A little humor among friends, on Hodag

1/8/2010 7:00:07 PM	A little humor among friends, on Hodag
hodag Grise Fiord, NU 64, joined Nov. 2007	Jeff Foxworthy on Wisconsin If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 38 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by, you might live in Wisconsin. If you're proud that your region makes the national news 96 nights each year because Rice Lake is the coldest spot in the nation, you might live in Wisconsin . If you have ever refused to buy something because it's "too pricey," you might live in Wisconsin .. If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March, you might live in Wisconsin .. If you instinctively walk like a penguin for five months out of the year, you might live in Wisconsin .. If someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work there, you might live in Wisconsin .. If you may not have actually eaten it, but you have heard of Head Cheese, you might live in Wisconsin .. If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you might live in Wisconsin . If you have either a pet or a child named "Brett," you might live in Wisconsin . If your town has an equal number of bars and churches, you might live in Wisconsin . If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you might live in Wisconsin .. If you know how to say Oconomowoc, Waukesha , Waunakee, Stoughton , Menomonie & Manitowoc, you might live in Wisconsin . If you think that ketchup is a little too spicy, you might live in Wisconsin . If every time you see moonlight on a lake, you think of a dancing bear, and you sing gently, "From the land of sky-blue waters,"....you might live in Wisconsin . Meet singles at DateHookup.dating, we're 100% free! Join now!
1/8/2010 7:03:01 PM	A little humor among friends, on Hodag
hodag Grise Fiord, NU 64, joined Nov. 2007	YOU KNOW YOU ARE A TRUE WISCONSINITE WHEN: 1. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway. 2. "Vacation" means going up north past Hwy 8 for the weekend. 3. You measure distance in hours. 4. You know several people who have hit deer more than once. 5. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again. 6. Your whole family wears Packer Green to church on Sunday. 7. You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching. 8. You see people wearing camouflage at social events (including weddings and funerals). 9. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked. 10. You think of the major food groups as beer, more beer, fish and venison. 11. You carry jumper cables in your car and your wife or girlfriend knows how to use them. 12. There are 7 empty cars running in the parking lot at Mill's Fleet Farm at any given time. 13. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit. 14. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow. 15. You refer to the Packers as "we." 16. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction. 17. You can identify a southern or eastern accent. 18. You have no problem pronouncing Lac Du Flambeau. 19. You consider Minneapolis exotic. 20. You know how to polka. 21. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your blue spruce. 22. You were unaware that there is a legal drinking age. 23. Down South to you means Illinois . 24. A brat is something you eat. 25. Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new pole shed. 26. You go out to a fish fry every Friday night. 27. Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost. 28. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car. 29. You find minus twenty degrees "a little chilly." 30. You actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all your Wisconsin friends. (Embedded image moved to file: pic00288.gif) One more, A beer truck is considered an emergency vehicle. (OK, I know this is a political forum, but who can't use a little humor?) Hodag [Edited 1/8/2010 7:20:10 PM ]
1/8/2010 9:04:49 PM	A little humor among friends, on Hodag
paken Bonneau, SC 74, joined Feb. 2008	LOL One Question. Is curling really a sport.
1/8/2010 9:30:28 PM	A little humor among friends, on Hodag
sdcentaur Sioux Falls, SD 57, joined Dec. 2007	Got any spare Lienie's Hodag? Most of that could also be true of South Dakota
1/8/2010 10:01:41 PM	A little humor among friends, on Hodag
hodag Grise Fiord, NU 64, joined Nov. 2007	Quote from sdcentaur: Got any spare Lienie's Hodag? Most of that could also be true of South Dakota I ALWAYS have some extra Leinie's on hand for my friends! (You know good beer!) South Dakota, North Dakota, Minnesota and the beautiful U.P. as well! Actually, the reference to the Bear and the "sky blue waters" was stolen from a Hamm's Beer commercial. I'm old enough to remember watching that as a kid on my folks old black & white Zenith TV. And that beer was from Minnesota, not Wisconsin. Hodag
1/8/2010 10:19:12 PM	A little humor among friends, on Hodag
hodag Grise Fiord, NU 64, joined Nov. 2007	Quote from paken: LOL One Question. Is curling really a sport. Yes it is. I don't understand it at all. I think it makes sense the more drunk you are. But I couldn't swear to it.
1/9/2010 3:23:18 PM	A little humor among friends, on Hodag
debztake Minneapolis, MN 61, joined Aug. 2008	Minneapolis exotic? hah! Considering the gross infestation of moonbat liberals, I'd say it's more like psychotic! That excludes me of course!
1/9/2010 3:27:04 PM	A little humor among friends, on Hodag
hodag Grise Fiord, NU 64, joined Nov. 2007	Quote from debztake: That excludes me of course! Minneapolis is only exotic when you are actually there, my dear! But of course, I'm somewhat prejudiced!
1/9/2010 5:30:48 PM	A little humor among friends, on Hodag
linkitty Livingston, MT 61, joined Sep. 2008	sounds like Montana Hodag. Good humor is always acceptable. We all need to laugh more. Thanks
1/9/2010 8:05:14 PM	A little humor among friends, on Hodag
hodag Grise Fiord, NU 64, joined Nov. 2007	Quote from linkitty: sounds like Montana Hodag. Good humor is always acceptable. We all need to laugh more. Thanks I don't think I ever had more fun than two nights at Toby's Bar in Noxon, MT, and that was in 1979! And it was a business trip! Ed, Gene and I climbed around on a Manitowoc Debarker that was being installed down the road at an L P lumber mill in beautiful, downtown Trout Creek, and at the end of the day we did our best to make Toby rich. You Montanans damn sure know how to have a good time! Hodag
1/10/2010 7:11:12 AM	A little humor among friends, on Hodag
clarity101 Aurora, CO 66, joined Oct. 2008	A winter statistic: 98% OF AMERICANS SCREAM BEFORE GOING IN THE DITCH ON A SLIPPERY ROAD. THE OTHER 2% ARE FROM COLORADO AND THEY SAY, 'HOLD MY SODA AND WATCH THIS.' NOW: You're from Colorado if you'll eat ice cream in the winter. When the weather report says it's going to be 65 degrees, you shave your legs and wear a skirt. It snows 5 inches and you don't expect school to be canceled. You'll wear flip flops every day of the year, regardless of temperature. You have no accent at all, but can hear other people's. And then you make fun of them. 'Humid' is over 25%. Your sense of direction is: Toward the mountains and Away from the mountains. You say 'the interstate' and everybody knows which one. You think that May is a totally normal month for a blizzard. You buy your flowers to set out on Mother's day, but try and hold off planting them until just before Father's day. You plan your Halloween costumes around your coat. You know what the Continental Divide is. You don't think Coors beer is that big a deal. You went to Casa Bonita as a kid, and as an adult.. You've gone off-roading in a vehicle that was never intended for such activities. You always know the elevation of where you are. You wake up to a beautiful, 80 degree day and you wonder if it's going to snow tomorrow. You don't care that some company renamed it, the Broncos still play at Mile High Every movie theater has military and student discounts. Everybody wears jeans to church. You actually know that South Park is a real place not just a show on TV.. You know what a 'trust fund hippy' is, and you know its natural habitat is Boulder . You know you're talking to a fellow Coloradoan when they call it Elitches, not Six Flags. A bear on your front porch doesn't bother you. Your two favorite teams are the Broncos and whoever is beating the ..... out of the Raiders. When people out East tell you they have mountains in their state too, you just laugh. You go anywhere else on the planet and the air feels 'sticky' and you notice the sky is no longer blue.
1/10/2010 7:22:02 AM	A little humor among friends, on Hodag
hodag Grise Fiord, NU 64, joined Nov. 2007	A lot of those I could relate to, A few I didn't get, Any self-respecting Coloradan would laugh their a** off if they ever saw "Rib Mountain" in Wisconsin. Hell, It barely qualifies as a hill! But damn it! I absolutely REFUSE to shave my legs and wear a skirt! Hairy legged Hodag
1/11/2010 7:28:46 PM	A little humor among friends, on Hodag
clarity101 Aurora, CO 66, joined Oct. 2008	TEACHER ARRESTED IN NEW YORK - A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator. At a morning press conference, the Attorney General Eric Holder said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction. 'Al-Gebra is a problem for us', the Attorney General said. 'They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values.' They use secret code names like 'X' and 'Y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns', but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There are 3 sides to every triangle'. When asked to comment on the arrest, President Obama said, 'If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, he would have given us more fingers and toes.' White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the President. It is believed that the Nobel Prize for Physics will follow---
1/12/2010 9:19:29 AM	A little humor among friends, on Hodag
hodag Grise Fiord, NU 64, joined Nov. 2007	Quote from clarity101: TEACHER ARRESTED IN NEW YORK - A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator. At a morning press conference, the Attorney General Eric Holder said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction. 'Al-Gebra is a problem for us', the Attorney General said. 'They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values.' They use secret code names like 'X' and 'Y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns', but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There are 3 sides to every triangle'. When asked to comment on the arrest, President Obama said, 'If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, he would have given us more fingers and toes.' White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the President. It is believed that the Nobel Prize for Physics will follow--- Dear God! What is this world coming to?
1/12/2010 12:53:44 PM	A little humor among friends, on Hodag
tileman1814 Kalispell, MT 67, joined Nov. 2007	Quote from clarity101: TEACHER ARRESTED IN NEW YORK - A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator. At a morning press conference, the Attorney General Eric Holder said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction. 'Al-Gebra is a problem for us', the Attorney General said. 'They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values.' They use secret code names like 'X' and 'Y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns', but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There are 3 sides to every triangle'. When asked to comment on the arrest, President Obama said, 'If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, he would have given us more fingers and toes.' White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the President. It is believed that the Nobel Prize for Physics will follow--- Mrs Palin and Mrs obama recived offere to pose nude, Sarah Palin in Playboy,which she declined and michelle obama in National Geographic,she hasn't made up her mind yet. Semper Fi !!!
1/13/2010 7:08:23 AM	A little humor among friends, on Hodag
hodag Grise Fiord, NU 64, joined Nov. 2007	Quote from tileman1814: Mrs Palin and Mrs obama recived offere to pose nude, Sarah Palin in Playboy,which she declined and michelle obama in National Geographic,she hasn't made up her mind yet. Semper Fi !!! National Geographic wouldn't run it anyway. It would scare too many readers.
1/13/2010 8:52:12 AM	A little humor among friends, on Hodag
tileman1814 Kalispell, MT 67, joined Nov. 2007	I don't know Bill,I've seen some pretty weird shit in NG over the years. Semper Fi !!!
1/14/2010 9:05:30 AM	A little humor among friends, on Hodag
hodag Grise Fiord, NU 64, joined Nov. 2007	"YOU MAY BE A TALIBAN IF..." 1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to liquor. 2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes. 3. You have more wives than teeth. 4. You wipe your butt with your bare hand, but consider bacon "unclean." 5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide. 6. You can't think of anyone you haven't declared Jihad against. 7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing. 8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs. 9. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least four. 10. You've always had a crush on your neighbor's goat. 11. Your cousin is president of the United States (Karen, Hope you don't mind that I stole this from you. I thought it was perfect for us "Evil Conservatives") Hodag
1/23/2010 3:20:51 PM	A little humor among friends, on Hodag
hodag Grise Fiord, NU 64, joined Nov. 2007	This was written by a black gentleman in Texas and is so funny. What a great sense of humor And creativity!!! When U Black, U Black When I was born, I was BLACK , When I grew up, I was BLACK , When I went in the sun, I stayed BLACK, When I got cold, I was BLACK , When I was scared, I was BLACK , When I was sick, I was BLACK , And when I die, I'll still be BLACK . NOW, You 'white' folks.... When you're born, you're PINK, When you grow-up, you're WHITE , When you go in the sun, you get RED, When you're cold, you turn BLUE, When you're scared, you're YELLOW, When you get sick, you're GREEN When you bruise, you turn PURPLE , And when you die, you look GRAY. So who y'all be callin' COLORED Folks? Got this from my Dad. He'll be 88 in October. I hope if I live as long as him I'll still have a sense of humor like him. God Bless You, Dad! (aka, Moose) Your loving son, Bill (aka Hodag)
1/23/2010 4:30:19 PM	A little humor among friends, on Hodag
debztake Minneapolis, MN 61, joined Aug. 2008	Thats too dang funny Bill! I'm stealin' it!
1/23/2010 7:50:51 PM	A little humor among friends, on Hodag
linkitty Livingston, MT 61, joined Sep. 2008	wonderful to have a sense of humor. My mom will be 81 in May. She has a wonderful sense of humor and a zest for life. Hope I'm that way when and if I make it to that age.
1/25/2010 9:25:40 PM	A little humor among friends, on Hodag
johnjhb Paisley, FL 64, joined Oct. 2009	Someone is pretty CLEVER!!! Government Policies for 2010 Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, Congress has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early retirement, thus creating jobs and reducing unemployment. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early). Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to Congress to be considered for the SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced Termination). Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (System Covering Retired-Early Workers). A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice, and SCREWED as many times as Congress deems appropriate. Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance). Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Congress. Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Congress has always prided themselves on the amount of SHIT they give our citizens. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring this to the attention of your Congressman, who has been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle. Sincerely,
1/26/2010 8:54:25 AM	A little humor among friends, on Hodag
tileman1814 Kalispell, MT 67, joined Nov. 2007	Too funny. Semper Fi !!!
1/26/2010 8:46:48 PM	A little humor among friends, on Hodag
trutohim Watertown, SD 66, joined Jul. 2009	What a great thread, y'all! You should only be let out on weekends, Bill! Geez, Deb, how the heck do you stand it with a straight face???????????????????/ What a riot!
1/27/2010 6:33:04 AM	A little humor among friends, on Hodag
vet61 Peoria, IL 56, joined Aug. 2008	This one always cracks me up!
1/27/2010 9:22:31 AM	A little humor among friends, on Hodag
trutohim Watertown, SD 66, joined Jul. 2009	ROCK ON, RUSH! I see that little Barry is rather enjoying it, too...wonder if he is into S & M?
1/27/2010 10:25:54 PM	A little humor among friends, on Hodag
hodag Grise Fiord, NU 64, joined Nov. 2007	Quote from trutohim: What a great thread, y'all! You should only be let out on weekends, Bill! Geez, Deb, how the heck do you stand it with a straight face???????????????????/ What a riot! Yeah, on the weekends, what do I do? I go to Minnesota to lower the average state IQ! (That results in a temporary RAISE of the average Wisconsin state IQ,.....until I return!) But I sure have a hell of a lot of fun! Fun loving Hodag. (The whiskey tastes especially good tonight!) (burp)
1/30/2010 5:55:36 AM	A little humor among friends, on Hodag
vet61 Peoria, IL 56, joined Aug. 2008
1/30/2010 9:09:21 AM	A little humor among friends, on Hodag
debztake Minneapolis, MN 61, joined Aug. 2008	Quote from vet61: Jeez Mikey.. can't make out the caption on that pic! What does it say?? Resize that puppy would ya?! Are you cruising in the fast lane yet?
1/30/2010 9:40:38 AM	A little humor among friends, on Hodag
vet61 Peoria, IL 56, joined Aug. 2008	It says, "There is something wrong with this banana"! (It's corn......)
1/30/2010 10:10:25 AM	A little humor among friends, on Hodag
debztake Minneapolis, MN 61, joined Aug. 2008	lmao!!!!!!!
1/30/2010 12:05:41 PM	A little humor among friends, on Hodag
tileman1814 Kalispell, MT 67, joined Nov. 2007	Is it just a coincidence, or do we finally have evidence that history does truly repeat itself? Scientists at the Ridiculous Waste of American Taxpayer Dollars Center for the Discovery of Non Essential and Useless Facts have discovered, in legal records from the mid 15th century in Ognissanti, Florence, that there were legal proceedings concerning one Ricardo Nyxon from London, England and one Amerigo Vespucci. The first case involved Mr. Nyxon having broken into a property owned by the Vespucci family through a grate that had been set to block entrance through an aqueduct that ran beneath the property. It was soon known as the Water Grate Break In. Mr. Nyxon claimed no knowledge of the break in and complained in a counter suit that Amerigo Vespucci had refused to rent a property to him because of his race. "I will be the precedence of the United Estates of Amerigo Vespucci", he was noted to claim by a court reporter. "They won't have Ric to kick around anymore." As he was being deported from Italy, he was heard to claim "I am not a crook!" Later, in his diary, which had many missing pages, it was discovered that he had made a prediction of sorts. "I will get control over Amerigo one day." Draw your own conclusions. Semper Fi !!!
1/30/2010 12:08:15 PM	A little humor among friends, on Hodag
tileman1814 Kalispell, MT 67, joined Nov. 2007	With a brand new strategy to end the war in Afghanistan world leaders have decided that instead of fighting the Taliban they should pay them for their services (what?). This grand idea was devised by the non-corrupt (cough, cough) President Karzai of Afghanistan and presented to world leaders at a luxury banquet (cough, cough) after stopping off at the luxury Seychelle islands for a quick 6* holiday (cough, cough). World leaders think it's a grand idea and asked how much should the Taliban earn before tax deductions. They are hoping that if they pay the Taliban rebels enough they will stop fighting and join the rest of the human race (hope is eternal, cough, cough!). Well world leaders Jaggedone has news for you, it aint gonna work! The Taliban will do one thing with their wages, buy new weapons and mopeds, guess why, because they f*****g hate you all and the "GREAT ONE" told them too! As for our non-corrupt President Karzai, on the way back to Kabul he has promised the Seychelles to pop in once more, and they cant wait, MONEY, MONEY, MONEY, (cough, cough!). Semper Fi !!!
2/1/2010 6:17:48 PM	A little humor among friends, on Hodag
trutohim Watertown, SD 66, joined Jul. 2009	"" It says, "There is something wrong with this banana"! (It's corn......) "" Oh... I thought it might be something from Angela's Adult Organic Emporium...alas...NOT!
2/1/2010 6:23:36 PM	A little humor among friends, on Hodag
debztake Minneapolis, MN 61, joined Aug. 2008	Quote from trutohim: "" It says, "There is something wrong with this banana"! (It's corn......) "" Oh... I thought it might be something from Angela's Adult Organic Emporium...alas...NOT! ya cracked me up with that one True!
2/1/2010 9:19:59 PM	A little humor among friends, on Hodag
hodag Grise Fiord, NU 64, joined Nov. 2007	Quote from trutohim: "" Oh... I thought it might be something from Angela's Adult Organic Emporium...alas...NOT! Maybe the batteries were dead?
2/1/2010 9:33:28 PM	A little humor among friends, on Hodag
vet61 Peoria, IL 56, joined Aug. 2008	Quote from hodag: Maybe the batteries were dead? It's gas powered. (You figure it out!)
2/1/2010 9:58:38 PM	A little humor among friends, on Hodag
hodag Grise Fiord, NU 64, joined Nov. 2007	Quote from vet61: It's gas powered. (You figure it out!) You're bad Mike. You're just bad! Hodag
2/3/2010 9:53:35 AM	A little humor among friends, on Hodag
hodag Grise Fiord, NU 64, joined Nov. 2007	Ole and Sven have a snowmobiling accident, drunker than skunks, both die, and go to Hell. The Devil observes that they are really enjoying themselves. He says to them, 'Doesn't the heat and smoke bother you?' Ole replies, 'Vell, ya know, ve're from nordern Minnesooota, da land of snow an ice, an ve're yust happy fer a chance ta varm up a little bit, ya know.' The devil decides that these two aren't miserable enough and turns up the heat even more. When he returns to the room of the two from Minnesota, the devil finds them in light jackets and hats, grilling Walleye and drinking beer. The devil is astonished and exclaims, 'Everyone down here is in misery, and you two seem to be enjoying yourselves!' Sven replies, 'Vell, ya know, ve don't git too much varm veather up dere at da Falls, so ve've yust got ta haff a fish fry vhen da veather's dis nice.' The devil is absolutely furious. He can hardly see straight. Finally he comes up with the answer. The two guys love the heat because they have been cold all their lives. The devil decides to turn all the heat off. The next morning, the temperature is 60 below zero, icicles are hanging everywhere, and people are shivering so bad that they are unable to wail, moan, or gnash their teeth. The devil smiles and heads for the room with Ole and Sven. He gets there and finds them back in their parkas, bomber hats, and mittens. They are jumping up and down, cheering, yelling and screaming like mad men. The devil is dumbfounded, 'I don't understand, when I turn up the heat you're happy. Now it’s freezing cold and you're still happy. What is wrong with you two?' They both look at the devil in surprise and say, 'Vell, don't ya know, if hell iss froze over, dat must mean da Massachuesetts elected dat Republican Senator!"
2/9/2010 6:05:26 PM	A little humor among friends, on Hodag
johnjhb Paisley, FL 64, joined Oct. 2009	(thread closed, no new replies) Forums: Groups: Republicans/Conservatives: L.A.R.K fpr our liberal friends 7/16/2008 11:21:45 AM L.A.R.K fpr our liberal friends flag post \| hide posts from this user paken Bonneau, SC age: 66 view: posts \| threads joined: Feb. 2008 LARK: Liberals Accept Responsibility for Killers A person wrote a letter to the White House complaining about the treatment of a captive taken during the Afghanistan war. Attached is a copy of a letter they received back: The White House 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue Washington, D.C. Dear Concerned Citizen: Thank you for your recent letter roundly criticizing our treatment of the Taliban and Al Qaeda detainees currently being held at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. My administration takes these matters seriously, and your opinion was heard loud and clear here in Washington. You'll be pleased to learn that, thanks to the concerns of citizens like you, we are creating a new division of the Terrorist Retraining Program, to be called the "Liberals Accept Responsibility for Killers" program, or LARK for short. In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have decided to place one terrorist under your personal care. Your personal detainee has been selected and scheduled for transportation under heavily armed guard to your residence next Monday. Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud (you can just call him Ahmed) is to be cared for pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your letter of admonishment. It will likely be necessary for you to hire some assistant caretakers. We will conduct weekly inspections to ensure that your standards of care for Ahmed are commensurate with those you so strongly recommended in your letter. Ahmed's meal requirements are simple, but we strongly suggest serving meals that do not require utensils, particularly knives and forks. Also, these should be "one-handed" foods; Ahmed will not eat with his left hand since he uses it to wipe himself after purging his bowels (which he will do in your yard) - but look on the bright side.. no increase in the toilet paper bill. He generally bathes quarterly with the change of seasons, assuming that it rains, and he washes his clothes simultaneously. This should help with your water bill. Also, your new friend has a really bad case of body lice that hasn't been completely remedied. Please heed the large orange notice attached to your detainee's cage: "Does not play well with others." Although Ahmed is sociopathic and extremely violent, we hope that your sensitivity to what you described as his "attitudinal problem" will help him overcome these character flaws. Perhaps you are correct in describing these problems as mere cultural differences. He will bite you, given the chance, but his rabies test came back negative so not to worry. We understand that you plan to offer counseling and home schooling. Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat and can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or nail clippers. We do not suggest that you ask him to demonstrate these skills at your next yoga group. He is also expert at making a wide variety of explosive devices from common household products, so you may wish to keep those items locked up, unless (in your opinion) this might offend him. Ahmed will not wish to interact with your wife or daughters (except sexually) since he views females as a subhuman form of property. However, he will be eager to assist with the education of your sons; have available for their use several copies of the Koran. Oh - and rest assured he absolutely loves animals, especially cats and dogs. He prefers them roasted, but raw is fine, too, if they aren't more than 2 or 3 days dead. Thanks again for your letter. We truly appreciate it when folks like you, who know so much, keep us informed of the proper way to do our job. We think this watching over each other's shoulder is such a good way for people to interact that we will be sending a team of federal officials with expertise in your line of work to your place of business soon, just to help you do your job better. Don't be concerned that they have the power to close your business, seize your property, and arrest you for any violation of the 4,850,206 laws, codes, regulations and rules that apply to your profession. They're really there just to make sure you're doing everything the proper way. That is what you wanted, right? Well, thank you for this opportunity to interact with such a valued member of the citizenry. You take good care of Ahmed - and remember...we'll be watching. Cordially, your buddy, George Dubya I found in the arcives with only three replys? boma mite like this idera and share with his lib budz.
2/9/2010 9:25:36 PM	A little humor among friends, on Hodag
vet61 Peoria, IL 56, joined Aug. 2008	I miss George!
2/9/2010 9:27:38 PM	A little humor among friends, on Hodag
debztake Minneapolis, MN 61, joined Aug. 2008	**posted for mikey (vet61) good one Mike!
2/16/2010 10:11:33 PM	A little humor among friends, on Hodag
trutohim Watertown, SD 66, joined Jul. 2009	I just got the biggest kick outta this ever! It is sooooooooo true!!!!! My son sent this to me and I just had to share it! While suturing up a cut on the hand of a 75 year old rancher, whose hand had been caught in the gate while working his cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually the topic got around to Obama, and his being our president. The old rancher said, "Well, ya know, Obama is just a Post Turtle." Now, not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked, What's a "Post Turtle?" The old rancher said, "When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a post turtle." The old rancher saw the puzzled look on the doctor's face so he continued to explain. 'You know he didn't get up there by himself, he doesn't belong up there, he doesn't know what to do while he's up there, he sure as heck ain't goin' anywhere, and you just wonder what kind of dumb a** put him up there in the first place. (What a riot!)
2/17/2010 12:51:13 PM	A little humor among friends, on Hodag
tileman1814 Kalispell, MT 67, joined Nov. 2007	"YOU MAY BE A TALIBAN IF..." 1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to liquor. 2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes. 3. You have more wives than teeth. 4. You wipe your butt with your bare hand, but consider bacon "unclean." 5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide. 6. You can't think of anyone you haven't declared Jihad against. 7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing. 8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs. 9. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least four. 10. You've always had a crush on your neighbor's goat. 11. Your cousin is president of the United States Bill,I didn't notice that you had already posted this.Oh well shit happends Semper Fi !!! [Edited 2/17/2010 1:09:52 PM ]
2/17/2010 2:06:07 PM	A little humor among friends, on Hodag
hodag Grise Fiord, NU 64, joined Nov. 2007	Quote from tileman1814: "YOU MAY BE A TALIBAN IF..." Bill,I didn't notice that you had already posted this.Oh well shit happends Semper Fi !!! No problem, my Evil Conservative friend! H
2/19/2010 5:38:57 PM	A little humor among friends, on Hodag
vet61 Peoria, IL 56, joined Aug. 2008
2/21/2010 10:52:34 AM	A little humor among friends, on Hodag
vet61 Peoria, IL 56, joined Aug. 2008
2/21/2010 12:27:35 PM	A little humor among friends, on Hodag
hodag Grise Fiord, NU 64, joined Nov. 2007	Quote from vet61: I hope he practices.....and practices.....and practices, until he can clear all 1,000! Perfection seeking Hodag.
2/21/2010 1:21:22 PM	A little humor among friends, on Hodag
vet61 Peoria, IL 56, joined Aug. 2008
2/21/2010 1:23:34 PM	A little humor among friends, on Hodag
vet61 Peoria, IL 56, joined Aug. 2008
2/21/2010 1:33:56 PM	A little humor among friends, on Hodag
hodag Grise Fiord, NU 64, joined Nov. 2007	Piss off a liberal, Buy another gun!
2/23/2010 9:07:28 AM	A little humor among friends, on Hodag
vet61 Peoria, IL 56, joined Aug. 2008	Is this better?
2/23/2010 11:58:55 AM	A little humor among friends, on Hodag
hodag Grise Fiord, NU 64, joined Nov. 2007	Much!
2/23/2010 7:05:40 PM	A little humor among friends, on Hodag
vet61 Peoria, IL 56, joined Aug. 2008
2/23/2010 7:16:35 PM	A little humor among friends, on Hodag
vet61 Peoria, IL 56, joined Aug. 2008
2/23/2010 8:09:35 PM	A little humor among friends, on Hodag
liberalextinct Anderson, IN 35, joined May. 2009	to the original list (i think there is one for every state... or close to it) Jeff Foxworthy - You may live in Indiana Forget Rednecks, here is what Jeff Foxworthy has to say about Hoosiers... * If your local Dairy Queen is closed from September through May, you may live in Indiana. * If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and They don't work there, you may live in Indiana. * If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you may Live in Indiana. * If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone Who dialed a wrong number, you may live in Indiana. * If 'Vacation' means going anywhere south of Indy for the Weekend, you may live in Indiana. * If you measure distance in hours, you may live In Indiana. * If you know several people who have hit a deer more than Once, you may live in Indiana. * If you have switched from 'heat' to 'A/C' in the Same day and Back again, you may live in Indiana. * If you can drive 75 mph through 2 feet of snow during a Raging blizzard without flinching, you may live in Indiana. * If you install security lights on your house and garage, but Leave both unlocked, you may live in Indiana. * If you carry jumpers in your car and your wife knows how to Use them, you may live in Indiana. * If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a Snowsuit, you may live in Indiana. * If the speed limit on the highway is 55 mph -- you're going 80 and everybody is passing you, you may live in Indiana. * If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are Filled with snow, you may live in Indiana. * If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still Winter and road construction, you may live in Indiana. * If you have more miles on your snow blower than your car, you May live in Indiana. * If you find 10 degrees 'a little chilly', you may live in Indiana.
2/23/2010 8:33:39 PM	A little humor among friends, on Hodag
vet61 Peoria, IL 56, joined Aug. 2008	If you disrespect my Flag.......................
2/24/2010 8:29:00 AM	A little humor among friends, on Hodag
tileman1814 Kalispell, MT 67, joined Nov. 2007	Right on George! Semper Fi !!! [Edited 2/24/2010 8:29:17 AM ]
2/24/2010 1:11:48 PM	A little humor among friends, on Hodag
vet61 Peoria, IL 56, joined Aug. 2008
2/26/2010 8:38:29 AM	A little humor among friends, on Hodag
vet61 Peoria, IL 56, joined Aug. 2008

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