| 12/7/2007 6:01:10 AM |
he just wants to be friends |
|
defiantbadgirl
McPherson, KS
age: 34
|
I have been seeing this guy off and on for a year and a half. We never had sex (he wishes to remain a virgin until marriage), but on a regular basis, we engaged in kissing, touching, and other things people who are more than friends do. I asked him several times why we never went out anywhere and he said he didn't know. I thought maybe he just wasn't into dating. Then I found out he dated other women (one at a time). When he was dating someone, he would refer to her as his girlfriend. He always referred to me as a friend. I argued with him all the time telling him it wasn't fair that other women got dates and I didn't, that other women were referred to as girlfriends when I wasn't. He apologized for his unfairness many times and agreed that he was wrong, but continued being unfair, despite his promise not to. Eventually, the arguing killed his attraction to me. Now he insists on being friends and is flat out refusing to follow through on his promise. As long as the unfairness exists, I will always resent him. How can I be his friend when every time he goes on a date, I'll be reminded that I never got that? I can handle being friends with an ex if it doesn't work out. I am friends with several of my ex's. None of them were unfair to me. I care about this guy alot and don't want to break off contact with him, but I need to get rid of this resentment so I quit feeling like he used me. I have explained to him very clearly several times that if he dates me like the other women and it doesn't work out, I will have no problem being his friend. I don't see how I can explain it any more clearly than I have, but he's still not getting it. What more can I do that I haven't already done?
|
| 12/7/2007 6:19:38 AM |
he just wants to be friends |
|
skunkbreath
Saint James, MO
age: 52 online now!
|
Hmmmmm, well, there is rape...once you force yourself upon him, he can't use that "virgin" excuse...and the experience may open his eyes to what he is missing.
If not that, then there is always drugs...just make sure he is out cold before mounting.
What he can't remember can't upset him!!!
next problem?
|
| 12/7/2007 6:30:55 AM |
he just wants to be friends |
|
defiantbadgirl
McPherson, KS
age: 34
|
LOL, he doesn't even have sex with the women he dates. It's a religious thing, he's a Menonite.
|
| 12/7/2007 6:34:45 AM |
he just wants to be friends |
|
photographerny
Camp Pendleton, CA
age: 25
|
amish people? and you wanna corrupt him> shame on you
|
| 12/7/2007 6:44:00 AM |
he just wants to be friends |
|
jazzygirlok
Tulsa, OK
age: 44
|
You're going to have to make the decision if you're willing to hang around and wait on him, or move on to someone who wants as much as you do out of a relationship...
|
| 12/7/2007 6:48:26 AM |
he just wants to be friends |
|
exfirefighter
Inverness, FL
age: 55
|
defiant i respect him for strong moral convictions and such but ultimately you have to make the dec here as to weather you want to wait or not.good luck
|
| 12/7/2007 6:50:50 AM |
he just wants to be friends |
|
defiantbadgirl
McPherson, KS
age: 34
|
LOL he's a new order Menonite, not Amish. I don't think I'd want to date anyone who insisted on picking me up in a horse and buggy. Thanks for the humor. Does anyone have any serious advice on how to deal with this situation?
|
| 12/7/2007 6:51:14 AM |
he just wants to be friends |
|
photographerny
Camp Pendleton, CA
age: 25
|
either you wait or you dont. but dont try to change HIM
|
| 12/7/2007 6:53:51 AM |
he just wants to be friends |
|
crazycajun74
Dallas, TX
age: 33 online now!
|
 I totally agree with ya Photo!
|
| 12/7/2007 6:58:21 AM |
he just wants to be friends |
|
skunkbreath
Saint James, MO
age: 52 online now!
|
He did not use you!...it was all mutual!....Sounds like he would be better off with you out of his life untill you fix yourself, your perceptions, and your lack of respect for yourself and him!
[Edited 12/7/2007 7:04:17 AM]
|
| 12/7/2007 7:01:10 AM |
he just wants to be friends |
|
flynaked2
Land O' Lakes, FL
age: 49 online now!
|
A good relationship should be like the Earth and the Sun you wake up in the morning and there the sun every day you didn't have to remember to to tell it to rise it just does everyday as in a relationship it should mantain its self with little effort on your part..it's simple really it's there or it isn't you just have to see it..
|
| 12/7/2007 7:02:13 AM |
he just wants to be friends |
|
stellablue
Saint Louis, MO
age: 49 online now!
|
photo...exactly
At this rate, why do you want to be friends? Give it a rest, see what happens.
fly..."you just have to see it" 
[Edited 12/7/2007 7:03:13 AM]
|
| 12/7/2007 7:10:02 AM |
he just wants to be friends |
|
defiantbadgirl
McPherson, KS
age: 34
|
I respect him for his moral convictions as well. This isn't about waiting for sex, it's about the fact that he dated other women and not me while engaging in physical affection with me that normally only takes place between people who are dating. I feel like he used me because of his unfairness. I don't know how to get through to him that in order for us to be friends, he must date me first so I quit feeling like he used me.
|
| 12/7/2007 7:13:08 AM |
he just wants to be friends |
|
skunkbreath
Saint James, MO
age: 52 online now!
|
You appear to be intelligent. From what you have said here, i would suggest that you might consider some counseling. It helps intelligent people who have the ability to listen and understand, to give up destructive thinking patterns.
In short, the problem is not him! ... gl to you...
[Edited 12/7/2007 7:19:16 AM]
|
| 12/7/2007 7:18:24 AM |
he just wants to be friends |
|
defiantbadgirl
McPherson, KS
age: 34
|
He didn't use me? It was all mutual? How do you figure that? We went into this whole thing as "working toward a relationship" his words not mine. Doesn't "working toward a relationship" usually involve dating? I had no problem with both of us dating different people. What I had a problem with was him dating other women and not me. I NEVER agreed to any unfairness on his part. How is that mutual?
|