| 12/20/2008 12:06:08 PM |
Why do men pull away as soon as they get closed to you? |
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mahal1
Honolulu, HI
58, joined Jun. 2007
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my boyfriend of 9 months refused to get close, and if he show his true feeling towards me, he pulls away because he does not want to get hurt. is he making excuses or he is telling me the truth?
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| 12/20/2008 9:02:49 PM |
Why do men pull away as soon as they get closed to you? |
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goodheart2
Aiea, HI
63, joined Jun. 2008
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I’m no expert in relationships, but for what it's worth, my sense of feelings are:
The reasons maybe: 1) he has not healed completely from his hurt from previous / prior relationships, and/or 2) he is not ready to commit to a close relationship…the way you envision it. If you haven’t already, you may want to have a good heart-to-heart talk with him in which you express your feelings for him, what is important to you, things that are on your mind and/or bothering you (such as the question you posted), how he feels about you, and/or the direction of where the relationship is heading and/or the direction you would like to see it go. Some of the lingering thoughts you may have are: at what point in time will he get over his hurt and give it another try to get in a close relationship? The answer maybe how much patience and tolerance do you have? How you feel and what you want in the relationship are just as important too that needs to be taken into account.
After that is done…the ball is in your court as to whether you continue the relationship and accept him 100% (knowing what you know of him…the good and the bad) or decide to go in a different direction. You have feelings and needs too that are important. Do you compromise your needs and feelings? That’s a personal question only you can answer.
Again, these are my thoughts...and doesn't necessary mean they are correct. What I've suggested are merely things I would do if I were in your place. Good Luck and Best Wishes!
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| 12/21/2008 2:03:41 AM |
Why do men pull away as soon as they get closed to you? |
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1mauibabe1
Spring Hill, FL
61, joined Dec. 2007
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Aloha
Good heart has some very good advice.... 9 months... well remember it takes 9 months to create a new life..... I would suggest talking about where you 2 are and where both of you would like to see this go..... then you need to decide just how much more patient you are willing to be. I did after 6 months push to meet. John is here and will be here with me for 1 month.... we Both agreed that it was time to see if this was along the lines of a permant relationship.... So far I have not been dissappointed and he says he feels the same...
Talk about where you are and where you want the future to go....
Best of luck and love to you.....
ps I did respond to your last e-mail....
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| 12/21/2008 2:43:59 AM |
Why do men pull away as soon as they get closed to you? |
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mahal1
Honolulu, HI
58, joined Jun. 2007
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based on what i know about michael, goodheart hits the bullseye. i will talk to him about us and yes,i will decide whether to pursue the relationship or not.
thank you and mauibabe for the advise. i will let you know what happens.
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| 12/21/2008 3:23:58 AM |
Why do men pull away as soon as they get closed to you? |
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1mauibabe1
Spring Hill, FL
61, joined Dec. 2007
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Keep in touch....
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| 12/23/2008 11:06:05 PM |
Why do men pull away as soon as they get closed to you? |
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loriredlily
Hilo, HI
54, joined Dec. 2008
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I wish I could give you some sound advice but it's always been the opposite way for me. When things get too serious I put on my Nikes and off I go running like the wind. From a woman's perspective I think I do it because I don't trust people easily and I'm afraid of getting hurt. Men, however, think differently. So men, what do you think?
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| 12/26/2008 11:48:38 PM |
Why do men pull away as soon as they get closed to you? |
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katfish
Lahaina, HI
63, joined Feb. 2007
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Aloha ..GoodHeart... I could not of said it any better. That is so true.This is good advice, very good. DON'T waste your time dear with someone that does not make your heart feel full.
An empty heart is a waste of time. You desevre that.
Aloha kathy
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| 1/23/2009 12:04:46 AM |
Why do men pull away as soon as they get closed to you? |
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hirum66
Aiea, HI
51, joined Feb. 2008
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i think he is lying, a man knows if he wants to get close to a woman it seems all he wants is the company of a women and fears that if he gets close he is obligated sometime after that to make a committment. joe!
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| 1/23/2009 8:17:28 PM |
Why do men pull away as soon as they get closed to you? |
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mahal1
Honolulu, HI
58, joined Jun. 2007
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make alot of sense. Thanks for your take on this.
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| 1/30/2009 2:00:35 PM |
Why do men pull away as soon as they get closed to you? |
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toyone
Lahaina, HI
69, joined Nov. 2008
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people have reasons for doing what they do , if i may , i would say go with your feelings an if in your heart u think its all good then u will know, but if not then i would say move on things will be better ....
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| 2/7/2009 12:35:22 PM |
Why do men pull away as soon as they get closed to you? |
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funkadelic
Wailuku, HI
62, joined Feb. 2009
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some men are afraid of a commitment. they feel if they get to close, they will get hurt, or whatever like the last relationship. thats where faith, and common sense comes in. you dont bring old thoughts, into a new relatioship. we could miss out on a blessing if dont let our mines cause us to loose out.
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| 2/10/2009 1:49:12 PM |
Why do men pull away as soon as they get closed to you? |
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toyone
Lahaina, HI
69, joined Nov. 2008
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maybe because of past relationships they are reminded of ... some didnt want to get close after all... some are afraid for real ... the case goes for both sex in my opinion.... question is how can we all make it better so we dont pull away..
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| 4/8/2009 4:15:48 PM |
Why do men pull away as soon as they get closed to you? |
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doorkeeper
Willow Springs, MO
51, joined Mar. 2009
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There is a guy named Christian Carter that sells a ebook on that subject. You can go online, its only $30 dollars but what I've read in his emails to me, this guy is sooo amazing I really believe he can help you. If you order it please let me know. I would but I'm in college and money is tight.
This guy knows what hes talking about. He was a player until he met a woman that changed him and he tells all about it. What she did and didn't do to get him.
All I know is a woman can talk till shes blue in the face if shes trying to appeal to a guys mind. You have to appeal to his heart!!!! He explains how to do it in the ebook!! I'd get it myself. Pray about it, I really think it will help.
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| 4/14/2009 8:57:32 AM |
Why do men pull away as soon as they get closed to you? |
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toyone
Lahaina, HI
69, joined Nov. 2008
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cool..........
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| 5/28/2009 10:50:50 PM |
Why do men pull away as soon as they get closed to you? |
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cat28
Waipahu, HI
37, joined May. 2009
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if a guy is pulling away, he's got a reason. what is that reason_we can all speculate based on our experiences but nobody really knows except for that person.
if he's worth it to you, i'd say give him time and space to sort out his life. but bottom line is: is he worth to be close to you?
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| 5/31/2009 1:07:58 PM |
Why do men pull away as soon as they get closed to you? |
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lamborgirl
Kissimmee, FL
50, joined May. 2009
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I was impressed with your perspective and I believe your truthfulness. Men or women know if the person is who they want without hesitation. Being burned by another may play into long-term but if you "feel" it for the one you've met, you will totally jump in. If either is hesitating, beware, you will be replaced by another. Make sure YOUR intentions are honorable and true. You can not control or always believe what others say. Only you can be responsible for u!!! Good Luck out there
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| 6/2/2009 9:20:38 AM |
Why do men pull away as soon as they get closed to you? |
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rawblacksmith
Pahoa, HI
54, joined Feb. 2009
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everyone has their own reasons, background and scars...there is no "men are like..." anymore than "women are like..."
nobody wants to get hurt and so many prevent pain in some strange ways.
even against all reason and best interest. also prevent love in the same defensiveness.
just Live Like a Champion and honorable relationships will follow.
[Edited 6/2/2009 9:22:12 AM ]
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| 7/4/2009 8:29:10 PM |
Why do men pull away as soon as they get closed to you? |
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ddinhi
Pearl City, HI
57, joined Jul. 2009
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Maybe he is just not that into you. Read the book by the same name. It might help!
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| 8/9/2009 7:02:05 PM |
Why do men pull away as soon as they get closed to you? |
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moneydb8
Saint Louis, MO
57, joined Aug. 2009
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because they completed there task, they got as close as they wanted to, perhaps,jmo, take your time and get to know each other, slow it down, build a foundation and go with your heart, if he isn't willing to put in the work, then he wasn't that into you, his loss...... no your worth, women lead with their emotion, possibly moving to fast, men lead with there, physical attraction, not all men nor all women , if he is pulling away, then let him go,if he cares or want more he'll come back, or man up... if not move on, he did!
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| 9/19/2009 9:36:27 PM |
Why do men pull away as soon as they get closed to you? |
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panthercat
Pahoa, HI
65, joined Dec. 2008
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The real question is does your boyfriend even know if he is making excuses or telling you the truth?
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| 1/27/2010 7:06:39 PM |
Why do men pull away as soon as they get closed to you? |
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major_leaguer
Kailua, HI
29, joined Jan. 2010
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dont worry honey. most guys are just afraid of commitment, or being "tied down".
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| 6/17/2010 12:38:27 AM |
Why do men pull away as soon as they get closed to you? |
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custer1
Honolulu, HI
34, joined Jan. 2010
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Hello there Mahal! I agree with goodheart. Remember communication is very important. Some questions are definitely made for you tuh ask him. I'm rootin for yah!!
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| 7/12/2010 8:42:12 AM |
Why do men pull away as soon as they get closed to you? |
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rayne808
Kapolei, HI
45, joined Jul. 2010
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TO Mahal1: Hello to you & everyone here! From my own past experiences, I went through the same thing as your boyfriend. I used to pull away, but I no longer do so, because I've learned over the years, to express my feelings & not keep them bottled up. Everyone's thoughts/opinions differ, but, maybe you should take him aside & encourage him to open up to you? Well, I wish you two the best. Be strong! Xoxo Rayne
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| 7/12/2010 2:37:18 PM |
Why do men pull away as soon as they get closed to you? |
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notfarfromhere
Dennis, TX
45, joined Jul. 2010
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My thoughts:
It has been said that sometimes "You must set love free, and if it doesn't return then it wasn't meant to be". Life is short, so you need to force him to make a big boy choice. If you let him go two things will happen. 1. He will wake up and realize what he has lost and return to you and things will be as you wish. 2. It will be over and you will find someone who is not scared to love you and then you will have true happiness! Another wise saying "Don't marry someone that you can live with but marry one that you can't live without".
Keep smiling
Jace
P.S. Don't waste your money on relationship books for them to work both would need to read and commit to it.
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| 8/26/2010 9:45:00 PM |
Why do men pull away as soon as they get closed to you? |
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mindovermatter6
Waterford, MI
57, joined Nov. 2008
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because they fear committment.
You can't squeeze blood from a rock, and he'll never come around, so your best bet is, if you want closeness with a special kind of guy, find someone who is more interested in you. Now don't go feeling bad about yourself because he's not, if he's not intersted someone else will be.
Mindovermatter
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| 9/26/2010 2:58:07 PM |
Why do men pull away as soon as they get closed to you? |
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zarah27
Laie, HI
35, joined Jan. 2010
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READ THIS BOOK!!!!! "why me marry b*tches" BEST EVER.. writtin by a MAN tells all.. explains so much and has really helped me through those moments!!!
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| 9/26/2010 9:27:53 PM |
Why do men pull away as soon as they get closed to you? |
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mrmikey2009
Kapaa, HI
42, joined Oct. 2009
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hello there... so, in response to your post.... some of us, myself included, have been in previous relationships where we have been seriously burned and screwed over by the person we were involved with... and as a result it makes us lose trust for the female persuasion... granted.. women are in the same boat and are just as succeptable to the same kind of thing...as for myself, once ive experienced the deceit and the lies and the pain and agony of love gone wrong, i go on the defensive by putting my "armour" on, if you will. by this, it means i wont let anyone get close to me until i can completely trust them, and for me, it takes a very long time for someone to gain my trust.... sorry for the longwinded response.. lol, but thats the best way i can explain it..
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| 11/21/2010 3:51:52 AM |
Why do men pull away as soon as they get closed to you? |
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guamjay
Honolulu, HI
28, joined Sep. 2010
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probably because they only want sex and make lame excuses to escape from both an awkward moment and a relationship! its probably because they dont fully understand how good relationships can be! and just wanna move on! honesty no matter how hurtful is appreciated!
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