dandruff
Cleveland, OH
48, joined May. 2009
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A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.
The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles roll
ed into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full.. The students responded with a unanimous ‘yes.’
The professor then produced two Beers from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand.The students laughed..
‘Now,’ said the professor as the laughter subsided, ‘I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things—-your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions—-and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.. The sand is everything else—-the small stuff.
‘If you put the sand into the jar first,’ he continued, ‘there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life.
If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.
Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.
Spend time with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit with grandparents. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and mow the lawn.
Take care of the golf balls first—-the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.
One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the Beer represented. The professor smiled and said, ‘I’m glad you asked.’ The Beer just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room for a couple of Beers with a friend.
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A policeman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well; however, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs in his crotch. Worried that it might be a second surgery and the doctors hadn't told him about it, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown up enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable. Taped firmly across his pubic hair and private parts were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the kind that doesn't come off easily --- if at all. Written on the tape in large black letters was the sentence, "Get well soon from the nurse in the Ford Explorer you pulled over last week." Kind of brings tears to your eyes doesn't it? 
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Dear Abby,
I’ve never written to you before, but I really need your advice on what could be a crucial decision.
I’ve suspected for some time now that my girlfriend has been cheating on me. The usual signs…phone rings, but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My girlfriend has been going out with "the girls" a lot recently, although when I ask their names she always says, “Just some friends from work, you don’t know them.”
I sometimes stay awake to look out for her cab coming home, but she always comes walking up the drive as I hear the sound of a car leaving, around the corner, as if she has gotten out and walked the rest of the way. Why? Maybe she wasn’t in a taxi at all?
I once picked up her cell phone, just to see what time it was. This caused her to go completely berserk. She quickly snatched the phone out of my hand and cursed me hysterically, screaming that I should never touch her personal property, then accused me of trying to spy on her.
Anyway, I have never broached the subject with my girlfriend. I think deep down I just didn’t want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her. I decided I was going to park my Harley-Davidson Shovelhead next to the garage and then hide behind it so I could get a good view of the street around the corner when she came home. Yeah, I know, kinda wimpy, but she rocks in the sack! Anyway, it was at that moment, crouching behind my motorcycle, that I noticed a small amount of motor oil leaking through the gasket between the rear head and rocker arm cover.
So…is this something I can easily repair myself...or do you think I should have my wrench take a look at it? 
****
Tick Warning
Please take care!!!
If someone comes knocking on your door saying they are checking for ticks during the warmer weather.
If they ask you to take your clothes off and dance around with your arms up ,
DO NOT DO THIS . IT IS A SCAM !!
I wish I'd been warned earlier........... I feel so stupid now
****
At the couples retreat, a couple was told to individually write a sentence using the words ‘sex’ and ‘love.’
The woman wrote: ‘When two mature people are passionately and deeply in love with one another to a high degree and that they respect each other very much, just like him and I, it is spiritually and morally acceptable for them to engage in the act of physical sex with one another.’
The man wrote: ‘I love sex.’ 
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nick269
Akron, OH
57, joined Jun. 2011
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