 2013
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Of course you don't see the issue when you're the "friend" in question. You have nothing invested so you have nothing to lose.
Its the one IN the relation that has eveything o lose as nd nothing to gain.
How does it benefit her for boyfriend to be on the phone wth you?.......EXACTLY!
OP you are a woman. He is a man in a relationship. You knew him before she stepped into the picture. You probably encouraged him to date others because he is your friend. OP I have male friends that I encourage to date too. I told him that he needs to let these women know right away that I'm just his friend. Mark would call me to talk about his new girlfriend. We were really close until a friend of a friend told Marks I was engaged, so don't talk to her. I'm still the same person. I feel like a leper. No one talks to me anymore. I made it clear that I'm keeping my friends. Even though I haven't talked to them in person, I still remain in contact through text messages. We get together for lunch when they can. I've lost a few female friends because of my relationship. They only talk to me when there is some design assignment, but otherwise this woman plans out having a night out. Time with my friends helps me be the person that he fell in love with. If I don't get out soon, I'm turning into a grouchy old b*tch. do you think your friend's girlfriend could see any value in your friendship with him? They usually have their collective heads so far up their asses that they don't. Good luck OP. You might have to take a vacation with him and leave her in her misery.
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1/1/2015 2:39:33 PM |
Is it not ok for people in relationships to have other friends? |
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artist820
Tehachapi, CA
58, joined Jan. 2013
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This.
Being a friend is also knowing how it works. They build a relationship and you step into the background because you respect him and his. You don't stop being friends, you just take your proper spot.
You also have to understand that if it's a problem for her, that his loyalty should be to the woman he chose. It may be patently unfair and totally not warranted but it's the way she feels and he has to honor that. (Until he decides not to, anyway, and that's his decision, not yours.)
I personally don't have a problem with my mate having friends of the opposite sex. I know his character and I trust him. My late husband had a close female friend for decades before I knew him. In all the time they knew each other, if anything were to have happened, it would have. She became a good friend to me, too, and I appreciated the perspective she gave him.
However, I know that other people do not have that mindset and if that's what you choose to have than that determines how you'll deal with it. You have to decide whose happiness is more important to you.
great to know this. I just don't understand why his little girlfriend kept coming up to me at her birthday party and pointing out that he was over there. She wasn't with her weird boyfriend because her teenage son was there. If anything she should have talked with me and gotten to know me. Every time I see her she's on the phone, so I just wave. I'd like to get to know my guy's girlfriend. He talks to her, more than the conversation I get to share with him. She might have some insight to share, but she hasn't. I guess it takes years to build that rapport. OP hopefully you get to that point too.
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1/1/2015 2:41:22 PM |
Is it not ok for people in relationships to have other friends? |
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artist820
Tehachapi, CA
58, joined Jan. 2013
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Of course we want men to be our friend's before we CONSIDER dating him. Most relationships START that way... doesnt mean we're sexually attracted to every man we become friends with. I have a ton of male friends. I dont F**K any of them...
Why?!?! Because there's nothing there. I love them all like brothers. And any MAN that doesnt get that, can kick rocks
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1/1/2015 2:43:54 PM |
Is it not ok for people in relationships to have other friends? |
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artist820
Tehachapi, CA
58, joined Jan. 2013
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Oh and you're talking to people who probably never been in the situation before. I'm willing to bet he either has chicks on the side and probably want you too. I done f**ked chicks that had bf while I had a gf. Trust me even though you might feel you're innocent if that relationship ends you are a part of the reason.
last history dictates future. So, what woman would date you now? He just shot himself in the
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1/1/2015 2:47:34 PM |
Is it not ok for people in relationships to have other friends? |
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dr_i_got_answer
Gwynn Oak, MD
48, joined Jun. 2014
online now!
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I agree with the girlfriend. She obviously sees it as cheating and I would too. But no one has any standards or morals anymore.
Stardards? Rules? Morals? What the fu€k is that? Its all about how you feel, ain't that right ladies?
Who gives a fu€k about truth and decency anymore. Especially in relationships. Why should we care what our S/O thinks?
Until you becomes the one that matters right? Then shit change now don't it?
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1/1/2015 2:55:44 PM |
Is it not ok for people in relationships to have other friends? |
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nothingneeded
Johnston, IA
46, joined Sep. 2014
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Stardards? Rules? Morals? What the fu€k is that? Its all about how you feel, ain't that right ladies?
Who gives a fu€k about truth and decency anymore. Especially in relationships. Why should we care what our S/O thinks?
Until you becomes the one that matters right? Then shit change now don't it?
Yeah.... Truth matters along with morals especially if morals is a part of standards.
If you have morals...you will tell the truth for the most part.
Where is the integrity in all this?
If both women have some integrity about themselves.....this wouldn't matter.
I will not allow anyone to cause me to feel jealous on no ones part...my man or his friend.
If I believe that my mans friendship is too too close to his female friend...I'm honest and respectful enough to say...
Bye bye...cause evidently there has to be some type of feelings going on that maybe they can't see.
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1/1/2015 2:56:58 PM |
Is it not ok for people in relationships to have other friends? |
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dr_i_got_answer
Gwynn Oak, MD
48, joined Jun. 2014
online now!
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^^^^ doesn't take away from the fact that it does happen because you don't or didn't do it.
Correct bcuz there are more women who have and will fu€k a male "friend" than not. And thats bcuz their choices are driven by what that woman "feels" at that moment. All rules go right out the window if that man make it "feel" right at that time.
I've done it many times with women coming in trying to be friends, putting me in the friend zone before I can get started.
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1/1/2015 3:03:35 PM |
Is it not ok for people in relationships to have other friends? |
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nothingneeded
Johnston, IA
46, joined Sep. 2014
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Correct bcuz there are more women who have and will fu€k a male "friend" than not. And thats bcuz their choices are driven by what that woman "feels" at that moment. All rules go right out the window if that man make it "feel" right at that time.
I've done it many times with women coming in trying to be friends, putting me in the friend zone before I can get started.
Well not many women have integrity...
I've been put in a place many times with sleeping with one of my male friends.
Didn't let it happen...
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1/1/2015 3:19:20 PM |
Is it not ok for people in relationships to have other friends? |
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dr_i_got_answer
Gwynn Oak, MD
48, joined Jun. 2014
online now!
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Yeah.... Truth matters along with morals especially if morals is a part of standards.
If you have morals...you will tell the truth for the most part.
Where is the integrity in all this?
If both women have some integrity about themselves.....this wouldn't matter.
I will not allow anyone to cause me to feel jealous on no ones part...my man or his friend.
If I believe that my mans friendship is too too close to his female friend...I'm honest and respectful enough to say...
Bye bye...cause evidently there has to be some type of feelings going on that maybe they can't see.
Thats the correct thing to do, say bye and be done with it if their friendship is too clise for comfort.
I have lady friends who are like sisters to me and we NEVER crossed that line.
If I started dating someone, I can assure you, my friendship would never be an issue with my lady bcuz I KNOW how to give my lady the respect she needs to establish the trust factor between us.
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1/1/2015 3:25:07 PM |
Is it not ok for people in relationships to have other friends? |
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edm_dj
Marana, AZ
35, joined Nov. 2014
online now!
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Thats the correct thing to do, say bye and be done with it if their friendship is too clise for comfort.
I have lady friends who are like sisters to me and we NEVER crossed that line.
If I started dating someone, I can assure you, my friendship would never be an issue with my lady bcuz I KNOW how to give my lady the respect she needs to establish the trust factor between us.
That's a double standard if I have ever read one. You probably should follow your own advise. If the girls you speak of are like sisters, one may see that differently while in a relationship with you. Regardless of how you treat her. J/S
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1/1/2015 3:30:12 PM |
Is it not ok for people in relationships to have other friends? |
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edm_dj
Marana, AZ
35, joined Nov. 2014
online now!
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Some people are just jealous by nature, past relationships, bad experiences, etc. So in my opinion one must make it bullet proof that a person of the opposite sex is only a friend, which could be a difficult task and still lead to feelings of insecurity. Each person and relationship is different, so best of luck.
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1/1/2015 3:41:36 PM |
Is it not ok for people in relationships to have other friends? |
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scottytwo
Euless, TX
34, joined Dec. 2014
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last history dictates future. So, what woman would date you now? He just shot himself in the
Ladies who reach a certain age look towards marriage for government enforced exit rights. They get all traditional and shit. They are certainly against their male having gfs. Further, they dont like it if their male (employed type) does not object to her having bfs.
For a very good reason.
For marriage contracts to yield a divorceability option (spousal support, the house, boat etc) it is critical the male to has jealousy problems. Jealousy leads to violence which divorce lawyers exploit to achieve court ordered support payments and restraining orders. Of course the male has to have a good job and shit.
I dated a girl who was in family law school.
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1/1/2015 3:52:26 PM |
Is it not ok for people in relationships to have other friends? |
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edm_dj
Marana, AZ
35, joined Nov. 2014
online now!
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Ladies who reach a certain age look towards marriage for government enforced exit rights. They get all traditional and shit. They are certainly against their male having gfs. Further, they dont like it if their male (employed type) does not object to her having bfs.
For a very good reason.
For marriage contracts to yield a divorceability option (spousal support, the house, boat etc) it is critical the male to has jealousy problems. Jealousy leads to violence which divorce lawyers exploit to achieve court ordered support payments and restraining orders. Of course the male has to have a good job and shit.
I dated a girl who was in family law school.
Kind of true in some cases, my ex-wife sure tried, but she was the one whom went off the deep end. She didn't get anything, even list visitation with the kids
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1/1/2015 5:10:17 PM |
Is it not ok for people in relationships to have other friends? |
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mistermister81
Opa Locka, FL
33, joined Jan. 2014
online now!
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Quote from artist820: last history dictates future. So, what woman would date you now? He just shot himself in the
So then if that's the case we can say the history of the US dictates it's future. Doesn't matter who will or won't date me. I'm not you or anyone else who feel I have to lie and be perfect. You can go hang your shame over someone else head I'm not the one.
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1/1/2015 5:26:22 PM |
Is it not ok for people in relationships to have other friends? |
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PlanJane2
White, GA
30, joined Nov. 2014
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Of course you don't see the issue when you're the "friend" in question. You have nothing invested so you have nothing to lose.
Its the one IN the relation that has eveything o lose as nd nothing to gain.
How does it benefit her for boyfriend to be on the phone wth you?.......EXACTLY!
She gets a bresk
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1/1/2015 6:20:32 PM |
Is it not ok for people in relationships to have other friends? |
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mistermister81
Opa Locka, FL
33, joined Jan. 2014
online now!
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^^^ lmao that sounds like side chick thinking
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1/1/2015 6:49:59 PM |
Is it not ok for people in relationships to have other friends? |
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PlanJane2
White, GA
30, joined Nov. 2014
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^^^ lmao that sounds like side chick thinking
Hey hey now lol
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1/1/2015 6:55:10 PM |
Is it not ok for people in relationships to have other friends? |
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mistermister81
Opa Locka, FL
33, joined Jan. 2014
online now!
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IJS
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1/1/2015 9:39:32 PM |
Is it not ok for people in relationships to have other friends? |
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dr_i_got_answer
Gwynn Oak, MD
48, joined Jun. 2014
online now!
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That's a double standard if I have ever read one. You probably should follow your own advise. If the girls you speak of are like sisters, one may see that differently while in a relationship with you. Regardless of how you treat her. J/S
First rule of dating for men is to NOT do what women do sir.
You don't jump into a relation FIRST THEN find out who you're dating. You find out FIRST by courting them properly.
If she's damaged by previous events there WILL be all kinds of signs to read. So if you stop making decisions like a women these things will speak for themselves.
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1/1/2015 9:55:35 PM |
Is it not ok for people in relationships to have other friends? |
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kof1
Kingman, AZ
35, joined Jun. 2013
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I agree with the girlfriend. She obviously sees it as cheating and I would too. But no one has any standards or morals anymore.
The boyfriend is partly to blame. He should have let his woman know that she has female friends from the get go. It has worked for me and never had any problems. I still keep in touch with my female friends all the way from second grade. Friends are very important to me. Don't let the whole situation bother you, Keep your male friend and if she decides to live him, he'll find another one.
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1/1/2015 10:17:50 PM |
Is it not ok for people in relationships to have other friends? |
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eyes4unow
Pomfret, CT
45, joined Dec. 2013
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First rule of dating for men is to NOT do what women do sir.
You don't jump into a relation FIRST THEN find out who you're dating. You find out FIRST by courting them properly.
If she's damaged by previous events there WILL be all kinds of signs to read. So if you stop making decisions like a women these things will speak for themselves.
Well she is only damaged because he wasn't honest about who he is buddies with. Had he been then maybe she wouldn't have considered it cheating. But, he choose to hide it... Why is that.... Hmmmmm maybe cause he thinks there is a chance to get a touchdown then conviently its what friendship???
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1/1/2015 10:42:30 PM |
Is it not ok for people in relationships to have other friends? |
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edm_dj
Marana, AZ
35, joined Nov. 2014
online now!
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First rule of dating for men is to NOT do what women do sir.
You don't jump into a relation FIRST THEN find out who you're dating. You find out FIRST by courting them properly.
If she's damaged by previous events there WILL be all kinds of signs to read. So if you stop making decisions like a women these things will speak for themselves.
I forgot you are Dr_I_got_all_the_answers. Do you really believe the stuff that comes out of your mouth? People are people make our female, and you know I read a lot off b.s. that seems to have a common theme on these forums. Men are jerks or charters or dishonest, etc. Now I see the problem. There are too many men with unrealistic standards and then b!tch when women don't want anything to do with them. I can say, yes women fall for the a$$hole man because yes he's a smooth talker, yata yata. The fact of the matter is I may more that really desire the opposite of what your putting down. Seems bazaar that so few men would rather be the successful gentleman, then act the role of a complete bone-head. You have stated you're successful, well maybe act like it.the world needs a change from the aggressive type. To many issues. j/s:
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1/2/2015 6:31:04 AM |
Is it not ok for people in relationships to have other friends? |
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PlanJane2
White, GA
30, joined Nov. 2014
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I think it is only a problem when the friend intentionally causes problems
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1/2/2015 7:59:26 AM |
Is it not ok for people in relationships to have other friends? |
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smstephanie
Moorhead, MN
41, joined May. 2014
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There shouldn't be a reason for jealous unless the guy in question here has given the gf a reason to be jealous. Has he cheated before? Is he overly secretive about things aNd people?
If my man had a lot of women friends and kept quiet about them calling or how often then yes the gf has a reason to get upset....if op, you're the only female friend he chats with on the phone and she is fully aware of off how often you to talk and how long ...if its all just friendly chi chat the gf has serious trust issues and then that problem lies with him and the gf.
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1/2/2015 8:08:58 AM |
Is it not ok for people in relationships to have other friends? |
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browcottoncandy
Nottingham, MD
39, joined Dec. 2014
online now!
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Depends on what kind of friend.It's ok with me as long as it isn't friends with benefits.
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1/2/2015 10:21:05 AM |
Is it not ok for people in relationships to have other friends? |
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kingslayer99
Arlington, TN
50, joined Oct. 2014
online now!
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OP best not to talk to other ladies men might save you an a** wippin just sayin!
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1/2/2015 11:40:38 AM |
Is it not ok for people in relationships to have other friends? |
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chitowngirl78
Oak Lawn, IL
36, joined May. 2014
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OP best not to talk to other ladies men might save you an a** wippin just sayin!
she can talk to whomever she wants...
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1/2/2015 3:27:53 PM |
Is it not ok for people in relationships to have other friends? |
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PlanJane2
White, GA
30, joined Nov. 2014
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There shouldn't be a reason for jealous unless the guy in question here has given the gf a reason to be jealous. Has he cheated before? Is he overly secretive about things aNd people?
If my man had a lot of women friends and kept quiet about them calling or how often then yes the gf has a reason to get upset....if op, you're the only female friend he chats with on the phone and she is fully aware of off how often you to talk and how long ...if its all just friendly chi chat the gf has serious trust issues and then that problem lies with him and the gf.
He has cheated a lot.
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1/2/2015 7:38:43 PM |
Is it not ok for people in relationships to have other friends? |
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PlanJane2
White, GA
30, joined Nov. 2014
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OP best not to talk to other ladies men might save you an a** wippin just sayin!
He wouldnt let thT HAPPEN
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