Abusive Relationships and healing 31

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9/28/2008 12:15:38 PM	Abusive Relationships and healing
kitise Greenwood, SC age: 30	did you know why so many case of women being abused are many?? coz they report all the time (which is a good thing. did you also know that many men are abused, some battered but they dont report??? To the point its not koll to be in an abusive relationship
9/28/2008 12:21:42 PM	Abusive Relationships and healing
dprincess Concord, NC age: 45 online now!	most people who are in abusive relationships at some time or another forgot they are worth more than that. I think getting over it takes a lot of soul searching and maybe some couseling to realize they are worth too much. No person has the right to verbally abuse another person with demeaning words and never ever the right to physically abuse another person. people who do this usually and sadly come from an abusive family and want their partners to feel as bad as they do. They may need some pity, you should pitty these people but from afar only. I think abusive people can be helped, but it may take a prison sentence to get them the help they need. Help them out, call 911 and never ever drop the charges!!!! it is your duty to help someone you love. [Edited 9/28/2008 12:22:39 PM]
9/29/2008 6:56:43 AM	Abusive Relationships and healing
msbevzie Oregon, OH age: 45 online now!	Quote from blueshand: It is sad, my Ex has already found someone. I spoke with him after a few months and, he confided in me about their relationship. I asked him to bring her over to my place and discussed their situation with them. She had managed to dominate this man to the point that when he tried to leave her she destoyed nearly everything he had and, was in control of his money....no way to leave her. I suggested that she start taking her medication again and, that if they wern't happy together then, it was time to allow themselves the opportunity to do so. I spoke with them on a few other occasions and, found that they were working on their differences and that, she went back on her meds. From past experience i cannot see how it will last because, the damage to the relationship was devastating to him and i don't see him getting over the intense drama. He just informed me a few days ago that he was moving and that they were still friends. At least she didn't try assaulting him again. You know the woman my ex is seeing now is supposedly a social worker, but she keeps asking him what was wrong with your marriage that you filed for a divorce out of the blue when all you claim is you didn't get along in the same home. Supposedly he tells her it just didn't work...I hope and pray this woman will figure it out. I would love to talk to this woman I just might when I call his house and she answers on a weekend, as they are "dating" right now...I can probably also find her phone number because he told me her name and when she lives, yes I still talk to him at times, but I live 2500 miles away today. I have a pain in my heart because I am no way in love with this man, but because it hurts me to allow a sick person to continue their sick habits, and not be able to stop it. Over and over I tell myself I should have called the cops the night I was sleeping and he came home screaming at me spit tobacco in my face, and held the loaded 45 to my head, I told him motherf**ker pull the trigger I am calling the cops, well scared shitless he left again, and yes went to his friends house and told them I was calling the cops to lie and ruin his military career, he did tell them he pulled the gun, but never told them the truth about why he pulled it. I guess I should have called but was afraid because he is an excellant liar, and those of us that know these people understand what I am talking about. I had to walk into a domestic violence center scared shitless and ask what is going on with my husband(ex now)? I was called a victim which I refuse to be known as a victim, anyways I was referred to an attorney that dealt with this behavior especially in military men/women as well, they see it all the time, BAD part was I didn't have $3,000 to throw out, and didn't feel it was worth my fight as I hadn't been married 4 days less than 2 years to him. So I packed my shit and came back home to Ohio, bringing back what I took there, and left alot because he was pitying himself that he'd have nothing, which he made great money, but wasn't worth listening to so...BUT I am back here and continue to ask myself what can I do? I know what I should have done Maybe I can get some suggestions?
9/29/2008 8:23:15 AM	Abusive Relationships and healing
blueshand Syracuse, NY age: 57	Quote from msbevzie: You know the woman my ex is seeing now is supposedly a social worker, but she keeps asking him what was wrong with your marriage that you filed for a divorce out of the blue when all you claim is you didn't get along in the same home. Supposedly he tells her it just didn't work...I hope and pray this woman will figure it out. I would love to talk to this woman I just might when I call his house and she answers on a weekend, as they are "dating" right now...I can probably also find her phone number because he told me her name and when she lives, yes I still talk to him at times, but I live 2500 miles away today. I have a pain in my heart because I am no way in love with this man, but because it hurts me to allow a sick person to continue their sick habits, and not be able to stop it. Over and over I tell myself I should have called the cops the night I was sleeping and he came home screaming at me spit tobacco in my face, and held the loaded 45 to my head, I told him motherf**ker pull the trigger I am calling the cops, well scared shitless he left again, and yes went to his friends house and told them I was calling the cops to lie and ruin his military career, he did tell them he pulled the gun, but never told them the truth about why he pulled it. I guess I should have called but was afraid because he is an excellant liar, and those of us that know these people understand what I am talking about. I had to walk into a domestic violence center scared shitless and ask what is going on with my husband(ex now)? I was called a victim which I refuse to be known as a victim, anyways I was referred to an attorney that dealt with this behavior especially in military men/women as well, they see it all the time, BAD part was I didn't have $3,000 to throw out, and didn't feel it was worth my fight as I hadn't been married 4 days less than 2 years to him. So I packed my shit and came back home to Ohio, bringing back what I took there, and left alot because he was pitying himself that he'd have nothing, which he made great money, but wasn't worth listening to so...BUT I am back here and continue to ask myself what can I do? I know what I should have done Maybe I can get some suggestions? How long did you know him before you married him? Even in long relationships we cannot grasp the limits an abusive person might reach. Incompatibility is different and may not show up for years. It is usually a result of relationships falling below the expectations or the eventual lack of intrest one or both establish. Certain mental illnesses are usually found out sooner yet, once people bound with each other under the premise that "until death do us part" is a moral imperative, it becomes incresingly difficult to break the ties. Women who are abused repeatedly tend to continue to love the abuser. I think this is because women take love and building relationships much more seriously that the average guy. Men tend to be more dominating in relationships and many times to a fault. Not that women cannot exhibit these attributes as well but, i think that a controlling guy already has picked a woman for her blind trust in the initial relationship. Not being deragatory...just pointing out that abusive types tend to border on looking for just such personalities. As far as confronting him, i would think that, although you still have feelings for him, this would possibly reassure him that if his current relationship didn't work, he could run right back to you. Abusers are people who are insecure and will run from one relationship to the other. They will only remain as log as they can get away with dominating the spouse. In my opinion you made the best dicission you could have. Any man that points a loaded gun at a woman and terrorizes her is not a man and needs help or locked up. I tried both, myself and neither had any long-term positive affects. You need to let it go and go forward. Wasting your time on someone with this personality disorder will control you from even your distance from him...psychologically. It is wonderful that you were able to be with family for support and i wish you great adventures and a compassionate man in your future....it will happen! [Edited 9/29/2008 8:28:24 AM]
9/29/2008 8:37:47 AM	Abusive Relationships and healing
not_looking Sacramento, CA age: 49	It's a long road but going within myself and my art helped healed me. The memories will always be there but I feel I am stronger now. Now I can help other see, that are blinded to it.
9/29/2008 9:56:38 AM	Abusive Relationships and healing
blueshand Syracuse, NY age: 57	Quote from not_looking: It's a long road but going within myself and my art helped healed me. The memories will always be there but I feel I am stronger now. Now I can help other see, that are blinded to it. I found that the arts were a great diversion and outlet. My designs allowed me the visual interpretations, the music - the emotional and, the writing the psychologial healing. Any pastime is a diversion yet, not a cure. With my intrests in the arts i found i was able to re-direct the various aspects of negativity and channel it into something positive...simular to editing something...hmmmm that sounds, looks or is better appealing now, approach. I deal with her constantly because of my son (who lives with me) and, have no problem dealing with any issue with her, She is very well aware that i can and will have her arrested at the slightest indication that she is elevating herself to action. I am also very capable of dealing with her psychologically, physically and compassionately.
9/29/2008 10:09:06 AM	Abusive Relationships and healing
msbevzie Oregon, OH age: 45 online now!	Quote from blueshand: How long did you know him before you married him? Even in long relationships we cannot grasp the limits an abusive person might reach. Incompatibility is different and may not show up for years. It is usually a result of relationships falling below the expectations or the eventual lack of intrest one or both establish. Certain mental illnesses are usually found out sooner yet, once people bound with each other under the premise that "until death do us part" is a moral imperative, it becomes incresingly difficult to break the ties. Women who are abused repeatedly tend to continue to love the abuser. I think this is because women take love and building relationships much more seriously that the average guy. Men tend to be more dominating in relationships and many times to a fault. Not that women cannot exhibit these attributes as well but, i think that a controlling guy already has picked a woman for her blind trust in the initial relationship. Not being deragatory...just pointing out that abusive types tend to border on looking for just such personalities. As far as confronting him, i would think that, although you still have feelings for him, this would possibly reassure him that if his current relationship didn't work, he could run right back to you. Abusers are people who are insecure and will run from one relationship to the other. They will only remain as log as they can get away with dominating the spouse. In my opinion you made the best dicission you could have. Any man that points a loaded gun at a woman and terrorizes her is not a man and needs help or locked up. I tried both, myself and neither had any long-term positive affects. You need to let it go and go forward. Wasting your time on someone with this personality disorder will control you from even your distance from him...psychologically. It is wonderful that you were able to be with family for support and i wish you great adventures and a compassionate man in your future....it will happen! I knew him for 4 years before we got married and lived with him 2,I don't have feelings for him on a relationship level the feelings I have are to help other women from going through the same thing. I am past the feelings part been away from him for a little over a year. His brother and father and mother are just like him...and his brothers wife was in a mess for 15 years with his brother until she divorced him a year ago because of his sickness...
9/29/2008 10:10:58 AM	Abusive Relationships and healing
indoubt Beaumont, CA age: 33 online now!	You just have to get to the point where you are tired of it. Grit your teeth, gather your strength and never look back.
9/29/2008 11:38:25 AM	Abusive Relationships and healing
blueshand Syracuse, NY age: 57	Quote from msbevzie: I knew him for 4 years before we got married and lived with him 2,I don't have feelings for him on a relationship level the feelings I have are to help other women from going through the same thing. I am past the feelings part been away from him for a little over a year. His brother and father and mother are just like him...and his brothers wife was in a mess for 15 years with his brother until she divorced him a year ago because of his sickness... I found that devoting time to those inflicted and affected by these experiences Allows them to see that there is an end available. While there is counciling, readily available there really needs to be support from family and close friends to allow for the victim to be safe and begin the healing. This probably constitutes a genetic flaw. There are many medications for this, however the inflicted individual needs to make the effort to seek help first. They need to recognize the fact that they have a disability, but most are in denial. It is so nice that you have turned this into a positive thing for yourself and others.
9/29/2008 11:46:57 AM	Abusive Relationships and healing
blueshand Syracuse, NY age: 57	Quote from indoubt: You just have to get to the point where you are tired of it. Grit your teeth, gather your strength and never look back. Indoubt, This is the most difficult part of dealing with an abusive spouse; from the standpoint that, there are many ties to this person by the victim. The psychological and emotional triggers presented by the abuser is a tool of terror that keeps the victim affraid to leave the enviroment. There are also close emotional ties to the abuser that convince you to stay and that everything will be alright. As you say, the only solution is to grab your children and get out! Remember that if children are involved or see any of the abuse, they to become affected. And, while the children will tell you they are alright, they are doing so because they realize that you will worry. Children who experience psychological and physical abuse, even as witnesses are very much affected. So, as soon as it begins, is the time to think about the children. [Edited 9/29/2008 11:48:32 AM]
9/29/2008 11:47:54 AM	Abusive Relationships and healing
evileddy Ottawa, ON age: 35 online now!	Date again and take it out on them abusively so you get a taste of the other side for once.
9/29/2008 11:51:06 AM	Abusive Relationships and healing
blueshand Syracuse, NY age: 57	Quote from evileddy: Date again and take it out on them abusively so you get a taste of the other side for once. As tempting as that my be...i would rather be on the side that is providing legal and protective aid, where children are concerned. In the intrim.............poetic justice? Personnally, i would intervene and have done so. It is a little different for a woman to take on a man in that state of mind. I certainly do understand where you are coming from, Eddy. I am sure you would do so as well. [Edited 9/29/2008 11:57:52 AM]
9/29/2008 11:55:56 AM	Abusive Relationships and healing
1redneck4u Fredericksburg, VA age: 37	time time time time is on my side yes it is
9/29/2008 12:00:56 PM	Abusive Relationships and healing
blueshand Syracuse, NY age: 57	Quote from 1redneck4u: time time time time is on my side yes it is Definately, Redneck. some time is needed to heal and move on. And, moving on is what victims should be doing in regard to receiving aid from a qualified center for abuse. Thank you for adding that. [Edited 9/29/2008 12:01:19 PM]
9/29/2008 12:25:09 PM	Abusive Relationships and healing
barbaraajo Reston, VA age: 52	I had a warrent put out for his arrest and left town for starters. Then with the support with my family, friends, and church was able to move on. Therapy also helps.

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