why's your x,your x? 16

11/10/2007 12:49:46 PM	why's your x,your x?
captainwhat Penn Yan, NY age: 58	Got two notches on my gunhandle of life. 1st lasted 3 1/2 miserable years then she finally admitted she only married me to get out of her fathers house ... But partly MY fault too ...I was all rebellion and raging hormones at 19, but she made a conscious deliberated CHOICE reason, not something you have not much control over like your hormones and immautrity that come with living life and life experience. 2nd lasted nearly 18 years ... She brought her 2 kids ages 6 mths and 2 yrs into the marriage . At the end she finally admitted she'd married me for the support emotionally and financially, the sex (which was always great for us,) and because I didn't beat her like her 1st ex. In the end I believe she was cheating too. Too much missing time to account for. But I'm older and wiser and sincerely looking for what I hope will be my last Special Someone ... Juliet-Juliet, wherefore art Thou, Juliet?
11/11/2007 12:59:39 AM	why's your x,your x?
allarrimer Missouri City, TX age: 30	mine --a great father first and foremost... but in the end he began ignoring his family and liking his friends more. i never got the support i wanted/ needed to start my life. i stood beside (notice i didnt say behind) him in all he wanted to try. sadly i didnot get the same in return.. we grew apart as we grew up... like gas and fire we are now good friends and parents for our boys....
11/11/2007 7:08:37 AM	why's your x,your x?
shezakeepher Columbia, SC age: 53	Here goes ....... been debating to reply or not for weeks. This is where you will think I’m a freak. And maybe my answer should be on the Christian group, because my reasoning is Christian based. It took me about two years to understand why we split. Oh I had reason and ideas of what it was but the REAL reason came later. In trying to heal after my divorce of marring at 16 married for 29 years I turned to God for answers. Mind you I wasn’t talking much to him for about two years after the divorce. The long story short I learned the evil that I didn’t give much thought to during my life was patient and planted seeds of destruction to grow slowly over time till the seeds took on full bloom. Marriage is a blessing from the Lord and the devil would like to do nothing more than use a failed marriage to dishonor our God and in doing so take out every innocent person with it. So the devil got a good marriage but I’ll be damned if he’ll get the family’s too! My ex and I worked hard not to tear our families apart and to do our best to support our children by not bashing one another etc. as I’ve heard and see so many others do …… because that is what the devil wants. I’m not saying “the devil make us do it” as a cop-out but it was what I didn’t know that hurt us. We made a vow to not let it continue after the divorce, to not let evil push our buttons to direct anger towards one another. My anger is now directed to where it belongs towards evil. I’ll give you a simple example. Weekend of our Son’s wedding. My ex new wife had family over for dinner. Button #1 – candles all over the house that smells so good, my ex didn’t ever like me to burn candles or even wear perfume because he didn’t like foo-foo smells. Button #2 – she serves dinner – a spaghetti with vegetables instead of meat. If I had tried to serve him something like that in the past he would have pushed it way and not touched it. Button #3 – he serves himself. I was always preferred I fix his plate. I had a choice at that moment ……. Get pissed at him and how he had changed for her and not me or be angry at the evil that planted those things to tick me off so that the weekend could have been spoiled for my Son’s wedding with tension and anger in the air and cause family to pick sides etc. with my ex and I. Did my ex know this was pushing my buttons, no. Do I push his at times and not realize it, I'm sure I do. Before that weekend had a good long talk with the ex and about how the devil got a good marriage and how moving forward we need to be mindful to recognize those buttons being pushed and realize it’s not us trying to do it but evil. I never meant to hurt my ex and I don’t believe he meant to hurt me. I will not go into detail of why we lived as we did only that we married young and we had poor roll models of healthy marriages. We kind of did what we thought was normal. Would we have made it what I learned had been learned sooner ….. only God knows. Will it make a difference next time, “You darn right it will” !!!!!! Ephesians 6:10-18 The Armor of God 10Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. 12For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints. He is married now to a woman 16 years younger than he is, 14 years younger than me. She has two children. Mind you he didn’t want me to have more than two. She pretty, has a good heart and the whole family likes her. So is the devil still pushing my button – duh!!!!! But I made a choice to turn it around. If you pray for something then it loses it’s power to hurt you. So I pray for them. Now am I this Ms. Merry Sunshine and all’s right with the world, not always, I have my moments just like anyone else. But I’ve made a conscience choice to fight evil and no battle is always easy. Ok….. LOL… I’ll get down from the pulpit now. lol Life is Good, God is good but it’s not always easy.
11/11/2007 7:40:25 AM	why's your x,your x?
prvtnurs4u Asheville, NC age: 45	I married my childhood sweetheart - he was an alcoholic - me a nurse - thought I could "heal him" - couldn't. 2 beautiful children later and many fights - I left. Felt guilty for my kids being without their dad - married a man - not a drinker - loved kids, but "owned me" - insisted I quit nursing - he had 2 businesses so he "gave me a pay check" - thought I should "appreciate what I had, take Good Care of him, etc...was hard, but I left him. Thought I'd finally found my Mr. Wonderful - 6ft tall, good looking, therapist - sl. drinker, but "didn't like kids" - thought - no problem - mine are older, etc.. (ps he had a young boy of his own - he did go on to adopt out/to get out of support payments). We had a lot of great times - traveled, had fun, just loved each other - lil notes, etc. My son, 16 got in trouble for underage drinking (he was infuriated - he felt all family's should be Leave it to Beaver or Norman Rockwell style - anyways his ultimatum was "HIM or ME" - here I am - no husband, but I LOVE my children - if you recall the whole story - my oldest son's father was/is an alcoholic, therefore, as you may imagine - he hasn't been there for his kids so I had no choice - my 2 oldest had no other parent except me and I love them and would never kick them out of my life - everyone needs a parent - a "steady - forever - always there" and I am it for my kids - esp. the 2 oldest - I had a child with Mr. Possessive and he is an excellent father - he was only ever mentally abusive, no physically. ASHAMED OF DIVORCES: I always felt ashamed of my multiple marraiges, but I am a giver, a lover, a loyal/loving person and I guess I BELIEVE in a Happily Ever After so therefore, I marry. Others have boyfriend after boyfriend so I just add a piece of paper. Thing is now I have learned ALOT - kids are grown/still very important, but I would marry again after a long courtship. I feel life is a learning experience and love doesn't come with instructions - we have to figure it out on our own. GOOD LUCK You All from a Yankee, LOL - Keep life lite - life is too short to Stress. BEHIND EVERY CLOSED DOOR - ANOTHER OPENS.
11/11/2007 7:43:05 AM	why's your x,your x?
readytodance Walled Lake, MI age: 50	shez -- I see we have some things in common.... And I also see that you have come through it quite well, I applaud you! These things do make us stronger don't they. I too was married at 16 and divorced 29 years later and have 5 children and 3 grandchildren. I have survived through all the evil messes also and am very proud of it. Unfortunately my ex isn't as cooperative as yours. He sees the kids maybe once to twice a year, never calls on birthdays or holidays. Never paid support or was supportive and made the divorce process last over 3 years. The kids are all of adult age now and they see him for who he is (which I always wish could be much better for their sakes). But we can't change the past only improve the future. Good luck to you all.
11/11/2007 8:56:50 AM	why's your x,your x?
shezakeepher Columbia, SC age: 53	Prvnurs – glad to hear you are not giving up. Can’t imagine someone to ask me to pick from him or my kids, he’s just asking to split. Duh! Hang in there. Dance – yes it’s sad when the kids see their Dad is such a poor light. Sounds like you have the right attitude that will help them deal with it later when they are ready. Thanks for the luck, we all need it!!!
11/11/2007 2:01:26 PM	why's your x,your x?
stargazzer Creighton, NE age: 59	Now as to why?? I most likely will never understand this basic question but I do today why it had to be. While still in the hospital after our 2 daughter was born she asked me if I wanted more children, I said no. She had her tubes tied but not for are benifit it truned out!! as the next time we had sex was the night before she left????????? No I did not know she was leaving as it was to visit her sister in Omaha and take the kids to the Zoo she said on the day I was expecting her back [fathers day] She called and tolled me she was not comeing back. Now between the birth of my 2nd daughter and this, She was mostly in bed when home and saying she was not feeling well or when working it cost me for her to be working big time say 500 a week and if she was to be home at five pm it would be anytime from then till 5:00 am to show up. Yes I offten had the kids so life for me was a nightmaire and I would try to talk it out? No go everything was fine says she!!! at first. then as it got crazyer and crazyer she would try out of the blue to pick fights, learned later this was attempts by her to get me to hit her, gladly they all failed. Anyway during my lawers dicovery we learnd much of what was realy going on during this time. Basicly lots of men, drugs, & sex even if I took her out she was haveing sex in bathrooms, cars, and just out the back door of a bar. while I was inside visiting. Yes we found several witnesses. So you can see I think there realy was reasions for a divorce!!!! But where things went realy bad was when I felt I needed to have coustody of my daughters. this is where a hole new book starts for it is far more than a chapter in my life and that of my daughtrs.
11/11/2007 2:13:53 PM	why's your x,your x?
shezakeepher Columbia, SC age: 53	Stargazzer, sorry to hear that things were so tough for you. Well things can't get much worse. Hang in there.
11/11/2007 2:48:36 PM	why's your x,your x?
comadiana Walla Walla, WA age: 49	I was married for 20 years and have 4 beatiful children and 12 grandchildren. I have been single for 14 years now and am looking/waiting for my soul mate, I figure theres one out there somewhere. I got divorced becaue my ex was to much into drugs and drinking and whatever goes along with that. I raised my kids as a single mother and they all have grown to be strong, wise with good jobs. I just look at my marriage as a learning experience and things i would not go through again with the grace of god. as they say you live and learn. I got allot of good things from my marriage, kids, Im bilingual, I can cook. I dont put up with stuff that i dont have to. I have great friends that i look to for support. I also say what comes around goes around also. believe me my ex is paying for it now. I feel bad about what is happening to him now and I would never wish bad upon him either but only god knows when and where.
11/24/2007 7:08:39 AM	why's your x,your x?
tazzie825 Edgefield, SC age: 45	He was a cheater and still today he thinks he's 18.
11/24/2007 7:20:52 AM	why's your x,your x?
osipsc Chicago, IL age: 54	We ended up having different goals and ethics..
11/25/2007 8:52:49 PM	why's your x,your x?
backhurtz924 Philadelphia, PA age: 50	i wish i could just blame it on her,, but cant i guess it was just time,, we fought , fought, fought,, never knew i/we did... nothing physical the kids knew the whole time,, they seen after a while the difference in both of us....
11/26/2007 8:07:10 AM	why's your x,your x?
fun_guy111 Roselle Park, NJ age: 36	Mine was I was in Army for long time. I was also deployed alot. She had needs, and she went for it. Not totally her falf, but i could not trust her anymore. I filed, and now we are best of friends. I learned there is 2 sides to most stories. Now I know what it is like to be there for someone, and i am older and wiser. lol
11/26/2007 11:47:02 AM	why's your x,your x?
mekev Stockton, CA age: 47	we were together 28 years it was partly drugs and she wanted to be a kid again i would tell her all the time its nice to be your sons buddy but you have to be mom first so she went and found a guy almost twice her age i said by
11/27/2007 4:26:13 PM	why's your x,your x?
1pinkstar Omaha, NE age: 54	He's my X since we are no longer married.

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