| 9/20/2008 11:51:13 AM |
Abusive Relationships and healing |
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blueshand
Syracuse, NY
age: 57
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Abusive relationship are horrifically devastating and demoralizing to the victim. How do we heal and move on? I have known a number of women and some men who were victims and were able to move on. What has been your success story?
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| 9/20/2008 11:53:02 AM |
Abusive Relationships and healing |
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potpie71
Gig Harbor, WA
age: 37
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Will let you know when I get there...
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| 9/20/2008 12:19:52 PM |
Abusive Relationships and healing |
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walston33
Mount Carmel, IL
age: 43
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just gotta keep on ,keepin on.
and look for new horizons
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| 9/20/2008 12:50:57 PM |
Abusive Relationships and healing |
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potpie71
Gig Harbor, WA
age: 37
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Hey! Steal my keepin' on line... heheheehe
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| 9/20/2008 12:55:32 PM |
Abusive Relationships and healing |
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xlibra75x
Gateway, AR
age: 33 online now!
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My success story's kinda mixed with a damn Greek tragedy.....
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| 9/20/2008 12:55:52 PM |
Abusive Relationships and healing |
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blueshand
Syracuse, NY
age: 57
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Will let you know when I get there...
I truely hope that you have found an avenue that makes you happy and secure. My experience almost cost me my life and adversely affected my children. I was forutnate enough to realize the problem early and got my children away from her. By that time she was working on the phycological terrorism aspect of her quest. I know enough about dealing with that type of abuse from my training in the Marine Corps to effectively regroup and move on. My children were raised by me, are safe and are cautiously trusting. When i realized i had effectively survived this ordeal, i moved on and found someone that was wise enough to make an effort to keep drama out of our relationship.
So, to me "Trust" was the one thing i had to reestablish in my life and, did so in a couple of years. Making sure that any relationship was spiritually wholesome and and had no exoctic behavior patterns were the two things that i needed to establish before saying "this will work for me".
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| 9/20/2008 1:03:32 PM |
Abusive Relationships and healing |
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potpie71
Gig Harbor, WA
age: 37
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wow... and I thought getting sent a picture of him flippin me off was bad... Seriously, I wasn't in it long enough, as in your case. Got the hell outta dodge quick. When someone doesn't listen to anything you have to say, accuses you that everything is your fault, takes no responsability of their actions, keeps you awake 24 hours a day (yes, 24 hours a day) with non-stop "You did this, you did that, f'n b*tch..." Oh, and soooo much more.... Tends to send HUGE red flags flyin'.
Glad you and your kids are safe and happy.
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| 9/20/2008 1:03:39 PM |
Abusive Relationships and healing |
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blueshand
Syracuse, NY
age: 57
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just gotta keep on ,keepin on.
and look for new horizons
This is true...i feel that the key is to be looking for and at things, attributes, that bring happiness to us. Personnally, i deal well with drama and threats; however, i go out of my way to avoid it....i chose not to have it interfer with my relationship with my children and i...under any circumstances. To me, once i realized that i was on my way i, made an assertive effort to keep my spirituality close at hand. I do not go through a single day without allowing my spirit to interact with God. Now i do not look back and i am happy with who i am and with the prospect of finding someone special to give every good element of myself.
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| 9/20/2008 1:07:23 PM |
Abusive Relationships and healing |
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blueshand
Syracuse, NY
age: 57
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My success story's kinda mixed with a damn Greek tragedy.....
Libra, I have read many of your posts i found you to be someone who is caring and giving. These are qualities i percieve as unselfish...the type of things a man should never lose sight of. I hope your journey is fruitful and brings you the tranquility and peace you deserve.
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| 9/20/2008 1:38:27 PM |
Abusive Relationships and healing |
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walston33
Mount Carmel, IL
age: 43
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all you can do is get thru life as best you can and try to find happiness.
sometimes its a long road to happiness ,but you live and learn along the way.
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| 9/20/2008 1:42:02 PM |
Abusive Relationships and healing |
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blueshand
Syracuse, NY
age: 57
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wow... and I thought getting sent a picture of him flippin me off was bad... Seriously, I wasn't in it long enough, as in your case. Got the hell outta dodge quick. When someone doesn't listen to anything you have to say, accuses you that everything is your fault, takes no responsability of their actions, keeps you awake 24 hours a day (yes, 24 hours a day) with non-stop "You did this, you did that, f'n b*tch..." Oh, and soooo much more.... Tends to send HUGE red flags flyin'.
Glad you and your kids are safe and happy.
Thank you. Here's more...I was in this relationship for 15 years. There weere many episodes and the last 6 months were filled with men knocking on my door, while i was there...asking if she was ready to go. One turned out to be my dentist, in one case i was banned from a courthouse because the the individual was frightened that i would do sometime to him. That was his fault for getting involved with and conducting illegal activities with her. Needless to say it was shortly after that i knew i had to remove my children. The loss to me was that my children didn't have a mother, now i would be both.
Materialistically...i walked away from a 13 room Victorian on 20 acres, along with everything in it, because they were absolutly worthless.
The verbal and psychological abuse you endured is the result of egomania and insecurity. Men, i believe like to be in control of their enviroment in a caustic way. Seeing a relationship in anything less than a level field of communication and love is not a relationship..it is an existance , at best. My next relationship will be filled with a spiritual compassion and respect for her. If i have learned one thing from my experience...i will always strive to make her the center of my world, with God's blessing.
[Edited 9/20/2008 1:51:16 PM]
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| 9/20/2008 1:56:19 PM |
Abusive Relationships and healing |
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potpie71
Gig Harbor, WA
age: 37
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There was alot more to it... stuff I probably shouldn't list as it's not my business anymore to discuss it, but there was a boat load of issues... things he couldn't help, but could have improved. Oh well. It's over now. With the help of a very good friend here, the abuse and badgering stopped, pronto.
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| 9/20/2008 2:10:54 PM |
Abusive Relationships and healing |
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blueshand
Syracuse, NY
age: 57
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There was alot more to it... stuff I probably shouldn't list as it's not my business anymore to discuss it, but there was a boat load of issues... things he couldn't help, but could have improved. Oh well. It's over now. With the help of a very good friend here, the abuse and badgering stopped, pronto.
Having friends is very important in these situations, as you know. I deal with people in my neighborhood often regarding these things. They show up at my house looking for advice or intervention...i gladly do both.
My EX was diagnosed with Bi-polar and being psychotic. She initially went through treatment and then stopped...the result...convicted of conspiracy to grand theft, forged instrument and assaulting a Sheriff and State Trooper...final result...3 1/2 years in prison, loss of nursing license and her children. Her case was extreme as, i know others with bipolar and their lives are relatively normal. So, although she had this, she chose not to care enough of herself. It was more her diagnosis with being psychotic that destroyed everything.
[Edited 9/20/2008 2:34:27 PM]
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| 9/20/2008 2:36:59 PM |
Abusive Relationships and healing |
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potpie71
Gig Harbor, WA
age: 37
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Whoa....baby. It's got to make one wonder, what goes through other people's heads at times. I'm not perfect, by any means. I, too, have Bipolar... and have gotten myself into some shit. But then there's others... that are way worse off. Just has me wondering about this world and everything in it lately.
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| 9/20/2008 3:31:00 PM |
Abusive Relationships and healing |
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blueshand
Syracuse, NY
age: 57
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Whoa....baby. It's got to make one wonder, what goes through other people's heads at times. I'm not perfect, by any means. I, too, have Bipolar... and have gotten myself into some shit. But then there's others... that are way worse off. Just has me wondering about this world and everything in it lately.
As i try to convey to others...my take is this; i don't drag baggage around and stay focused on my objectives. First i check myself to reaffirm that i am happy and up to the challenge (Relationships, recording, writing, designing,etc). second, being someone who is searching for my final love i do the one thing i have always done...give myself totally to the relationship. No one has ever accused me of denying them everything i am capable of giving...even my EX. So,for me to focus on the spiritual aspect of any relationship is the best foundation i can start with. This is because my spirituality is what allows me to see and breath those things i cherish in others...from there, all else falls into place. My first marriage was exactly that. Can i do this again? Certainly! As i said, it is about clearing the clutter (those things in your life that control us) and focussing on those traits that raise us higher spiritually, emotionally, intellectually and happily.
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