What makes adult kids think they can give ultimatums?

1/18/2010 10:37:10 PM	What makes adult kids think they can give ultimatums?
woody59 Plymouth, IN 70, joined Nov. 2006	What makes adult kids that normally have nothing to do with a parent except if they want somthing or need a babysitter, not even on the parents birthday or if they need help with somthing, the kids never have time for them! feel they have the right to tell that parent that they leave the person they are in love with or they wont see them or grandkids ever again? and put the parent in the position to have to leave somone they Love. Need help understanding this. Meet singles at DateHookup.dating, we're 100% free! Join now!
1/18/2010 10:39:09 PM	What makes adult kids think they can give ultimatums?
richardcollier Upper Marlboro, MD 59, joined Jun. 2009	They have to right to do that, you have my sympathy.
1/18/2010 10:39:33 PM	What makes adult kids think they can give ultimatums?
pinkster54 Port Byron, IL 63, joined Sep. 2009	Sounds like the grown kid has a personal problem that should not disrupt your life unless you let it. Be strong! Forgot to add ultimatums don't work well in my world talking discussing yes but this way or that way nope especially from my own children that would not carry its weight around here but my girls know that already. [Edited 1/18/2010 10:42:29 PM ]
1/18/2010 10:44:17 PM	What makes adult kids think they can give ultimatums?
trisha1 Erie, PA 68, joined Dec. 2007	Woody, you do have rights as a grand parent. They do this because they think they can and that you will buckle under pressure. Don't. Now is the time for you to be happy. What are they afraid of?
1/18/2010 10:44:52 PM	What makes adult kids think they can give ultimatums?
woody59 Plymouth, IN 70, joined Nov. 2006	I am trying but she wont talk about it, says she cant give up her kids even though they arent ever there for her, but not giving up here! just thought maybe I could get some suggestions on how to handle it and resolve it from some who have been there thanks Trish it is her 2 sons and they are in their late 30's but want their mom and controlling abusive dad back together! I told her about grandparents rights but she says she doesnt think it is that way in Ohio [Edited 1/18/2010 10:48:17 PM ]
1/18/2010 10:50:26 PM	What makes adult kids think they can give ultimatums?
flaroadkill Oneco, FL 64, joined Jan. 2010	Well Mr woody59 they are only trying it because either it has worked before or they are testing new ground. I surely hope you set them straight immediately. They are testing you so your actions will dictate the future. Do not try to understand them just strongly let them know they are across the line. Do not be gentle do not be polite just b*tch slap them upside the head for even daring to try you like that. OR you could apologise to them for not asking for their blessings and hug them and let them know it will never happen again and you are truly sorry. I guess it is your call I chose number one scenario myself and only had to do it one tme. Tally ho cheerio added edit .. well hell it aint your kids so I guess slappin wont work so do what any man would do ... get a new girl friend LOL [Edited 1/18/2010 10:54:45 PM ]
1/18/2010 10:51:07 PM	What makes adult kids think they can give ultimatums?
clarity101 Parker, CO 66, joined Oct. 2008	they have a right to express how they feel. you have the right to choose. ultimatums are never productive. but expressing and listening to concerns on both sides can be very productive. good luck! oh, read back to your other post. sounds like she is not strong enough to stand on her own. that could be the result of being in an abusive relationship. have the two of YOU together talked with the sons? THAT may shed more light for you on the situation.jmo...best of luck to ya! [Edited 1/18/2010 10:57:15 PM ]
1/18/2010 10:53:59 PM	What makes adult kids think they can give ultimatums?
singlelifeok Mystic, CT 60, joined Dec. 2009	As soon as they need a babysitter they'll forget they handed out any ultimatums.
1/18/2010 10:56:56 PM	What makes adult kids think they can give ultimatums?
pinkster54 Port Byron, IL 63, joined Sep. 2009	Now I get it so it sounds like it is actually the other person involved with the actual decision making. So its really in their lap not yours. While I have not been in the situation your referring too I would say when you get tired enough of waiting for them to make a decision then you will give up and move on other wise wait for them but maybe put a time line on the situation. Like maybe in 3 months them or me. Well back to ultimatums but don't know how else to advise you. Then they have three months to decide even though I am sure the other person is torn.
1/18/2010 10:57:28 PM	What makes adult kids think they can give ultimatums?
woody59 Plymouth, IN 70, joined Nov. 2006	We have tried for over a year to get them to meet me and talk but they refuse to even meet me! they have never met me, but when we started talking of marraige she got them together to tell them accept me or get out of the way and that is when they gave her the ultimatum! I would love to have a talk with them but said would have me arrested if come to their homes and wont meet me anywhere Yep Pink she cried her eyes out, said she doesnt want this but feels she has no choice [Edited 1/18/2010 10:59:46 PM ]
1/18/2010 11:02:24 PM	What makes adult kids think they can give ultimatums?
pinkster54 Port Byron, IL 63, joined Sep. 2009	This is only my thoughts but I think its up to that other person your referring to to take charge of their life its her kids not yours. Sorry to sound so forward but you did ask. Let them decide what they want to do and go from there, SHE needs to make a decision.
1/18/2010 11:02:44 PM	What makes adult kids think they can give ultimatums?
clarity101 Parker, CO 66, joined Oct. 2008	unfortunately you may be in a lose/lose situation. have you tried or would you try a phone call or a letter?
1/18/2010 11:05:10 PM	What makes adult kids think they can give ultimatums?
daddydeep Walterboro, SC 76, joined Nov. 2007	Hi Woody, I sympathize my friend, sometimes relatives throw in bigger monkey wrenches than than the norm in relationships. Have you tried to have a family meeting where you all sit down and let them spell out fdor you their objections??. if it is the old saw well no one can replace Dad /Mom then it is time for them to learn the facts of life, that after a period of time after a death or divorce people must move on and try to be as happy as they can.Maybe if you explain to them that the one coming into the relationship is not trying to replace or supplant the original, but instead coming in as a partner to their parent and will do everything possible to make them happy. As other posters have said though, if reason fails there is the law, Grands do have rights now. Good luck and I wish you well, Jim
1/18/2010 11:07:51 PM	What makes adult kids think they can give ultimatums?
jhnyy Rogers, AR 65, joined Mar. 2009	The first part of this problem is whether or not she is willing to take the consequences of being with you!If so the let them issue their ultimatums\ to no avail! Next try to compromise a visitation! By the way she will enjoy these visits more because it is also her desire instead of babysitting and events can be planned! For the last part I don't know where they think they have the right! Mine took from me and basicley left me in dire straits after helping them!This generation of kids is mind boggling to say the least! I have five close friends that either the kids still live with them with no jobs no life and expect more! And bring nothing to the household! I threw mine out and have never been happier! Good luck in your quest Woody!
1/18/2010 11:41:56 PM	What makes adult kids think they can give ultimatums?
obnota Portland, OR 69, joined Oct. 2008	....Wood, I went through something some what similar a few years back. The woman couldn't let go. I kept trying as it sounds like you are. It ended up costing me what little I had and left me without anything. I know where your heart is, you were one of my very first friends here. It's hard to say this to you because I know you love Debbie and had thought you had found your last love of your life, but you need to tell her to let her kids know just how it well be, or you need to tell her that you don't want to live your life in this kind of turmoil. There's a great bond between a mother and her children and grand children that they fear of losing it, and some times it ruins the desires of the two people involved together.... I only hope for the very best for you, but please don't hang onto it to the point of where it ruins your life.....
1/18/2010 11:53:15 PM	What makes adult kids think they can give ultimatums?
claypot4 Lewiston, MI 58, joined Dec. 2009	No offense here, but it is coming off as there is an underlying problem BESIDES the kids. Using the kids as an excuse only makes it easier to walk away. IMO. If she doesn't see the kids/grandkids but only on their terms, then what would she have to loose by walking away to find her own happiness, not much. The problem seems to be maybe between the 2 of you, who knows, maybe she is scared of marriage, maybe thing have gone to fast and she doesn't have a way of telling you. Anything is possible, but letting her kids run YOUR lives is a cop out to me. I'd be doing some serious rethinking if that is something you want to spend the rest of your lives together doing, fighting the kids, I mean. JMO
1/18/2010 11:54:20 PM	What makes adult kids think they can give ultimatums?
woody59 Plymouth, IN 70, joined Nov. 2006	We still are bestest friends lol I just havnt been on as much! she is so embedded in my heart Icant let go yet! but will move on after a few months, I did check online tonight about grandparents rights in Ohio and they are there so I sent her a text to check on it and I will be there for her! thanks
1/19/2010 1:33:44 AM	What makes adult kids think they can give ultimatums?
pearlsnlace4u Harlowton, MT 64, joined Nov. 2008	I believe that when you fall in love with someone and become a couple it is forsaking all others. This includes my children. They have all their life ahead of them and I have what's left of mine. She needs to stand firm for your relationship and let them know that you are there to stay... The kids will get over it!
1/19/2010 1:52:27 AM	What makes adult kids think they can give ultimatums?
saraplay56 Hayden, AL 66, joined Aug. 2008	Quote from pearlsnlace4u: I believe that when you fall in love with someone and become a couple it is forsaking all others. This includes my children. They have all their life ahead of them and I have what's left of mine. She needs to stand firm for your relationship and let them know that you are there to stay... The kids will get over it! I agree with you 100%. You can bet that after she goes on with her life the kids will do a lot of thinking especially when they can't find anyone to keep the kids while they take a weekend trip to be alone.
1/19/2010 3:10:46 AM	What makes adult kids think they can give ultimatums?
huronearth Beulah, MI 65, joined Jul. 2007	Sounds fishy, to me. Why would they want her to return to her controlling, abusive husband - don't they love her? If she's happy with you - why would they cut her off from that? Who do they think they are? Why do they decide out of the blue to drive their mother to tears - and force her to make a choice that breaks her heart? Why is this the choice she makes - it's like the bank president deciding to leave with the bank robbers? Why are they supporting their worthless dad and punishing her? Why do they dislike you without knowing or meeting you? Maybe she's just making it all up and using them as the bad guys. Sounds like a woman's plot. I would require more information - and, don't really want any.
1/19/2010 4:10:39 AM	What makes adult kids think they can give ultimatums?
kanedog Onaway, MI 72, joined Dec. 2007	Woody sounds like the kids learned from their dad about control , if she cant decide to stop it you havent got much chance . Sorry buddy thats the way it is . At the present all it will do is tear the heart and mind to pieces . Its time she puts her foot down or you need to walk away for your own sanity . Been there , done that and it sucks
1/19/2010 4:12:33 AM	What makes adult kids think they can give ultimatums?
tricia231 Union Bridge, MD 59, joined Dec. 2008	Woody, Sorry to hear your going through this. Sounds like that family has issues that need dealing with, professionally.
1/19/2010 5:46:14 AM	What makes adult kids think they can give ultimatums?
inaleesgirl Opelousas, LA 66, joined Feb. 2008	Woody I am so sorry to hear this and I hope it can be resolved. As a Mother I love my child but she is an adult that has her own life and I have mine. I don't interfere in her life and she doesn't interfere in mine. My grandma used to say when they are little they step on your apron strings but as an adult they step on your heart strings. I pray this will work out for you two.
1/19/2010 5:54:07 AM	What makes adult kids think they can give ultimatums?
goglo Crestview, FL 69, joined Jan. 2008	Quote from pearlsnlace4u: I believe that when you fall in love with someone and become a couple it is forsaking all others. This includes my children. They have all their life ahead of them and I have what's left of mine. She needs to stand firm for your relationship and let them know that you are there to stay... The kids will get over it! Very well said. I have had this discussion with my children already. For years, they and their father were first and foremost. Now it's my time to be #1. I didn't choose their mates and I hope that they will have enough respect for me to honor my choice. Woody, I am so sorry you are having to go through this. Will keep you in my thoughts. Glo
1/19/2010 11:56:02 AM	What makes adult kids think they can give ultimatums?
woody59 Plymouth, IN 70, joined Nov. 2006	Yes her whole family has said including her that the boys are like their father! this didnt just start it has been going on for over a year, it was just now that she sat them down and told them I was there to stay and then they laid it on her with the ultimatum! they said they didnt think we would last this long, and I go or they go. I will live for sure, just I know if tables were turned I would fight to keep her in my life! but we are all different, and react different to situations. Thanks for all the input
1/19/2010 12:17:47 PM	What makes adult kids think they can give ultimatums?
flaroadkill Oneco, FL 64, joined Jan. 2010	Woody I hate it for you but basically you are screwed on this one. It is a shame but probably the truth. It is all her decision and women have more of a mothering instinct than men .. duh you reckon .. anyways the grandkids are powerful bargining chips to a grandma.
1/19/2010 12:25:02 PM	What makes adult kids think they can give ultimatums?
joiseygal Columbia, SC 68, joined Sep. 2008	Quote from kanedog: Woody sounds like the kids learned from their dad about control , if she cant decide to stop it you havent got much chance . Sorry buddy thats the way it is . At the present all it will do is tear the heart and mind to pieces . Its time she puts her foot down or you need to walk away for your own sanity . Been there , done that and it sucks I agree with Kane on this one. Sorry it worked out this way for you Woody.
1/19/2010 12:28:04 PM	What makes adult kids think they can give ultimatums?
falalalala New Port Richey, FL 64, joined Oct. 2009	woody i am close to my kids and the maternal thing runs very deep. if your kids love you then they realize you have a life to lead and live without them just as they do. if they don't then you have all the hard feelings and a lot then never comes to the surface. they may love her but not the true mother child kind. to allow yourself to be manipulated by children that want you to be someone you are not is unthinkable. don't know what to say. maybe if she is left to go back to her sons then she will see in short order that it does not change a thing if she is there or not. woody you are a great man -- have no doubt about that!!!!!!
1/19/2010 1:21:02 PM	What makes adult kids think they can give ultimatums?
charon52 Evanston, IL 65, joined Oct. 2009	He's got the 'right' because he's gonna pick my Nursing Home someday. OK - sorry, just had to get that out, because it annoys me no end when kids, of any age not just adults, give their parents ultimatums. Personally, I think it's how a lot of the kids were raised... selfish, spoiled, given too much with few responsibilities, catered to, undisciplined, and made to think and believe that THEY and what THEY want always comes first. Personally, I think IF my son ever pulled that sort of BS on me, I'd crack him across the mouth and tell him to mind his own business. That's not to say that if there wasn't a REASONABLE objection, discussed in a REASONABLE way, I wouldn't listen to his opinions with an open mind. --- EDIT -------- Just read the entire thread and saw where it's HER sons, not yours, Woody... Sorry. Yes, looks like they inherited that behavior from the old man and are trapped in their own world of garbage, and mom's going to cave because she's afraid of them. It's much worse than just a no-win situation for everyone concerned- You and she lose the relationship, the sons lose for not knowing how good you'd be for their mom, and worst of all: she will forever harbor resentment about this towards the sons AND grandkids as well. Although, maybe both those kids do need a good crack across the face. [not really, but wouldn't THAT make ya feel better?] [Edited 1/19/2010 1:37:07 PM ]
1/19/2010 2:35:56 PM	What makes adult kids think they can give ultimatums?
likealaff Roanoke, VA 67, joined May. 2009	Hey Woody, I know where you are coming from. I tried for 13 years to overcome HER kids. It was a never ending struggle. Finally, I decided that being alone was a better choice than being alone. No, I didn't stutter. I was alone in a marriage where my ex was married to her kids. I am much happier now and look forward to a new life with my NEXT instead of EX. Gotta be true to yourself sometimes. Good luck.
1/19/2010 2:47:51 PM	What makes adult kids think they can give ultimatums?
heatherness Cheney, WA 61, joined Mar. 2009	Woody, It sounds like she is giving her grown sons conflicting messages about the possibility of getting back with her abusive EX. Is she? This really falls on your lady friend, she's got to make it clear she doesn't want their dad back. Does their dad want their mother back? Also......does getting married again have anything to do with them losing a possible inheritance? Because if it does, should you survive her as a married couple you would get any money, etc. left behind unless there was a pre-nup stating otherwise. I know for sure you would get 50% of it!! Don't make her choose between you and her kids. That is too great of an emotional decision to make, I've been there. Make it clear that she is the one who needs to clarify with her sons that it is NOT her desire to ever reunite with their father. Once they know that as finite, maybe there will be room for you in everyone's life. Go slow!!!!
1/19/2010 2:56:56 PM	What makes adult kids think they can give ultimatums?
binbasha Pittsfield, IL 63, joined Jun. 2009	what she said above and man be careful not to make em decide cause those kids are tattoed on her forehead..so as to say she if she is a real mother will choose them everytime..got to get that ex thing straight with the boys..and maybe a lil help from daughter in laws might not hurt either...
1/19/2010 3:52:06 PM	What makes adult kids think they can give ultimatums?
pyllgram Checotah, OK 68, joined Nov. 2009	I'm sure it would break her heart if she didn't get to see her grandkids for a long time but she should tell her grown kids to kiss her a** and get out of her way. No telling what they have been told about her and having been primed by the ex, the kids and grandkids are his front line of assault. She needs to get the problem out of your life. One way or another but I think she should stand up to her kids and let them know in no uncertain terms that the decisions she is making are in her own best interests and if anyone don't like it, they should just stay away. Pylgram
1/19/2010 3:54:58 PM	What makes adult kids think they can give ultimatums?
millionchances Slidell, LA 56, joined Jan. 2009	Just my opinion....but this is her fight, not yours. Yes, it's painful if we love someone to see them with this kind of struggle. But until she stands firm and chooses her path, you will never be comfortable on it.
1/19/2010 4:14:49 PM	What makes adult kids think they can give ultimatums?
woody59 Plymouth, IN 70, joined Nov. 2006	Well she called today and I basicly told her that if she really feels about me the way she says and has said she does, then she will be back! if she has been lieing and and doesnt then she wont and then I guess it wont matter. There is a trust factor involved now here also. Told her how I felt about her and I want her in my life but that will only happen if she wants it or lets it. So will see what happens now.
1/19/2010 4:17:40 PM	What makes adult kids think they can give ultimatums?
whidbey Chesapeake, VA 67, joined Jan. 2008	Awww Woody, I'm so sorry you are still battling with this problem. There are a lot of good comments here, but the bottom line is your sweetie is "used" to being controlled (sounds historic with the ex), and her sons are using emotional blackmail to control her. There are steps you and she can take - it is a grandparent's legal right to visit with their grandkids. It's a simple matter of having a conversation with an attorney and a judge to set out visitation. Oh, well, maybe not so simple once the invoice comes in - but well worth the cost! But bottom line, she, and ONLY she, is going to have to draw the line and not allow her sons to control and manipulate her any longer. So much easier said than done. It could be talking to a therapist would help- - but SHE is going to have to take control of her own life before she can be a full partner to you and enjoy life with happiness and love. I'm so sorry Woody - I know this is tearing your heart out. There does come a time when you just have to decide for yourself how much your heart can take. If she is not willing to step up to her own plate, then this is a long term saga for you, with no end in sight. JMO
1/19/2010 4:21:19 PM	What makes adult kids think they can give ultimatums?
jo52562 Longwood, FL 61, joined Jan. 2009	What Whidbey said!! Good luck Woody - tough situation - but it is her choice - nothing you can really do but wait and see!
1/19/2010 4:23:29 PM	What makes adult kids think they can give ultimatums?
nenebubbles Naperville, IL 76, joined Mar. 2008	Woody, you have friends here but I think you know that! May I say that I am stunned that you have not met her children yet. I am surprised that such dominating sons did not meet you the first date ... or at least the third. My daughter wants to meet the man I am dating and then plays investigative reporter over dinner. It is always good to see how well the gentleman holds up under fire. I am also surprised that she as a mother did not explain her wishes more clearly long before now. I think many here have given good suggestions. I just wanted you to know you have friends no matter what YOU decide.
1/19/2010 4:56:49 PM	What makes adult kids think they can give ultimatums?
ellyrockdaway Rockaway Beach, MO 66, joined Nov. 2008	Woody, out of 3 kids, there is always one of mine that just doesn't seem to want to see me with another man. It doesn't stop me, though. He wouldn't step one foot in my house the last time when someone was around me for 3 months. It didn't stop me from loving him, nor him me, just meant he wouldn't be a part of my life in my home, if he wanted to act like that. I didn't try to "push" the man into his life. But I wouldn't push a man away because of a grown son's problem with it. I've seen kids get mad at their parents all the time, for one reason or another, and try to use the "you won't see the grandkids" and if you stand firm, no matter how it hurts for a while, they generally get over it. About that "Grandparents Rights". My aunt spent $10,000 to get that. She was awarded a 6 hour a month visit in the child's mother's home. Then the mother moved out of state. It is still in effect, but doesn't do her much good several states away. I agree it's a tough situation, but one that doesn't seem to be your fault nor is there anything you can do about it. Only she can. Hopefully, time will resolve it for you, one way or another. Good luck!
1/19/2010 5:11:25 PM	What makes adult kids think they can give ultimatums?
settee_for_2 Flower Mound, TX 64, joined Sep. 2008	Sorry that this is continuing to be a problem for you, Woody. All I can say is you can't fix it...it's something only she can fix. I hope for both of your sake that she will figure out a solution. Good luck to her and you!
1/19/2010 5:29:04 PM	What makes adult kids think they can give ultimatums?
shari1955 Butler, KY 62, joined Nov. 2007	I agree with three of the posters..Yes she has issues because she lived with abuse for so many years she has been beat down and has not learned to fight for what she wants. She is used to being controlled..If not by the x, then by her sons.. Also with what clay said. You and her have had issues awhile now. We as your friends have been here through the ups and downs. I feel as clay does there maybe something in her that will not let stand by her man. Her fears of commitment causing her not to make a stand..Your safe. She knows she has to hop through hoops for her kids but not you. The third person..You can't do this for her..You can control the issues she is having. It is in her..But you can control you..How you deal with it..You need to weight the good and bad..If she is not willing to take control of her life and move on then maybe you need to. I think you met a woman that was just not ready..Not ready for a new relationship and not ready to let go of her old one..Sorry Woody but you wanted honest..
1/19/2010 6:13:33 PM	What makes adult kids think they can give ultimatums?
falalalala New Port Richey, FL 64, joined Oct. 2009	woody we all see you are feeling this one really deep.. you see how many have come to you here.. they are all telling the truth to you. if she is ready for love she will come to you.. i for one am so proud of the way you handled it.. missy
1/19/2010 6:32:56 PM	What makes adult kids think they can give ultimatums?
remodel Lincolnton, NC 65, joined Feb. 2009	You can pick your friend's,but you can't pick your relatives
1/19/2010 6:41:22 PM	What makes adult kids think they can give ultimatums?
sweetpotato3 Albion, IN 68, joined Jul. 2008	Woody don't mean to sound mean, but how many times are you going to let her do this to you my friend..... Hope it works out but like was said above, this is her fight.... hang in there.....
1/19/2010 6:54:15 PM	What makes adult kids think they can give ultimatums?
kay444445 Roff, OK 64, joined Dec. 2009	Quote from woody59: What makes adult kids that normally have nothing to do with a parent except if they want somthing or need a babysitter, not even on the parents birthday or if they need help with somthing, the kids never have time for them! feel they have the right to tell that parent that they leave the person they are in love with or they wont see them or grandkids ever again? and put the parent in the position to have to leave somone they Love. Need help understanding this. Well woody I had the same problem other then mine thought they could tell me and my husband(LATE) how to run our lives well it all boiled down , that I don't see them any more, I love them but I will not be dictated too like I was feeble and mindless. When they grow up and realize that they are not my master or ruler then maybe they will come to their senses . I am just waiting for their kids to do them the same way it is hard , but if you let your child get away with this then you will regret it.I know I gave in once and have regreted it since.
1/19/2010 7:05:44 PM	What makes adult kids think they can give ultimatums?
blueshortcake2 Nicholasville, KY 75, joined Sep. 2008	Sorry to hear you are having a difficult time, Woody. Guess some kids have selfish, controlling attitude.(Just thankful mine doesn't. Still, I have been in the same position you are in now. My step-children didn't want their father to remarry after nearly ten years of being single. He simply asked them what if he or their children asked the same of them. Naturally, they said they were adults and what they did wasn't anyone's business. He told them,"well, you have the answer to your ultimatium. Now you can respect her as my wife or leave". We had eight and a half wonderful years together before he died--my DAUGHTER and I took care of him when he was ill, NOT them.If the lady truly loves you she will stand by you, her kids are adults and have their own life.
1/19/2010 7:13:06 PM	What makes adult kids think they can give ultimatums?
missteagal Riverview, FL 62, joined Dec. 2009	I agree with shortcake and her late husband sounds like a very wise man. The reason they think they can give ultimatums are because we let them. We are so concerned with being their friends and not their parents we lose their respect. It also sounds like these two men are as controlling as their dad and to use their children as collateral to threaten their mom is unforgiveable.
1/19/2010 7:50:38 PM	What makes adult kids think they can give ultimatums?
sorpstar Little River, SC 65, joined Oct. 2009	what is amazing woody, we the jury here know you're one of the nicest guys on this site for one...and to know you're still in this relationship another (simply you love each other)...where are these kids going to be in her final years to respect anyone and her grandkids will become older too and into their own lives as well maybe starting their own family etc...it's a cycle rehappening and one day ever dog gets it back...so when her kids are in her position they will deserve what they get...meanwhile you're correct they should be happy that someone loves their mom/// don't know if she was previously divorced or a widow--if the latter no one wants to see mom move on and the new guy move into town/ or interfere...but this is reality and no one should step in front of happiness...my added advice have a sit down meeting and together you and her act as a team and question who the hell do they think they are and what are they doing...good luck
1/19/2010 7:56:39 PM	What makes adult kids think they can give ultimatums?
shari1955 Butler, KY 62, joined Nov. 2007	My children never interfere with my love life. Only once did my son say he didn't want me dating someone.. But it didn't stop me.. I am the one that ended it..Not to say I wouldn't want my kids and my mate to get along. They will respect each other thus respecting me and my relationship with the man.. And the man will respect my relationship with my children.
1/19/2010 8:10:02 PM	What makes adult kids think they can give ultimatums?
altje Kernersville, NC 77, joined Jun. 2008	Woody, I don't know you very well, but have always enjoyed your posts on DH. I'm so sorry you are having this trouble and I wish you the best for your future whatever you decide. Altje
1/19/2010 8:13:15 PM	What makes adult kids think they can give ultimatums?
cleymax Milwaukee, WI 68, joined Aug. 2009	Is it any wonder Why Some species are known to eat/devour their offspring?............................. sorry Woody... didn't mean to be insensitive.....
1/19/2010 8:15:28 PM	What makes adult kids think they can give ultimatums?
majawon Poplar Bluff, MO 57, joined Nov. 2009	Woody, I have been going through some dating trauma because of my own actions. I went back out with an old bf when a new guy stood me up-I was mad and hurt. New guy explained, had a good reason (maybe), but I don't completely trust him. My point is, I made the mistake of telling my daughters the initial problem with the new guy and that's all they have in their heads. It stuck. They don't want me to see him and don't trust him. They're afraid I'm gonna get really hurt. I had to explain to them that all the hurt in the world wasn't gonna kill me and I'm a grown up an would do as I please JUST LIKE THEY DO. Your girlfriend is choosing to let her own fears and doubts keep her trapped. There's more to this ultimatum than meets the eye, I guarantee it. If her relationship with her kids isn't strong enough to handle a situation like this, how is she going to handle any other rocky situations that might arise. I'd offer her the space and time to work out her parental/child issues and hope that she works through and comes out with a backbone, otherwise, Woody, you will find yourself in this situation repeatedly. Let her know how you feel about her, but that YOU are worth standing up for, standing by, standing with-til death do you part. You're a great guy Woody, and you deserve a woman who is free to make her own decisions, who will be a partner, not another dependent. We love you Woody, you deserve the best. I will be praying that she wakes up and ties up all the loose ends from the past relationship, so she can move on freely with you. Be blessed, K
1/19/2010 10:35:14 PM	What makes adult kids think they can give ultimatums?
woody59 Plymouth, IN 70, joined Nov. 2006	Thank you all again!! I had talked to her sister to ask some advice, and she found out which I knew she would,so she called and ask me not to put her other family members in the middle as they all think I am great but has to be her decision. then she says" I love you with all my heart and when I hear your voice I want to run right to you!" Itold her that should tell her somthing, she didnt want to talk about it and started crying, and said she loved me and hung up. So I wrote her a letter and told her that I know how she feels about me and she knows how I feel about her, so since I know what I want, the ball is in her court! We can work on this together or she can do it alone! her choice,we are stronger asw a team than as a individual, and since she has been beaten down for so long we would do better together, but again her choice.I told her she has to decide if she wants to be happy for once in her life or make adult kids happy controlling her. At the risk of sounding corny I have never felt love like I feel when we are together!! I know we have been having these seperation things for awhile! but when together it is perfect!! I feel that as you all have said she has been beaten down for so long, even though in her heart she knows I wouldnt do that she is afraid to stand up to kids for fear it will happen again and then kids will say I told you. So have put the ball in her court now I wait. Thank You all your Great!!
1/19/2010 11:34:16 PM	What makes adult kids think they can give ultimatums?
annamranna Bloomington, IL 63, joined Apr. 2008	I don't know you as well as the rest of the people on here, and you don't have to listen to me at all... But, reading everything you wrote from an outsiders perspective: Call her a friend and move on... stop talking to her... don't call her... just stop.... you are making yourself sick over something you have no control.... she's telling you she's not going to go against them... believe her.... you will survive... Wouldn't it be nice if the world were perfect and everything worked the way it should? I am truly sorry she is not strong, you sound like a wonderful person. [Edited 1/19/2010 11:34:55 PM ]
1/19/2010 11:55:40 PM	What makes adult kids think they can give ultimatums?
blueshortcake2 Nicholasville, KY 75, joined Sep. 2008	Woody, you are a great guy and I sure hate to see you go through this. As bad as I dislike saying it, Ana has given you an objective viewpoint. Well worth taking to heart. This on/off thing isn't good for you or your lady friend.
1/20/2010 3:50:28 AM	What makes adult kids think they can give ultimatums?
claypot4 Lewiston, MI 58, joined Dec. 2009	Maybe if she doesn't keep getting reminded of her past, she might be able to move forward? Think about TODAY, how to solve TODAY'S problems, doesn't matter how she got where she is, what matters is where is she going. Although matters of the heart can be sometimes hard to deal with, it's the matters of the brian that make things worse. DECIDE one way or the other, and move on. Stop draging the bad parts out. It's simple really, choose to be happy and content together, or sad and alone. If you say the ball is in her court, then keep it there, leave her be to deal with things. The constant phone calls and letters, and if she is from here, which I would hope not. That would be just plain silly to be writting all this and she can read it? If it is meant to be, YOUR silence will either bring her back around, or cut the cord and the both of you can move on....

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