| 6/14/2008 7:34:16 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 4 |
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kyrose1935
Lexington, KY
82, joined Apr. 2007
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Any Kentucky jokes out there?
Meet singles at DateHookup.dating, we're 100% free! Join now!
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| 6/14/2008 7:54:11 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 4 |
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fisherman75
Aurora, MO
84, joined Mar. 2008
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Kenyucky, that's the state that has slow horses & fast women... I was stationed at Ft knox, ky 52-54
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| 6/14/2008 7:55:15 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 4 |
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fisherman75
Aurora, MO
84, joined Mar. 2008
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 Kentucky
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| 6/14/2008 9:22:44 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 4 |
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wilbur35
Latrobe, PA
83, joined Apr. 2008
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got me on that one rose.cant remember ever hearing a kentucky joke.a wife asked her husband"what do you like best about me,my pretty face,or my sexy body" "i like your sense of humor"he replied.  maybe they were from kentucky
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| 6/14/2008 9:43:54 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 4 |
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akdawn
Kenai, AK
79, joined Nov. 2007
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In Alaska we don't have Peeking Toms, We have Tommy Took A Looks, LOLhttp://DateHookup.dating/images/smiley/laughing.gif
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| 6/14/2008 9:54:03 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 4 |
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sunray37
Fort Dodge, IA
80, joined Oct. 2007
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great ak
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| 6/15/2008 7:53:00 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 4 |
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sunray37
Fort Dodge, IA
80, joined Oct. 2007
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The newlyweds are in their honeymoon room and the groom decides to let the bride know where she stands right from the start of the marriage.
He proceeds to take off his trousers and throw them at her. He says, "Put those on."
The bride replies, "I can't wear your trousers."
He replies, "And don't forget that! I will always wear the pants in the family!"
The bride takes off her knickers and throws them at him with the same request, "Try those on!"
He replies,"I can't get into your knickers!"
"And you never bloody will if you don't change your attitude."
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| 6/16/2008 5:46:42 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 4 |
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sunray37
Fort Dodge, IA
80, joined Oct. 2007
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A man and his wife went to the Cheshire Show and one of the first exhibits we stopped
at was the breeding bulls. They went up to the first pen and there was a sign
attached that said,
' THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR'
His wife playfully nudged him in the ribs ......Smiled and said, 'He mated 50 times
last year.'
They walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said,
''THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR'
HIS wife gave him a healthy jab and said, 'WOW~~That's more than twice a week! ..........You could learn a lot from him.'
They walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said,
in capital letters,
'THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR'
His wife was so excited that her elbow nearly broke his ribs, and said,
'That's once a day ..You could REALLY learn something from this one.'
He looked at her and said,
'Go over and ask him if it was with the same old cow.'
His condition has been upgraded from critical
to stable and he should eventually make a full recovery.
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| 6/16/2008 6:40:21 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 4 |
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delidelite
Blaine, OH
80, joined Apr. 2008
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Old is when: Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs & make love, & you answer, pick one, I can't do both!"
Old is when: Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes & you're barefoot.
Old is when: A sexy babe catches your fancy & your pacemaker opens the garage door.
Old is when: Going bra less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
Old is when: You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
Old is when: You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.
Old is when: Getting a lilttle action means you don't need to take any fiber today..
Old is when: Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
Old is when: An all nighter means not getting up to use the bathroom.
AND
Old is when:
You are not sure these are jokes?
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| 6/16/2008 7:23:27 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 4 |
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sunray37
Fort Dodge, IA
80, joined Oct. 2007
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Any Kentucky jokes out there?
Just for you kyrose
A Kentucky State trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-75. He says to the driver, "Got any ID?"
The driver says, "Bout what?"
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| 6/17/2008 7:27:26 AM |
Joke of the day | Page 4 |
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delidelite
Blaine, OH
80, joined Apr. 2008
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RECENT STUDY FOUND OUT WHICH DAYS MEN PREFER TO HAVE SEX. IT WAS FOUND THAT MEN PREFERRED TO ENGAGE IN SEXUAL ACTIVITY ON THE DAYS THAT STARTED WITH THE LETTER 'T'. EXAMPLES:
TUESDAY
THURSDAY
TODAY
TOMORROW
THANKSGIVING
THATURDAY
THUNDAY
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A RECENT SURVEY WAS CONDUCTED ALSO TO DISCOVER WHY MEN GET OUT OF BED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. HERE ARE THE SURVEY RESULTS :
5% SAID IT WAS TO GET A GLASS OF WATER
12% SAID IT WAS TO GO TO THE BATHROOM
83% SAID IT WAS TO GO HOME
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| 6/17/2008 9:37:23 AM |
Joke of the day | Page 4 |
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delidelite
Blaine, OH
80, joined Apr. 2008
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A preacher was making his rounds on a bicycle, when he came upon a little boy trying to sell a lawn mower.
'How much do you want for the mower?' asked the preacher.
'I just want enough money to go out and buy me a bicycle,' said the little boy.
After a moment of consideration, the preacher asked. Will you take my bike in trade for it?'
The little boy asked if he could try it out first, and, after riding the bike around a little while, said, 'Mister, you've got yourself a deal.'
The preacher took the mower and began to crank it. He pulled on the rope a few times with no response from the mower.
The preacher called the little boy over and said, 'I can't get this mower to start.'
The little boy said, 'That's because you have to cuss at it to get it started.'
The preacher said, I can't cuss. It's been so long since I became a Christian that I don't even remember how to cuss.'
The little boy looked at him happily and said, 'You just keep pulling on that rope. It'll come back to ya.
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| 6/17/2008 3:47:22 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 4 |
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ladyrehc
Hillsboro, IL
90, joined Oct. 2007
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HI !!!!!! thanks for all your jokes. wish I could remember one .. my late husband had hundreds that he was always telling.
after working outside most of the day your jokes have relaxed me, so think I will take my nap. you people are  and granny is older than me WOW !!!...you are really neat, granny  :
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| 6/17/2008 4:19:37 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 4 |
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delidelite
Blaine, OH
80, joined Apr. 2008
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HI !!!!!! thanks for all your jokes. wish I could remember one .. my late husband had hundreds that he was always telling.
after working outside most of the day your jokes have relaxed me, so think I will take my nap. you people are and granny is older than me WOW !!!...you are really neat, granny :
I see you like your naps, too, rehc......so do I and take a power nap every afternoon if I get the chance........
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| 6/17/2008 4:27:48 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 4 |
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sunray37
Fort Dodge, IA
80, joined Oct. 2007
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Underwear dust
One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife
'Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it
would take a few inches off of your butt!'
His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a
comment go un-rewarded.
The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer.
'What the Hell is this??' he said to himself as a little 'dust' cloud
appeared when he shook them out.
'April,' he hollered into the bathroom, 'why did you put talcum powder
in my underwear?'
She replied ...'It's not talcum powder......It's 'Miracle Grow'
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| 6/17/2008 5:36:59 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 4 |
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delidelite
Blaine, OH
80, joined Apr. 2008
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Miracle Grow!!!!!
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| 6/17/2008 11:38:58 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 4 |
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ladyrehc
Hillsboro, IL
90, joined Oct. 2007
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Sunray, that is one of the best. I can use all the laughs I can get. keep them coming ,you guys!!!!!
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| 6/18/2008 11:53:55 AM |
Joke of the day | Page 4 |
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sunray37
Fort Dodge, IA
80, joined Oct. 2007
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to funny not to post
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| 6/18/2008 8:15:00 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 4 |
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sunray37
Fort Dodge, IA
80, joined Oct. 2007
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My five-year old students, are learning to read.
Yesterday one of them pointed at a picture in a zoo book and said,
"Look at this! It's a frickin' elephant!"
I took a deep breath, then asked..."What did you call it?"
"It's a frickin' elephant! It says so on the picture!"
And so it does...
" A f r i c a n Elephant "
Hooked on phonics! Ain't it wonderful?
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| 6/18/2008 9:44:34 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 4 |
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wilbur35
Latrobe, PA
83, joined Apr. 2008
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you come up with some good ones sunray.
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| 6/18/2008 9:49:18 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 4 |
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wilbur35
Latrobe, PA
83, joined Apr. 2008
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when i was young i had an aunt from pittsburg that would visit,she was irish and loved to tell her pat and mike jokes.one i remember. pat and mike were waiting for the train.pat left a fart and tried to cover it up by asking mike if he could see the train coming."no" mike answered"but i can smell the smoke"
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| 6/19/2008 10:57:49 AM |
Joke of the day | Page 4 |
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19rose
Effingham, IL
81, joined Apr. 2008
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I rear-ended a car this morning. So there we are alongside the road and
slowly the driver gets out of the car.... You know how you get stressed out
and then life starts to seem absurdly funny? Yes, well, I could not believe
it...the driver was a DWARF!
He storms back to my car, looks up at me, and says, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!'
So, I look down at him and say, 'Well, which one are you then?' ...and
THAT'S when the fight started.
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| 6/19/2008 1:51:56 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 4 |
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fisherman75
Aurora, MO
84, joined Mar. 2008
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Best of the day so far 19Rose.
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| 6/19/2008 5:14:11 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 4 |
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bluedahl
Rewey, WI
84, joined Feb. 2008
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Yeah, Rose, and all the rest of you. I'm enjoying!
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| 6/19/2008 5:18:07 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 4 |
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sunray37
Fort Dodge, IA
80, joined Oct. 2007
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This nun got on the elevator and there was a man on it already.
She smiled and said TGIF and he smiled and SHIT.
Thinking she heard wrong she said TGIF again.
He said SHIT again
She said sir there is no reason to cuss at me
I was just saying Thank God It’s Friday.
He said sister I wasn’t cussing at you
I just meant Sorry Honey It’s Thursday.
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| 6/19/2008 5:47:44 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 4 |
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delidelite
Blaine, OH
80, joined Apr. 2008
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BWAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...loved that one!
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| 6/19/2008 5:52:01 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 4 |
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delidelite
Blaine, OH
80, joined Apr. 2008
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Friendship between Women:
A woman didn't come home one night. The next morning she told her
husband that she had slept over at a friend's house.
The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew anything
about it.
Friendship between Men:
A man didn't come home one night. The next morning he told his wife that
he had slept over at a friend's house.
The woman called her husband's 10 best friends, eight of which confirmed
that he had slept over, and two said that he was still there.
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| 6/19/2008 6:57:08 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 4 |
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wilbur35
Latrobe, PA
83, joined Apr. 2008
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a nun was riding in a cab when the driver said"i have allways had a fantasy to kiss a nun".the nun said if you are not married and a catholic it's o.k. with me.he pulled into an alley and they kissed.when he started driving again the cabby started crying.the nun asked what was wrong.the cabbie said i lied,i am a protestant and married."that's o.k. said the nun "i'm a man and i'm on my way to a costume party"
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| 6/19/2008 11:19:17 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 4 |
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ladyrehc
Hillsboro, IL
90, joined Oct. 2007
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Just in from my son
Signs of the Time
3 signs of old age -loss of memory ,,,I forgot the other 2 !!
When I was young all I wanted was a nice BMW. Now I don't care about the W..
The secret of staying young is to be honest, eat slowly and lie about your age...
Will do a few more later , right now it is 11 pm & time for bed & read for an hour or so. good nite all, Ruth
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| 6/20/2008 9:18:51 AM |
Joke of the day | Page 4 |
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delidelite
Blaine, OH
80, joined Apr. 2008
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Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that expensive double-pane energy efficient kind, and today, I got a call from the Contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year ago and I still hadn't paid for them.
Hellloooo! Just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid. So, I told him just what his fast talking sales guy had told me last year, that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves! Hellloooo! "It's been a year!" I told him.
There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up. He never called back. Guess I won that stupid argument. I bet he felt like an idiot.
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| 6/20/2008 12:14:06 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 4 |
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hma02
Chico, CA
78, joined Mar. 2008
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The head nun told 2 nuns too repaint the nun living quarters but they would be in deep trouble if they got any paint on their robes.
so nun 1 thought "hey why don't we take all our clothes off and paint and we won't get in trouble because our robes won't be soiled"
nun 2 said "great" so they started painting and nun 2 made sure the door was locked so no one came in.
then there was a knock on the door.
nun 2 said "who is it??"
someone answered "blind man"
nun 1 said " it's a blind man let him in he won't see us"
so nun 2 unlocked the door and the man goes, "oh you've got really nice boobs, anyway i'm here to fix the blinds"!!!!
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| 6/20/2008 1:34:38 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 4 |
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fisherman75
Aurora, MO
84, joined Mar. 2008
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Liberace hollers down stairs to his brother George "Has the mail man come yet?" And George answers" NO! but he has a gleem in his eye."
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| 6/20/2008 8:05:52 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 4 |
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sunray37
Fort Dodge, IA
80, joined Oct. 2007
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The First Kiss
It's your First Kiss and several questions might come to mind:
Is it the right time?
Is anyone watching?
Does your partnereven want to?
Is your breath fresh?
AND,---Should you use some tongue?
Then you say . ...
'What the heck!' and Just Go for it!!!
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
This must be a 2nd or 3rd child... because Mom grabbed the camera and not the kid!
[Edited 6/20/2008 8:07:34 PM ]
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| 6/20/2008 9:37:19 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 4 |
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wilbur35
Latrobe, PA
83, joined Apr. 2008
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what is every amish womans fantasy?two mennonite.
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| 6/20/2008 9:41:50 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 4 |
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wilbur35
Latrobe, PA
83, joined Apr. 2008
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a jack rabbit was sitting on a fence rail.every time a female came by he would jump down and do his thing then say "wham bam thank you mam.aftr awhile a rabbit came by and as he started to do his thing he said "wham bam,damn is that you sam"
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| 6/21/2008 5:01:04 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 4 |
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sunray37
Fort Dodge, IA
80, joined Oct. 2007
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Men's Restroom Mural -------- Read before looking at picture
Edge Designs is an all-women run company
That designs interior office space. They had a
Recent opportunity to do an office project in
NYC.
The client allowed the women of this
Company a free hand in all design aspects.
The client was a company that was also
Run by all women execs.............
The result.........well.....We all know that
Men never talk, never look at each other....
And never laugh much in the restroom....
The men's room is a serious and quiet place...
But now...with the addition of one mural
On the wall......lets just say the men's
Restroom is a place of laughter and smiles.
And they say women don't have a sense of humor.
Show this to all the gal's in your life that need a smile
and the guys you think can take having a little fun poked
at them, after all they are always trying to poke a little something at us.
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| 6/22/2008 7:24:20 AM |
Joke of the day | Page 4 |
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delidelite
Blaine, OH
80, joined Apr. 2008
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I think every household should have one of these urinals that can be adjusted up or down depending on the height of the men in the house!
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| 6/22/2008 8:20:28 AM |
Joke of the day | Page 4 |
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rickls1935
Fort Wayne, IN
82, joined Jun. 2007
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I COULD NEVER GO!
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| 6/22/2008 8:46:02 AM |
Joke of the day | Page 4 |
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fisherman75
Aurora, MO
84, joined Mar. 2008
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The Murals are located to high on the wall, they should be mounted much lower to catch the splash
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| 6/22/2008 8:58:43 AM |
Joke of the day | Page 4 |
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delidelite
Blaine, OH
80, joined Apr. 2008
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Think men would have a tough time deciding which urinal to use? The expressions are very telling, don'tcha think?
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| 6/22/2008 9:25:04 AM |
Joke of the day | Page 4 |
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sunray37
Fort Dodge, IA
80, joined Oct. 2007
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Sorta Gives new meaning to the terms
Low rider, high tide, and full moon !
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| 6/22/2008 9:46:00 AM |
Joke of the day | Page 4 |
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delidelite
Blaine, OH
80, joined Apr. 2008
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OMG! I don't think this guy even needs a boat!
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| 6/22/2008 10:13:55 AM |
Joke of the day | Page 4 |
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delidelite
Blaine, OH
80, joined Apr. 2008
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9 PHRASES WOMEN USE
(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Do not do it!
(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake (whatever you did; whatever you asked to do; where ever you asked to go).
(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you. Do not question, or faint; just say you're welcome. I want to add in a clause here: This is true unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' in this case, for that will bring on a 'whatever').
(8) Whatever: Is a women's way of saying or telling you to (Fill in your own explicative)!
(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.
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| 6/22/2008 10:34:16 AM |
Joke of the day | Page 4 |
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rickls1935
Fort Wayne, IN
82, joined Jun. 2007
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THIS THREAD IS FOR JOKES ONLY, DELI!
YOUR POST IS NOT FUNNY, IT'S TOO TRUE!
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| 6/22/2008 10:46:18 AM |
Joke of the day | Page 4 |
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delidelite
Blaine, OH
80, joined Apr. 2008
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Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...I think you know me, Rick!
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| 6/22/2008 12:31:13 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 4 |
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rickls1935
Fort Wayne, IN
82, joined Jun. 2007
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I WISH!
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| 6/22/2008 1:03:50 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 4 |
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delidelite
Blaine, OH
80, joined Apr. 2008
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Be careful what ya wish for, Rick........
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| 6/22/2008 11:55:12 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 4 |
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rickls1935
Fort Wayne, IN
82, joined Jun. 2007
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Be careful what ya wish for, Rick........
ALWAYS, DELI! very careful!
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| 6/23/2008 5:52:12 AM |
Joke of the day | Page 4 |
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grannygl
Morehead, KY
96, joined Jan. 2008
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wishes granted, sign here_______________________________
----------------------------------------------------------
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| 6/23/2008 8:17:22 AM |
Joke of the day | Page 4 |
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fisherman75
Aurora, MO
84, joined Mar. 2008
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Good morning Granny & all the gang...my joke of the day....A sign in window of a butcher shop...Reads " NO BODY BEATS OUR MEAT"
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| 6/23/2008 9:30:28 AM |
Joke of the day | Page 4 |
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rickls1935
Fort Wayne, IN
82, joined Jun. 2007
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YOUR NEW PICTURE LOOKS GREAT, GRANNY!
All kinds of guys are going to be hitting on you now!
...my joke of the day....A sign in window of a butcher shop...Reads " NO BODY BEATS OUR MEAT"
WHAT IS IT? RACE HORSES?
[Edited 6/23/2008 9:36:56 AM ]
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| 6/23/2008 1:47:31 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 4 |
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fisherman75
Aurora, MO
84, joined Mar. 2008
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Should I tell him Deli or you? awaaah! let Rick figure it out by now he'll know it had nothing to do with horses
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| 6/23/2008 1:54:45 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 4 |
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bluedahl
Rewey, WI
84, joined Feb. 2008
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Sometimes I don't get the joke, but I do stop once or twice a day to read them. Thank you, all you who contribute.
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| 6/23/2008 8:39:43 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 4 |
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wilbur35
Latrobe, PA
83, joined Apr. 2008
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some of the women may not get that one,but rick should.
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| 6/23/2008 8:53:26 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 4 |
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wilbur35
Latrobe, PA
83, joined Apr. 2008
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i bet deli understood it. lol
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| 6/23/2008 11:46:31 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 4 |
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fisherman75
Aurora, MO
84, joined Mar. 2008
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Right on Wilbur , aint it nice tho that a sweet little lady like Blue didn't get it ? Ah such innocence
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| 6/24/2008 2:08:33 AM |
Joke of the day | Page 4 |
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rickls1935
Fort Wayne, IN
82, joined Jun. 2007
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| 6/24/2008 6:24:35 AM |
Joke of the day | Page 4 |
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sunray37
Fort Dodge, IA
80, joined Oct. 2007
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| 6/24/2008 6:57:19 AM |
Joke of the day | Page 4 |
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bluedahl
Rewey, WI
84, joined Feb. 2008
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Well, I got the last two anyway. Nice to have a laugh in the morning even before breakfast.
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| 6/24/2008 7:43:58 AM |
Joke of the day | Page 4 |
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delidelite
Blaine, OH
80, joined Apr. 2008
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i bet deli understood it. lol
Loud and clear, you ornery men!
signed...........Ladyfivefingers...BWAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
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