Would you keep dating if..?

9/13/2013 4:23:38 PM	Would you keep dating if..?
lookin4him2012 Boone, NC 49, joined Jan. 2012	the guy's child didn't talk to you or pay attention to you when you are around, even after a year of dating? Meet singles at DateHookup.dating, we're 100% free! Join now!
9/13/2013 7:28:29 PM	Would you keep dating if..?
rangers_fan Hazlet, NJ 52, joined Aug. 2008	Quote from lookin4him2012: the guy's child didn't talk to you or pay attention to you when you are around, even after a year of dating? is this behavior keeping the relationship from progressing??
9/13/2013 10:34:19 PM	Would you keep dating if..?
pdforone Litchfield, OH 66, joined Jul. 2010	Maybe the kid knows something about dad that you don't and just views you as dad's next victim?
9/14/2013 7:58:51 AM	Would you keep dating if..?
kevhead1 Westmont, IL 42, joined May. 2013	I agree with pd. I was with a girl and her kids did the the same to me and found out that she was with various other guys also and bringing them around the kids.
9/14/2013 8:52:42 AM	Would you keep dating if..?
luckylouie42 Cedar Grove, WV 75, joined Mar. 2008	maybe you need to make more effort to be friends with the child, try it. maybe it will work. you have nothing to lose, and everything to gain.
9/14/2013 2:06:22 PM	Would you keep dating if..?
legaleye Columbus, OH 65, joined Mar. 2008	First I will ask the question..... what have you done about it? In a casual manner and without the kids around, simply ask him what is up with the kids. Comment that they dont seem to want much to do with you and since the kids are an integral part of any long term relationship, you are bringing it up now to make sure things go right with the two of you, or something like that. There are a lot of reasons the kids may not be in the game here. They may see you as competing with them for the time and attention of their dad. They may remember past situations in which their dad was "hurt" in their eyes, and are looking to protect him. None of this is your fault, but its there. You probably need his help in solving this. He needs to reassure his kids, and you need to make sure that there is plenty of time he can spend with the kids, both with and without you. Its not easy and will take time.
9/14/2013 2:43:12 PM	Would you keep dating if..?
2wheeledrider Live Oak, FL 53, joined Jun. 2012	Quote from legaleye: First I will ask the question..... what have you done about it? In a casual manner and without the kids around, simply ask him what is up with the kids. Comment that they dont seem to want much to do with you and since the kids are an integral part of any long term relationship, you are bringing it up now to make sure things go right with the two of you, or something like that. There are a lot of reasons the kids may not be in the game here. They may see you as competing with them for the time and attention of their dad. They may remember past situations in which their dad was "hurt" in their eyes, and are looking to protect him. None of this is your fault, but its there. You probably need his help in solving this. He needs to reassure his kids, and you need to make sure that there is plenty of time he can spend with the kids, both with and without you. Its not easy and will take time. That is some really good advice there. I would add that maybe a family outing with the child to loosen things up a bit. Kids tend to see the cool or fun side of things when they get to witness or join in on the fun. Seeing you and dad having a good time and having included them in it may turn you into the excepted "cool person" that they have no longer any worry or question about the father being hurt by you like in any past relationships or any kind of challenge in you taking any attention away from the child. Small children have a difficult time in sharing sometimes and a little fun diplomacy might be the thing to a protective child understanding. If the relationship is worth it , so is making things good with the child too. Like legaleye said, you will need help with this from the dad , and it will take time. [Edited 9/14/2013 2:45:59 PM ]
9/15/2013 6:56:13 AM	Would you keep dating if..?
lookin4him2012 Boone, NC 49, joined Jan. 2012	Quote from kevhead1: I agree with pd. I was with a girl and her kids did the the same to me and found out that she was with various other guys also and bringing them around the kids. It's definitely not this. We are practically neighbors and live in the country, know all the same people. I know his sister and our kids are all together a lot. She's a stay at home mom. And my boyfriend has a younger child that comes to my house and he and I are together in all our spare time. He works 50 hours a week and I work almost as much so any spare time is together. I just know him and he wouldn't do this. He's been hurt a lot over the years by a lot of slutty women. Quote from pdforone: Maybe the kid knows something about dad that you don't and just views you as dad's next victim? I thought about that. But his dad said this kid's mom has always been the type to party a lot and go from man to man, usually getting tired of them within a few months. His son has lived with him since he was pretty much in diapers. Plus, this man has a younger child that was conceived in a purely sexual relationship and his son had to go through that with him. I thought maybe he feared I would just dump his dad at some point and leave but I'm in it for the long haul. _______________________________________________________ Thanks for the responses everyone. I will just have to hang in there. My boyfriend has told me his son is shy and doesn't like to communicate much with him let alone anyone else that comes around. Maybe it really is just his personality. The kid is over 18 and is an adult for all practical purposes anyway. I just hope he can finally see me and get to know me. I have a son the same age as his son and he is outgoing and loves people and is just so different that I guess I expect all 18 year olds to be that way. I just gotta get over that. [Edited 9/15/2013 6:58:37 AM ]
9/15/2013 7:01:38 AM	Would you keep dating if..?
lookin4him2012 Boone, NC 49, joined Jan. 2012	Quote from legaleye: First I will ask the question..... what have you done about it? In a casual manner and without the kids around, simply ask him what is up with the kids. Comment that they dont seem to want much to do with you and since the kids are an integral part of any long term relationship, you are bringing it up now to make sure things go right with the two of you, or something like that. There are a lot of reasons the kids may not be in the game here. They may see you as competing with them for the time and attention of their dad. They may remember past situations in which their dad was "hurt" in their eyes, and are looking to protect him. None of this is your fault, but its there. You probably need his help in solving this. He needs to reassure his kids, and you need to make sure that there is plenty of time he can spend with the kids, both with and without you. Its not easy and will take time. I agree. And as I've gotten closer to the whole family over the last year I've noticed the man I'm dating isn't a real hands on type of dad anymore. He used to be with his son but I'm afraid he probably put dating before his son at some point and maybe lost a little respect from his son so he is acting out towards me by not respecting me. To me it's all about respect. If his son can go out and talk to a stranger in the store or at college or a job, then he can surely acknowledge me when I'm sitting on the couch a few feet away from him in his own living room. I guess it just confuses me as to why his dad doesn't push him to be more respectful towards me just as a person not necessarily just as his girlfriend. I'm a person and deserve some respect or at least a smile or a hello when I enter his home.
9/24/2013 2:19:58 AM	Would you keep dating if..?
d_voted Winnipeg, MB 64, joined Sep. 2008	At 18 years old a young man is pressured by all kinds of forces. He is wondering about girls, jobs, career, peers, family expectations and recent memories of high school and all the real or imagined expectations that teachers or others are placing on him. If you ask him questions like, "So what are you going to do with your life?" he is likely to freeze up or give you whatever answer he thinks you want to hear. He has no more any idea of what he is going to do with his life than a bird has about living under water. You have been dating his father for a year. Who knows what kind of 'relationships' he has witnessed in the past and perhaps, if his father is telling the truth about the boy's mother he is apprehensive about investing anything of himself in you (or any other woman). When you say he has been hurt by several 'slutty women' in the past it seems like he was making choices (now I'm talking about the dad). If the young man is in a community that has pretty close ties and certain moral values he may not feel that he can trust his father's discernment skills when it comes to women. The younger child - from a one night stand - seems odd to me. How is it that he got custody of the child? Something isn't adding up to me. How long has your boy friend been celibate prior to meeting you? Is he someone who can keep his pecker in his pants? Is your loneliness clouding your judgment about him? His track record, if it is FAR in the past then it may be less relevant. The young man is almost ready to strike out on his own and grandparents, teachers and parents may have certain ideas of college or university or a particular trade for the kid. They are seeing the world through their own eyes and like it or not we all have a bit of pride in hoping our children outdo us. It is almost a pride thing to say, "My son - the doctor ...." Or my son, "at Harvard", or my son "working for XYZ company" gives us credit for the good job of raising them. It has nothing to do with the child's own giftedness or where his heart will be excited. The kid has his own issues and letting him know that NO ONE at his age knows what they want to do twenty years from now. One thing for sure we all know is that if his lifestyle includes destructive behaviour he will not blossom into the man he should be. Let him know that in your estimation he doesn't have to DO anything right away (except if he needs to poop). That should be done right away. But with life decisions, exploration and any kind of work is fine. Taking a couple of years off to just be a pot washer or a whatever may bring new ideas and let him know you support him in learning to be independent with budgeting and day to day responsibilities. If this relationship is to flourish (between the dad and you) then the eighteen year old is ALWAYS going to be part of your life. If not he should know that you are on his side with whatever he does that is healthy and decent. If you and dad split up who knows the young man may consider you his ally and a confidante. Either way you win. D

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