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8/29/2010 10:53:13 AM |
Give me your honest opinion about the following passage... |
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artisticweirdo
Waco, TX
29, joined Aug. 2010
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Hey
So last night I tried my hand at story writing and I need to know if you think it is good from a literary standpoint... or if it is not something I should attempt again. lol
Be gentle though
The lightning struck the sky as if challenging me to object. Taunting me to oppose its powers. Urging me to take action and strike back. As the raging monster continues to consume me whole I feel nothing...and everything! Standing out in the middle, simply immune to my surroundings. My own screams ring out and my tears become droplets of rain down my cheeks blending into the harmony of this war for my soul. It is there that the walls come down and as the powerful storms rages on, the screaming finally ceases. I am welcomed into the scenery and all my troubles for that moment in time drift away with the pitter-patter of the rain. So calm, so peaceful, I allow the darkness to envelop my heart and the storm to minister to the very core of my being.
I awaken to an epiphany and my spirit dances to the music. Freedom, pure, unadulterated, FREEDOM creeps up from the depth of my soul and as I realize this, reality sets in once more. I snap out of my trance-like state of happiness to rejoin the world again. Still you feel so close as if just a breath away. Body trembling from the encounter yet I've never felt more loved...more wanted. If only, I could discover the powers behind. Am I dreaming? Surely, if I was I would be able to pinch myself awake...But I AM awake! More awake than I have been in years. Since my childhood even. I feel close to this master, creator of all that engulfs me. If only, I had the answer. If only, I knew what, who it is that was able to take away all my troubles and allow me to see a new side to beauty.
I slowly start to walk away from the magic of the forest and towards my home. Each step I take and I can feel the prescence start to lift away. No! Please stay with me. Don't go! Even as I plead it completely disappears leaving not one track to follow. Determination sets in my heart to find a way to capture that love once more, no matter the cost.
[Edited 8/29/2010 10:55:49 AM ]
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9/19/2010 9:16:44 AM |
Give me your honest opinion about the following passage... |
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joshuagomes
New Bedford, MA
30, joined Oct. 2009
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honestly, it is pretty good. the passage is quite uplifting and at the same it shows that you may be sincere in your yearning to be found. in the passage, i feel that you strive to be in a state of bliss. then suddenly when you snap back into reality, you seem to become depressed.
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9/19/2010 9:07:07 PM |
Give me your honest opinion about the following passage... |
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fall4eaother
Pepperell, MA
67, joined Sep. 2010
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I am not a big fan of fantasy for reading..but followed this spellbound..wanting to find out where you were going.....I think it is very well written in my humble opinion...one line I found weak was when you "snapped back" to "happiness"...maybe you could use a little transition in there or have it not be so instant a change...??????? Sounds interesting to me and think you have a good voice and good details describing....keep us posted..would love to hear more...
I started something myself two weeks ago and have 8 solid pages so far..think I need to make an outline also though....do you outline first...mine is also fiction but based on experiences I have had and people I have known...use to get my papers read to that class years ago in college... one expository and one creative writing course...but so different from writing a novel!!! Going to try for the heck of it..I have such an unusual and funny family and have met quite a few characters!! Would love to be able to craft a good short story...enjoy a great short one so much ..think it's very difficult though...like watercolor compared to oil/acrilic painting!! Anyhow...think you have a great start!!
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9/21/2010 12:48:30 AM |
Give me your honest opinion about the following passage... |
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begbear1952
Easley, SC
65, joined Jan. 2010
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I think yoiu did a great job of describing am inner process that rings true and feels very credible. That is quite an achievement. Most of us writers have to edit our stuff, a lot of which is going back and scratching out all words that are not necessary. I'd suggest you think about doing that, because at first the descriptive details seemed a bit much. By far the more important thing is that I got past that because the story itself drew me into it. The image that really stuck with me was the one of the tears mingling with raindrops, just at the moment when you felt your inner soul energies blend in with cosmic energies. Then, true to experience, you lose control of the connection with the All, because as a novice (at lesst that's how I read it) you have not yet learned to control getting hooked in & then disconnecting at your choice.
Very good overall. Excellent, I'd say. I think you have a gift for communicating through the written word. I hope you keep it up.
Thanks for sharing your work.
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10/17/2010 4:04:42 PM |
Give me your honest opinion about the following passage... |
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kickedoffagain
Machias, ME
61, joined Sep. 2010
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I like it very much Artistic!!! when I read your first paragraph it sounded so much like something I'd written (which I will include for you :^) but you took it further in another direction... the ending almost seems like an awakening from a dream... You know how you awaken and the dream is fresh, and then it fades and you TRY to hold onto it??? lol... Good job Hon.... Char
Giving In...
She stood there alone in the rain
with her face turned upwards towards the heavens...
While hot salty tears and cold, steady rain
try to wash away her sorrow.
She feels nothing as the storm rages on
pelting rain against her vulnerable, open face
and body, soaking her to the bone...
Though the tears have subsided
she lingers there in the storm...
Welcoming the darkness
she begins to feel numb...
Ahhhh, this is what she's been waiting for...
The absolute nothingness that finally claims her heart... by Char
[Edited 10/17/2010 4:05:19 PM ]
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10/27/2010 11:46:15 PM |
Give me your honest opinion about the following passage... |
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jeffreycombs
Ocala, FL
35, joined Jun. 2010
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pretentious
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10/29/2010 8:27:31 AM |
Give me your honest opinion about the following passage... |
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drjauser1
Atlanta, GA
41, joined Oct. 2010
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.....
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