| 3/2/2015 12:38:58 PM |
I think I'm being used but not sure |
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SubaruB4
Greenwich, CT
30, joined Nov. 2014
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It's a long story.. I've been seeing this girl for about 4 months now, been on a few dinner dates and lunch as well as breakfast. Now I know this is going to sound obvious but hear me out..
OK so when she still had her job I did most of the paying for dinner or lunch or breakfast, maybe out of all those times (30+) she offered to pay maybe 3-5 times, so we hung out,I slept next to her in her bed for at least 4 weeks took her to work, came to her work when she got off to pick her up so she would not have to take a taxi home, she would smile to see me outside waiting.
Anyways we do have a difference in age, I'm 8 years older then her, she's not open open with me so I had to ask her friend who she has known since high school what's going on, as she knows we have been going out a lot and she posted a picture of me on facebook saying this is her date (me) and she really appreciates me, which is the first time in 4 months that people finally got to see what I look like and not just hear about me. Anyways when she ran to the store I asked her friend about her and she told me she was really hurt by a past relationship and the guy was really a a**hole and since then she said she really has not want to be in a relationship, I already knew this about the 2nd month in, it was like she was talking to me but standing behind a brick wall, the way her responses were and her questions.. the way she would dance around some questions... I've spent a fair amount of money on her, shes a person that likes to shop and she does know she shops and spends too much.. we have had a few sexual stuff happen but it's more so for her then me (I did get oral from her at least once)
But she will have times where she is flirty and she will slap me on the a** or if I get her back she will be like I knew you were going to do that.. but say we are riding in the car or i touch her leg she will be like don't touch me, or not just the leg.. her back as well.. Her response is I don't want to be touched, when I want to be touched I will let you know, until then don't touch me..
So here is the new thing I remember when I first met her mom and she liked me off the bat.. so a few months later I was sitting in the house and I wanted to create a little small talk with mom and I said we had a nice time eating out for valentine day, and her response was I know you are a nice guy, I tell my daughter she needs to stop messing with these knuckle heads and I just smile. So I told her what her mom said and shes like she says that to anyone I bring around that she likes them but don't put thought into it she was mad that I said I would take all of us out to dinner when the weather gets warmer she told me if she had known that she would of said no, that would be something you would do if you were in a relationship which we are not right now.
I noticed everything she says regarding the relationship is "right now" or "Not at the moment" like she knows but she can't make up her mind what she wants her roommate has seen how much I've done for her and she was like maybe we all need to go out and discuss this because she wants it to work out between us.. but everyone says she takes a long time before she lets you in.
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| 3/2/2015 12:44:33 PM |
I think I'm being used but not sure |
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b2cold
Bark River, MI
22, joined Mar. 2014
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If your not in a relationship don't take it so serious. Sounds like u want one & she don't. As also I wouldn't be paying for almost everything. That's a perfect way to get used.
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| 3/2/2015 2:12:53 PM |
I think I'm being used but not sure |
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bumblebee7
Fort Payne, AL
59, joined Apr. 2011
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that's a lot of mumbo jumbo to read.
but I took this one exert out....just to make a reference.
::: """"... I've spent a fair amount of money on her, shes a person that likes to shop and she does know she shops and spends too much.. we have had a few sexual stuff happen but it's more so for her then me (I did get oral from her at least once)
a...I've spent a lot of money on her.
b....we have sex, but its more for her than me....I did get oral at least once.
Here he is ladies....if you want a turkey to spend money on you and get sex, where you don't have to do anything.
Seriously dude, it sounds like your in love, she is so so about that and enjoying the ride for now.
There is such a thing as getting back, what you give....see if you can find a girl like that.
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| 3/2/2015 2:19:32 PM |
I think I'm being used but not sure |
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kawkasian
Houston, TX
47, joined Sep. 2014
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Long and windy...
Cliff notes.
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| 3/2/2015 2:31:04 PM |
I think I'm being used but not sure |
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unique_woman
Omaha, NE
27, joined Dec. 2014
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Thats a long post & Im not going to read it. 
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| 3/2/2015 2:32:57 PM |
I think I'm being used but not sure |
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bumblebee7
Fort Payne, AL
59, joined Apr. 2011
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Your not being used, if you feel you are being used and let it happen.
there is a difference.
and maybe she is not using you...but just a royal b*tch who likes guys to spend money on her, terrible in bed and likes to dominate/control everything.
if the case...you have to ask yourself this one question:
is this the kinda girl you want, who can make you happy???
it doesn't sound like it to me.
[Edited 3/2/2015 2:35:13 PM ]
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| 3/2/2015 2:43:05 PM |
I think I'm being used but not sure |
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SubaruB4
Greenwich, CT
30, joined Nov. 2014
|
Your not being used, if you feel you are being used and let it happen.
there is a difference.
and maybe she is not using you...but just a royal b*tch who likes guys to spend money on her, terrible in bed and likes to dominate/control everything.
if the case...you have to ask yourself this one question:
is this the kinda girl you want, who can make you happy???
it doesn't sound like it to me.
She will sometimes be hesitant about asking me for anything because she feels like she asks me for too much, so she knows and shes like I can't wait to be able to take you out for lunch
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| 3/2/2015 2:55:07 PM |
I think I'm being used but not sure |
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candy0426
Newtown, PA
46, joined Aug. 2014
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I'm going to look at this in a different way. First off, she's being honest about being afraid, she doesn't want to let you in completely because then you can hurt her. It doesn't sound like she's playing you and dating other guys.
Are you the one that suggests going out to eat and/or shopping? Does she still want to hang out if you suggest a night in and a movie? We're any of her ex's physically or sexually abusive?
I know you feel she is being difficult, I'm in a very similar situation with the reverse (him afraid to commit to more than friends). It's getting old to me at this point, but I don't feel used, I feel frustrated and ready to move on to someone who is not afraid to love me. His pushing me away has effectively stopped me from feeling more. I'm not afraid to be hurt though, if I am, oh well, I move on. You can't find what you want, if your too afraid to look for it.
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| 3/2/2015 3:10:43 PM |
I think I'm being used but not sure |
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SubaruB4
Greenwich, CT
30, joined Nov. 2014
|
I'm going to look at this in a different way. First off, she's being honest about being afraid, she doesn't want to let you in completely because then you can hurt her. It doesn't sound like she's playing you and dating other guys.
Are you the one that suggests going out to eat and/or shopping? Does she still want to hang out if you suggest a night in and a movie? We're any of her ex's physically or sexually abusive?
I know you feel she is being difficult, I'm in a very similar situation with the reverse (him afraid to commit to more than friends). It's getting old to me at this point, but I don't feel used, I feel frustrated and ready to move on to someone who is not afraid to love me. His pushing me away has effectively stopped me from feeling more. I'm not afraid to be hurt though, if I am, oh well, I move on. You can't find what you want, if your too afraid to look for it.
Oh she is very honest with me before it would bother me when she went away each night but she does it because her roommate is going to have another kid (shes older then her and still no stable father in her 2 other kids lifes) and her roommate is driving her nuts to the fact she does not want to spend the night at her own house. so because her roomate does not know where she goes at night she asked her if she was screwing around, and she said no! and she told me after she got off the phone what she was asking and all. She is a person who is very strong willed so she would never come out and say she is afraid and I know never to expect it.
As far as eating and shopping, she eats a lot.. yes she is a little on the overweight side but she understands that and is working at going to the gym (she texed me a few min ago asking me to take her to the gym) she says shopping calms her down when shes mad or if she goes to a party she always has to have something new, she never hardly puts the same outfit on twice.
it's very frustrating to me because of all the work I've put into it.. I mean I got my male friends laughing at me for sticking with her this long and her not doing much of anything, I don't know how her exes where but I'm guessing the one she keeps bring up was the one she was with had a baby by another girl without telling her and she was hurt (she told me that one twice so that must of been the one)
My mom has seen how much I have poured out, shes like any girl in her right mind would love to have a guy like you.. I mean I just came back from a 1 night stay in a hotel in NYC for $402 a night so we could just hang out..
Also she does not mind a night in and a movie
[Edited 3/2/2015 3:11:32 PM ]
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| 3/2/2015 3:20:41 PM |
I think I'm being used but not sure |
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finalprofile
Homewood, IL
49, joined Dec. 2014
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You are being used.
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| 3/2/2015 3:27:40 PM |
I think I'm being used but not sure |
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dasnixter
Jessieville, AR
55, joined Jul. 2010
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Bill Withers, Use Me (1972)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zxOyx6I5Da8
My friends feel it's their appointed duty
They keep trying to tell me all you want to do is use me
But my answer yeah to all that use me stuff
Is I want to spread the news that if it feels this good getting used
Oh you just keep on using me until you use me up
Until you use me up
My brother sit me right down and he talked to me
He told me that I ought not to let you just walk on me
And I'm sure he meant well yeah but when our talk was through
I said brother if you only knew you'd wish that you were in my shoes
You just keep on using me until you use me up
Until you use me up
Oh sometimes yeah it's true you really do abuse me
You get in a crowd of high class people and then you act real rude to me
But oh baby baby baby baby when you love me I can't get enough
I and I want to spread the news that if it feels this good getting used
Oh you just keep on using me until you use me up
Until you use me up
Talking about you using me but it all depends on what you do
It ain't too bad the way you're using me
'Cause I sure am using you to do the things you do
Ah ha to do the things you do
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| 3/2/2015 3:34:48 PM |
I think I'm being used but not sure |
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bumblebee7
Fort Payne, AL
59, joined Apr. 2011
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Here's the bottom line.
your not happy with this situation whatever it is.
Dude, love isn't everything, people need to be happy in their love situation. Intially in the beginning.. to keep a love going, people put up with a lot of stuff sometimes, feeling short changed, not really that content and happy.
but you learn from that.
its one thing to have some things to talk out and solve.
its another to not be compatent and happy.
your not happy or you wouldn't being writing all this.
time to move on, there will be other loves in your life....think about what you want too, when you seek someone.
[Edited 3/2/2015 3:35:04 PM ]
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| 3/2/2015 3:46:53 PM |
I think I'm being used but not sure |
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candy0426
Newtown, PA
46, joined Aug. 2014
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I'm thinking that you're not going to get what you want/need from her. Sounds like she does suggest going out to eat, shopping etc. and the no touching, rare sex thing is pretty huge.
It's great that your a gentleman, but you need to sit her down and talk. Ask specific questions. Don't let her p*ssyfoot around the answers and be prepared to walk away for good.
No one wants to be used, I'm sorry.
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| 3/2/2015 4:01:27 PM |
I think I'm being used but not sure |
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SubaruB4
Greenwich, CT
30, joined Nov. 2014
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I'm thinking that you're not going to get what you want/need from her. Sounds like she does suggest going out to eat, shopping etc. and the no touching, rare sex thing is pretty huge.
It's great that your a gentleman, but you need to sit her down and talk. Ask specific questions. Don't let her p*ssyfoot around the answers and be prepared to walk away for good.
No one wants to be used, I'm sorry.
in a text some stuff I will say and wait for a response to maybe 5 min later she will respond and it will be a different subject
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| 3/2/2015 4:08:54 PM |
I think I'm being used but not sure |
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packersbabe920
Green Bay, WI
49, joined Jul. 2013
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Stop asking the roommate questions about her and ask her yourself, seem like you're putting a lot of effort into this and no one has established a relationship and buying her is not one
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| 3/2/2015 4:10:32 PM |
I think I'm being used but not sure |
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SubaruB4
Greenwich, CT
30, joined Nov. 2014
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Stop asking the roommate questions about her and ask her yourself, seem like you're putting a lot of effort into this and no one has established a relationship and buying her is not one
the roommate is the one that wants it to work out for us she's asking the questions
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| 3/2/2015 4:13:01 PM |
I think I'm being used but not sure |
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packersbabe920
Green Bay, WI
49, joined Jul. 2013
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That's between u and her, not the roommate,
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| 3/2/2015 4:40:55 PM |
I think I'm being used but not sure |
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SubaruB4
Greenwich, CT
30, joined Nov. 2014
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She's brings it up when we are all in the car together
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| 3/2/2015 4:47:31 PM |
I think I'm being used but not sure |
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candy0426
Newtown, PA
46, joined Aug. 2014
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Are you afraid of losing her if you ask a direct question? Relationships are built on trust & honesty, not fear. I stayed in a horrible marriage out of fear. Once I finally asked him to leave, I was amazed at the strength I had in me. But I had to take that leap of faith.
There will be another girl, that appreciates and loves you back. You just need to jump. And hey, maybe by showing her you're a man and not letting her dictate things, she will appreciate you. Maybe by walking away she will feel what she has been holding back. I really don't know, but I will say this, most guys don't put themselves out there and ask for advice about this stuff. You obviously care for her, don't forget to love yourself too.
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| 3/2/2015 4:59:24 PM |
I think I'm being used but not sure |
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lookin4him2012
Boone, NC
46, joined Jan. 2012
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OP she's obviously using you.
You are a very sweet and sincere person. That is evidenced by the fact you wrote a book about this girl.  If you were a tough guy you wouldn't have started this thread and much less wouldn't have written more than one or two sentences. Move on. She's just biding time with you. She doesn't want you for what you want her for and sees you only as a meal ticket and free ride. Sad but true. I'd rather know the truth and move on than to believe lies and keep getting used, but that's just me.
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| 3/2/2015 5:00:12 PM |
I think I'm being used but not sure |
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packersbabe920
Green Bay, WI
49, joined Jul. 2013
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She's brings it up when we are all in the car together
OK and it don't seem like she appreciate u, maybe u should lay low and fall back, till she know what she wants,the only thing she appreciates is what u buy her
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| 3/2/2015 5:35:10 PM |
I think I'm being used but not sure |
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SubaruB4
Greenwich, CT
30, joined Nov. 2014
|
OK and it don't seem like she appreciate u, maybe u should lay low and fall back, till she know what she wants,the only thing she appreciates is what u buy her
so she wanted to go to the gym today and I said I really don't want to so I had to pick her up in the car she was telling me how she was mad I was not going to the gym with her.. so I did have my work out clothes with me so I decided to work out.. funny thing is if I fall back she moves a little closer then she falls back a bit it's like a back and forth game.
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| 3/2/2015 5:40:48 PM |
I think I'm being used but not sure |
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SubaruB4
Greenwich, CT
30, joined Nov. 2014
|
Are you afraid of losing her if you ask a direct question? Relationships are built on trust & honesty, not fear. I stayed in a horrible marriage out of fear. Once I finally asked him to leave, I was amazed at the strength I had in me. But I had to take that leap of faith.
There will be another girl, that appreciates and loves you back. You just need to jump. And hey, maybe by showing her you're a man and not letting her dictate things, she will appreciate you. Maybe by walking away she will feel what she has been holding back. I really don't know, but I will say this, most guys don't put themselves out there and ask for advice about this stuff. You obviously care for her, don't forget to love yourself too.
I'm a little afraid I think minus all the stuff she has done we have bonded pretty well.. we have had arguments but ended up making up in a decent amount of time. I don't have many relationships under my belt for a guy my age, she will only be my 2nd one she has sent me a text when she was gone for awhile saying she really did miss me and that she really did appreciate what I have done for her she went on to say that it took her awhile being away for her to notice all I have done for her
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| 3/2/2015 5:44:27 PM |
I think I'm being used but not sure |
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rumrumrum
Mesa, AZ
53, joined Jul. 2014
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| 3/2/2015 6:05:42 PM |
I think I'm being used but not sure |
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SubaruB4
Greenwich, CT
30, joined Nov. 2014
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Lol that's how I feel
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| 3/2/2015 6:38:52 PM |
I think I'm being used but not sure |
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finalprofile
Homewood, IL
49, joined Dec. 2014
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Money can't buy you love. You are being mind fuc##%.
If this situation was right you would not be so anxious and uncertain. Protect your heart, and good luck you seem nice.
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| 3/2/2015 6:43:24 PM |
I think I'm being used but not sure |
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SubaruB4
Greenwich, CT
30, joined Nov. 2014
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The bad thing about this is I can't just leave yet because she invited me to come with her to the Dominican Republic in April I'm going with her family... at first she was unsure because she did not want her family asking too many questions but she said OK when we went out for lunch.
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| 3/2/2015 7:09:13 PM |
I think I'm being used but not sure |
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vagmasterflash
Durand, WI
49, joined Nov. 2014
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She's batshit crazy. But don't feel bad. They all are. And as soon as you realize they are all batshit crazy...the sooner you can recover, and heal, and move on in your life, and have a prosperous, and sucessful, and happy life.
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| 3/2/2015 7:10:20 PM |
I think I'm being used but not sure |
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SubaruB4
Greenwich, CT
30, joined Nov. 2014
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Yeah but seeing as it took this long I don't want it to be another 10 plus years.. I'm 30 years old.
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| 3/2/2015 7:50:55 PM |
I think I'm being used but not sure |
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SubaruB4
Greenwich, CT
30, joined Nov. 2014
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I think I'm just going to have to get tough and distant with her.. Two things will happen.. she will see the light or she will ride off in the sunset.
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| 3/2/2015 8:24:56 PM |
I think I'm being used but not sure |
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vagmasterflash
Durand, WI
49, joined Nov. 2014
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I'm 50, and semi retired, and got it made. I wouldn't have if I had been seeking dead end relationships. I didn't fall for the hype. All my freinds are divorced, and pennyless, and miserable. Or co-dependent, in a bad relationship, and miserable. Or married, broke, and miserable. I have some freinds with success in relationships. I've had the absolute worst luck possible in the last 20 years of dating. And I blame myself. I settled. Now I dont. I found that crazy chick magnet, and threw it in the river. And 3 local women drowned. I smell crazy people coming, and avoid them like the plague. There is a lack of quantity of quality in my area, and I realize that. I'm not desperate. I'm not co-dependent. And I will not change for anyone. And I'm happy. Just the way it is.
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| 3/2/2015 8:27:35 PM |
I think I'm being used but not sure |
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SubaruB4
Greenwich, CT
30, joined Nov. 2014
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OK and it don't seem like she appreciate u, maybe u should lay low and fall back, till she know what she wants,the only thing she appreciates is what u buy her
I will be doing this I know she got kind of mad at me because I did not give her money to get food at school.. mind you she had a job but she hated it so she left. When I gave a very delayed response to her asking for mmoney she was like you know I know when you read my messages and she went on to say you know I would never do that to you regardless if we fell out with one another.
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| 3/2/2015 8:35:45 PM |
I think I'm being used but not sure |
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cubcougar
Lucerne, CA
62, joined Oct. 2010
online now!
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Long and windy...
Cliff notes.
Her mom is crazy ... her daughter is crazy .. and this guy .. he likes crazy women who are just like dear old mom.
This is NORMAL to him, he has a high toleration for toxic relationship and broken people.
He knows how to pick them.
Everything that happened to this girl, rape and all the rest, happened to his mom and were buried in secrets.
She as secrets that are buried, no truth coming out of this bird cage he flying about in.
It is his Duck Disease is working on and picking a girl more stuck in her Toddler Tantrum mentality then he is.
PTSD does this stuff to people .. and he will not do any recovery and come to the realization it is HIM that is the problem ... after all he picks them.
sumbuddie wear blind sea
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| 3/2/2015 8:51:45 PM |
I think I'm being used but not sure |
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SubaruB4
Greenwich, CT
30, joined Nov. 2014
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Lol she asked to use the car tomorrow and so I was like let me think about it.. so I said yeah if you replace the gas that you use.. almost a hour later waiting for her response back lol
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| 3/2/2015 8:58:16 PM |
I think I'm being used but not sure |
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vagmasterflash
Durand, WI
49, joined Nov. 2014
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In my world...she would already be gone.
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| 3/2/2015 9:07:01 PM |
I think I'm being used but not sure |
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SubaruB4
Greenwich, CT
30, joined Nov. 2014
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After the trip it's going to be time to make that call..
48 days left
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| 3/2/2015 9:12:43 PM |
I think I'm being used but not sure |
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virgosarmoire
Sarasota, FL
56, joined Jan. 2013
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TMI! Love is not hard and this seems extremely difficult. Walk away. And, try a Boutique Hotel next time in NYC. They have a most romantic and quaint appeal! Seriously, if there is no tingle in a mere touch, you have nothing!!
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| 3/2/2015 9:17:35 PM |
I think I'm being used but not sure |
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SubaruB4
Greenwich, CT
30, joined Nov. 2014
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I stayed at The James New York given they had "SExy stockings" in the room they must expect stuff like that
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| 3/2/2015 10:16:32 PM |
I think I'm being used but not sure |
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driver406
Saint Paul, MN
63, joined Oct. 2009
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Poor communication? That's a killer sooner or later.
Shops too much? Spends too much? Guess who's going to be expected to pay for it? You don't want to be dating an immature spendthrift.
Sounds like she's nowhere near mature enough for a heavy relationship no matter what her past problems were.
You're having sex? STOP! You want to take the chance of making this silly, immature girl pregnant? Then you'd be stuck with her until the kid is eighteen.
I think you can do better.
Of course, her mom likes you if you're a nice guy. The girl sounds too immature to appreciate what she has.
Hot and cold with affection? May just be her way of controlling the relationship.
The girl has issues. The girl is immature. The girl isn't ready for commitment and I'm thinking you can do better. It might be time to explore your options and date someone a bit closer to your own age.
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| 3/2/2015 10:45:41 PM |
I think I'm being used but not sure |
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SubaruB4
Greenwich, CT
30, joined Nov. 2014
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Poor communication? That's a killer sooner or later.
Shops too much? Spends too much? Guess who's going to be expected to pay for it? You don't want to be dating an immature spendthrift.
Sounds like she's nowhere near mature enough for a heavy relationship no matter what her past problems were.
You're having sex? STOP! You want to take the chance of making this silly, immature girl pregnant? Then you'd be stuck with her until the kid is eighteen.
I think you can do better.
Of course, her mom likes you if you're a nice guy. The girl sounds too immature to appreciate what she has.
Hot and cold with affection? May just be her way of controlling the relationship.
The girl has issues. The girl is immature. The girl isn't ready for commitment and I'm thinking you can do better. It might be time to explore your options and date someone a bit closer to your own age.
I've only told half the story to get to the basics it goes a bit deeper and yes the immature nature of her age does come out.. When she talks serious you would never think a girl like this would do this.. As of right now I said if she uses the car she has to replace the gas she uses.. so she sends 1 text back saying you know I don't have the money like that.. I don't respond and she sent the same text back.. I expect her to call if not tonight early in the morning or text me again tonight.
Also i haven't had sex with her, I've gone down on her twice she in no way wants a kid after seeing her other friends and the stuff they had to put up with.
As for doing better.. I would love to see that.. if I can find a women that's 30 and looks decent without any kids tell them to come my way.. i wont say how much I spent on this girl so far..
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| 3/2/2015 10:49:21 PM |
I think I'm being used but not sure |
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dixie_dancer
Kansas City, KS
26, joined Feb. 2013
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She will sometimes be hesitant about asking me for anything because she feels like she asks me for too much, so she knows and shes like I can't wait to be able to take you out for lunch
Because she doesn't want to ask for too much and scare you off. The longer she can keep you around the more you'll shell out versus walking away right now.
But irregardless. Talk to her. Be a grown a** adult and have a real conversation. That's what relationships are about.
This whole having to ask friends for info because she won't tell you anything should be a huge flag.
I'd lay it out like 'I'm feeling you, but I'm not feeling you're feeling me. I need to know where you stand and see this going, because I'm getting the vibe you're just along for a ride"
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| 3/2/2015 10:57:04 PM |
I think I'm being used but not sure |
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SubaruB4
Greenwich, CT
30, joined Nov. 2014
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Because she doesn't want to ask for too much and scare you off. The longer she can keep you around the more you'll shell out versus walking away right now.
But irregardless. Talk to her. Be a grown a** adult and have a real conversation. That's what relationships are about.
This whole having to ask friends for info because she won't tell you anything should be a huge flag.
I'd lay it out like 'I'm feeling you, but I'm not feeling you're feeling me. I need to know where you stand and see this going, because I'm getting the vibe you're just along for a ride"
Oh I have asked before.. we've had pillow talk time, hell in text messages as well.. her response is as always
I don't want to be in a relationship right now.. Or We are not at that level yet
Or it's still too soon the last discussion was like it takes her 6 months to a year to really be on that level she says of deciding.
In her text a few months ago she was like we are just friends, maybe a little bit more. Like I said before it's like she can't make up her mind but that could be due to her age but I mean it could be anything.. sometimes I just throw my hands up.
She's quick to fly off so when shes mellow is when the best time to ask her but I feel like or well she feels like I always ask her about the status of the relationship and she always feels like I'm trying to put a title on it.
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| 3/3/2015 12:41:24 AM |
I think I'm being used but not sure |
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itongue
Grand Rapids, MI
54, joined Dec. 2013
online now!
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You mentioned that when you pull back, she seems to step up a bit. That's human nature, we want what we can't have, so her security of having you around is threatened when you pull back. It appears though that as soon as she gives you a bone, you're right back where you were. She feels secure again and back in control. Which is what this is, she is in control. You may really like her, she may even be gem underneath, but as long as she is in control, you won't respect yourself and neither will she respect you. You are teaching her how to treat you. You should define some boundaries for yourself, some reasonable expectations of a relationship and then stick to it. If she can't or won't meet you, then you need to turn her loose. If you don't do that, it will be 5 years before you know it, with little change. Respect yourself enough to have a conversation with her and come to a conclusion yourself if she is going to be what you want and need in a relationship. You appear to be a decent guy, learn from this. What is it about you that wants someone else to be in control of you?, is the question you want to be asking yourself.
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| 3/3/2015 1:01:08 AM |
I think I'm being used but not sure |
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kungfu_candy
Alsónémedi
Hungary
26, joined Aug. 2013
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Like I said, men are begging to be used these days.
Okay, this is all I have to say.
In the future, when you come across a true lady who wants you for you and values time with you no matter what, PLEASE don't treat her the way you should have treated THIS female.
Why not just buy an escort?
Do you like being used?
Is the girl utterly gorgeous?
I'm trying to understand how this scenario is even possible.
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| 3/3/2015 1:29:29 AM |
I think I'm being used but not sure |
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hogaseman
Benátky nad Jizerou
Czech Republic
63, joined Jun. 2014
online now!
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Op does she call you lolly pop??
Cuz YOU'RE A SUCKER! !!
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| 3/3/2015 2:13:58 AM |
I think I'm being used but not sure |
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cavie59
Enid, OK
55, joined Feb. 2010
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Well O.P., if you THINK you are being used, chances are, You are being used. 
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| 3/3/2015 5:45:31 AM |
I think I'm being used but not sure |
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SubaruB4
Greenwich, CT
30, joined Nov. 2014
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You mentioned that when you pull back, she seems to step up a bit. That's human nature, we want what we can't have, so her security of having you around is threatened when you pull back. It appears though that as soon as she gives you a bone, you're right back where you were. She feels secure again and back in control. Which is what this is, she is in control. You may really like her, she may even be gem underneath, but as long as she is in control, you won't respect yourself and neither will she respect you. You are teaching her how to treat you. You should define some boundaries for yourself, some reasonable expectations of a relationship and then stick to it. If she can't or won't meet you, then you need to turn her loose. If you don't do that, it will be 5 years before you know it, with little change. Respect yourself enough to have a conversation with her and come to a conclusion yourself if she is going to be what you want and need in a relationship. You appear to be a decent guy, learn from this. What is it about you that wants someone else to be in control of you?, is the question you want to be asking yourself.
well she hates if I say no to something she's asking for because she always expects me to say yes.. she then will be like just say no.. If that's the case I will know some stuff about me then.. I guess that's her way of trying to gain control again.
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| 3/3/2015 6:17:24 AM |
I think I'm being used but not sure |
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ltlwing
Williamsburg, OH
51, joined Oct. 2013
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She is either all in or not op? To even call it a relationship,she would have to be all in with no confusing,or mixed messages.
Quit doing,or buying her stuff and see what happens?....this will tell you all you need to know op.
[Edited 3/3/2015 6:20:03 AM ]
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| 3/3/2015 6:31:37 AM |
I think I'm being used but not sure |
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frappeyes
Houston, TX
66, joined Nov. 2011
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It sounds like you only hear from her when she needs something - a ride, lunch money - ? What grown woman asks a man for "lunch money"?
Seems like you are letting a much younger woman lead you around by the nose. Good relationships are give and take equally. In this relationship, you are the giver and she is the taker. I would move on, but I'm not you.
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| 3/3/2015 6:46:37 AM |
I think I'm being used but not sure |
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idliketotalk
Punxsutawney, PA
52, joined Oct. 2013
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Yes, you are being used. Everyone in a relationship gets used, some in good ways and some in not so good ways, some people get used more than others.
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| 3/3/2015 6:47:40 AM |
I think I'm being used but not sure |
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mrxriley
Oakland, CA
24, joined Sep. 2014
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Drive away in your Subaru and pursue happiness friend.
I would put my vehicle in first gear and ride off into the sunset leaving her in the dust..
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| 3/3/2015 7:15:45 AM |
I think I'm being used but not sure |
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bumblebee7
Fort Payne, AL
59, joined Apr. 2011
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I stayed at The James New York given they had "SExy stockings" in the room they must expect stuff like that
Well, did they fit you and did she like seeing you like that?
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| 3/3/2015 7:18:49 AM |
I think I'm being used but not sure |
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SubaruB4
Greenwich, CT
30, joined Nov. 2014
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Well, did they fit you and did she like seeing you like that?
lol she's not going that far
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| 3/3/2015 7:26:13 AM |
I think I'm being used but not sure |
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nothingneeded
Johnston, IA
46, joined Sep. 2014
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22 yo girl is not relationship material.
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| 3/3/2015 8:14:09 AM |
I think I'm being used but not sure |
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SubaruB4
Greenwich, CT
30, joined Nov. 2014
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22 yo girl is not relationship material.
all 22 year old women? Curious how long behavior goes on for?
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| 3/3/2015 8:18:49 AM |
I think I'm being used but not sure |
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SubaruB4
Greenwich, CT
30, joined Nov. 2014
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It sounds like you only hear from her when she needs something - a ride, lunch money - ? What grown woman asks a man for "lunch money"?
Seems like you are letting a much younger woman lead you around by the nose. Good relationships are give and take equally. In this relationship, you are the giver and she is the taker. I would move on, but I'm not you.
she feels bad that I'm always buying her lunch so she wants to treat me to lunch.. it's like she knows she is in the wrong but I always have to think about what's she's getting at.. she gets mad when she says I over analyze the situation.
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| 3/3/2015 8:40:30 AM |
I think I'm being used but not sure |
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dixie_dancer
Kansas City, KS
26, joined Feb. 2013
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You're over analyzing and over justifying her actions.
She's playing games and you're too bird brained to recognize it and accept it.
I don't see how someone can say "it takes 6 months to a year to know if I want to be in a relationship with someone" that is the biggest cop out excuse. To put a time limit on something. That's bullshit. The heart does what the heart does and no amount of logic or reasoning will override that. I've met a few guys and been in "relationships" after just a few dates because I had no interest in seeing anyone else while pursuing something with them. That's what a relationship is. Being exclusive. If she won't claim you're in a relationship than she isn't being exclusive with just you.
Word games. Mind games. You fell for them all hook like and sinker. She got you.
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| 3/3/2015 9:21:49 AM |
I think I'm being used but not sure |
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cubcougar
Lucerne, CA
62, joined Oct. 2010
online now!
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You're over analyzing and over justifying her actions.
She's playing games and you're too bird brained to recognize it and accept it.
I don't see how someone can say "it takes 6 months to a year to know if I want to be in a relationship with someone" that is the biggest cop out excuse. To put a time limit on something. That's bullshit. The heart does what the heart does and no amount of logic or reasoning will override that. I've met a few guys and been in "relationships" after just a few dates because I had no interest in seeing anyone else while pursuing something with them. That's what a relationship is. Being exclusive. If she won't claim you're in a relationship than she isn't being exclusive with just you.
Word games. Mind games. You fell for them all hook like and sinker. She got you.
Poor fella is stuck in his Toddler Tantrum ... he do not know what you talking about Holmes !!!
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| 3/3/2015 9:51:39 AM |
I think I'm being used but not sure |
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dr_i_got_answer
Gwynn Oak, MD
48, joined Jun. 2014
online now!
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You want a relation, she's just along for the ride and having fun.
You think by rallying everyone like her mom and girlfriends on your side that it'll create some pressure FROM THE INSIDE to push (convince) her to go your way in this.
You paid for meals and some more figuring if you ASSUME the role as a boyfriend that shs would play along and ASSUME her role as girlfriend.
She has made it PERFECTLY CLEAR that you DO NOT have the liberties a boyfriend would have but yet you continue to do boyfriend things and feeling used when you don't get the response you expect.
She's not asking for shit, you keep offering. 
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| 3/3/2015 10:43:42 AM |
I think I'm being used but not sure |
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greeleybro
Longmont, CO
47, joined Oct. 2013
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Is she.fat??
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