Is It Easier To Date Someone Else Who's Disabled?

3/14/2015 3:47:04 AM	Is It Easier To Date Someone Else Who's Disabled?
dr_i_got_answer Gwynn Oak, MD 50, joined Jun. 2014	I say yes. Lets be real here. Its always awkward to bring it up when first meeting. Ppl who AREN'T disabled don't exactly look for those who are. Now its different sometimes if you become disabled while in a relationship. But ppl don't like to be looked at like freaks. So why not date someone who's disabled? You already know what your getting into. And there's a MUCH GREATER chance that you'll be respected and accepted for who you are. Do you agree or disagree? Meet singles at DateHookup.dating, we're 100% free! Join now!
3/14/2015 7:46:00 AM	Is It Easier To Date Someone Else Who's Disabled?
ryans_hope New York, NY 24, joined Feb. 2015	agreed!
3/14/2015 10:38:49 AM	Is It Easier To Date Someone Else Who's Disabled?
stareye1 Osage Beach, MO 57, joined Sep. 2009	I disagree........ If someone like or (love) you, they will like or love you with or without the disability...... Before, I didn't have a disability.....the men were devils---(laughing); after I had a stroke and the right side of my body does work (laughing) , GOD sent me a real man to take care of me...... We have been together almost 2 years....... He doesn't have a disability (now)...... and IF he got a disability, I would stay with him..... because we LOVE each other.... AFTER MY STROKE..
3/14/2015 12:48:02 PM	Is It Easier To Date Someone Else Who's Disabled?
voodoogirl13 Ashland, PA 41, joined Apr. 2009	I have a mental disability...So instantly when I tell a guy that they think "CRAZY" or "NUT JOB". So it's difficult for me get to know even a "normal" guy once I tell them of the disability. I tell them up front, maybe I shouldn't, but I'm trying to be honest. I don't want a "trait" to show and have them wonder ya know?...lol.. But I haven't had a date in a million years so I'm not exactly sure if things changed these days...lol
3/14/2015 12:48:40 PM	Is It Easier To Date Someone Else Who's Disabled?
godsbutterfly1 Woodlyn, PA 62, joined Dec. 2010	I don't think it's about whether or not someone has a disability. It's what's inside that counts. Disabled or not, if the disability is not having a heart, it won't work.
3/14/2015 1:01:52 PM	Is It Easier To Date Someone Else Who's Disabled?
cupocheer Assumption, IL 68, joined May. 2010
3/14/2015 4:42:20 PM	Is It Easier To Date Someone Else Who's Disabled?
cheekdaddy Anniston, AL 47, joined Oct. 2008	AGREE, HERE'S WHY: seems it may work better because they have probably experienced the same rejection most people with a disability feel in dating. now there are dates that might overlook it but there are also the ones that wont. i feel sorry for these people because WE ARE ALL AWESOME IN OUR OWN WAY!
3/14/2015 6:11:03 PM	Is It Easier To Date Someone Else Who's Disabled?
latinleprekahn South San Francisco, CA 47, joined Sep. 2014	I think it depends. Some disabilities are obvious and some aren't. Mine aren't but I'm not going to tell someone I just met what they are. People who are already disabled may be more understanding but that doesn't mean someone with no disability can't be. But I do get where you're coming from OP.
3/14/2015 10:04:13 PM	Is It Easier To Date Someone Else Who's Disabled?
dr_i_got_answer Gwynn Oak, MD 50, joined Jun. 2014	@ stareye: I never said the disabled wasn't lovable or don't deserve love. I said most times if someone become disabled while ALREADY IN a relationship usually maintains it. But most non disabled ppl don't seek out or choose to date the disabled with the same volume as others. Bcuz depending on how much your disability restricts you it seems like a burden to someone who isn't disabled JUST MEETING them.
3/14/2015 10:08:42 PM	Is It Easier To Date Someone Else Who's Disabled?
dr_i_got_answer Gwynn Oak, MD 50, joined Jun. 2014	Quote from voodoogirl13: I have a mental disability...So instantly when I tell a guy that they think "CRAZY" or "NUT JOB". So it's difficult for me get to know even a "normal" guy once I tell them of the disability. I tell them up front, maybe I shouldn't, but I'm trying to be honest. I don't want a "trait" to show and have them wonder ya know?...lol.. But I haven't had a date in a million years so I'm not exactly sure if things changed these days...lol This is a testimony to what I was saying in my post before this one. A lot of ppl will react that way once knowing you are disabled.
3/14/2015 10:23:13 PM	Is It Easier To Date Someone Else Who's Disabled?
walt_oftheearth Avondale, AZ 62, joined Feb. 2008	Quote from dr_i_got_answer: I say yes. Lets be real here. Its always awkward to bring it up when first meeting. Ppl who AREN'T disabled don't exactly look for those who are. Now its different sometimes if you become disabled while in a relationship. But ppl don't like to be looked at like freaks. So why not date someone who's disabled? You already know what your getting into. And there's a MUCH GREATER chance that you'll be respected and accepted for who you are. Do you agree or disagree? Your topic really made me think. I agree full-heartedly. Well stated. Thank you!
3/15/2015 3:43:47 AM	Is It Easier To Date Someone Else Who's Disabled?
dr_i_got_answer Gwynn Oak, MD 50, joined Jun. 2014	Quote from walt_oftheearth: Your topic really made me think. I agree full-heartedly. Well stated. Thank you! Your welcome my friend.... I had the pleasure of speaking with a "drop dead" gorgeous women who I oulda given my right arm to date. I asked her about her love life, she said she was dating bcuz it wouldn't be fair to take someone through all that. Assuming shes referring to someone who isn't disabled. But my first thought was maybe someone who ISN'T probably wouldn't wanna be burdened with that. But what she told me wouldn't have mattered to me. I woulda loved to be their for her when she was down. Bcuz I know what shes dealing with.
3/15/2015 11:35:50 AM	Is It Easier To Date Someone Else Who's Disabled?
back4alook Lima, OH 64, joined Nov. 2012	I'm diabetic and I have a date this week with a man who only eats once a day. I'm on insulin and have to eat at least 3 times a day. I seriously doubt that this would work out as a LTR. I'm not saying this couldn't work, 'cause my husband could have coped with it. It would just be easier to date someone with the same disability.
3/15/2015 11:54:17 AM	Is It Easier To Date Someone Else Who's Disabled?
texasgirl_1978 Grapevine, TX 38, joined Sep. 2013	With the disability I have it's hard to find people within my age range. Most people are much younger then me or much older then me. I do have to say that sometimes it would be easier to date someone who also has a disability but you might miss out on meeting a great person who doesn't have a disability. I have met some great people who don't have disabilities. My boyfriend is an amazing person who loves me for me and doesn't judge me based on my limitations. I'm very lucky to have him in my life and I wouldn't want to do anything to hurt him.
3/15/2015 2:15:57 PM	Is It Easier To Date Someone Else Who's Disabled?
dr_i_got_answer Gwynn Oak, MD 50, joined Jun. 2014	Quote from texasgirl_1978: I do have to say that sometimes it would be easier to date someone who also has a disability but you might miss out on meeting a great person who doesn't have a disability. From this I can assume you feel its better to date some without a disability than someone disabled? I wouldn't say someone is great bcuz they're not. Thats just my opinion.
3/15/2015 5:12:12 PM	Is It Easier To Date Someone Else Who's Disabled?
sorpstar Wayne, NJ 64, joined Oct. 2009	There's always someone for anyone...look at homes on the market from the most needing improvements to the most not needing upgrades..every home should have a buyer and in life there's someone for anyone just market yourself right on a dating site and in the real world smile first...
3/15/2015 7:51:28 PM	Is It Easier To Date Someone Else Who's Disabled?
stareye1 Osage Beach, MO 57, joined Sep. 2009	Sorpstar !!!
3/16/2015 8:59:47 AM	Is It Easier To Date Someone Else Who's Disabled?
frecklefarmer Lebanon, MO 45, joined Oct. 2014	I think it is easier to date others with a handicap close to yours Simply because of the understanding factor. Most people simply don't understand what it's like to be disabled,which leads to a variety of problems. True,there are some people out there willing to take the time to learn about your needs/problems/ quirks But it's never the same as having lived through many of the same difficulties themselves
3/16/2015 9:21:15 AM	Is It Easier To Date Someone Else Who's Disabled?
nkern55 Oxon Hill, MD 97, joined Jun. 2014	Idk haven't started dating again since being disabled
3/16/2015 7:20:53 PM	Is It Easier To Date Someone Else Who's Disabled?
dr_i_got_answer Gwynn Oak, MD 50, joined Jun. 2014	Quote from sorpstar: There's always someone for anyone...look at homes on the market from the most needing improvements to the most not needing upgrades..every home should have a buyer and in life there's someone for anyone just market yourself right on a dating site and in the real world smile first... This is true. But only a homeowner would UNDERSTAND BETTER all thats involved with the maintenance of one unlike someone whos use to renting. You see how I used the house analogy to being disabled? Pretty cool huh?
3/16/2015 7:31:41 PM	Is It Easier To Date Someone Else Who's Disabled?
dr_i_got_answer Gwynn Oak, MD 50, joined Jun. 2014	Quote from frecklefarmer: I think it is easier to date others with a handicap close to yours Simply because of the understanding factor. Most people simply don't understand what it's like to be disabled,which leads to a variety of problems. True,there are some people out there willing to take the time to learn about your needs/problems/ quirks But it's never the same as having lived through many of the same difficulties themselves Which is why I made this thread. Some disabilities are more severe in its symptoms and overall dealings. Those with few or no symptoms at all seems to be a tad more accepted among those who aren't disabled. But those with more severe dealings are most times looked at like we don't deserve to be touched. Society have even put this rule/law that sex with some disabled is against the law. I understand in a case of severe mental or psych issuez but where do we draw that line? Society has no line, its like "just take your chances and see"
3/17/2015 10:13:03 AM	Is It Easier To Date Someone Else Who's Disabled?
frecklefarmer Lebanon, MO 45, joined Oct. 2014	I've found tellin women that i'm disabled Runs em off right quick. Being disabled is socially unacceptable It takes a strong person to break the taboo of dating the disabled.
3/17/2015 3:43:31 PM	Is It Easier To Date Someone Else Who's Disabled?
dr_i_got_answer Gwynn Oak, MD 50, joined Jun. 2014	Quote from frecklefarmer: I've found tellin women that i'm disabled Runs em off right quick. Being disabled is socially unacceptable It takes a strong person to break the taboo of dating the disabled. So I assume those women weren't disabled correct?
3/17/2015 10:44:58 PM	Is It Easier To Date Someone Else Who's Disabled?
frecklefarmer Lebanon, MO 45, joined Oct. 2014	Correct
3/18/2015 1:13:49 AM	Is It Easier To Date Someone Else Who's Disabled?
dr_i_got_answer Gwynn Oak, MD 50, joined Jun. 2014	Quote from frecklefarmer: Correct I'm not blaming them, attacking or coming down on them for feeling the way they. Its natural when picking a mate you'll pick someone you feel is on a level playing field.
3/18/2015 11:38:59 AM	Is It Easier To Date Someone Else Who's Disabled?
texasgirl_1978 Grapevine, TX 38, joined Sep. 2013	Quote from dr_i_got_answer: From this I can assume you feel its better to date some without a disability than someone disabled? I wouldn't say someone is great bcuz they're not. Thats just my opinion. I have never dated a guy who has a disability. Since the disability I have is managed by Deep Brian Stimulation surgery, Bacolfen pump implant in my abdomen, and Botox Injections. I feel like I'm better off then a lot of people who have Dystonia. My boyfriend knows so much about me and is comfortable enough with me to help me when I can't do something. He has noticed that my tremors in my left arm/hand had gotten a little more profound that when I went to the doctor on Monday the doctor increased my DBS up a little. The doctor also suggested to have my upper arm Botoxed on this Thursday to try to help the tremors. It's hard enough finding a boyfriend and friends because I have a hard time communicating because I have dysphonia (a form of dystonia that affects the vocal cords). I have had this since I started 7th grade. So I have learned to cope with it.
3/18/2015 4:48:11 PM	Is It Easier To Date Someone Else Who's Disabled?
dr_i_got_answer Gwynn Oak, MD 50, joined Jun. 2014	And thats great you had all those things to help you. And its great that your BF cares and hang in there wit cha. My thread is not suggesting that you leave him for someone who's disabled. If you're already with someone who isn't disabled or meet someone who isn't its ok to date them if its promising. But if you're single and looking consider dating someone disabled before someone who isn't bcuz the chances of success is much higher.
3/18/2015 6:55:28 PM	Is It Easier To Date Someone Else Who's Disabled?
suds59 Crown Point, IN 67, joined Jan. 2009	having a disability doesn't usually attract able-bodied dates and it's not a guarantee that a disabled person will want to date you or is able to date.so I think that it becomes something of a numbers game.few able-bodied and maybe many but not all disabled.there are a lot of variables.
3/18/2015 10:56:24 PM	Is It Easier To Date Someone Else Who's Disabled?
texasgirl_1978 Grapevine, TX 38, joined Sep. 2013	Quote from dr_i_got_answer: And thats great you had all those things to help you. And its great that your BF cares and hang in there wit cha. My thread is not suggesting that you leave him for someone who's disabled. If you're already with someone who isn't disabled or meet someone who isn't its ok to date them if its promising. But if you're single and looking consider dating someone disabled before someone who isn't bcuz the chances of success is much higher. Thanks! He is really special to me and we started out as friends. I had feelings for him not long after we met. Somewhere along the way he developed feelings for me. We have shared a lot of first times together. He is the first guy I bought Christmas presents for, to spend Christmas Day with, had a guy give me Christmas presents, get me something for Valentines Day, give him something for Valentines Day, and will be the first guy I go out of town with.
3/19/2015 2:10:40 AM	Is It Easier To Date Someone Else Who's Disabled?
saddestangel7 Santa Clara, CA 55, joined Apr. 2011	Depends on your disability, what limitations you have, the person you meet and their expectations in a relationship. I found love with a man who is an athlete. A former personal trainer. He is amazing. He's knows I'm not perfect. But I'm as active as I can possibly be and frustrated when my body doesn't allow me to be Wonder Woman. My brain tells me I am. To him I'm still...as he put it...foxy. I think he's hot. I am loving being over 50.
3/19/2015 5:03:37 AM	Is It Easier To Date Someone Else Who's Disabled?
dr_i_got_answer Gwynn Oak, MD 50, joined Jun. 2014	Quote from saddestangel7: Depends on your disability, what limitations you have, the person you meet and their expectations in a relationship. I found love with a man who is an athlete. A former personal trainer. He is amazing. He's knows I'm not perfect. But I'm as active as I can possibly be and frustrated when my body doesn't allow me to be Wonder Woman. My brain tells me I am. To him I'm still...as he put it...foxy. I think he's hot. I am loving being over 50. Of course there's gonna be some parameters based on your disability. But I believe that regardless of those parameters ones chances of success is better, NOT DEFINATE, but better among those like ourselves. Plus its easier for a good looking disabled women to get the attention than a good looking disabled man.
3/20/2015 4:58:07 AM	Is It Easier To Date Someone Else Who's Disabled?
wkw1957 Enterprise, AL 59, joined Jan. 2010	Quote from voodoogirl13: I have a mental disability...So instantly when I tell a guy that they think "CRAZY" or "NUT JOB". So it's difficult for me get to know even a "normal" guy once I tell them of the disability. I tell them up front, maybe I shouldn't, but I'm trying to be honest. I don't want a "trait" to show and have them wonder ya know?...lol.. But I haven't had a date in a million years so I'm not exactly sure if things changed these days...lol The best place to look is facebook groups.... They have them for just about any kind of disability you can imagine and for singles and dating too. I looked at your profile and you have quite a bit in common with me. I'm a mild aspie myself and found lots of groups by typing words like "aspie" or "aspergers" into the search box at the top of my facebook page. Try typing the name of your condition and you may find some good friends or a good match that way..... I've even run across some nice aspies by accident on other facebook groups like a child-free singles group I am in... just had a nice chat with one last night.....
3/24/2015 8:01:03 AM	Is It Easier To Date Someone Else Who's Disabled?
dr_i_got_answer Gwynn Oak, MD 50, joined Jun. 2014	FB is mostly for ppl who already know each other. Not unless they changes I no nothing about????
3/24/2015 3:22:05 PM	Is It Easier To Date Someone Else Who's Disabled?
wkw1957 Enterprise, AL 59, joined Jan. 2010	Quote from dr_i_got_answer: FB is mostly for ppl who already know each other. Not unless they changes I no nothing about???? That's how FB used to be.... just for friends and relatives... But now it is full of various groups you can join to have discussions on or meet new people based on any type of common interest. There are now even singles and dating groups on there. Just type any keyword or words in the search box to find them.
3/26/2015 5:39:29 PM	Is It Easier To Date Someone Else Who's Disabled?
dr_i_got_answer Gwynn Oak, MD 50, joined Jun. 2014	Quote from wkw1957: That's how FB used to be.... just for friends and relatives... But now it is full of various groups you can join to have discussions on or meet new people based on any type of common interest. There are now even singles and dating groups on there. Just type any keyword or words in the search box to find them. But do they have a group specifically for the disabled like DH does?
3/26/2015 11:25:27 PM	Is It Easier To Date Someone Else Who's Disabled?
wkw1957 Enterprise, AL 59, joined Jan. 2010	Quote from dr_i_got_answer: But do they have a group specifically for the disabled like DH does? They have support groups and dating or singles groups for just about any kind of disability.... Just type it into the facebook search box. I found all the ones I am in by typing "aspergers" or "aspie" into there. I am even in three aspie dating groups.... lol I also found several child-free groups for those who don't want kids like me.... Found those by typing "childfeee" or "childless" into the search box. You can find anything on there. Once you find a group you like, hit the join button then you have to wait a few hours or maybe a day for an admin to approve you. Then you can post and reply like in any forum here.
3/27/2015 10:49:57 AM	Is It Easier To Date Someone Else Who's Disabled?
dr_i_got_answer Gwynn Oak, MD 50, joined Jun. 2014	Ok Imma look it up. Thanks for the info. As I can see, not many disabled ppl here agrees with my theory.
3/27/2015 4:48:40 PM	Is It Easier To Date Someone Else Who's Disabled?
seanenj76 Teaneck, NJ 40, joined Aug. 2014	I have to say that yes it is easier. Much easier to be in a relationship with someone who understands the issues that can come with being disabled. That being said finding a disabled gal on DH who is interested is impossible
3/28/2015 5:41:47 PM	Is It Easier To Date Someone Else Who's Disabled?
dr_i_got_answer Gwynn Oak, MD 50, joined Jun. 2014	Quote from seanenj76: I have to say that yes it is easier. Much easier to be in a relationship with someone who understands the issues that can come with being disabled. That being said finding a disabled gal on DH who is interested is impossible Its hard to accomish NYTHING on DH.
3/30/2015 10:14:13 AM	Is It Easier To Date Someone Else Who's Disabled?
randystaats Sacramento, CA 47, joined Nov. 2007	I wouldn't know. The list of women who have rejected me because of my disability includes, ironically, a disabled woman.
3/30/2015 4:05:44 PM	Is It Easier To Date Someone Else Who's Disabled?
suds59 Crown Point, IN 67, joined Jan. 2009	it's hard to find someone on a disability site too.
3/30/2015 7:00:33 PM	Is It Easier To Date Someone Else Who's Disabled?
gentlebear1949 Apple Creek, OH 67, joined Jul. 2008
3/30/2015 10:11:20 PM	Is It Easier To Date Someone Else Who's Disabled?
cupocheer Assumption, IL 68, joined May. 2010
3/31/2015 7:28:14 PM	Is It Easier To Date Someone Else Who's Disabled?
happyladyme Stephens City, VA 74, joined May. 2014	I believe it is...if interests are similiar and enjoyable within each others limitations in a kind, respectful and gentle way.
3/31/2015 9:55:40 PM	Is It Easier To Date Someone Else Who's Disabled?
cheekdaddy Anniston, AL 47, joined Oct. 2008	Quote from happyladyme: I believe it is...if interests are similiar and enjoyable within each others limitations in a kind, respectful and gentle way.
4/4/2015 3:22:40 PM	Is It Easier To Date Someone Else Who's Disabled?
hawkapache Boise, ID 59, joined Mar. 2008	I am disabled and have been since 2001, and in a wheelchair, but I have many friends in this world, and they know I am disabled from riding around in my chair and even visiting some of them all over the world. I don't let it discourage me in anything I do, but I do know how some people look at us, and although some times it is a startled look, I bring them at ease telling a joke or just ignorning that and diving into a conversation with them. I have dated women without disabilities and even though I don't walk I have a good mind and it shows when I talk with others. I am very compassionate toward others all the time, and this puts them at ease. I Pay it Forward so many times, and inside it makes me feel so good. So I do not feel it harder or easier to date a person whom is disabled. I am but I don't allow it to deter me from what is in front of me. We are all human with frailties and if you allow yourself to invite that person(s) into your life, then live with it regardless of the outcome. A learning process or a growing one, but it is all good no matter what it turns out to be. I wish all of you the best in this world. I am truly blessed being alive after all I have gone through. Facebook? I have so many friends all over the world, and I make them comfortable with being my friend all the time. I put one tire in front of the other beep beep my way to the front of the line and let it hang out. Then I laugh alot, and this isn't a facade, it is the way I am toward my fellow men and women, and I don't allow myself to negative to intercede. Enjoy the day my friends.............
4/13/2015 6:05:52 PM	Is It Easier To Date Someone Else Who's Disabled?
dr_i_got_answer Gwynn Oak, MD 50, joined Jun. 2014	Well I can't speak for men bcuz I don't date men but I've talked to several women here on DH with disabilities SINCE I've made this thread and it seems that they were more CLOSED MINDED than women WITHOUT disabilities. I can't explain it. But its like they feel that they are much MORE IN DEMAND than those without disabilities.
4/16/2015 12:24:49 AM	Is It Easier To Date Someone Else Who's Disabled?
cynthos Vancouver, WA 44, joined Dec. 2014	To me it is easier to date someone disabled too because they understand how hard it gets and the struggles. Either way as long as they show you love healthy or not is about that they love you.
4/19/2015 11:11:45 AM	Is It Easier To Date Someone Else Who's Disabled?
dr_i_got_answer Gwynn Oak, MD 50, joined Jun. 2014	Quote from cynthos: To me it is easier to date someone disabled too because they understand how hard it gets and the struggles. Either way as long as they show you love healthy or not is about that they love you. But Vancouver is too far away to ask u for a date. lol
4/21/2015 12:17:55 AM	Is It Easier To Date Someone Else Who's Disabled?
lothlorian Tonawanda, NY 27, joined Oct. 2014	Ireally doint know that's a tough one I have a medical disability its hiddon epilepsy I've dated people with disabilities that I meet at special Olympics and stuff and in the end turns out they really doint understand it and then I've dated people with out. And in the end they doint accept it im a little over weight cause one of my meds makes me tired and another gives me a appitite that adds to things im sure I seem very pleased with the person I'm seeing now basically kept this site cause found making a profile confusing doint want to make it again all I can say is yah need to keep kissing those frogs till you find your prince or princess someone's out there
4/22/2015 12:56:58 PM	Is It Easier To Date Someone Else Who's Disabled?
peachy1954 Sacramento, CA 63, joined Oct. 2010	Quote from dr_i_got_answer: I say yes. Lets be real here. Its always awkward to bring it up when first meeting. Ppl who AREN'T disabled don't exactly look for those who are. Now its different sometimes if you become disabled while in a relationship. But ppl don't like to be looked at like freaks. So why not date someone who's disabled? You already know what your getting into. And there's a MUCH GREATER chance that you'll be respected and accepted for who you are. Do you agree or disagree? I am going to disagree, respectfully to most of your premises because it doesn't really follow my experience. First off it is not awkward to me to bring up my disabilities to people. I am not a flag waving advocate for inclusion for all but I have been on the front lines enough that few people can't not know. LOL you go through my T-shirt or jewelry drawer it is pretty obvious. Sometimes I have found a visual cue is worth a million words and helps me avoid the folks who can't hang from the start. Maybe because some of them have been around so long that I can't really remember a time where at least a minimum of consideration had to be allowed to them. That and I have so many friends and family with a variety of disabilities that even where I am not disabled people assume they are going to have to accommodate my friends who are so they factor that in when friending or dating. I also disagree that people who are not disabled don't look for people with disabilities. What worries me more is people who are looking for me because I have a disability. Especially if they think it makes me compromise and accommodate their "Crapola" or because my disability gets a few perks and I have learned how to deal with the system and they want to free load. What is a major turn off is people who have a fetish for a disability or some stunt some disabled people will tolerate to be accepted (especially if it is kinky) or think it will be something to try to prove how "liberal" they are when they brag to others. It is a real drag when you trip over these toads but they are out there and not a bad idea to face you can be their victim if you think you are too smart not to see it. What I have found is there are quite a few people with out disabilities who have life experience with disable people that is favorable and have gotten where they just don't see it as a big deal. They are not about to whittle down their dating pool by excluding everyone who doesn't fit the bill as being totally without a disability. Maybe it is a parent, sibling, best friend, or they have been taught to see the person NOT the disability first but if they like you for you the disability won't stop them. (Which generally is the case anyway.) Many more so called non-disabled have actually had a reality orientation with a temporary disability or a hidden disability and that has gotten them reoriented. There are a lot of cool disabled that are breaking down barriers and stereo types every day so thinking you are going to be someone's first "disabled' person is getting tunnel vision. It is easy to do if your are in a smaller community but I pretty much guarantee there are VERY few rare disabilities out there. That said there are also people with disabilities that give the disabled community a REALLY bad name being jerks about having a disability and that makes it tougher on all of us. It is often social suicide within our own community to call out someone on their stuff but if "we" did it a little more I think we all would see a leap forward in acceptance. I have dated able and disabled alike and a few of the disabled I dumped because they were jerks and it had nothing to do with their disability but that was their go to excuse and nobody was going to tell them any different. The thing is if you make yourself a one dimensional person only seeing yourself as disabled then you make that your reality. You can actually talk people into only seeing you that way. I don't think the majority of people see those who are disabled or date a disabled person as a freak. Self perception is tough and can get off track when you have someone treat you like a freak but you don't do yourself any favors letting the select few that think that way brain wash you to negative thinking. Yea I admit sometimes they do get a little flack from the creeps of the world or even sympathy from people who think they got some kind of raw deal/burden to over come but most of the guys I have dated make it pretty clear to others that they think they got the best deal because I make being with me, what I bring to the relationship,and less about "caring for " my disability. That is not always easy and sometimes I have probably gotten less "help" by being independent but it helped keep my relationships healthy I saw it as a good investment. As an adult disabled person I see it my responsibility to hire caregivers not mooch off partners and family. Or for that matter friends. Believe me "other" people see how you treat your friends and that goes a long way in opening doors to date "able" people. Someone ask my husband if he had to do the housework and gardening because of my disability and he laughed and said "have you met my wife? If I get in her space I would draw back a bloody stub." Which is hardly true because as time went by we did both together and enjoyed it but I took a lot of pride in doing things for myself because I had to work so hard to get where I could. What I really disagree with is that you know what you are getting into dating someone with a disability. First all disabilities have ranges and all people with disabilities cope differently. Most have different timelines with where they are at with a disability and just because someone has been thee or will be there doesn't mean they really want to deal with where you are at just because you might have a similar disability or just have a disability. And because disability does not pace the same way with everyone it can cause a lot of strife when things don't jive; even in the most loving and supportive relationships. What I have seen tank more dual disability relationships is actually when one person gets better or goes in remission for a while. I have seen a lot of them tank when one actually gets a job and the other can't because then where they were equal now suddenly one is the "dependent" partner. And disability is really diverse. Just because one person has a physical problem does not mean they understand a person with a psychological or cognitive problem. Getting bogged down in well I did this because of your disability you owe me that and the ship is going down real fast. It doesn't mean if the other elements of the relationship balance out that two disabilities can co-habitate it just means that it probably is not going to be as smooth as you might expect. Is it nice when you can look across the room and the person you care for gets it with out huge explanations? Yea but it is not a given. That is just not the nature of relationships able or disabled.
7/26/2015 5:47:05 PM	Is It Easier To Date Someone Else Who's Disabled?
dr_i_got_answer Gwynn Oak, MD 50, joined Jun. 2014	^^^ I can see your point but unfortunately that isn't the reality for most disabled ppl. Some are still wrestling with the idea that THEY ARE. And thats nowhere close to just being so co,fortable that they can just tell ANYBODY like it ain't no problem.

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