You forgive me and I'll forgive you 16

1/14/2008 7:14:13 PM	You forgive me and I'll forgive you
sylviasmatch Winter Springs, FL age: 50	with some details changed your post could have been written about me. Granted my background is quite different from your I too have suffered like you have. I have been through the hurt and the heartache. I have the issues that come and go along with it all. I too feel I am a survivor. I have been in some very bad situations, and in some very bad places, and have come out on top after fighting my way through to survive. Im strong now, and I dont want to go back to places I have been. It's not just about learning to make the changes for our self, but how to continue to care about and care for ourself long term so we dont go 'back there' ever again. One thing I learned from my last job is when the going gets tough at work, and the boss or someone else is making your life miserable, its time to LEAVE, because trying to stick it out, or hoping things will improve is a waste of time. Take charge of your own life. No one will care about You unless you care about yourself, and only YOU can take care of #1 the way it really needs to be done! And You cannot take care of anyone else unless you take care of yourself first. hugs S I hope i made sense [Edited 1/14/2008 7:17:46 PM]
1/15/2008 9:04:37 AM	You forgive me and I'll forgive you
r_bogdewic Ellsworth, PA age: 30	Everything made sence except the job part, at least to me. I'm a fighter, like I said in this post earlier, and I push myself to the limits. This is what I meant by the change I made in my life. I used to be the guy that hopped from job to job just because I didn't like the boss, or couldn't handle the pressure at that time, which I admit that it was a part of my life I couldn't handle AT THAT TIME. Now, I own my own business and business is slow, so I got a second job, and am sticking with it....and loving EVERYTHING about it--ESPECIALLY the bad parts (because they help me to develop and maintain my "pushing myself" so I can become a better person) Life has offered me an opurtunity to become a better person (in all aspects), and I heard that oppurtunity knocking, so I KICKED THAT MOTHER F*CKER DOWN AND SAID "HERE I AM WORLD, TAKE ME OR LEAVE ME!!!!!!!!!"
1/16/2008 9:17:24 PM	You forgive me and I'll forgive you
gonesailingbabe Des Moines, IA age: 44 online now!	I think the first thing I want to say is to applaud the depth of your committment to accepting those things that happened to you and then learning the threads of them as they've formed in your adult relationships. I've rarely seen anyone be able to so well put into writing what it is they are experiencing, and trying to learn and grow their way through. Huge kudos to you for being allowing yourself to be so vulernable in this median and for wanting to change something you see preventing you from being fully satisifed with your life. Forgiving is an important step, but I think the real KEY (for me, any how) is releasing. Everyone goes through shit (Dr. Phil quote) but it's where you go with it. Crude but here's a great example - every had a new puppy? Did it poop on the carpet? Did youleave it sit there? Hope it went away? Pick it up and keep it somewhere to remind you of it? Or did you throw it away? As you should? Another great analogy which really helped me when I was at a similar place that you are... Imagine life as a climb up a mountain, and along the way you encounter good people, and bad people. If you pickup a stone for each hurt someone causes you, each conflict, each moment of regret or sorrow or anger, and if you carry those along with you in a bag on your back - how much harder and slower your climb to the top is going to be, in fact some people become so incapcitated by the weight of what they're carrying on their back they never get to see the view from the top. Like you I have stayed and held on when I was the one who was fully committed - because, (this part I am still wrestling with myself) but I think it was because I am a person of integrity and when I gave my committment or my word to be there for that individual - no matter what, to always be there, to always have his back - I meant it. And regardless of what interefered I wouldn't allow myself to be what I saw as a shirker. I wasn't a quitter! I meant it when I said; "I ALWAYS would". And yeah, I let a real dog of a guy come back - again and again and again - because I was TOO forgiving and thought everyone deserved another chance, but I was wrong. And, sometimes always doesn't mean forever, I think a more realistic meaning of always is as long as we both have similar committments and thoughts and respect for each other. You do not strike as a man who will go forward in life having difficulty learning to trust in another relationship. Nor having a hard time discerning a "good" relationship from a bad one. I think you need to find the way to know that you have so much to offer to a very excellent woman - you just need to do some gate-keeping about determining what the true meaning of an "excellent" woman is for you. A quick hint from a woman to a guy if I may? Anyone - any woman who can walk out the door on you more than one time? She's NOT an excellent woman. Buy a heavier door! Find your peace - but it looks to me like you're WAY above the average - stick to unreasonably high expectations and raise the bar. If she's worth you - she'll want to go above and beyond. Good Luck!
1/16/2008 9:54:48 PM	You forgive me and I'll forgive you
r_bogdewic Ellsworth, PA age: 30	WOW....Amazing SISTER....ALLEUHIAH!!!!! Like your example with the doog poop, I heard it a different way, "A hungry dog never gets fed" If you see a dog on your front doorstep, which looks straggly and starved (like he's a stray) you'll shoo him away at the first chance you get. However, if you see a dog at your front step who looks well groomed, and looks like he's well taken care of, you're more inclined to feed that dog. Same hold true with people. What you said about the type of woman who will be right for me is EXACTLY the type of woman I'm looking for....one who will go above and beyond, and not just in the begining of the relationship, but always and forever, because I WILL TOO (being a prize fighter that I am....fight or flight.....I will fight for her the same way I fight for myself). You don't know (now looking back) how many relationships I have had that were that way. She would always go above and beyond, and then give up for whatever reason. I know I have played a part in these relationships as well (it takes two to tango), but like my grandfather said to me when I asked him why him and my grandmother were married 60 years and loved each other like the day they first got married, he said: "I feel sorry for your generation. I'm not singleing anyone out, but you all are a bunch of pussies. You all run at the first sign of conflict, and that's sad. That's why divorce ratings are so high these days. If you look at a photo album, they only show the happy times. They don't show the hard times you went through. The hard times are what LOVE is REALLY about. You can look back 60 years and HONESTLY say, 'look what we made it through, TOGETHER" That's the type of woman I want...the one I can look back 60 years and show her how proud I am of her for fighting as hard for me as I fought for her!!! So thanx for your comment, it means alot to me. Thank you so much.
1/17/2008 7:08:15 PM	You forgive me and I'll forgive you
irparis39 New York, NY age: 48	Great post...and it shows that you're still growing, evolving, finding the depth of the man you're going to be for the rest of your life. And I agree with your grandfather, in his generation divorce was never an option, but unfortunately we're not raising children to be good choices or to recognize good choices. In order for them to do that, we have to create opportunities to be so and do so. Help them to understand that the grass is not always greener on the other side and its only greener where you water it, tender it, nuture it, pull the weeds from it (and not just mow over it). I was watching Evan Almighty a few weeks ago and Morgan Freeman as God said something interesting in the way we expect prayers to be answered. I'm paraphasing here,We pray for patience, so He creates opportunities to learn patience, we pray for faith, He creates opportunites to learn faith within our environment and I believe its the same for finding our "helpmate"...He creates opportunities to exercise faith, patience, long suffering, strength and any other number of attributes that will get us that much closer to the person that we need, not what we want because the person that you want may not carry all those traits that will work with all those attributes you have learn, but one who has also learn what it takes to maintain an equal and healthy relationship. And when we do not recognize that person, a bit of those traits are smash away, given another day to be re-learn a different way, until we get it right. But we get caught up in the sex, the love, what the media tells us and we essentially miss the boat because we allow society to ruin our perception of what we need. Thankfully, we can start over, everyday we wake up and are given another opportunity to re-learn those exercises and apply them to our lives until our needs are meet so much so that the little things are doable. If you continue to set that goal of changing those habits that are toxic to a relationship, believe me, there will be someone who will recognize your faith in yourself, faith in who you can be as a partner, faith of the father you already are for your girls and she will not hesitate to want to share her life with you. Continue to search your soul, I don't think we do enough of that...continue to search your heart and your mind and realize that God's plan for you was to be adopted at 3 yrs old, you are His son and that will always be enough, recognize that your adoptive parents did the best they could with what they knew, your marriage was in that plan and those 2 children are your stewardship. Everything after that, will be your accountability to yourself and your children, you cannot put anymore blame on the past, let it go...from here on end, as my fav song says "The measure of a man is not how tall you stand, how wealthy or intelligent you are, I found out the measure of a man, God knows and understands for He looks inside to the bottom of your heart, for what's in the heart defines, the measure of a man". Paris
1/18/2008 8:42:03 AM	You forgive me and I'll forgive you
r_bogdewic Ellsworth, PA age: 30	Amazing....another insightful post. Did you ever hear the song "Behind Blue Eyes" by Limp Bizcut? When I first heard that song, I bawled my eyes out a couple years ago, and now it's one of my favorite songs. Let me break it down for you: 1st Verse: No one knows what it's like To be the bad man To be the sad man Behind blue eyes And no one knows What it's like to be hated To be fated to telling only lies Translation: I'm sad almost everyday because of my past. I feel like I do a good job of keeping things to myself (until now) and used to lie my ass off that "Yea, I'm ok" or "Seriously, nothing's wrong". [Chorus:] But my dreams they aren't as empty As my conscience seems to be I have hours, only lonely My love is vengeance That's never free Translation: I have a bright future to look foward to (my dreams of becoming and striving to be a better man) but I'm still holding alot of things in that bother me (which my conscience tells me to do otherwise). My adoptive family was always a loving family, but it was always alot of fighting and "vengeance" tactics to get back at one another who hurt them. So my love that has been given to me was vengeance love, and I want to be free of that. 3rd Verse No one knows what its like To feel these feelings Like i do, and i blame you! No one bites back as hard On their anger None of my pain and woe Can show through Translation: I can honestly remember praying as a child to God almighty that he knew the way I was feeling, and I did blame him alot for my life. I was always a person who got angry (with myself and my life) and just wanted to let these feeling out, but couldn't because it would show weakness (or as I was always taught to believe from adoptive parents) [Chorus:] Last Verse: No one knows what its like To be the bad man, to be the sad man Behind blue eyes. Now, EVERYONE does, and I feel much better and can finally move on with my life. Thank you everyone who contributed to this post so far, it really means alot.
1/18/2008 12:37:17 PM	You forgive me and I'll forgive you
jules34 Quincy, IL age: 35	I agree with everyone that you are really brave opening up like that. I was adopted at birth and also felt like I didn't fit in---anywhere. I thought someday I would meet my birth parents and everything would be ok but guess what, I didn't fit in there either. I 've been through a lot too but finally decided to get honest and that shell is kind of breaking. I still have issues but I'm not afraid to face them and work on them now. Keep doing what you're doing. With your faith and willingness You're going to be alright.
1/18/2008 5:05:39 PM	You forgive me and I'll forgive you
r_bogdewic Ellsworth, PA age: 30	Hey Jules: Yea, I can empathize. I sought my biological father out, and when I met him, he was like a big teenager....really immature. So yea, I felt like I didn't fit in anywhere, but it made me realize when I saw my biological father, that I didn't want to turn out like him (even though he's a great guy), and also saw my adoptive father, and didn't want to turn out to be like him all so much either (even though he's a great guy as well and did his best with me, and I respect him dearly)......but what I'm trying to say is that with the combination of biological vs. adoptive father, it makes it easier of who I KNOW I want to become.....there are alot of great attributes in both men.....but I don't want any of either of their attributes, rather my own attrributes that I know who I already am (just burried down inside and striving to come out-which won't be too much longer....I feel great things coming my way and VERY SOON--you know, you can just sence it??!!)
1/19/2008 7:47:03 AM	You forgive me and I'll forgive you
jules34 Quincy, IL age: 35	Attitude is everthing and you can absolutely be whever you want to be. I sense great things happening for you too!
1/19/2008 9:42:19 AM	You forgive me and I'll forgive you
bamabob Cullman, AL age: 55	I hope this post doesn't get to be too long and babbling. For one thing, everyone who has posted in this thread has been excellent. You're all very good and insightful and dead on target. Sound like you all have your shit togehter. Lots of ideas in my head for my post. I'm not a particularly religious person but I know that the Bible is a perfect map for the road of life. I've often made decisions that were difficult but I felt great about the decision because I found an answer by simply asking myself WWJD...what would Jesus do...and following that thought to arrive at my decision. Many times the answer is to do nothing and walk away but some times it means doing things that hurt others because it's not what they wanted but it was what they needed...and they hated me for it...more like tough love. With that said...another idea. On thoughts. Is it peanuts or something else you can drop in a coca cola..they at first float on top then settle to the bottom, collect bubbles of gas then rise to the top...then slowly go back down to the bottom. That's how our memories and thoughts work...they fall to the bottom then occasionally rise to the top until they give up the bubbles that brought them to the top...and return to the bottom. So, yes, old memories, old wounds, old experiences surface from time to time...they never totally go away but we store them somewhere in our bottle. We just have to try to keep them in a safe place so they don't disturb the other peanuts in our coke. Relationships. I feel like a failure in lots of my life but blame broken relationships for virtually all of it. My feelings deal with myself as well as socially accepted ways relationships end. My last relationship was so perfect but it fell apart almost overnight. She just walked away because I didn't agree (notice that didn't say REFUSE) with helping her support her daughter (that's well justified and another story). The big problem is that gf would not open and talk about it. COMMUNICATION! So many of us feel that we have to be happy and we deserve everything we want. I'm as guilty as anyone. BUT for a relationship to work we have to be willing to give and take. I'm exactly like you bog in that I want that perfect forever and ever relationship...total bliss and happiness. I'm totally jealous of people who are celebrating 50 yr anniversaries. I'm working on a job now that the guy is the same age as me, 55, his wife of 34 years is there too. One thing I told them that made them really like me is how lucky they are to have each other for that long and that I'd give anything to have what they have in a relationship. I was still hurting at the time from losing gf...and of course, I'm still hurting today but not like then. Hell, I'm still hurting from losing my 1st wife 32 years ago! I lost a daughter from that divorce, 32 years old and my heart hurts wanting to see her every day and I can't...she thinks I'm the biggest ass hole in the world. I can not fix that. Basically, people are attuned to be and are taught to be selfish...that we deserve what we think we deserve. The real thing tho' is that we deserve nothing. We have to count each thing as a blessing. We wake up one morning only to discover that the love is no longer there. She left me and I don't know why. I only think that I must've done something wrong. Probably not but I still feel a failure because I can't fix it. It's not me tho' and I know it because I did do what's right for us. Getting the other person to stay committed to being together and willing to take every damn thing life throws at them and still hanging in there is the only way it will work. People talk about needing space in a relationship. To me that's bullshit. A partnership is 24 hours a day. To me a perfect relationship is one in which both partners are together 24/7 and love being together....always and every day and night. They feel each others pain and love. They share every nuance of emotion. Hell, my ex-gf is afraid to talk to me...no real reason. Part of it is that she's embarrassed because of leaving me and feels a failure but is also into this thing of her kids are the most important thing in her world. No wonder it didn't last...the relationship should've been the most important thing then two of us could be helping her kids rather than just her. I lost nothing financially when she left. But she has to start all over and gave away every dime of her retirement to do what her daughter refused to do (get a job,nothing but excuses).... okay...that's my story. But, the point is that we're all different and the interaction and common goals and support are necessary to remain together...hangin in through the storms rather than running away. Actually, studying and practicing the scenario's when first getting to know the new woman in your life can be very important...get on the same path, establish the same goals. Knowing what to and not to say/do that would trigger a break up. GF would be depressed if I came in with a $400 paycheck for working only a few hours on a repair job. It was a put down to her because she didn't bring home that much in a week! It got to the point that rather than being proud of my accomplishments they were put downs and slaps in her face because she did't (not wouldn't) have the accomplishments that I was having. It got to the point that I was getting no support because I was too successful for her. In the end she was making demands on me which benefited her daughter. Again, no communication...she didn't talk about what she needed to make her happy or to reach her goals and needs or desires. She wanted and needed to make her daughter happy and to feel safe. I screwed up because I could not see that and she wouldn't let me in. She felt that she was responsible and it was something she had to do herself. It was something she could have shared but didn't want to feel that she owed me. She never wanted to feel that she owed me for anything..wouldn't even accept money from me. She's an amazing woman in many ways...but she's gone and I'll alway hurt because of it...still, it's the relationship question... How do you make love stay? Stress is a real killer and it comes from all directions. We have to work hard to keep it from affecting our relationship and love for the other person. If anyone ever finds the answer to making love stay I'd give my life to know what it is.
1/19/2008 10:40:48 AM	You forgive me and I'll forgive you
r_bogdewic Ellsworth, PA age: 30	bamabob: You want the answer to making love stay, well here's the answer. NOTHING! You can't control someone else; the only thing you can control is yourself. I've always known this my whole life, through all my relationships (family, etc) and I was the one who was being walked all over, or controlled (or at least allowed myelf to be controlled). Now I realize that I have to be the one who controls my outcomes (control my own destiny). When you love someone, you have to control yourself and pray to god the other person has enough control over themselves to realize what they have in me before it's too late and I'm gone, and they loose me forever. Sure it takes time, and I now realize that. If you take things slow with someone, not only do you get a sence of what the other person is all about, but you get to see what you're made of too. I love that challange (the challange of challanging myself). If you take it friends first, and go from there, then you gain more than you loose, even if you're madly in love with the other person. What do you gain? Simple. You gain the greatest gift life has to offer, the gift of self awareness, self accomplishments, a sence of what you're capable of handling and not handling, at the most, an experience to say that you loved. It's better to have loved and lost, then never loved at all. And if nothing else, you gained a good friend from this whole experience and no one gets hurt, because you can still love someone as a friend (and have them love you back as a friend) and there are never any uncomfortable feelings. I think what you need to do is take a long hard look at yourself first before you can "jump" into something with someone else. Because if you're not good enough for yourself, how are you ever going to be good enough for someone else. I hope this helps and thanx for your post
1/19/2008 11:43:21 AM	You forgive me and I'll forgive you
bamabob Cullman, AL age: 55	I agree with that...pretty much. For sure, one thing is that we have to realize that we are not perfect and do screw up. In relationships the other person has got to realize that too. We may learn from our mistakes but it doesn't make us totally all knowing and infallible. Ya gonna screw up...so just expect it. It helps if you also accept it and your partner does too.
1/19/2008 12:20:40 PM	You forgive me and I'll forgive you
slemmons Martinsburg, WV age: 27	I wish I could be that woman. Any woman who can't see what a great guy you are is blind. If I where you, I'd move on. Hell come my way. Just don't forget that good women are out there. Based on other blogs, sounds like you're learning from your mistakes. Keep up the good work....The right woman will find you.
1/19/2008 12:45:15 PM	You forgive me and I'll forgive you
r_bogdewic Ellsworth, PA age: 30	I know there are GREAT women out there, in fact I may have passed a few great oppurtunities up because of trying to discover myslef, or just wasn't ready. It hurts that I'm not ready to move on just quite yet, because of variable circumstances that are affecting my life right now (Plus it wouldn't be fair to any woman). This is truly a learning experience for me, and is a VERY hard one at that. What if? What if I passed up a great woman because I wasn't ready to move foward. I'm just not ready. Simple and to the point, and as much as it hurts, I need to be me right now. I know that great things will come to that GREAT woman that I will find, or she will find me, whatever, and I can be the best I can be for her. One thing I'm looking for though in THAT great woman (to give you gals a tip...lol) is that she needs to be my strength in times like this when I'm down. She needs to find that "way to my heart" that will ultimately lead HER to paradise!! Didn't mean to give that kind of information for a woman to PRETEND she's a great woman and take advantage of me right now either.
1/19/2008 2:45:01 PM	You forgive me and I'll forgive you
bamabob Cullman, AL age: 55	Dude... I can totally identify with that. As a matter of fact I've dated a few times since my last break up and told them...any woman would be a total fool to expect anything from me at the moment. I had to heal. I was more out there just to not be alone. The healing process and finding ourselves does take time and we still may not be ready enough to avoid the rebound and being victims of ourselves. It gets to be a tight rope and we have to take baby steps till we get confidence in the decisions we make. Many times we think we are making the best decision then wake up the next morning and realize just why it won't work, just how ridiculous the decision is. So, many times it's best to not follow through with a decision until we still agree with ourselves several days later that it is the best decision...and some times, in our periods of obsession, even weeks later it still seems like a great idea but is actually crazy as hell... that's when we really need someone else to bounce ideas off of....a good reason to put them out there on a forum. I've actually posed questions to friends "why won't this work?" and sometimes get really logical answers that help guide me on a totally different path and keep my wits about me. [Edited 1/19/2008 2:47:33 PM]

Page: 1, 2, 3

web crawler personals

w4m hookup