| 10/16/2010 8:20:48 PM |
When writing a email to someone for the first time? |
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gopats1234
Plainville, MA
49, joined Sep. 2010
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I need help with writing to somebody for the first time. i can put a few decent words together but i want to know what kind of things wont just get deleted in two seconds of reading. emailing do's and don't...
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| 10/16/2010 8:25:54 PM |
When writing a email to someone for the first time? |
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kinkles
Atlanta, GA
63, joined Aug. 2010
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Polite and or funny open ended questions, like. "So how can you possibly keep your eyes off of me". 
Or, "So tell me about me."
[Edited 10/16/2010 8:27:05 PM ]
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| 10/16/2010 8:29:01 PM |
When writing a email to someone for the first time? |
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misssbren
Richardson, TX
51, joined Aug. 2010
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My last response the profile said his son was 16 but would be having his brains in a few years. I simply replied the brain freeze would end in a few years and they would have their wonderful son back at that time.
It was simple non - confrontational and opened dialogues.
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| 10/16/2010 8:29:49 PM |
When writing a email to someone for the first time? |
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sazyy
Victoria
Australia
51, joined Mar. 2010
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just be you... make it personable..short , don't ramble ... just ask then how they are ..and yeah add something funny like kinkles just said .....
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| 10/16/2010 8:29:55 PM |
When writing a email to someone for the first time? |
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kinkles
Atlanta, GA
63, joined Aug. 2010
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Humor is almost as effective as chloroform
[Edited 10/16/2010 8:30:05 PM ]
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| 10/16/2010 8:30:24 PM |
When writing a email to someone for the first time? |
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sugrnspice2
Boca Raton, FL
98, joined Aug. 2009
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READ their profile and comment on something in it...
we Hate guys who have nothing to say
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| 10/16/2010 8:33:57 PM |
When writing a email to someone for the first time? |
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kinkles
Atlanta, GA
63, joined Aug. 2010
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See, I read Sugar's profile and can congratulater her for having been graped. Yes graped, there's a whole bunch of em. BTW, nice crapper. See, broads like this.
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| 10/16/2010 8:37:47 PM |
When writing a email to someone for the first time? |
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bigbazborn
Valencia, CA
52, joined Oct. 2009
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READ their profile and comment on something in it...
we Hate guys who have nothing to say
Barabara said READ THE PROFILE, in case you missed it. 
Be creative with your response, but not TOO creative.
<<<=== Read his whole profile and e-mail HIM and you get a  , even if you are a Dude  
Bry 
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| 10/16/2010 8:41:50 PM |
When writing a email to someone for the first time? |
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asil123
Milford, PA
49, joined Sep. 2010
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spell correctly ..women hate guys that cant spell, it reminds of those boys pulling our pigtails..during spelling class
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| 10/16/2010 8:59:16 PM |
When writing a email to someone for the first time? |
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chris_90352
Sykesville, MD
44, joined Sep. 2010
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In my experience, long, formal introductions don't go over too well. 2 or 3 sentences seem to work great for the women I've been replying to who've given me winks, and I would think than no more than 6 sentences for a 'cold' introduction should work well.
Like others said, you should be yourself. Humor seems to work great, but if you are not comfortable with humor, don't force it anyway, just play things straight and serious. Either way, be yourself, but be a POSITIVE version of yourself: everyone loves to be around people who see the bright side of things and make them feel good, so avoid complaining, fatalism, and pessimism, even if you are normally a gloomy person.
I have a feeling the subject line/title of the e-mail is important: it will be the first thing the lady sees, so it's likely that the subject line will be a deciding factor in whether she even bothers to read what you've written. I've just been saying "hello, ____", but perhaps writing something that will stand out here is a better choice.
In my experience, probing questions about things in the lady's profile or about her personality usually go unanswered ("I see you like music, what sort of music do you enjoy?" This NEVER gets an answer.) Neutral, non-invasive questions seem to work better for my introductions (as lame as it sounds, asking about the weather seems like a "safe" topic that gets an answer almost every time the lady responds, and breaks the ice for more serious questions in follow-up e-mails.)
You might get some mileage out of posing some sort of mystery in your introduction, tempting a curious lady to write back just to find out more. I've never tried this, and I don't have any ideas for how it might work, but a lot of people like to interact with a little safe mystery and intrigue, so this might be worth a try (if you try it and it works, please let me know the details; I would be very interested in seeing how this works.)
Be sure to check your spelling, punctuation, and grammar - I've seen more than one lady in the forums mention that poorly-written introductions are a big turn-off, and they'd sooner delete these introductions than decipher the bad English.
Do not include a picture in your introduction. The ladies complain about getting e-mails from strangers that include nude photographs; experienced users are probably going to delete e-mails with attachments from strangers on sight. That might seem obvious, but I've been contacted by a few ladies who have sent (fully clothed) photos to me in their introductions if they didn't include one in their profile, and I can imagine that guys would probably do so, too.
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| 10/16/2010 9:12:00 PM |
When writing a email to someone for the first time? |
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peachy1954
Sacramento, CA
63, joined Oct. 2010
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Start with Reading every word of their profile. If they have made posts read at least three or more of them. Not just the ones on sex. Take a few notes on what interests you or leaves a polite question. Organize your thoughts a bit as you go. You don't need to write a book but three short paragraphs should cover it.
Then begin with a polite saluatation Hi or Hello. Forget the Yo mamma, Sexy, Hun, or other overly familiar term. If you are lucky enough to make a good impression this message may be around for years so spell check. Avoid current slang as it will really sound embarassing in years to come.
Introduce yourself by your first name and maybe the city or neighborhood you are from. Not your screen name, nick name, or street name. Your an adult now be a gentleman but gracious. Mention two mutual interests or at least something a woman would find appealing about you. You don't have to try to say something spectacular but it must be believable.
Second mention something from your notes about her. A compliment is genrally approriate but should not be so generic to say me man you woman. Ask an open ended question that gives the return converstion somewhere positive to go.
A third paragraph should share something interesting about you that is not in your profile. Maybe an activity you enjoy or do regularly or something you would like to do and she could feel comfortable talking about. Don't be too intense and avoid whiney like the plague. All past relationships are OFF LIMITS.
Last close with a Thank you for her time and and encouragement like "Looking forward to hearing from you". Again Sign your name and if you have another good picture or something that is interesting attach a picture. Make sure it is YOU smileing.
Good Luck!!!
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| 10/16/2010 9:23:44 PM |
When writing a email to someone for the first time? |
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ladyeden
Waynesville, MO
57, joined Apr. 2008
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Read her profile.
Read it again.
Refer to something in her profile in the subject line, preferably with a question.
Something like - I like XYZ too! or Where do you like to XYZ?
Something NORMAL and friendly in a few sentances.
Nothing worse than someone that dosen't ask some kind of question to stimulate a response. If there's nothing to say or respond too to keep a conversation going there's really nothing more to say is there?
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| 10/16/2010 9:24:39 PM |
When writing a email to someone for the first time? |
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youdontnomeyet
Henderson, NV
56, joined Apr. 2010
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Looks like its all been said. good luck. 
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| 10/16/2010 9:26:32 PM |
When writing a email to someone for the first time? |
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kinkles
Atlanta, GA
63, joined Aug. 2010
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Just promise them cars and cash
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| 10/16/2010 9:34:04 PM |
When writing a email to someone for the first time? |
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chris_90352
Sykesville, MD
44, joined Sep. 2010
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Peachy, you've got some great advice there! 
The only thing I would say, though, is that you describe almost exactly my first several introductions, and I only got one response to anything that long: "wow, I don't know what to say"; I never got much more than that from the lady in subsequent e-mails (her responses were like "OK" "that's good"), and I finally had to break everything off myself. When I started sending shorter e-mails, I got much more frequent responses. This might be due to regional differences, or maybe people my age have a shorter attention span. So, I'll amend my suggestion to recommend experimenting a bit to see what works best for you.
I'll repeat what Peachy said about including a question for the lady to work with in writing a response. I've exchanged letters with several ladies who never answered my questions or asked questions themselves, and it's very difficult to maintain a conversation that way. Always try to include at least one question for her, and be sure to answer all her questions as best as you are able.
Also, being Positive, polite, and respectful seems to get a lady's attention faster than anything else
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| 10/16/2010 9:35:46 PM |
When writing a email to someone for the first time? |
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gentlems
Louisville, KY
55, joined Oct. 2009
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Just be you..this is not a contest....in the end that is the person she wants and needs to know.
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| 10/16/2010 9:43:31 PM |
When writing a email to someone for the first time? |
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claudius5
Petaluma, CA
67, joined May. 2009
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Read their profile and comment on something in their profile that caught your attention. Be yourself and be polite. With all that being said, do not become upset it your email does get deleted and you get no response. Jut because it was deleted, does not mean it was not read. You also need to understand that their is no such thing as instant gratification on a dating site. Patience is a virtue. I wish you well.
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| 10/16/2010 9:47:27 PM |
When writing a email to someone for the first time? |
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thebestman
Atlanta, GA
43, joined Dec. 2006
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It depends on how superficial and or attention whoring the person is online.
To be honest, a simple "Hello how are you doing today?" will generate a response IF a woman likes your profile pic(s) and likes a few things on your profile.
Majority of the time, if they don't like your pix, IT DOESN'T MATTER how eloquent your email is.
It's all about a person's pics and if the other person likes the photos or not.
Just be cordial, no need for lengthy 1st or 2nd emails. DO NOT send lengthy first emails.
[Edited 10/16/2010 9:47:45 PM ]
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| 10/16/2010 9:56:30 PM |
When writing a email to someone for the first time? |
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ballantyne731
Charlotte, NC
50, joined Aug. 2010
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I just had someone email me with the subject line "high school". Of course, I'm going to open and read. Turns out, he wasn't anyone I knew, but had a great sense of humor. Probably would not have even bothered had he not come up with such a clever subject line. Smart guy. 
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| 10/16/2010 10:03:33 PM |
When writing a email to someone for the first time? |
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chris_90352
Sykesville, MD
44, joined Sep. 2010
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I just had someone email me with the subject line "high school". Of course, I'm going to open and read. Turns out, he wasn't anyone I knew, but had a great sense of humor. Probably would not have even bothered had he not come up with such a clever subject line. Smart guy.
Thank you, ballantyne
That confirms what I suspected: an attention-getting subject line can make or break your chances of getting a reply. I'm willing to bet the suggestion to make the subject a question about the lady's profile is a perfect example of an attention-getting subject line.
[Edited 10/16/2010 10:05:03 PM ]
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| 10/16/2010 10:15:05 PM |
When writing a email to someone for the first time? |
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duchessa
Yonkers, NY
63, joined Aug. 2008
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I need help with writing to somebody for the first time. i can put a few decent words together but i want to know what kind of things wont just get deleted in two seconds of reading. emailing do's and don't...
Do not copy your profile and paste it to the e/mail.
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| 10/16/2010 10:24:30 PM |
When writing a email to someone for the first time? |
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l1020
Madison, WI
49, joined Jun. 2010
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just be you... make it personable..short , don't ramble ... just ask then how they are ..and yeah add something funny like kinkles just said .....
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| 10/16/2010 10:37:27 PM |
When writing a email to someone for the first time? |
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slaffa
Tampa, FL
64, joined Oct. 2009
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OP, You have already received a lot of GREAT input from a number of posters. And you should TRY it all but I think you will find [in time] that SENDING emails to ladies on FREE Dating Sights to be a non productive endeavor. Meaning the time and effort to write them is simply NOT worth the payoff. Of course I was never one to just spend 3 or 4 minutes from start to finish, and ONLY wrote to ladies LOOKING for someone like myself. Over 90% were simply READ and left in their mailbox. The dingbats did not even have enough sense or COURTESY to DELETE them which would require a TWO SECOND effort on their part.
SO, here is what I recommend. Make YOUR profile the BEST it can be. It needs a "bit of work" IMO and the SERIOUS ladies WILL read it.
Even MORE importantly, put up the BEST Pic/s that you can with a DATE on at LEAST ONE.
And then Pray. Some ladies WILL email YOU depending on the QUALITY of your profile and pics. LOOK at other men's profiles in YOUR area. [They can't see you looked IF you are worried] Your profile HAS to be better or you haven't got even a remote chance.
MOST IMPORTANTLY, I can tell you for a FACT, that MOST ladies will email you because they see you ONLINE. I have no idea what the wait time is for DH [inactivity] before they "boot you". Try to stay logged in as much as possible and that will dramatically increase the emails you get.
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| 10/16/2010 11:19:56 PM |
When writing a email to someone for the first time? |
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chris_90352
Sykesville, MD
44, joined Sep. 2010
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...SO, here is what I recommend. Make YOUR profile the BEST it can be. It needs a "bit of work" IMO and the SERIOUS ladies WILL read it...
Even MORE importantly, put up the BEST Pic/s that you can with a DATE on at LEAST ONE.
...MOST IMPORTANTLY, I can tell you for a FACT, that MOST ladies will email you because they see you ONLINE. I have no idea what the wait time is for DH [inactivity] before they "boot you". Try to stay logged in as much as possible and that will dramatically increase the emails you get.
Great points!
I was holding myself to writing at least one letter a day every day for a while, but I stopped doing that so frequently. I've been surprised to find that interested ladies are contacting me instead. (Not many, five or six e-mails or winks a day the last couple days from local ladies I don't recognize, but it is enough that I feel like I'm going to have to start considering immediate rejections instead of talking to them a while first.)
I used to keep the setting that showed whether I was online turned off. I have noticed a HUGE difference in the number of hits I get when I turned it back on: I don't know why, but slaffa's right that it helps to be online. If you've been online recently, your picture appears in a banner at the top of the page when ladies in your area log in, so perhaps that gets their attention.
I've never thought of date-stamping my photos, but a lot of ladies have said they don't trust profiles where the hair and eye colour and age of the person in the photo doesn't seem to match the written description listed in the profile. At least one well-lit colour close-up of your face with your eyes clearly visible, along with some indication of how recently it was taken, can go a long way toward relieving a lady's concerns that you are who you say you are.
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| 10/16/2010 11:33:10 PM |
When writing a email to someone for the first time? |
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micmac01979
Boulder, CO
38, joined Feb. 2010
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They all said it already.
Read the profile. Make the message short, and positive. Think of it like introducing yourself in person... no one wants to hear you walk up and give a 6 paragraph history of yourself immediately in person, it generally doesn't go over well online either. Just start a conversation, and ask a simple question that makes it easy for them to respond! Saying something like "I like you.", while complimentary, doesn't give 'em much to respond to. If they find it awkward to form a response, they probably won't.
Be prepared that in most cases, you won't get a response. Even the best of those who date online don't get a response all the time. Not a big deal, move on to the next... there will be others. Don't get hung-up about a non-response, it happens all the time.
Best of luck to ya', in this crazy little world, lol.
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| 10/16/2010 11:39:32 PM |
When writing a email to someone for the first time? |
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bitsybon
Jacksonville, FL
59, joined Jan. 2010
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Cut and paste.
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| 10/16/2010 11:47:54 PM |
When writing a email to someone for the first time? |
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joey33icerain
Linden, NJ
29, joined Jul. 2009
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hey dont be all crazy and such and ask for naked pics alot of these women get alot of stuff they shouldnt have to get and its not right
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| 10/17/2010 10:15:38 AM |
When writing a email to someone for the first time? |
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gopats1234
Plainville, MA
49, joined Sep. 2010
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Thanks! good advice.
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| 10/17/2010 10:29:32 AM |
When writing a email to someone for the first time? |
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kclady40
Kansas City, MO
48, joined Oct. 2009
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Do not say things like " how are you today?" or just "hi" for it implies you already know the person when you do not. Also do not talk sex or sexual remarks for it will ANNOY women.
Introduce yourself to the person in your first email, maybe mention what you liked in her profile and similarities in interests you may have. if you take the time to show you read his/her profile and are polite and show real interest your more likely get a response back.
Speaking from experience I get a lot of empty emails of men just saying "Hi, how are you today" without any introductions or meaningful statements... they get blown off.
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| 10/17/2010 10:41:52 AM |
When writing a email to someone for the first time? |
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carbonv
Faqus
Egypt
59, joined Jul. 2008
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okay... I will tell you the secret
send penis pix, the women all seem to love that and you will be guaranteed a date that same week if you send out enough of them 
Oh and also compliment them on their pictures. Say something witty like...
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| 10/17/2010 5:41:28 PM |
When writing a email to someone for the first time? |
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peachy1954
Sacramento, CA
63, joined Oct. 2010
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Chris is right they have to be really sucinct paragraphs. Thus the outline edit work. Especially avoid sentences that start I or You.
His point about answering questions once you get past the first email is important too. I know if I ask a question that gets blown off up pops the "red flag".
Also the trick to open ended questions is that they are not so open it takes an essay to answer. He noted one effort "I see you like music, what kind?" getting shot down when if you ask "Which was your favorite song on the ____album?" that is thought provoking with out being overwhelming. (And don't jump in to say your favorite or you have shot down your question.)
I am have thought about the whole fear of blindlness about opening unsolicted photo and that can be avoided at least to some point by saying in closeing here is a G-Rated picture of me (fill in the blank). Sadly almost any woman on the internet has gotten one creepy picture. The biggest reason for being reserved about what you post in your profile. You figure what is private is going to be well MORE private.
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