The Sensual Woman... 31

1/20/2008 5:44:53 PM	The Sensual Woman...
bassman1959 Santa Rosa, CA age: 48	If we had sex on the first date....I didn't conquer her, she conquered me. Everything else sounds fine. But if we have sex on the first date than I will assume she has lost count of all the guys she has had sex with and we will never date again.
1/21/2008 5:54:04 AM	The Sensual Woman...
tara_tx Angleton, TX age: 44	Thanks Busta, I think it's important to take all signs and signals into consideration as well, on both sides. Every situation is different. I think if you want to know, and aren't just after a quick piece, you'll be able to tell if the woman is being indiscriminate, or if she is just that attracted to you. Bassman, I appreciate your viewpoint, and I can see how you would feel that way. What if you had been communicating with the woman in question for months, there was major attraction on both sides, and you were reasonably sure she was not a bed hopper? Not necessarily the first time you meet her in person, but the first real date, and things just snowballed in that first encounter? Would you give it time and see where it leads, or chalk it up to a one-nighter and move on? It certainly helps if the man is not "expecting" or pressuring for sex on the first date. Or if you haven't been flirting online for months and fanning the flames, lol. I think that may be the difference in dating younger and dating in your age range or older. Expectations and priorities are different. Or perhaps age has nothing to do with it, but maturity does. I'm taking notes, guys Thanks for all the input once again! Tara_tx [Edited 1/21/2008 12:30:50 PM]
1/24/2008 7:54:31 AM	The Sensual Woman...
lee1951 Bellingham, WA age: 56	Tara: Your stated scenario: You meet a woman. She is not model perfect, but she is attractive and radiates sensuality. She enjoys the company of men. She enjoys intelligent innuendo and fun flirtation in a conversation. She is interested in what you have to say, and she has interesting things to share. She is self-sufficent and not on the hunt for a sugar-daddy. If she feels a very strong attraction on all levels, she may even jump your bones on the first real date. She is not promiscuous, is monogomous in a relationship, but you have no way of knowing this except for her word. Excerpt from Wikipedia: Slut is a pejorative term for a person who is deemed sexually promiscuous. The term has traditionally been applied to women and is generally used as an insult or offensive term.... All women are special in some way. (OK guys, you’re special too but this part ain’t about you) Nothing in your set up even remotely suggests I should label her a slut even if she ‘jumped my bones’ on the first real date (there are fake dates?). Does it not take my permission and cooperation for her to consummate any sex act with me? Would I not be a hypocrite to use any demeaning term judging her harshly without applying the same standards to my own participation? (I have always had a problem with double standards) The term ‘slut’ would not even enter my thought process. No decision to make here. Are you automaticallly turned off if you conquer too quickly? I’m confused by this question. Your scene does not depict the man as ‘conquering’ anything; rather, two adults have met, conversed, found mutual attraction, and may act on that attraction. Nothing occurs to ‘turn me off.’ If you sense that sensuality in a woman, does your libido override you ability to see anything else about her? Sensuality is great for the libido but my mind is still in control. Sexual undertones can add tremendous spice and energy to a conversation but I would still look and listen for intelligence, depth of character as well as context and content of the words spoken. You have already imbued this lady with many of the attributes most men (I think) seek in a woman. If the relationship does progress, is it doomed to always be centered around sex alone? Again I’m a bit confused by the question. As you presented the tableau there is already substance beyond sex else the lady you describe is not going to be interested in ‘jumping my bones.’ If the relationship progresses it takes on the blended character of two people. Will it revolve around sex? I doubt, given the facts stated, sex alone would sustain a relationship between these two people. The woman you have presented is desirable, honorable, intelligent and free to make decisions about her own actions. Your questions suggest a quite different character to men in general; the underlying assumptions seem quite negative. Your questions suggest we are more judgmental than women and perpetuate the dreaded double standard; that we are generally on the ‘hunt’ and if we succeed too quickly we’ll discard the game (fear of success?); that we are blinded and controled by our libido; that we willingly enter a relationship ‘doomed’ to revolve around sex. I’ve not yet had time to read through all the posts in this thread so the answer to question that follows may already be posted: What is your motivation for constructing the scenario and attendant questions? [Edited 1/24/2008 8:25:47 AM]
1/24/2008 8:26:36 AM	The Sensual Woman...
mindyb Bloomington, IL age: 42	According to the slut definition, that would mean no sex on the first date. Sensuality is carried through all that we do as sensual women. I take pride in being a lady, taking time in the begining is important but showing sensuality is essential to see if there is going to sexual compatibity. You just dont do the sex yet...There is nothing worse then acting too quckly before the chance to let sexual tension build and then be dissappointed ...mostly in ones self. Building on friendship and being your sexy little self is the way to assure no problems arise for anyone. I let my hair down in the subject matter and bildness to speak about sex freely but never ever a slut. All the things I refer to are within a caring relationship and if transforms to loving then fair enough. I will say it is refreshing to see another lady amoungst the masses..carry on...gentleman, your all very wonderful as usual and right on with your wisdom.
1/24/2008 8:48:29 AM	The Sensual Woman...
lee1951 Bellingham, WA age: 56	Mindy: The excerpt is only current usage of the word ‘slut’ and like all quotes out of context does not tell the full story. It does not preclude sex on the first date. In the scenario Tara presented the woman is ‘...not promiscuous,’ therefore does not fit the term. In fact, Tara defined her as an almost perfect woman. If I read your post correctly, you agree that sexuality is inherent to all of us. What I see muddying the water is that we make moral judgments debasing something that is natural.
1/24/2008 9:03:36 AM	The Sensual Woman...
tara_tx Angleton, TX age: 44	Wow Lee, thanks for the detailed response. Yes, I do believe the answer as to why I posted this scenario is answered somewhat in the threads, but I'll be glad to clarify. I'm speaking in part from personal experience (mostly) and in part from what society seems to feel acceptable in male and female behaviour when it comes to the rules of intimacy. After hearing your response and the responses of other intelligent, thoughtful men here, it looks to me like the scenario is not the problem, but only the incompatability of the men I chose to have relationships with. The scenario is a familiar one for me, it is pretty much the way my last few relationships have started. I'm coming to realize that the only reason that the relationships remained centered around that aspects of ourselves was... A: I was overwhelmed by the emotional/physical connection and settled for that and we really had little else in common. or B: We had enough other things in common enough to make things really tantalizing, but I initially ignored other warning signs that the other person was not strong in character. This was probably because I got to know them long distance beforehand, and it's more difficult not to be swayed by the "best self" version or C: Perhaps the scenario is how I viewed myself, but it may not be what I was projecting, at least not to the wrong person, then we're back to B! Having recognized and mostly overcome self-esteem issues, I realize also that probably I immediately fell back on sex in each of these instances in order to "catch 'em & keep 'em." Yikes! Self-examination is sometimes painful. So I guess the answer is, the scenario is fine if it is with another person that is on the same page and is of good character, and you are balanced and right with yourself. The only way to find that out is to wait at least until you get to know them as a friend. The internet makes this tricky, because you can assume that you know someone when you have been communicating online for some time. So the getting-to-know-them part must be in person as well as online, for me anyway. By the first date thing, I meant I don't usually jump someone's bones the first time I meet them, for coffee or lunch or whatever. But it may happen on the first "real" date, like you actually make plans to go out and spend several hours together; Or on the first get-together, if you have traveled to meet them. UGGGH, so now I have to be a big girl, give up LDR's, put a lid on my libido, relax, make friends, and take it slow Being a mommy makes this much easier because I am more content and focused (as well as knowing now what real love feels like.)But it is also much more difficult to find the time to spend time with someone in order to get to know them. I guess when the situation is right, everything will fall into place. I'm going to have to read this and all the other posts every day until it's a no-brainer. Thanks for sharing, Lee, & all of you other fine people. Tara
1/24/2008 9:25:02 AM	The Sensual Woman...
gonesailingbabe Des Moines, IA age: 44	I'm loving this thread everybody great give and take....but I"m still asking? So it's a GOOD thing if we women are sensual and okay with saying it and showing it when we FEEL moved to do so, because I still sense that there's some guys (and generally THOSE are the ones I want MOST) there are some guys who when you're....let's say forthright - I'm not saying slutty or whorish but when a woman truly - TRULY is intrigued or fascinated with something he has said or done or revealed and she shows her interest is peeked and wants to know more about him.... I think the dude runs into the woods like a bunny. Gets all committment phobe and freaky. Starts hemmin and hawin like a donkey not wanting to move.... and whoa - girl! - tell him the truth and watch his eyes roll back in his head. ? Am I wrong? I seriously wouldn't leap on him til after the ... idk - 10th time I told him he was hot?
1/24/2008 9:33:36 AM	The Sensual Woman...
lee1951 Bellingham, WA age: 56	Tara: Don't you dare give up your sensuality! I'll send batteries for 'bob' if that would help. All relationships have inherent risks whether local or long-distance. One can easily 'see' what one wants to see rather than what really is there (or not there). Part of the reason is that we want to trust that those we are enamored of have our own best interests at heart. Sadly, 'taint always so. Being online makes it much easier for a less than honorable person to present a charade. I'm saddened that your experience was bad but it is not a reflection of anything bad in you. We ALL get suckered now and again.
1/24/2008 9:38:59 AM	The Sensual Woman...
lee1951 Bellingham, WA age: 56	gonesailing: ....seriously wouldn't leap on him til after the ... idk - 10th time I told him he was hot? Would that be before, during or after the first 'real' date?
1/24/2008 9:42:17 AM	The Sensual Woman...
gonesailingbabe Des Moines, IA age: 44	You'd have to ask my LAST date that question or...form a line and be the next... I have a "list of dating rules" that I stick to pretty stringently... I'm not above biting. he he he he not below it either
1/24/2008 11:06:39 AM	The Sensual Woman...
tara_tx Angleton, TX age: 44	Heeheee, Lee & Gonesailing, good points! Yikes, no batteries for "bob," thanks, unless you want to find me in little bits and pieces scattered about the room. Never fear, Lee, I'll make sure I can open the lid back up easily--I don't think I'm capable of getting rid of it
1/24/2008 12:22:00 PM	The Sensual Woman...
nyerindallas Frisco, TX age: 49	In my youth I would have taken advantage of the situation but over time, everything changes. Now and in my resent past, I see it as warning sign, the sign of a woman that wants things to move too fast, the sign of the leach. Now, If I'm horny, and she's built, yeah, I still take her up on it. But as a rule I shy away from those woman as a rule.
1/24/2008 1:43:43 PM	The Sensual Woman...
tara_tx Angleton, TX age: 44	Nyer, I appreciate your sharing your views and experience, but I think you missed some of the original question. We aren't talking about someone who sleeps with every man she meets, or goes on a date with. We weren't talking about meeting someone in a bar and having a one-night stand, nor at first meeting. You've met before but this is your first real "date." You know the person from having communicated with her, perhaps by phone, online, etc. There is assumed knowledge of the person and perhaphs illusion of intimacy beforehand. There is major connection and attraction there on more than one level. If it happens, do you get to know her better and see what develops, or is it an automatic turn off for you relationshipwise? You do have a valid point, though. It's possible that if she has sex in a budding relationship too quickly, she has personal issues she needs to deal with, i.e. self-esteem. Although I do know there are leaches and users out there, I think there are other indicators and warning signs of that before any sex happens. This lady is not a leach or a user, but possibly a little too desperate for love, or too willing to believe. I think that is more of a problem for herself than for the man in question, but is not a good foundation for a strong relationship. Or it is just possible she has a healthy libido and she's willing to jump in with both feet when she feels a special connection---one relationship at a time, of course, not hopping from man to man. Though I have experienced the things I'm asking about, the relationships that started this way have always ended up long-term, but they always ended. That brings me right back to being sure of the character of the person before you...and round and round we go things that make you go hmmmmmmmmmm [Edited 1/24/2008 6:55:25 PM]
1/24/2008 2:12:12 PM	The Sensual Woman...
lee1951 Bellingham, WA age: 56	Tara: I’ve never known ‘bob’ to leave a woman ‘...in pieces scattered about...’ though I have known him to assist in a bit of nuclear meltdown, if you get my thrust. Bassman & Nyer: You both seem to be saying the same thing. What I fail to understand is how, given your stated belief women who would have sex on a first date aren’t worth a second, you would consent to sex with them in the first place. Isn’t that using a woman for sexual gratification then condemning her for pleasing you? (the double standard) Are you saying a woman can make you participate against your will or that you don’t have the strength of character to live by your own moral beliefs? (please note: this is not a personal attack as I know nothing more of either of you than what you posted here) Gonesailing: If you’re, ‘... truly intrigued or fascinated... your interest is peeked? ...’ then by all means be forthright with the gentleman. If the ‘dude’ runs then he is insecure or has a much different agenda than you do. A more telling point here may be your statement, ‘...generally THOSE are the ones I want...). Are you intentionally seeking unattainable men? I once had a woman pursue me for what seemed like ages while I was married and would not ‘go’ with her. As soon as I divorced she didn’t have the time of day for me. (note: same disclaimer as above) On a more esoteric note: If you’ve had your LAST date, how can one become a next? For that matter, how does one form a line? By the way, I never have been good at following rules. [Edited 1/25/2008 5:23:37 AM]
1/24/2008 4:04:27 PM	The Sensual Woman...
bouquet Temecula, CA age: 62	OMG ~ Don't let this thread end ~ please ? C-mon men , step up to the CRUX of the problem regarding single MEN & WOMEN ~ And this is a DARE !!!!

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