| 10/29/2012 8:31:01 PM |
You guys all feel the grief |
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justjimmy2
Arizona
Argentina
64, joined Aug. 2012
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And you handle it in your own way just like me. I hate the thought that I would be wallowing in self pity so the action I am taking is to try to move on. Have any of you had success with moving on to better ground? How are you guys doing anyway?
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| 10/29/2012 8:40:19 PM |
You guys all feel the grief |
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cowboy815
Jefferson, SD
67, joined Apr. 2012
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I lost my wifec 26 months ago. I dated alittle but nothing serious. Then I met a lady here who I thought loved me and I started falling for her. I kept telling her we've have something special. She used me for money asnd when I stopped she ditched me and hooked up with a homeless guy. I still miss her and would take her back if ginen the chance. But not after a STD test
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| 10/29/2012 9:03:27 PM |
You guys all feel the grief |
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lovethelake17
Henderson, NV
58, joined May. 2009
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I think a lot have moved through it and have come out resolved and stronger. I know of a few who have met someone and married again.
A friend invited me to her vacation home near the Grand Canyon this weekend and we (me, my daughter and my bf) all went and really enjoyed it. I'd never been there and it's quite awesome.
My point in saying this is that when my late husband and I moved down to this part of the country, our intent was to be here about 5 or so years, and we'd do a lot of long weekends and vacations here in the SW and W to see everything we could. He died so soon after I and our daughter joined him here that we never had a chance to see anything. We never took any long weekends or vacationed anywhere here.
This last weekend was the first long weekend I've taken that was something we'd planned on doing and doing it carried a bit of weight with it. I was happy to be with those I was with and I was enjoying what I was seeing, but I found myself wishing that my late husband could be seeing it, too.
It wasn't that I wished it was him with me instead of who was. That isn't it, at all. I guess I just wished that we'd have had the chance to do it, too.
So, there was that little bit of nostalgia, maybe? I didn't think it the whole time, just sometimes when something seemed especially awesome, and I knew he would have so enjoyed it, too.
I think what I'm saying for me is that I feel like I'm moving along like I'm supposed to be. I miss him. I love him. But his place is in my heart and in my past. I honor him by living like he'd want me to, happily and looking forward. And without guilt, without remorse and without longing. Well, I can't say that there is never any of that.
There is nothing wrong with immersing yourself and wallowing a bit in sorrow and self pity, as long as your indulging in it doesn't last long. I think it may be part of the healing process, and maybe even a bit a part of forgiving yourself for whatever it is you have to forgive yourself for.
For me, talking with people here helped me immensely. It helped me move on to better ground.
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| 10/30/2012 11:38:32 AM |
You guys all feel the grief |
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24milkduds
Vallejo, CA
58, joined Mar. 2012
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And you handle it in your own way just like me. I hate the thought that I would be wallowing in self pity so the action I am taking is to try to move on. Have any of you had success with moving on to better ground? How are you guys doing anyway?
Still wallowing..not in self pity..some days are better then others, but moving along like a snail..one step at a time and I'm ok with that!
Good luck to you
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| 10/30/2012 6:48:07 PM |
You guys all feel the grief |
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barb61270
De Witt, IA
65, joined Nov. 2011
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personally believe that wallowing is not the appropriate word to use. We are grieving. The difference is the forward movement. Wallowing says to me that the individual had given up all hope. Most of us are hopeful for a better life. It just takes time to accept our new circumstances and create a new life for ourselves. One tiny step at a time whether forward or backward. 
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| 10/30/2012 7:04:08 PM |
You guys all feel the grief |
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gentlebear1949
Apple Creek, OH
68, joined Jul. 2008
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personally believe that wallowing is not the appropriate word to use. We are grieving. The difference is the forward movement. Wallowing says to me that the individual had given up all hope. Most of us are hopeful for a better life. It just takes time to accept our new circumstances and create a new life for ourselves. One tiny step at a time whether forward or backward.
Very well said...... ....
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| 10/30/2012 7:22:41 PM |
You guys all feel the grief |
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newdirection6
Wellsville, OH
63, joined Nov. 2007
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Our grief can hit us at anytime... Yes we are O.K. at times but a memory hits us then our grief hits.
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| 10/30/2012 7:29:54 PM |
You guys all feel the grief |
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cupocheer
Assumption, IL
68, joined May. 2010
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And you handle it in your own way just like me. I hate the thought that I would be wallowing in self pity so the action I am taking is to try to move on. Have any of you had success with moving on to better ground? How are you guys doing anyway?
 Jimmy  .... I am not 'one of the guys' but I have moved on to higher ground in my grief. I will never be free of it since I am the mother of children and see the grief reflected in the eyes of my children. But we are all doing well, though tears to come on occassion, it is usually laughter which mends our bruised memories and heartd.
Wishing all the best to everyone who has to learn to cope with grief in their own way and in their own time.
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| 10/31/2012 6:03:52 AM |
You guys all feel the grief |
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pingeye2
Savannah, GA
65, joined Jun. 2011
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Grief, and how people handle it, is as varied as people are.
The normal time..statistically, is 18-24 months. With a complete range of emotions. People handle it differently, simple as that.
What I think is important, is to remember that hanging onto what was lost, is not helping moving forward. And one must accept the fact that life as you knew it..has ended. That is very, very hard to accept.
I'm positive, our loved ones that are gone, would not want us hurting for years, the rest of our lives.
We are torn between hanging on to what's gone..and moving on.
But, the fact remains...we are still here. We should take what we've learned and use that to better ourselves.
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| 10/31/2012 8:29:16 AM |
You guys all feel the grief |
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barb61270
De Witt, IA
65, joined Nov. 2011
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Please provide the source for the statistic that you whip us with: grief should be completed in 18-24 months. I need to understand in what context this was presented. Does it mean I have quit missing my spouse? does it mean I have rebuilt my life and it is perfect? does it mean ...?
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| 10/31/2012 11:14:02 AM |
You guys all feel the grief |
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pingeye2
Savannah, GA
65, joined Jun. 2011
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Please provide the source for the statistic that you whip us with: grief should be completed in 18-24 months. I need to understand in what context this was presented. Does it mean I have quit missing my spouse? does it mean I have rebuilt my life and it is perfect? does it mean ...?
Any time someone demands sources, they are looking to argue.
That's your intent.
Dr. David Delnostro, M.D. Our family physician, and author of a couple books on grief, and treatment.
How you read, what you read is beyond me. You're stuck on pity, and full of bitterness..
Lastly, why don't you simply Google the grieving time frame, as you wallow about in your self pity.
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| 10/31/2012 11:28:28 AM |
You guys all feel the grief |
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barb61270
De Witt, IA
65, joined Nov. 2011
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Thank you
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| 10/31/2012 12:04:33 PM |
You guys all feel the grief |
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harderthanitis
Lansing, IA
66, joined Jan. 2011
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I doubt that Barb was trying to begin an argument, ping. How grieving can even be measured with statistics is beyond me. Is there a statistic for each age group, how many years you had been together, and if you are young or older?
I am not trying to argue with you, but why would there be statistics for what people feel in their hearts?
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| 10/31/2012 1:16:21 PM |
You guys all feel the grief |
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gentlebear1949
Apple Creek, OH
68, joined Jul. 2008
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I am not trying to argue with you, but why would there be statistics for what people feel in their hearts?
Just something else for the Government to waste money on.....
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| 10/31/2012 1:36:13 PM |
You guys all feel the grief |
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cupocheer
Assumption, IL
68, joined May. 2010
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Statistics!!! 
Statistics have no credence.
Statistics are compiled from known data ... excluding all unknown data. That makes statistics only as good as the lack of data which it does not represent.
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| 10/31/2012 2:34:59 PM |
You guys all feel the grief |
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justjimmy2
Arizona
Argentina
64, joined Aug. 2012
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I don't think they have statistics for haveing half your soul taken from your body. It's grief and we all deal with it in our own way same as we do death. We go from being in heaven on earth with our loved ones to entering the twilight zone of this can't be real. Everything changes when our loved ones die, dealing with the changes is how we go on. I guess I just wanted to know how all you people are dealing with it?
Thanks for all the replys ...guys ( a term used as part of the group and not meant to be gender based. Don't look for this in a dictionary because it won't be there, it's in my personal dictionary)
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