| 5/14/2016 9:43:55 AM |
To the Citizens of the United States of America |
|
uk1971
Rietberg
Germany
61, joined Aug. 2008
|
To the citizens of the United States of America from
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen... Elizabeth II:
12 May 2016 at 1200 GMT
To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen... Elizabeth II:
( Not meant for those lacking a sense of humour, and or those that refuse to read a note in its entirety before making a comment)
In light of your immediate failure to financially manage yourselves and also in recent years your tendency to elect incompetent Presidents of the USA and therefore not able to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.
(You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas , which she does not fancy).
Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.
Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.
A questionnaire may be circulated sometime next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.'
Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.'
Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').
(I love that one)
Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.
There is no such thing as U.S. English.
We will let Microsoft know on your behalf.
The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.' '
(I love that one too)
3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists.
The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent.
Guns should only be used for shooting grouse.
If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.
5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler.
Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect.
At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables.
Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.
7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol
(which you have been calling gasoline)
of roughly $10/US gallon.
Get used to it.)
8.You will learn to make real chips.
Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.
9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all.
Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. New Zealand beer is also acceptable, as New Zealand is pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer.
They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them.
American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys.
Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters.
Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.
11. You will cease playing American football.
There are only two kinds of proper football; one you call soccer, and rugby
(dominated by the New Zealanders).
Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).
12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America .
Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable.
You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the Australians (World dominators) first to take the sting out of their deliveries.
13. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.
14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).
15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.
God Save the Queen!
Meet singles at DateHookup.dating, we're 100% free! Join now!
|
| 5/14/2016 2:00:44 PM |
To the Citizens of the United States of America |
|
pahoalookout
Dearborn, MI
75, joined Nov. 2007
|
To Mrs. Phil Mountbatten,
Please remit $34,171 billion for the cost of WWI and WWII.
We have assessed a modest 6% interest compounded annual.
Terms are 2% discount for 10 days; net 30.
This is your final billing.
Don't make us submit this to collections as it will affect your credit rating.
Sincerely,
The Citizens of the United States of America.
|
| 5/14/2016 2:08:02 PM |
To the Citizens of the United States of America |
|
cupocheer
Assumption, IL
67, joined May. 2010
|
Yo, Queenie, do you serve Earl Grey Boston LaUger?
|
| 5/14/2016 2:29:33 PM |
To the Citizens of the United States of America |
|
neal356
Oxford, AL
58, joined May. 2014
|
I can go with shooting grouches and the beer thing...
|
| 5/14/2016 2:46:13 PM |
To the Citizens of the United States of America |
|
cupocheer
Assumption, IL
67, joined May. 2010
|
Yo, Queenie, do you serve Earl Grey Boston LaUger?
How about Piss?
|
| 7/3/2016 9:35:57 AM |
To the Citizens of the United States of America |
|
cupocheer
Assumption, IL
67, joined May. 2010
|
Got coffee? 
|
| 7/3/2016 9:47:50 AM |
To the Citizens of the United States of America |
|
uk1971
Rietberg
Germany
61, joined Aug. 2008
|
[Edited 7/3/2016 9:48:24 AM ]
|
| 7/3/2016 9:49:14 PM |
To the Citizens of the United States of America |
|
rubyrose2015
Seagrove, NC
29, joined Sep. 2015
|
You still pissed because we beat your a** in the War?
|
| 7/4/2016 3:53:28 AM |
To the Citizens of the United States of America |
|
uk1971
Rietberg
Germany
61, joined Aug. 2008
|
You still pissed because we beat your a** in the War?
Not pissed in the slightest.
Isn't it funny though that you all speak 'ENGLISH' and NOT American ?
|
| 7/4/2016 11:11:29 AM |
To the Citizens of the United States of America |
|
cupocheer
Assumption, IL
67, joined May. 2010
|
|
| 7/4/2016 4:17:26 PM |
To the Citizens of the United States of America |
|
neal356
Oxford, AL
58, joined May. 2014
|
I wonder if the Brits ever paid for all that Spam we sent over on Lend Lease.
Never mind the bullets trucks and boots towels soap typewriters w/paper et al..
|
| 7/5/2016 4:46:22 PM |
To the Citizens of the United States of America |
|
cupocheer
Assumption, IL
67, joined May. 2010
|
Naw... That may be the reason Trump doesn't release his tax filings -- he bribed the English to throw Earl Grey overboard.
|
| 7/5/2016 9:19:10 PM |
To the Citizens of the United States of America |
|
outsidetilldark
Weleetka, OK
69, joined Feb. 2014
|
(1-2 and 3), 2 comes after 1 and before 3.????????????? (4/5) I will keep my guns, You can pry them from my cold dead hands if you like. (13) J. Edger Hoover.
|
| 7/10/2016 7:12:36 AM |
To the Citizens of the United States of America |
|
not_jake
San Francisco, CA
26, joined Sep. 2014
|
|
| 7/10/2016 7:19:19 AM |
To the Citizens of the United States of America |
|
uk1971
Rietberg
Germany
61, joined Aug. 2008
|
(1-2 and 3), 2 comes after 1 and before 3.????????????? (4/5) I will keep my guns, You can pry them from my cold dead hands if you like. (13) J. Edger Hoover.
You sure you want to let your GUNS comments stand after recent events.
|
| 7/12/2016 7:59:49 PM |
To the Citizens of the United States of America |
|
gaffer4000
Paradise Valley, AZ
58, joined Oct. 2013
|
Nicely put Mate!
|